아이엘츠 라이팅 AI 첨삭
- Opinion
Some people believe that younger family members should be legally responsible for supporting older family members when they become physically and mentally and financially unable to look after themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 6
The essay does not fully address the question of whether younger family members should be legally responsible for their older family members. It does discuss the potential challenges of such a responsibility and suggests an alternative. However, the writer's stance on to what extent they agree or disagree isn't entirely clear.
Coherence & Cohesion: 5
While the layout of arguments and counterarguments is organized logically, the essay lacks clear supporting examples or specific details. There are some abrupt transitions and underdeveloped ideas which makes it a bit confusing for the reader.
Lexical Resource: 5
The student uses a range of vocabulary, albeit not always appropriately or accurately. Some of the phrases and wordings are awkward and hinders comprehension.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 5
The essay has some grammatical errors and issues with word choice, usage, and plural forms. The sentence structures are largely correct, but the overall language control is lacking.
Overall: 5.25
The essay has some strong points but issues with coherence, vocabulary usage and grammar. There is a need for improvement to ensure that the ideas and arguments are clearly and effectively communicated.
Task Response: 6
The essay does not fully address the question of whether younger family members should be legally responsible for their older family members. It does discuss the potential challenges of such a responsibility and suggests an alternative. However, the writer's stance on to what extent they agree or disagree isn't entirely clear.
Coherence & Cohesion: 5
While the layout of arguments and counterarguments is organized logically, the essay lacks clear supporting examples or specific details. There are some abrupt transitions and underdeveloped ideas which makes it a bit confusing for the reader.
Lexical Resource: 5
The student uses a range of vocabulary, albeit not always appropriately or accurately. Some of the phrases and wordings are awkward and hinders comprehension.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 5
The essay has some grammatical errors and issues with word choice, usage, and plural forms. The sentence structures are largely correct, but the overall language control is lacking.
Overall: 5.25
The essay has some strong points but issues with coherence, vocabulary usage and grammar. There is a need for improvement to ensure that the ideas and arguments are clearly and effectively communicated.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Some people believe that younger family members should be legally responsible for supporting older family members when they become physically and mentally and financially unable to look after themselves.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Essay:
The discussion on whether younger family members should bear the legal responsibility for assisting older relatives who are physically, mentally, and financially incapacitated has seen divergent viewpoints. This essay will provide a balanced perspective on both sides of the stance before expressing my unequivocal opinion.
On one side of the argument, it is considered fair for younger generations to extend their support to elderly family members, as these elders in reality nurtured them through their infancy. With age, elder people regress to a childlike state, unable to perform physically demanding tasks or manage their economic affairs. Therefore, it can be opined that the younger generation has a moral duty to repay this love and care by supporting their elders.
On the contrary, the burden of caring for the elderly can exact a toll on the younger generation who are in their prime years. Attempting to balance between personal ambitions like education or career and the caregiving responsibilities can lead to their physical and emotional exhaustion. They might be unable to meet their goals due to the lack of time and financial resources. Hence, it is justified to argue that the state should step in by providing necessary support to the elderly to ensure their standard of living while relieving the young adults of this substantial duty.
Conclusively, while the moral responsibility of caring for the elders cherished within a family cannot be ignored, it would be imprudent to legally enforce it. Instead, the government should supplement family support by extending welfare to the elderly generation.
Word count: 261
Essay translated in Korean:
청년 세대가 신체적, 정신적, 재정적으로 불구한 노인 가족을 도와야 하는 법적 책임을 지녀야 하는지에 대한 논의는 이견을 보였습니다. 이 에세이는 두 가지 관점을 균형있게 살펴본 후 제 개인적인 견해를 분명히 표현할 것입니다.
논쟁의 한 가지 관점에서, 청년들이 노인 가족 구성원에게 지원을 확장하는 것이 공정하다고 여겨집니다. 실제로 이러한 노인들은 청년들을 영유아 시절부터 양육했습니다. 노화와 함께 노인들은 어린아이와 같은 상태로 되돌아가 물리적으로 요구되는 작업을 수행하거나 경제적인 문제를 관리할 수 없게 됩니다. 따라서 청년 세대가 이러한 사랑과 보살핌을 갚기 위해 노인을 지원하는 것이 도리적 의무라는 의견을 내놓을 수 있습니다.
반대로, 노인을 돌보는 부담은 청년 세대에게 대가를 요구할 수 있습니다. 교육이나 경력과 같은 개인적인 야망과 간호 책임 사이에서 균형을 유지하려는 시도는 청년들의 신체적, 정서적으로 지쳐버리게 만들 수 있습니다. 시간과 재정적 자원 부족으로 목표를 달성하지 못할 수도 있습니다. 따라서, 국가가 노인들의 생활 수준을 보장하고 청년 세대로부터 이 중요한 의무를 완화시키기 위해 필요한 지원을 제공해야 한다는 주장이 타당하다고 주장할 수 있습니다.
결론적으로, 가족 내에서 노인들을 돌보는 도리적 책임은 무시할 수 없지만, 이를 법적으로 강제하는 것은 불신하다. 대신, 정부는 노인 세대에게 복지를 확장함으로써 가족 지원을 보완해야 합니다.
Good expressions:
1. divergent viewpoints - 이견
2. unequivocal opinion - 명확한 의견
3. extend their support - 지원을 확장하다
4. exact a toll - 대가를 요구하다
5. supplement family support - 가족 지원을 보완하다
The discussion on whether younger family members should bear the legal responsibility for assisting older relatives who are physically, mentally, and financially incapacitated has seen divergent viewpoints. This essay will provide a balanced perspective on both sides of the stance before expressing my unequivocal opinion.
On one side of the argument, it is considered fair for younger generations to extend their support to elderly family members, as these elders in reality nurtured them through their infancy. With age, elder people regress to a childlike state, unable to perform physically demanding tasks or manage their economic affairs. Therefore, it can be opined that the younger generation has a moral duty to repay this love and care by supporting their elders.
On the contrary, the burden of caring for the elderly can exact a toll on the younger generation who are in their prime years. Attempting to balance between personal ambitions like education or career and the caregiving responsibilities can lead to their physical and emotional exhaustion. They might be unable to meet their goals due to the lack of time and financial resources. Hence, it is justified to argue that the state should step in by providing necessary support to the elderly to ensure their standard of living while relieving the young adults of this substantial duty.
Conclusively, while the moral responsibility of caring for the elders cherished within a family cannot be ignored, it would be imprudent to legally enforce it. Instead, the government should supplement family support by extending welfare to the elderly generation.
Word count: 261
Essay translated in Korean:
청년 세대가 신체적, 정신적, 재정적으로 불구한 노인 가족을 도와야 하는 법적 책임을 지녀야 하는지에 대한 논의는 이견을 보였습니다. 이 에세이는 두 가지 관점을 균형있게 살펴본 후 제 개인적인 견해를 분명히 표현할 것입니다.
논쟁의 한 가지 관점에서, 청년들이 노인 가족 구성원에게 지원을 확장하는 것이 공정하다고 여겨집니다. 실제로 이러한 노인들은 청년들을 영유아 시절부터 양육했습니다. 노화와 함께 노인들은 어린아이와 같은 상태로 되돌아가 물리적으로 요구되는 작업을 수행하거나 경제적인 문제를 관리할 수 없게 됩니다. 따라서 청년 세대가 이러한 사랑과 보살핌을 갚기 위해 노인을 지원하는 것이 도리적 의무라는 의견을 내놓을 수 있습니다.
반대로, 노인을 돌보는 부담은 청년 세대에게 대가를 요구할 수 있습니다. 교육이나 경력과 같은 개인적인 야망과 간호 책임 사이에서 균형을 유지하려는 시도는 청년들의 신체적, 정서적으로 지쳐버리게 만들 수 있습니다. 시간과 재정적 자원 부족으로 목표를 달성하지 못할 수도 있습니다. 따라서, 국가가 노인들의 생활 수준을 보장하고 청년 세대로부터 이 중요한 의무를 완화시키기 위해 필요한 지원을 제공해야 한다는 주장이 타당하다고 주장할 수 있습니다.
결론적으로, 가족 내에서 노인들을 돌보는 도리적 책임은 무시할 수 없지만, 이를 법적으로 강제하는 것은 불신하다. 대신, 정부는 노인 세대에게 복지를 확장함으로써 가족 지원을 보완해야 합니다.
Good expressions:
1. divergent viewpoints - 이견
2. unequivocal opinion - 명확한 의견
3. extend their support - 지원을 확장하다
4. exact a toll - 대가를 요구하다
5. supplement family support - 가족 지원을 보완하다
제출한 라이팅
Whether the younger should care for the elderly within family have been debated. Some assert that the family have obligation to help their grandparents or parents. While, others argue that the nation must aid for the older people. Although it is valid that family need to have . the mind of accountability, governments should provide the welfare for maintaining the standard of living. This essay will explore the perspectives before articulating my overall stance.
Firstly, the grandparents or parents had raised the the younger from the baby. As they get older, it is similar to become baby, which they can not do physical and economic activities. Therefore, the younger should repay the caring to the older people in family.
However, focusing to support can exhaust the younger. Referring to the life cycle, it is inevitable for the younger to try to achieve their goals, such as getting a job or studying. This works require so much energy, so if they invest their time and money into care for their seniors, they can not succeed to reach to their goals. Therefore, the governments should aid for the elder people for both of them. Furthermore, the standard of living of the elderly should be protected, so it is unreasonable to assign the responsibility to the younger, who have unstable economic activities or budgets.
In conclusion, it is stand to demand to have accountability for the elder people within family, but this should not be forced by legally. Rather it is recommended that government expand the welfare for the older people.
Firstly, the grandparents or parents had raised the the younger from the baby. As they get older, it is similar to become baby, which they can not do physical and economic activities. Therefore, the younger should repay the caring to the older people in family.
However, focusing to support can exhaust the younger. Referring to the life cycle, it is inevitable for the younger to try to achieve their goals, such as getting a job or studying. This works require so much energy, so if they invest their time and money into care for their seniors, they can not succeed to reach to their goals. Therefore, the governments should aid for the elder people for both of them. Furthermore, the standard of living of the elderly should be protected, so it is unreasonable to assign the responsibility to the younger, who have unstable economic activities or budgets.
In conclusion, it is stand to demand to have accountability for the elder people within family, but this should not be forced by legally. Rather it is recommended that government expand the welfare for the older people.
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