AI IELTS Writing AI Correction
- Opinion
Some countries invest in specialized sports facilities for top athletes but not for the average people. Is this a positive or negative development?
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 7
The student clearly addresses the prompt and explains both sides of the issue, providing examples and general societal implications of the situation. However, the argument could certainly use stronger examples and clearer points to be exceptional.
Coherence & Cohesion: 6
The essay is generally well organized with a clear progression of ideas and points. There are though, points at which the flow of arguments and ideas is interrupted by confusing wording and phrasing which leads challenges in understanding the point being made.
Lexical Resource: 7
The student demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, although some expressions are used awkwardly - such as "the nations who suffer from weaken physical". While these do not generally distort understanding, they occasionally cause the reader to pause to interpret the intended meaning.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6
The student has a good range of grammatical structures and tenses in the essay. Unfortunately, there are numerous grammatical errors and awkward sentence structures throughout the piece which often hinder understanding and affects the fluidity of reading.
Overall: 6.5
The student clearly has a grasp of the topic and provides a wide range of relevant vocabulary and grammatical structures. However, errors in grammar and awkward phrasing, coupled with slightly unpolished argument, detracts from the overall score.
Task Response: 7
The student clearly addresses the prompt and explains both sides of the issue, providing examples and general societal implications of the situation. However, the argument could certainly use stronger examples and clearer points to be exceptional.
Coherence & Cohesion: 6
The essay is generally well organized with a clear progression of ideas and points. There are though, points at which the flow of arguments and ideas is interrupted by confusing wording and phrasing which leads challenges in understanding the point being made.
Lexical Resource: 7
The student demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, although some expressions are used awkwardly - such as "the nations who suffer from weaken physical". While these do not generally distort understanding, they occasionally cause the reader to pause to interpret the intended meaning.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6
The student has a good range of grammatical structures and tenses in the essay. Unfortunately, there are numerous grammatical errors and awkward sentence structures throughout the piece which often hinder understanding and affects the fluidity of reading.
Overall: 6.5
The student clearly has a grasp of the topic and provides a wide range of relevant vocabulary and grammatical structures. However, errors in grammar and awkward phrasing, coupled with slightly unpolished argument, detracts from the overall score.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Some countries invest in specialized sports facilities for top athletes but not for the average people. Is this a positive or negative development?
Essay:
The global emphasis on sports has led to some nations directing investments toward specialized facilities exclusively for elite athletes. Although it is believed that this enhances peak performances, I argue this trend is detrimental, particularly regarding the perpetuation of a robust sports industry and general public health.
The first issue is that a lack of financial support for aspiring athletes could limit their opportunities to emerge as top-notch performers. Without an appropriate environment, many exceptional talents may get forced to abandon their dreams due to financial drawbacks. Expensive coaches, advanced training programs seem unaffordable for the majority of promising athletes, and this trend may endanger sports like ballet or acrobatics which require significant financial outlay for maintenance. Without funding, their future survival becomes precarious.
Secondly, not investing in sports facilities for the public overlooks their crucial role in guaranteeing a healthy population. Developed countries strive to improve public health by providing accessible sports facilities. Although there is a higher initial expense in building these establishments for the public, they act as a preventive measure against potential health issues, saving future expenditure on healthcare. Moreover, as these facilities are funded from public taxation, equal access must remain a critical principle to uphold fairness and avoid discrimination.
In conclusion, limiting access to specialized sports facilities to only top athletes creates a damaging divide among sports enthusiasts and could negatively impact public health. Therefore, I view this as an unhealthy development.
Word count: 246
Essay translated in Korean:
전세계의 스포츠 중점은 일부 국가가 특수 시설에 투자를 보내고 전직 선수들을 배제하는 경향을 보였습니다. 이는 최고의 성능을 향상시킨다는 생각이 있지만, 저는 이것이 튼튼한 스포츠 산업 및 일반인 건강에 악영향을 미칠 수 있음을 주장합니다.
첫째, 야심찬 선수들에게 재정 지원이 부족하면 최고의 성적을 내는 기회를 제한할 수 있습니다. 많은 유난한 재능들은 재정적인 역경으로 꿈을 포기해야 할 수도 있습니다. 비싼 코치, 고급 훈련 프로그램들은 대부분의 약속된 선수들에게 부담이 될 수 있으며, 이러한 경향은 유지에 상당한 재정적인지출이 필요한 배레이나 곡예과 같은 스포츠를 위험에 처하게 할 수 있습니다. 펀딩이 없으면, 그들의 미래 생존이 불안정해집니다.
둘째로, 대중 체육 시설에 투자하지 않는 것은 건강한 인구를 보장하는 그들의 중요한 역할을 간과하는 것입니다. 개발국가들은 접근 가능한 체육 시설을 제공함으로써 공중 보건을 개선하려고 노력합니다. 이러한 시설을 공공을 위해 건설하는 초기 비용이 더 높아 보일 수 있지만, 이는 잠재적인 건강 문제에 대한 예방 조치로 작용하며, 향후 의료비에 대한 지출을 절약할 수 있습니다.
결론적으로, 전직 선수들만이 전문 체육 시설에 접근할 수 있게 하는 것은 스포츠 애호가들 사이에 해로운 갈등을 일으키고 공중 보건에 부정적인 영향을 미칠 수 있습니다. 따라서, 이를 건강하지 않은 발전으로 파악합니다.
Good expressions:
1. Perpetuation of a robust sports industry - 튼튼한 스포츠 산업의 지속성
2. A damaging divide among sports enthusiasts - 스포츠 애호가들 사이에 해로운 갈등
3. Potential health issues - 잠재적인 건강 문제
4. Unhealthy development - 건강하지 않은 발전
5. Equal access must remain a critical principle - 평등한 접근은 중요한 원칙으로 남아야 한다.
The global emphasis on sports has led to some nations directing investments toward specialized facilities exclusively for elite athletes. Although it is believed that this enhances peak performances, I argue this trend is detrimental, particularly regarding the perpetuation of a robust sports industry and general public health.
The first issue is that a lack of financial support for aspiring athletes could limit their opportunities to emerge as top-notch performers. Without an appropriate environment, many exceptional talents may get forced to abandon their dreams due to financial drawbacks. Expensive coaches, advanced training programs seem unaffordable for the majority of promising athletes, and this trend may endanger sports like ballet or acrobatics which require significant financial outlay for maintenance. Without funding, their future survival becomes precarious.
Secondly, not investing in sports facilities for the public overlooks their crucial role in guaranteeing a healthy population. Developed countries strive to improve public health by providing accessible sports facilities. Although there is a higher initial expense in building these establishments for the public, they act as a preventive measure against potential health issues, saving future expenditure on healthcare. Moreover, as these facilities are funded from public taxation, equal access must remain a critical principle to uphold fairness and avoid discrimination.
In conclusion, limiting access to specialized sports facilities to only top athletes creates a damaging divide among sports enthusiasts and could negatively impact public health. Therefore, I view this as an unhealthy development.
Word count: 246
Essay translated in Korean:
전세계의 스포츠 중점은 일부 국가가 특수 시설에 투자를 보내고 전직 선수들을 배제하는 경향을 보였습니다. 이는 최고의 성능을 향상시킨다는 생각이 있지만, 저는 이것이 튼튼한 스포츠 산업 및 일반인 건강에 악영향을 미칠 수 있음을 주장합니다.
첫째, 야심찬 선수들에게 재정 지원이 부족하면 최고의 성적을 내는 기회를 제한할 수 있습니다. 많은 유난한 재능들은 재정적인 역경으로 꿈을 포기해야 할 수도 있습니다. 비싼 코치, 고급 훈련 프로그램들은 대부분의 약속된 선수들에게 부담이 될 수 있으며, 이러한 경향은 유지에 상당한 재정적인지출이 필요한 배레이나 곡예과 같은 스포츠를 위험에 처하게 할 수 있습니다. 펀딩이 없으면, 그들의 미래 생존이 불안정해집니다.
둘째로, 대중 체육 시설에 투자하지 않는 것은 건강한 인구를 보장하는 그들의 중요한 역할을 간과하는 것입니다. 개발국가들은 접근 가능한 체육 시설을 제공함으로써 공중 보건을 개선하려고 노력합니다. 이러한 시설을 공공을 위해 건설하는 초기 비용이 더 높아 보일 수 있지만, 이는 잠재적인 건강 문제에 대한 예방 조치로 작용하며, 향후 의료비에 대한 지출을 절약할 수 있습니다.
결론적으로, 전직 선수들만이 전문 체육 시설에 접근할 수 있게 하는 것은 스포츠 애호가들 사이에 해로운 갈등을 일으키고 공중 보건에 부정적인 영향을 미칠 수 있습니다. 따라서, 이를 건강하지 않은 발전으로 파악합니다.
Good expressions:
1. Perpetuation of a robust sports industry - 튼튼한 스포츠 산업의 지속성
2. A damaging divide among sports enthusiasts - 스포츠 애호가들 사이에 해로운 갈등
3. Potential health issues - 잠재적인 건강 문제
4. Unhealthy development - 건강하지 않은 발전
5. Equal access must remain a critical principle - 평등한 접근은 중요한 원칙으로 남아야 한다.
제출한 라이팅
A significant popularity of sports have drawn public attention around the world. In some countries, only top athletes are provided an investment from the sports industry, since the sports communities are not sufficient to afford the fundings for all sports players. However, I think it is a negative development because it results a deterioration of sustainable sports industry.
One compelling opinion is the less financial support for the general athletes who are striving to become a top athletes in next generation, might lose their opportunity to improve and give up in advance. Since learning sports requires a considerable cost of expense from hiring specialized coaches and receiving professional trainings, it seems to be financially unaffordable for a majority of beginners. However, if this circumstance consists, it will be harder to raise the new top athletes as time goes by. Particularly, some kinds of sports as ballet and acrobatics, which needs relatively higher amount of money for its maintenance than other sports, can be diminished in the far future by its lowering demands from the participants. Moreover, the average health state of citizens are substantially important, even they are not aiming to be the professional athletes. The developed countries endeavor to upgrade the overall nation’s condition of health and well-being, by providing sports facilities like public gyms. In spite of the higher expenditure of money due to its wider tolerance by permitting the general individuals, it can work as a compensation that prevents a considerable taxation usage for the nations who suffer from weaken physical, in later. Additionally, it is unjust giving permissions to the top athletes only, when those health welfare systems are also invested from the public taxation.
In conclusion, only letting the top athletes to use the specialized sports facilities can generate severe disparity and discrimination among the amateur sports player. Furthermore, distracting the general people to work out in better environment occurs a relative deprivation and can decline a level of public health condition.
One compelling opinion is the less financial support for the general athletes who are striving to become a top athletes in next generation, might lose their opportunity to improve and give up in advance. Since learning sports requires a considerable cost of expense from hiring specialized coaches and receiving professional trainings, it seems to be financially unaffordable for a majority of beginners. However, if this circumstance consists, it will be harder to raise the new top athletes as time goes by. Particularly, some kinds of sports as ballet and acrobatics, which needs relatively higher amount of money for its maintenance than other sports, can be diminished in the far future by its lowering demands from the participants. Moreover, the average health state of citizens are substantially important, even they are not aiming to be the professional athletes. The developed countries endeavor to upgrade the overall nation’s condition of health and well-being, by providing sports facilities like public gyms. In spite of the higher expenditure of money due to its wider tolerance by permitting the general individuals, it can work as a compensation that prevents a considerable taxation usage for the nations who suffer from weaken physical, in later. Additionally, it is unjust giving permissions to the top athletes only, when those health welfare systems are also invested from the public taxation.
In conclusion, only letting the top athletes to use the specialized sports facilities can generate severe disparity and discrimination among the amateur sports player. Furthermore, distracting the general people to work out in better environment occurs a relative deprivation and can decline a level of public health condition.
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