AI IELTS Writing AI Correction
- Opinion
The pursuit of wealth has become the main motivation for many business owners nowadays. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 6
The student addresses the task well. The student offered viewpoints on both the positive and negative aspects of the pursuit of wealth. However, the student's position seems to be slightly unclear; there is more emphasis on the benefits of pursuing wealth than its possible negative impacts.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
The essay has a clear structure and is easy to follow, with clear transitions phrases. The topics within paragraphs are connected, and the progression from one topic to the next is logical.
Lexical Resource: 6
The essay demonstrates a broad vocabulary, but some words and phrases appear to have been used inappropriately. Notably, some words are overused. Still, the student's message is generally clear.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6
There is some variety in sentence types, including complex sentence structures. However, there are a number of grammar mistakes that affect readability such as inconsistent verb tenses and incorrect noun-verb agreements.
Overall: 6.25
Despite minor issues with vocabulary and grammar, the essay shows a good understanding of the task and gives an organized response. With clarity on the writer's position and more attention to grammatical accuracy, the essay could score even higher.
Task Response: 6
The student addresses the task well. The student offered viewpoints on both the positive and negative aspects of the pursuit of wealth. However, the student's position seems to be slightly unclear; there is more emphasis on the benefits of pursuing wealth than its possible negative impacts.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
The essay has a clear structure and is easy to follow, with clear transitions phrases. The topics within paragraphs are connected, and the progression from one topic to the next is logical.
Lexical Resource: 6
The essay demonstrates a broad vocabulary, but some words and phrases appear to have been used inappropriately. Notably, some words are overused. Still, the student's message is generally clear.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6
There is some variety in sentence types, including complex sentence structures. However, there are a number of grammar mistakes that affect readability such as inconsistent verb tenses and incorrect noun-verb agreements.
Overall: 6.25
Despite minor issues with vocabulary and grammar, the essay shows a good understanding of the task and gives an organized response. With clarity on the writer's position and more attention to grammatical accuracy, the essay could score even higher.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
The pursuit of wealth has become the main motivation for many business owners nowadays.
Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Essay:
In recent times, the predominant motivation for many entrepreneurs has become the accumulation of wealth. This tendency has raised questions about its implications, both positive and negative, on society and the environment.
On one side of the spectrum, critics argue that this relentless quest for monetary gain overlooks vital considerations like environmental protection and fair wealth distribution. They hold that much of the environmental degradation since the Industrial Revolution can be attributed to profit-driven businesses. Moreover, they underscore the skewed distribution of wealth, where a small number of business owners control a vast amount of global resources.
However, it would be short-sighted to dismiss the benefits of this trend outrightly. The desire to generate wealth can act as a strong incentive for individuals to be industrious and strive for self-improvement. Studies suggest that the challenges encountered in the pursuit of wealth can actually serve as catalysts for human development, signifying that this motivation carries potential for positive transformation.
In conclusion, while excessive wealth pursuit may induce negative consequences like environmental harm and unfair wealth distribution, it can also serve to drive productivity and personal growth. It is inherently a double-edged sword that needs to be managed delicately.
Word count: 176
Essay translated in Korean:
최근에 많은 사업가들의 주요 동기가 재산 증식이 되었습니다. 이러한 경향은 사회와 환경에 대한 긍정적이고 부정적인 영향에 대한 질문을 제기하고 있습니다.
스펙트럼의 한쪽에서는, 비판가들은 이런 무한한 돈을 얻기 위한 추구가 환경 보호와 공정한 재산 분배와 같은 중요한 고려 사항을 간과한다고 주장합니다. 그들은 산업혁명 이후의 대부분의 환경 파괴는 이윤 중심의 기업에 의해 발생된다고 말합니다. 또한, 소수의 사업가들이 전 세계 리소스의 대부분을 통제하면서 왜곡된 재산 분배를 강조합니다.
그러나 이 가운데에서 이런 경향의 이점을 완전히 무시하는 것은 짧은 시야일 것입니다. 부를 만들기 위한 욕망은 개개인에게 근면과 스스로를 개선하려는 강력한 동기를 제공할 수 있습니다. 부를 추구하는 과정에서 부딪히는 도전이 실제로 인간 개발의 촉매제로 작용할 수 있다는 연구들이 있습니다. 이는 이러한 동기가 긍정적 변화의 잠재력을 가지고 있음을 의미합니다.
결론적으로, 과도한 부의 추구는 환경피해와 불공정한 재산 분배와 같은 부정적인 결과를 초래할 수 있지만, 생산성과 개인 성장을 추동할 수도 있습니다. 이는 본질적으로 섬세하게 관리해야하는 양날의 검입니다.
Good expressions:
1. Relentless quest for monetary gain - 무한한 돈을 얻기 위한 추구
2. Skewed distribution of wealth - 왜곡된 재산 분배
3. Inherently a double-edged sword - 본질적으로 양날의 검
4. Act as a strong incentive - 강력한 동기를 제공할
5. Serve as catalysts for human development - 인간 개발의 촉매제로 작용할
In recent times, the predominant motivation for many entrepreneurs has become the accumulation of wealth. This tendency has raised questions about its implications, both positive and negative, on society and the environment.
On one side of the spectrum, critics argue that this relentless quest for monetary gain overlooks vital considerations like environmental protection and fair wealth distribution. They hold that much of the environmental degradation since the Industrial Revolution can be attributed to profit-driven businesses. Moreover, they underscore the skewed distribution of wealth, where a small number of business owners control a vast amount of global resources.
However, it would be short-sighted to dismiss the benefits of this trend outrightly. The desire to generate wealth can act as a strong incentive for individuals to be industrious and strive for self-improvement. Studies suggest that the challenges encountered in the pursuit of wealth can actually serve as catalysts for human development, signifying that this motivation carries potential for positive transformation.
In conclusion, while excessive wealth pursuit may induce negative consequences like environmental harm and unfair wealth distribution, it can also serve to drive productivity and personal growth. It is inherently a double-edged sword that needs to be managed delicately.
Word count: 176
Essay translated in Korean:
최근에 많은 사업가들의 주요 동기가 재산 증식이 되었습니다. 이러한 경향은 사회와 환경에 대한 긍정적이고 부정적인 영향에 대한 질문을 제기하고 있습니다.
스펙트럼의 한쪽에서는, 비판가들은 이런 무한한 돈을 얻기 위한 추구가 환경 보호와 공정한 재산 분배와 같은 중요한 고려 사항을 간과한다고 주장합니다. 그들은 산업혁명 이후의 대부분의 환경 파괴는 이윤 중심의 기업에 의해 발생된다고 말합니다. 또한, 소수의 사업가들이 전 세계 리소스의 대부분을 통제하면서 왜곡된 재산 분배를 강조합니다.
그러나 이 가운데에서 이런 경향의 이점을 완전히 무시하는 것은 짧은 시야일 것입니다. 부를 만들기 위한 욕망은 개개인에게 근면과 스스로를 개선하려는 강력한 동기를 제공할 수 있습니다. 부를 추구하는 과정에서 부딪히는 도전이 실제로 인간 개발의 촉매제로 작용할 수 있다는 연구들이 있습니다. 이는 이러한 동기가 긍정적 변화의 잠재력을 가지고 있음을 의미합니다.
결론적으로, 과도한 부의 추구는 환경피해와 불공정한 재산 분배와 같은 부정적인 결과를 초래할 수 있지만, 생산성과 개인 성장을 추동할 수도 있습니다. 이는 본질적으로 섬세하게 관리해야하는 양날의 검입니다.
Good expressions:
1. Relentless quest for monetary gain - 무한한 돈을 얻기 위한 추구
2. Skewed distribution of wealth - 왜곡된 재산 분배
3. Inherently a double-edged sword - 본질적으로 양날의 검
4. Act as a strong incentive - 강력한 동기를 제공할
5. Serve as catalysts for human development - 인간 개발의 촉매제로 작용할
제출한 라이팅
It is a common belief that many businessmen has caused a lot of problems about the environment and the redistribution of the wealth only in the pursuit of making money.
However, there is a more persuasive argument that the strong desire to enhance productivity and earn much money has still led to inspring workers to have more self-development and concentrate solely on their tasks.
On the one hand, certain people insist that the majority of entrepreneurs have hardly considered the environmental issues and protection for natural resources just for the purpose of their profitability.
Not only that, it has brought about the issue of how people share the wealth with having specific fairness because few business owners only occupy the almost total amount of the wealth produced by the labor force of the world.
According to some reports suggested by well known economists, the environmental problems has gradually gotten worse since the Industrial Revolution and just few capitalists exert a great influence on people from all over the world.
Nevertheless, there are so many benefits of the exisiting system the vast majority of businessmen are still seeking, its major advantage is that it gives people the strongest driving force to act themselves and try harder to work.
Some study conducted by scientists who research on human's behavior has shown that humanity has developed through overcoming a lot of difficulties, human is the one who doesn't move actively if they don't have will power to solve their problems they face at the present, which still remains to be a force to make people more energetic.
While there are serveral problems we all should resolve seriously, it would never contain a mankind's desire to possess more.
However, there is a more persuasive argument that the strong desire to enhance productivity and earn much money has still led to inspring workers to have more self-development and concentrate solely on their tasks.
On the one hand, certain people insist that the majority of entrepreneurs have hardly considered the environmental issues and protection for natural resources just for the purpose of their profitability.
Not only that, it has brought about the issue of how people share the wealth with having specific fairness because few business owners only occupy the almost total amount of the wealth produced by the labor force of the world.
According to some reports suggested by well known economists, the environmental problems has gradually gotten worse since the Industrial Revolution and just few capitalists exert a great influence on people from all over the world.
Nevertheless, there are so many benefits of the exisiting system the vast majority of businessmen are still seeking, its major advantage is that it gives people the strongest driving force to act themselves and try harder to work.
Some study conducted by scientists who research on human's behavior has shown that humanity has developed through overcoming a lot of difficulties, human is the one who doesn't move actively if they don't have will power to solve their problems they face at the present, which still remains to be a force to make people more energetic.
While there are serveral problems we all should resolve seriously, it would never contain a mankind's desire to possess more.
공유
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