AI IELTS Writing AI Correction
- Discussion
Many companies sponsor sports as a way of advertising themselves. Some people think this is good for the world of sport, while others think it is a negative. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: [7]
The student responds directly to the task, discussing both sides of the argument while also offering his own perspective as the prompt requested. There's also a clear conclusion that finalizes his standpoint.
Coherence & Cohesion: [7]
There is a clear logical progression of argument, with conjunctions and connectors used effectively to link ideas within sentences. The content is divided into clear paragraphs, each one representing a new perspective or point. However, some points could have been arranged in a more coherent manner.
Lexical Resource: [8]
The student makes good use of a range of vocabulary, including phrases such as ‘harsh advertising schedules' and 'successful career as sports stars'. Words such as ‘undeniable’, ‘advantage’ and ‘drawback’ show a strong understanding of language needed to discuss both pros and cons.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: [6]
While the student does make use of a good variety of grammatical structures, there are several minor grammatical issues and awkward phrasing that come up repeatedly. More attention is needed in correctly using prepositions, tenses, and articles.
Overall: [7]
Despite some minor grammatical issues, the essay satisfactorily completes the task requirements, provides logical arguments on both sides, and uses a fairly wide range of vocabulary. Thus, an overall score of 7 would appear appropriate.
Task Response: [7]
The student responds directly to the task, discussing both sides of the argument while also offering his own perspective as the prompt requested. There's also a clear conclusion that finalizes his standpoint.
Coherence & Cohesion: [7]
There is a clear logical progression of argument, with conjunctions and connectors used effectively to link ideas within sentences. The content is divided into clear paragraphs, each one representing a new perspective or point. However, some points could have been arranged in a more coherent manner.
Lexical Resource: [8]
The student makes good use of a range of vocabulary, including phrases such as ‘harsh advertising schedules' and 'successful career as sports stars'. Words such as ‘undeniable’, ‘advantage’ and ‘drawback’ show a strong understanding of language needed to discuss both pros and cons.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: [6]
While the student does make use of a good variety of grammatical structures, there are several minor grammatical issues and awkward phrasing that come up repeatedly. More attention is needed in correctly using prepositions, tenses, and articles.
Overall: [7]
Despite some minor grammatical issues, the essay satisfactorily completes the task requirements, provides logical arguments on both sides, and uses a fairly wide range of vocabulary. Thus, an overall score of 7 would appear appropriate.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Many companies sponsor sports as a way of advertising themselves. Some people think this is good for the world of sport, while others think it is a negative. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Essay:
In recent times, many corporates have found a new channel of promotion through sports sponsorship. This trend generates diverse views, with some individuals advocating for it, while others express reservations. This essay will explore both perspectives before presenting my viewpoint.
In the realm of sport, endorsement by companies undeniably bears multiple advantages. Primarily, it ensures a consistent income for athletes, which remains unaffected by potential injuries that may hinder their ability to perform. Many budding sports personalities abandon their pursuits due to the financial drain injuries tend to cause. Sponsorships could thereby safeguard their livelihood. Additionally, companies often facilitate access to superior education, expansive training space as well as comprehensive mental and physical health support. Consequently, nurtured in this manner, athletes see a marked rise in their probability of achieving sporting accolades.
Conversely, a significant faction of sports enthusiasts reasons that sponsorships can lead to several complications. Key among them is the risk of athletes being exploited for commercial agendas. Corporates may prioritise their own profit and reputation over athletes' wellbeing, pressuring them into intense promotional undertakings.
Although there's a risk of athletes being manipulated into overbearing promotional activities, the benefits of stable income and comprehensive support cannot be overlooked. Therefore, I believe, with some ethical adjustments, sports sponsorships could be a win-win situation for both companies and sportspersons.
Word count: 261
Essay translated in Korean: 최근에 많은 기업들이 스포츠 스폰서십을 통한 새로운 프로모션 채널을 찾아냈습니다. 이런 추세는 다양한 견해를 촉발하며, 일부 사람들은 이를 옹호하는 반면 다른 사람들은 이에 대한 의구심을 표현합니다. 이 논문에서는 양측의 견해를 탐구한 후 제 개인적인 견해를 제시하겠습니다.
스포츠 분야에서 기업에 의한 스폰서십은 부인할 수 없이 여러 가지 장점을 가지고 있습니다. 주로, 이는 선수들이 수행할 수 있는 능력을 저해할 수 있는 잠재적인 부상에도 영향을 받지 않는 일정한 수입을 보장합니다. 많은 유망한 스포츠 인물들이 부상이 일으키는 재정적 부담 때문에 그들의 추구를 포기합니다. 이러한 방식으로 스폰서십은 그들의 생계를 보호할 수 있습니다. 또한, 기업들은 종종 우수한 교육, 넓은 훈련 공간 및 종합적인 정신적 및 신체적 건강 지원에 대한 접근을 촉진합니다. 따라서 이런 방식으로 키워낸 선수들은 스포츠 영예를 얻을 확률이 크게 상승하는 것을 목격하게 됩니다.
반대로, 스포츠 애호가들의 상당한 부분은 스폰서십이 여러 가지 복잡한 문제를 야기할 수 있다고 주장합니다. 그 중 대표적인 것은 선수들이 상업적인 의제를 위해 악용될 위험이 있습니다. 기업은 선수들의 복지보다 자신들의 이익과 평판을 우선시할 수 있으며, 이로 인해 선수들에게 강도 높은 프로모션 사업을 압박할 수 있습니다.
선수들이 과도한 프로모션 활동에 조작될 위험이 있음에도 불구하고, 안정된 수입과 종합적인 지원의 이점을 무시할 수는 없습니다. 그러므로, 저는 어느 정도의 윤리적 조정을 통해 스포츠 스폰서십은 기업과 스포츠인에게 둘 다 이길 수 있는 상황이 될 수 있다고 믿습니다.
Good expressions:
1. In recent times - 최근에
2. Diverse views - 다양한 견해
3. Endorsement by companies - 기업의 스폰서십
4. Nurtured in this manner - 이런 방식으로 키워낸
5. A significant faction - 상당한 부분의 사람들
6. Comprehensive support - 종합적인 지원
7. Win-win situation - 서로에게 이길 수 있는 상황.
In recent times, many corporates have found a new channel of promotion through sports sponsorship. This trend generates diverse views, with some individuals advocating for it, while others express reservations. This essay will explore both perspectives before presenting my viewpoint.
In the realm of sport, endorsement by companies undeniably bears multiple advantages. Primarily, it ensures a consistent income for athletes, which remains unaffected by potential injuries that may hinder their ability to perform. Many budding sports personalities abandon their pursuits due to the financial drain injuries tend to cause. Sponsorships could thereby safeguard their livelihood. Additionally, companies often facilitate access to superior education, expansive training space as well as comprehensive mental and physical health support. Consequently, nurtured in this manner, athletes see a marked rise in their probability of achieving sporting accolades.
Conversely, a significant faction of sports enthusiasts reasons that sponsorships can lead to several complications. Key among them is the risk of athletes being exploited for commercial agendas. Corporates may prioritise their own profit and reputation over athletes' wellbeing, pressuring them into intense promotional undertakings.
Although there's a risk of athletes being manipulated into overbearing promotional activities, the benefits of stable income and comprehensive support cannot be overlooked. Therefore, I believe, with some ethical adjustments, sports sponsorships could be a win-win situation for both companies and sportspersons.
Word count: 261
Essay translated in Korean: 최근에 많은 기업들이 스포츠 스폰서십을 통한 새로운 프로모션 채널을 찾아냈습니다. 이런 추세는 다양한 견해를 촉발하며, 일부 사람들은 이를 옹호하는 반면 다른 사람들은 이에 대한 의구심을 표현합니다. 이 논문에서는 양측의 견해를 탐구한 후 제 개인적인 견해를 제시하겠습니다.
스포츠 분야에서 기업에 의한 스폰서십은 부인할 수 없이 여러 가지 장점을 가지고 있습니다. 주로, 이는 선수들이 수행할 수 있는 능력을 저해할 수 있는 잠재적인 부상에도 영향을 받지 않는 일정한 수입을 보장합니다. 많은 유망한 스포츠 인물들이 부상이 일으키는 재정적 부담 때문에 그들의 추구를 포기합니다. 이러한 방식으로 스폰서십은 그들의 생계를 보호할 수 있습니다. 또한, 기업들은 종종 우수한 교육, 넓은 훈련 공간 및 종합적인 정신적 및 신체적 건강 지원에 대한 접근을 촉진합니다. 따라서 이런 방식으로 키워낸 선수들은 스포츠 영예를 얻을 확률이 크게 상승하는 것을 목격하게 됩니다.
반대로, 스포츠 애호가들의 상당한 부분은 스폰서십이 여러 가지 복잡한 문제를 야기할 수 있다고 주장합니다. 그 중 대표적인 것은 선수들이 상업적인 의제를 위해 악용될 위험이 있습니다. 기업은 선수들의 복지보다 자신들의 이익과 평판을 우선시할 수 있으며, 이로 인해 선수들에게 강도 높은 프로모션 사업을 압박할 수 있습니다.
선수들이 과도한 프로모션 활동에 조작될 위험이 있음에도 불구하고, 안정된 수입과 종합적인 지원의 이점을 무시할 수는 없습니다. 그러므로, 저는 어느 정도의 윤리적 조정을 통해 스포츠 스폰서십은 기업과 스포츠인에게 둘 다 이길 수 있는 상황이 될 수 있다고 믿습니다.
Good expressions:
1. In recent times - 최근에
2. Diverse views - 다양한 견해
3. Endorsement by companies - 기업의 스폰서십
4. Nurtured in this manner - 이런 방식으로 키워낸
5. A significant faction - 상당한 부분의 사람들
6. Comprehensive support - 종합적인 지원
7. Win-win situation - 서로에게 이길 수 있는 상황.
제출한 라이팅
These days, tons of companies use sports to advertise themselves in various ways. Some men and women argue that using sponsorship is good for many athletes, while others think this affect in a negative way. In this essay, I will discuss both sides of issue and present my own thoughts on it.
In my opinion, there are several benefits when sports players are supported by companies. One of the main benefits is that sports players could get stable income even if they would get an injury. Most of the trainees usually give up their sports career because many injuries occur during the game, and it threaten their lives due to lack of financial support. In addition, they might get high quality of education, be provided large space for exercise, and be managed mental and physical health by the companies, so the possibility of having a successful career as sports stars significantly increase, when they get a sponsor by famous companies.
On the other hand, some sports lovers have an opinion that it could cause plenty of problems. One of the main drawbacks of sponsorship is that sports boys and girls could be used for only commercial purpose. A number of companies could care about their success and brand to enhance business performance, forcing sports players to take part in harsh advertising schedules.
To sum up, while it is apparent that some sports people could be forced to participate in advertising activities a lot, it is undeniable that they could earn stable money and get high quality management from companies.
In my opinion, there are several benefits when sports players are supported by companies. One of the main benefits is that sports players could get stable income even if they would get an injury. Most of the trainees usually give up their sports career because many injuries occur during the game, and it threaten their lives due to lack of financial support. In addition, they might get high quality of education, be provided large space for exercise, and be managed mental and physical health by the companies, so the possibility of having a successful career as sports stars significantly increase, when they get a sponsor by famous companies.
On the other hand, some sports lovers have an opinion that it could cause plenty of problems. One of the main drawbacks of sponsorship is that sports boys and girls could be used for only commercial purpose. A number of companies could care about their success and brand to enhance business performance, forcing sports players to take part in harsh advertising schedules.
To sum up, while it is apparent that some sports people could be forced to participate in advertising activities a lot, it is undeniable that they could earn stable money and get high quality management from companies.
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