AI IELTS Writing AI Correction
- Opinion
The pursuit of wealth has become the main motiviation for many business owners nowadays. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: [6]
The student does address the question, exploring reasons why the pursuit of wealth by business owners might be seen as both positive and detrimental. However, the points made don't seem fully developed and some aspects of the task are somewhat imbalanced.
Coherence & Cohesion: [6]
The main ideas are organised and there is a clear progression throughout the response. But some ideas could be more thoroughly linked together for higher coherence and cohesion.
Lexical Resource: [7]
A wide range of vocabulary is used effectively, conveying precise meanings. There are minor errors in lexical choices, like 'inspring' instead of 'inspiring', but these are outliers. The lexical resource warrants a 7 due to these reasons.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: [5]
There are instances of poor grammar - mismatch in subject-verb agreement ('many businessmen has caused', 'human is the one who doesn’t move'); inappropriate usage of articles ('human's behavior' instead of 'human behavior'); and incorrect verb tense usage ('occupy' instead of 'occupied'). There is some variety in sentence structure, which keeps it from a lower score.
Overall: [6]
The essay demonstrates a clear intent, a wide vocabulary, and a reasonable outline of the argument. However, multiple grammatical errors and an uneven development of the main ideas prevent it from scoring higher. Additionally, the student needs to better substantiate their arguments, offering a more in-depth exploration of each perspective to score higher in task response.
Task Response: [6]
The student does address the question, exploring reasons why the pursuit of wealth by business owners might be seen as both positive and detrimental. However, the points made don't seem fully developed and some aspects of the task are somewhat imbalanced.
Coherence & Cohesion: [6]
The main ideas are organised and there is a clear progression throughout the response. But some ideas could be more thoroughly linked together for higher coherence and cohesion.
Lexical Resource: [7]
A wide range of vocabulary is used effectively, conveying precise meanings. There are minor errors in lexical choices, like 'inspring' instead of 'inspiring', but these are outliers. The lexical resource warrants a 7 due to these reasons.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: [5]
There are instances of poor grammar - mismatch in subject-verb agreement ('many businessmen has caused', 'human is the one who doesn’t move'); inappropriate usage of articles ('human's behavior' instead of 'human behavior'); and incorrect verb tense usage ('occupy' instead of 'occupied'). There is some variety in sentence structure, which keeps it from a lower score.
Overall: [6]
The essay demonstrates a clear intent, a wide vocabulary, and a reasonable outline of the argument. However, multiple grammatical errors and an uneven development of the main ideas prevent it from scoring higher. Additionally, the student needs to better substantiate their arguments, offering a more in-depth exploration of each perspective to score higher in task response.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
The pursuit of wealth has become the main motiviation for many business owners nowadays.
Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Essay:
The contemporary business landscape is dominated by a seemingly unending pursuit of wealth, leading to concerns about its implications on our society and environment. This essay will delve into the consequences of this development, examining both its detrimental and beneficial effects.
The relentless focus on wealth accumulation by business owners often results in overlooking crucial aspects such as environmental preservation and wealth redistribution. It is disconcerting to note that many entrepreneurs prioritize profit over safeguarding natural resources. These choices directly contribute to environmental degradation, a burden we all bear. Furthermore, this capitalistic orientation tends to exacerbate wealth inequality, with massive profits often amassed by a handful, raising questions about fairness and social justice.
Conversely, one cannot deny the positive outcomes of this wealth-focused approach. The compelling urge to amass wealth often motivates people to rise to their potential, fostering individual growth and productivity. Driven by the desire for wealth, employees are inspired to push personal boundaries and concentrate on their tasks, instilling a sense of purpose and determination to succeed. This trait of tenacity is a fundamental aspect of human behavior that has empowered our species to overcome hurdles and progress.
In conclusion, while the pursuit of wealth by many business owners has its advantages, its negative implications cannot be ignored. Balancing the drive for wealth and the need for environmental protection and wealth equality is a challenge that our society must continue to confront.
Word count: 258
Essay translated in Korean:
현대의 비즈니스 풍경은 재산을 추구하는 끝없는 행동에 지배되어, 이것이 사회와 환경에 미치는 영향에 대한 우려를 보인다. 이 에세이에서는 이런 발전의 결과를 살펴보고, 그것으 해로운 효과와 이로운 효과 모두를 검토하겠다.
사업가들이 거침없이 부를 축적하는 중점은 종종 환경 보존과 부의 재분배와 같은 중요한 측면을 간과하는 결과를 가져온다. 많은 사업가들이 자연 자원의 보호보다 이익을 우선시하는 것으로 나타났고, 이러한 선택은 우리 모두가 짊어져야할 환경 파괴에 직접적으로 기여한다. 또한, 이런 자본주의적인 방향은 종종 부의 불평등을 악화시키는데, 이는 소수의 사람들이 대량의 이익을 쌓는 경향이 있어서 공정성과 사회 정의에 대한 질문을 제기한다.
반면에, 이렇게 재생을 중심으로 한 접근법의 긍정적인 결과를 부정할 수는 없다. 부를 축적하려는 강렬한 욕망은 종종 사람들이 그들의 잠재력을 발휘하도록 독려하며, 개인의 성장과 생산성을 촉진한다. 재산을 원하는 욕망으로 인해 직원들은 개인적인 한계를 뛰어넘고 그들의 업무에 집중하도록 영감을 받게 되며, 성공하려는 결정적인 의지를 주입한다. 이런 끈질긴 특성은 우리의 종을 도알윌 수 있게 하고, 진보를 이루게 했다.
결론적으로, 많은 사업가들의 재산을 추구하는 것은 그 장점이 있다면서도, 그 부정적인 영향은 무시할 수 없다. 재산을 추구하는 욕망과 환경 보호, 부의 평등의 필요성 사이의 균형을 맞추는 것은 우리 사회가 계속 마주해야 하는 도전이다.
Good expressions:
1. relentless focus - 거침없는 집중
2. exacerbate wealth inequality - 부의 불평등을 악화시키다
3. compelling urge to amass wealth - 재산을 축적하고 싶은 강렬한 욕망
4. foster individual growth - 개인의 성장을 촉진하다
5. instilling a sense of purpose and determination - 목적감과 결의를 주입하다
6. negative implications cannot be ignored - 부정적인 영향력은 무시할 수 없다
7. Balancing the drive for wealth - 재산을 추구하는 욕망의 균형을 맞추다
The contemporary business landscape is dominated by a seemingly unending pursuit of wealth, leading to concerns about its implications on our society and environment. This essay will delve into the consequences of this development, examining both its detrimental and beneficial effects.
The relentless focus on wealth accumulation by business owners often results in overlooking crucial aspects such as environmental preservation and wealth redistribution. It is disconcerting to note that many entrepreneurs prioritize profit over safeguarding natural resources. These choices directly contribute to environmental degradation, a burden we all bear. Furthermore, this capitalistic orientation tends to exacerbate wealth inequality, with massive profits often amassed by a handful, raising questions about fairness and social justice.
Conversely, one cannot deny the positive outcomes of this wealth-focused approach. The compelling urge to amass wealth often motivates people to rise to their potential, fostering individual growth and productivity. Driven by the desire for wealth, employees are inspired to push personal boundaries and concentrate on their tasks, instilling a sense of purpose and determination to succeed. This trait of tenacity is a fundamental aspect of human behavior that has empowered our species to overcome hurdles and progress.
In conclusion, while the pursuit of wealth by many business owners has its advantages, its negative implications cannot be ignored. Balancing the drive for wealth and the need for environmental protection and wealth equality is a challenge that our society must continue to confront.
Word count: 258
Essay translated in Korean:
현대의 비즈니스 풍경은 재산을 추구하는 끝없는 행동에 지배되어, 이것이 사회와 환경에 미치는 영향에 대한 우려를 보인다. 이 에세이에서는 이런 발전의 결과를 살펴보고, 그것으 해로운 효과와 이로운 효과 모두를 검토하겠다.
사업가들이 거침없이 부를 축적하는 중점은 종종 환경 보존과 부의 재분배와 같은 중요한 측면을 간과하는 결과를 가져온다. 많은 사업가들이 자연 자원의 보호보다 이익을 우선시하는 것으로 나타났고, 이러한 선택은 우리 모두가 짊어져야할 환경 파괴에 직접적으로 기여한다. 또한, 이런 자본주의적인 방향은 종종 부의 불평등을 악화시키는데, 이는 소수의 사람들이 대량의 이익을 쌓는 경향이 있어서 공정성과 사회 정의에 대한 질문을 제기한다.
반면에, 이렇게 재생을 중심으로 한 접근법의 긍정적인 결과를 부정할 수는 없다. 부를 축적하려는 강렬한 욕망은 종종 사람들이 그들의 잠재력을 발휘하도록 독려하며, 개인의 성장과 생산성을 촉진한다. 재산을 원하는 욕망으로 인해 직원들은 개인적인 한계를 뛰어넘고 그들의 업무에 집중하도록 영감을 받게 되며, 성공하려는 결정적인 의지를 주입한다. 이런 끈질긴 특성은 우리의 종을 도알윌 수 있게 하고, 진보를 이루게 했다.
결론적으로, 많은 사업가들의 재산을 추구하는 것은 그 장점이 있다면서도, 그 부정적인 영향은 무시할 수 없다. 재산을 추구하는 욕망과 환경 보호, 부의 평등의 필요성 사이의 균형을 맞추는 것은 우리 사회가 계속 마주해야 하는 도전이다.
Good expressions:
1. relentless focus - 거침없는 집중
2. exacerbate wealth inequality - 부의 불평등을 악화시키다
3. compelling urge to amass wealth - 재산을 축적하고 싶은 강렬한 욕망
4. foster individual growth - 개인의 성장을 촉진하다
5. instilling a sense of purpose and determination - 목적감과 결의를 주입하다
6. negative implications cannot be ignored - 부정적인 영향력은 무시할 수 없다
7. Balancing the drive for wealth - 재산을 추구하는 욕망의 균형을 맞추다
제출한 라이팅
It is a common belief that many businessmen has caused a lot of problems about the environment and the redistribution of the wealth only in the pursuit of making money.
However, there is a more persuasive argument that the strong desire to enhance productivity and earn much money has still led to inspring workers to have more self-development and concentrate solely on their tasks.
On the one hand, certain people insist that the majority of entrepreneurs have hardly considered the environmental issues and protection for natural resources just for the purpose of their profitability.
Not only that, it has brought about the issue of how people share the wealth with having specific fairness because few business owners only occupy the almost total amount of the wealth produced by the labor force of the world.
According to some reports suggested by well known economists, the environmental problems has gradually gotten worse since the Industrial Revolution and just few capitalists exert a great influence on people from all over the world.
Nevertheless, there are so many benefits of the exisiting system the vast majority of businessmen are still seeking, its major advantage is that it gives people the strongest driving force to act themselves and try harder to work.
Some study conducted by scientists who research on human's behavior has shown that humanity has developed through overcoming a lot of difficulties, human is the one who doesn't move actively if they don't have will power to solve their problems they face at the present, which still remains to be a force to make people more energetic.
However, there is a more persuasive argument that the strong desire to enhance productivity and earn much money has still led to inspring workers to have more self-development and concentrate solely on their tasks.
On the one hand, certain people insist that the majority of entrepreneurs have hardly considered the environmental issues and protection for natural resources just for the purpose of their profitability.
Not only that, it has brought about the issue of how people share the wealth with having specific fairness because few business owners only occupy the almost total amount of the wealth produced by the labor force of the world.
According to some reports suggested by well known economists, the environmental problems has gradually gotten worse since the Industrial Revolution and just few capitalists exert a great influence on people from all over the world.
Nevertheless, there are so many benefits of the exisiting system the vast majority of businessmen are still seeking, its major advantage is that it gives people the strongest driving force to act themselves and try harder to work.
Some study conducted by scientists who research on human's behavior has shown that humanity has developed through overcoming a lot of difficulties, human is the one who doesn't move actively if they don't have will power to solve their problems they face at the present, which still remains to be a force to make people more energetic.
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