아이엘츠 라이팅 AI 첨삭
- Opinion
Some countries invest in specialized sports facilities for top athletes but not for the average people. Is this a positive or negative development?
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 7.5
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a balanced viewpoint with supporting arguments. However, there is a sentence that is not written in English. Ideally, non-English text would not be included in the response.
Coherence & Cohesion: 8
The essay is very well-structured with an introduction, two body paragraphs each discussing a different viewpoint, and a conclusion. Ideas are logically connected and the information is presented in a clear, detailed manner.
Lexical Resource: 8.5
The essay uses a wide range of sophisticated vocabulary, including phrases like "top-notch infrastructure", "pivotal role", "preventive compensation", and "public health and inclusivity". There is a good use of collocations and idiomatic phrases, which are used appropriately.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 7.5
The student displays a solid understanding of various complex grammatical structures. Sentences are varied in length and structure, with very few errors. However, the presence of a non-English sentence brings this score down slightly.
Overall: 7.875
The overall score is rounded down to 7.5 since IELTS scores are reported in whole and half bands. The essay is good with thoughtful arguments and sophisticated language use. However, the inclusion of a non-English sentence detracts from the overall quality of the response.
Task Response: 7.5
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a balanced viewpoint with supporting arguments. However, there is a sentence that is not written in English. Ideally, non-English text would not be included in the response.
Coherence & Cohesion: 8
The essay is very well-structured with an introduction, two body paragraphs each discussing a different viewpoint, and a conclusion. Ideas are logically connected and the information is presented in a clear, detailed manner.
Lexical Resource: 8.5
The essay uses a wide range of sophisticated vocabulary, including phrases like "top-notch infrastructure", "pivotal role", "preventive compensation", and "public health and inclusivity". There is a good use of collocations and idiomatic phrases, which are used appropriately.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 7.5
The student displays a solid understanding of various complex grammatical structures. Sentences are varied in length and structure, with very few errors. However, the presence of a non-English sentence brings this score down slightly.
Overall: 7.875
The overall score is rounded down to 7.5 since IELTS scores are reported in whole and half bands. The essay is good with thoughtful arguments and sophisticated language use. However, the inclusion of a non-English sentence detracts from the overall quality of the response.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Some countries invest in specialized sports facilities for top athletes but not for the average people. Is this a positive or negative development?
Essay:
There is a rising tendency of nations diverting funds towards the creation of more sophisticated sports complexes for professional athletes while neglecting the needs of ordinary citizens. While supporting remarkable talents is important, the need to improve the overall health of the community via sports facilities should not be overlooked, making this a multifaceted issue.
Firstly, supplying high-quality facilities to exceptional athletes is often integral to their triumphs, thereby advancing a country's stature and prestige. Ensuring athletes can deliver breathtaking performances in global events like the Olympics requires dedicated resources for the creation of specialized establishments. The cost of forging a career in sports can be substantial, comprising expenses for quality practice venues and training by expert coaches. Hence, providing athletes with the right training environment can be seen as a worthwhile investment in the larger context of the nation's sporting success.
Secondly, notwithstanding the focus on elite athletes, it’s crucial to consider the fitness levels and well-being of the average majority. Several developed nations prioritize their citizens' health by providing public recreational facilities. The additional costs required to cater to a wider audience can be viewed as preventive healthcare measures, likely to lessen the stress on national healthcare systems over time. Moreover, it is fundamentally unjust to limit access to top quality sports infrastructure to professional athletes, especially when these facilities are funded by public means. The comprehensive effects on public health and social inclusivity cannot be sidelined in the pursuit of glory in international sports.
In conclusion, the current trend of investing overwhelmingly in sports facilities for top-tier athletes, while beneficial in some respects, needs to reconsider the importance of communal health and fairness.
Word count: 261
Essay translated in Korean:
일반 시민의 필요성을 저버리는 동시에 전문 선수를 위한 보다 복잡한 스포츠 시설을 만들기 위해 자금을 분배하는 국가의 증가하는 경향성이 있다. 비록 뛰어난 인재들을 지원하는 것이 중요하지만, 커뮤니티의 전반적인 건강을 스포츠 시설을 통해 향상시키는 필요성은 무시되어서는 안되며, 이로 인해 이 문제는 다면적으로 볼 필요가 있다.
우선, 뛰어난 선수들에게 고품질의 시설을 제공하는 것은 흔히 그들의 성공에 있어 중요한 부분이며, 이로 인해 국가의 위상과 명성을 높일 수 있다. 선수들이 올림픽과 같은 세계적인 행사에서 경이로운 성과를 내는 것을 보장하려면, 전문 시설을 창출하기 위한 전용 자원이 필요하다.
둘째로, 엘리트 선수들에 초점을 맞추고 있음에도 불구하고, 평균 대다수의 체력 수준과 건강을 고려하는 것이 중요하다. 여러 개발된 국가들은 시민의 건강을 우선시하기 위해 공공 연구 시설을 제공한다.
결국, 전문 스포츠 선수들을 위한 스포츠 시설에 대한 과도한 투자라는 현재의 추세는, 어떤 면에서는 유익하나, 공동체 건강과 공정성의 중요성을 다시 생각해 봐야 할 필요가 있습니다.
Good expressions:
1. Rising Tendency - 부상하는 경향
2. Multifaceted issue - 다면적인 문제
3. Integral to their triumphs - 그들의 승리에 필수적인
4. Comprehensive effects - 종합적인 영향
5. Reconsider the importance - 중요성을 다시 고려하다.
There is a rising tendency of nations diverting funds towards the creation of more sophisticated sports complexes for professional athletes while neglecting the needs of ordinary citizens. While supporting remarkable talents is important, the need to improve the overall health of the community via sports facilities should not be overlooked, making this a multifaceted issue.
Firstly, supplying high-quality facilities to exceptional athletes is often integral to their triumphs, thereby advancing a country's stature and prestige. Ensuring athletes can deliver breathtaking performances in global events like the Olympics requires dedicated resources for the creation of specialized establishments. The cost of forging a career in sports can be substantial, comprising expenses for quality practice venues and training by expert coaches. Hence, providing athletes with the right training environment can be seen as a worthwhile investment in the larger context of the nation's sporting success.
Secondly, notwithstanding the focus on elite athletes, it’s crucial to consider the fitness levels and well-being of the average majority. Several developed nations prioritize their citizens' health by providing public recreational facilities. The additional costs required to cater to a wider audience can be viewed as preventive healthcare measures, likely to lessen the stress on national healthcare systems over time. Moreover, it is fundamentally unjust to limit access to top quality sports infrastructure to professional athletes, especially when these facilities are funded by public means. The comprehensive effects on public health and social inclusivity cannot be sidelined in the pursuit of glory in international sports.
In conclusion, the current trend of investing overwhelmingly in sports facilities for top-tier athletes, while beneficial in some respects, needs to reconsider the importance of communal health and fairness.
Word count: 261
Essay translated in Korean:
일반 시민의 필요성을 저버리는 동시에 전문 선수를 위한 보다 복잡한 스포츠 시설을 만들기 위해 자금을 분배하는 국가의 증가하는 경향성이 있다. 비록 뛰어난 인재들을 지원하는 것이 중요하지만, 커뮤니티의 전반적인 건강을 스포츠 시설을 통해 향상시키는 필요성은 무시되어서는 안되며, 이로 인해 이 문제는 다면적으로 볼 필요가 있다.
우선, 뛰어난 선수들에게 고품질의 시설을 제공하는 것은 흔히 그들의 성공에 있어 중요한 부분이며, 이로 인해 국가의 위상과 명성을 높일 수 있다. 선수들이 올림픽과 같은 세계적인 행사에서 경이로운 성과를 내는 것을 보장하려면, 전문 시설을 창출하기 위한 전용 자원이 필요하다.
둘째로, 엘리트 선수들에 초점을 맞추고 있음에도 불구하고, 평균 대다수의 체력 수준과 건강을 고려하는 것이 중요하다. 여러 개발된 국가들은 시민의 건강을 우선시하기 위해 공공 연구 시설을 제공한다.
결국, 전문 스포츠 선수들을 위한 스포츠 시설에 대한 과도한 투자라는 현재의 추세는, 어떤 면에서는 유익하나, 공동체 건강과 공정성의 중요성을 다시 생각해 봐야 할 필요가 있습니다.
Good expressions:
1. Rising Tendency - 부상하는 경향
2. Multifaceted issue - 다면적인 문제
3. Integral to their triumphs - 그들의 승리에 필수적인
4. Comprehensive effects - 종합적인 영향
5. Reconsider the importance - 중요성을 다시 고려하다.
제출한 라이팅
Some countries prioritize investing in specialized sports facilities for elite athletes rather than making similar investments accessible to the general public. This trend raises questions about whether it represents a positive or negative development. I believe that not only is it crucial to provide top athletes support, but it is equally important to enhance the physical wellbeing of the public by offering them sports facilities. 선수들 지원이 중요한 부분도 있지만, 국민들의 건강을 위해 sports facilities가 중요할 수 있다.
One compelling argument is that providing top-notch infrastructure for elite athletes often plays a pivotal role in their success, thereby contributing to enhancing national pride and profile. To enable sportspeople to achieve exceptional performance in international sports competitions like the Olympics, governments should allocate resources to establish specialized facilities for them. Pursuing sports as a career often entails significant costs, including expenses for venues where they can practice their skills and training from professional coaches. Consequently, if they are provided with adequate training spaces, this investment can be justified by their great performance.
However, the health status of the general populace is significantly important, even if they are not aspiring to become professional athletes. In fact, developed nations strive to enhance the overall health and well-being of their citizens by offering facilities such as public gyms. Despite the increased expenditure required to accommodate a broader range of users, this investment can serve as a form of preventive compensation, reducing the burden on public healthcare systems in the long run. Moreover, it is unfair to grant exclusive access to top athletes when these health welfare systems are funded by public taxation. That is, while investing in specialized facilities for elite athletes may yield notable achievements in competitive sports, it is essential to consider the broader impact on public health and inclusivity.
One compelling argument is that providing top-notch infrastructure for elite athletes often plays a pivotal role in their success, thereby contributing to enhancing national pride and profile. To enable sportspeople to achieve exceptional performance in international sports competitions like the Olympics, governments should allocate resources to establish specialized facilities for them. Pursuing sports as a career often entails significant costs, including expenses for venues where they can practice their skills and training from professional coaches. Consequently, if they are provided with adequate training spaces, this investment can be justified by their great performance.
However, the health status of the general populace is significantly important, even if they are not aspiring to become professional athletes. In fact, developed nations strive to enhance the overall health and well-being of their citizens by offering facilities such as public gyms. Despite the increased expenditure required to accommodate a broader range of users, this investment can serve as a form of preventive compensation, reducing the burden on public healthcare systems in the long run. Moreover, it is unfair to grant exclusive access to top athletes when these health welfare systems are funded by public taxation. That is, while investing in specialized facilities for elite athletes may yield notable achievements in competitive sports, it is essential to consider the broader impact on public health and inclusivity.
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