AI IELTS Writing AI Correction
- Discussion
It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 7
The student addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position in the introduction and providing relevant arguments in the body paragraphs. However, the introduction could provide a clearer overview of the forthcoming arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
The writer uses a range of cohesive devices, paragraphing, referencing and ellipsis effectively. The essay is logically structured with a clear introduction, main body, and conclusion. However, the use of linking phrases can be more varied.
Lexical Resource: 6.5
The writer has a good command of vocabulary including some less common lexis appropriate for the task. In some cases, the vocabulary usage is a bit awkward (e.g. "failing into challenging against risks", "making their lives irreversible").
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6
The student demonstrates a wide range of grammatical structures. However, there are several grammatical errors that occasionally cause some difficulty for the reader (e.g. "reason out a conclusion", "people could lose their opportunities to get better and go up to a higher status").
Overall: 6.5
Task Response: 7
The student addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position in the introduction and providing relevant arguments in the body paragraphs. However, the introduction could provide a clearer overview of the forthcoming arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
The writer uses a range of cohesive devices, paragraphing, referencing and ellipsis effectively. The essay is logically structured with a clear introduction, main body, and conclusion. However, the use of linking phrases can be more varied.
Lexical Resource: 6.5
The writer has a good command of vocabulary including some less common lexis appropriate for the task. In some cases, the vocabulary usage is a bit awkward (e.g. "failing into challenging against risks", "making their lives irreversible").
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6
The student demonstrates a wide range of grammatical structures. However, there are several grammatical errors that occasionally cause some difficulty for the reader (e.g. "reason out a conclusion", "people could lose their opportunities to get better and go up to a higher status").
Overall: 6.5
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives.
Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?
Essay:
The contention about whether the benefits of taking risks in professional and personal life outweigh the drawbacks incites varying opinions from different sectors. This essay seeks to explore both perspectives, presenting the merits and drawbacks of this proposition.
Taking risks in life can have some very tangible advantages. Notably, it allows individuals to explore uncharted territories, broadening their understanding and boundaries. In the professional arena, this increases their competitive edge by equipping them with novel knowledge. Besides, taking risks inculcates a overcoming spirit, emboldening individuals to confront hurdles fearlessly and cultivating a confident, proactive mindset.
Nevertheless, the endeavour to take risks might also have some unforeseen implications. Failure can induce feelings of embarrassment and worry, thus hindering progression and improvement. More gravely, consistent failure to capitalize on risks may result in a progressively deteriorating situation, leading to irreversible consequences that could alter the trajectory of one’s life.
In conclusion, while the disadvantages of taking risks cannot be disregarded, it is also apparent that its benefits hold profound implications for personal growth and resilience. Consequently, individuals should judiciously determine their risk appetite to strike the optimal balance.
Word count: 196
Essay translated in Korean:
전문적인 삶과 개인적인 삶에서 위험을 감수하는 것의 이점이 불리한 점보다 뛰어나다는 주장에 대해 다양한 의견이 나옵니다. 이 에세이에서는 이 주장의 장단점을 탐구해 보고자 합니다.
생활에서 위험을 감수하는 것은 몇 가지 매우 구체적인 이점을 가져다줍니다. 특히, 이는 개개인들에게 알려지지 않은 영역을 탐험할 기회를 제공하며, 이해력과 경계를 넓힙니다. 전문 분야에서는 이렇게 새로운 지식을 획득함으로써 경쟁 우위를 높여줍니다. 또한, 위험을 감수하는 것은 극복하는 정신을 길러주고, 개인들이 두려움 없이 장애물을 대처하는 용기를 부여하며, 고무적이고 적극적인 마음가짐을 상추합니다.
그러나 위험을 감수하는 노력은 또한 예상치 못한 영향을 미칠 수 있습니다. 실패는 당황감과 걱정감을 일으켜, 발전과 향상을 저해할 수 있습니다. 더욱 심각하게는 위험을 취하면서 지속적으로 실패하게 되면 점점 악화되는 상황을 초래하여, 인생의 흐름을 바꿔 버릴 수 있는 불가역적인 결과를 초래할 수 있습니다.
결론적으로, 위험을 감수하는 것의 불리한 점을 무시할 수는 없지만, 그 이점이 개인의 성장과 회복력에 놀라운 영향을 미치는 것은 분명합니다. 따라서, 개인들은 신중하게 자신의 위험 수용력을 결정하여 최적의 균형을 이루어야 합니다.
Good expressions:
1. tangible advantages - 구체적인 이점
2. uncharted territories - 미개척 영역
3. overcoming spirit - 극복의 정신
4. unforeseen implications - 예상치 못한 영향
5. irreversible consequences - 불가역적인 결과
6. risk appetite - 위험 수용력
The contention about whether the benefits of taking risks in professional and personal life outweigh the drawbacks incites varying opinions from different sectors. This essay seeks to explore both perspectives, presenting the merits and drawbacks of this proposition.
Taking risks in life can have some very tangible advantages. Notably, it allows individuals to explore uncharted territories, broadening their understanding and boundaries. In the professional arena, this increases their competitive edge by equipping them with novel knowledge. Besides, taking risks inculcates a overcoming spirit, emboldening individuals to confront hurdles fearlessly and cultivating a confident, proactive mindset.
Nevertheless, the endeavour to take risks might also have some unforeseen implications. Failure can induce feelings of embarrassment and worry, thus hindering progression and improvement. More gravely, consistent failure to capitalize on risks may result in a progressively deteriorating situation, leading to irreversible consequences that could alter the trajectory of one’s life.
In conclusion, while the disadvantages of taking risks cannot be disregarded, it is also apparent that its benefits hold profound implications for personal growth and resilience. Consequently, individuals should judiciously determine their risk appetite to strike the optimal balance.
Word count: 196
Essay translated in Korean:
전문적인 삶과 개인적인 삶에서 위험을 감수하는 것의 이점이 불리한 점보다 뛰어나다는 주장에 대해 다양한 의견이 나옵니다. 이 에세이에서는 이 주장의 장단점을 탐구해 보고자 합니다.
생활에서 위험을 감수하는 것은 몇 가지 매우 구체적인 이점을 가져다줍니다. 특히, 이는 개개인들에게 알려지지 않은 영역을 탐험할 기회를 제공하며, 이해력과 경계를 넓힙니다. 전문 분야에서는 이렇게 새로운 지식을 획득함으로써 경쟁 우위를 높여줍니다. 또한, 위험을 감수하는 것은 극복하는 정신을 길러주고, 개인들이 두려움 없이 장애물을 대처하는 용기를 부여하며, 고무적이고 적극적인 마음가짐을 상추합니다.
그러나 위험을 감수하는 노력은 또한 예상치 못한 영향을 미칠 수 있습니다. 실패는 당황감과 걱정감을 일으켜, 발전과 향상을 저해할 수 있습니다. 더욱 심각하게는 위험을 취하면서 지속적으로 실패하게 되면 점점 악화되는 상황을 초래하여, 인생의 흐름을 바꿔 버릴 수 있는 불가역적인 결과를 초래할 수 있습니다.
결론적으로, 위험을 감수하는 것의 불리한 점을 무시할 수는 없지만, 그 이점이 개인의 성장과 회복력에 놀라운 영향을 미치는 것은 분명합니다. 따라서, 개인들은 신중하게 자신의 위험 수용력을 결정하여 최적의 균형을 이루어야 합니다.
Good expressions:
1. tangible advantages - 구체적인 이점
2. uncharted territories - 미개척 영역
3. overcoming spirit - 극복의 정신
4. unforeseen implications - 예상치 못한 영향
5. irreversible consequences - 불가역적인 결과
6. risk appetite - 위험 수용력
제출한 라이팅
Some people contend that taking risks in their professional and individual ways could have a positive influence on variable aspects of our lives, while others believe that it could lead to unintentional detrimental consequences. In this essay, I will address two diametrically opposed views, and reason out a conclusion.
From one point of views, there are several advantages that are worth considering.
First of all, people experience new things in certain unknown fields and learn updated knowledge from taking risks. Thus, this leads individuals to develop themselves and aids them to solve their upcoming problems flexible.
In addition to this, it promotes individuals to overcome fear. Consequently, it encourges them to be more confident when it comes to facing with unforeseen jobs and putting into an act with challenging and motivative attitude.
In spite of the merits mentioned above, however, there are several adverse repercussions.
To start with, failing into challening against risks results in people feeling embarrassed, worried and intimidated for the their future. This means people could lose their opportunities to get better and go up to a higher status.
As well as this, once they were not successful to take an advantage from getting risks, it excerbates the situation, making their lives irreversible.
In conclusion, it can be observed that there are two contradicting viewpoints, which are both, to a certain degree, convincing. Although challenging to practice risky things can offer some drawbacks, It seems to me that its advantages far outweigh the negative impacts, owing to the reasons discribed above.
From one point of views, there are several advantages that are worth considering.
First of all, people experience new things in certain unknown fields and learn updated knowledge from taking risks. Thus, this leads individuals to develop themselves and aids them to solve their upcoming problems flexible.
In addition to this, it promotes individuals to overcome fear. Consequently, it encourges them to be more confident when it comes to facing with unforeseen jobs and putting into an act with challenging and motivative attitude.
In spite of the merits mentioned above, however, there are several adverse repercussions.
To start with, failing into challening against risks results in people feeling embarrassed, worried and intimidated for the their future. This means people could lose their opportunities to get better and go up to a higher status.
As well as this, once they were not successful to take an advantage from getting risks, it excerbates the situation, making their lives irreversible.
In conclusion, it can be observed that there are two contradicting viewpoints, which are both, to a certain degree, convincing. Although challenging to practice risky things can offer some drawbacks, It seems to me that its advantages far outweigh the negative impacts, owing to the reasons discribed above.
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