AI IELTS Writing AI Correction
- Opinion
Some people believe that younger family members should be legally responsible for supporting older family members when they become physically and mentally and financially unable to look after themselves. To ehat extent do you agree or disagree?
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 8.5
The student fully addresses all parts of the task, presenting a clear position throughout the response. Ideas are developed in a reasonable way, with good supporting examples.
Coherence & Cohesion: 8.5
Information and ideas are arranged logically, making effective use of a range of cohesive devices. The essay has a clear progression and a conclusion that restates the position and summarizes the main points.
Lexical Resource: 8.0
The writer showed strong vocabulary usage with varied and accurate language throughout. There were minor instances of awkward collocation but they didn't significantly affect the readability and understanding of the essay.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 8.0
The candidate uses a range of grammatical structures, most of which are accurate. There are some errors but they are minor and rare, hence do not affect the clarity or result in misunderstanding.
Overall: 8.25
Task Response: 8.5
The student fully addresses all parts of the task, presenting a clear position throughout the response. Ideas are developed in a reasonable way, with good supporting examples.
Coherence & Cohesion: 8.5
Information and ideas are arranged logically, making effective use of a range of cohesive devices. The essay has a clear progression and a conclusion that restates the position and summarizes the main points.
Lexical Resource: 8.0
The writer showed strong vocabulary usage with varied and accurate language throughout. There were minor instances of awkward collocation but they didn't significantly affect the readability and understanding of the essay.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 8.0
The candidate uses a range of grammatical structures, most of which are accurate. There are some errors but they are minor and rare, hence do not affect the clarity or result in misunderstanding.
Overall: 8.25
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Some people believe that younger family members should be legally responsible for supporting older family members when they become physically and mentally and financially unable to look after themselves. To ehat extent do you agree or disagree?
Essay:
As the demographic worldwide shifts towards an aging population, the issue of legal responsibility for children towards their elderly parents' well-being has gained attention. This essay will explore the validity of such a proposition, considering factors like the financial capability of the younger generation and the role of the government.
The key counterargument to legal imposition of financial duty is that not all younger individuals are capable of providing the requisite support. For those struggling with employment instability amidst economic adversities, the additional costs of caring for elderly parents can put an excessive financial burden, potentially leading to increased stress. This is particularly the case when looking after parents with health conditions requiring significant financial, emotional, and time investments.
Alternatively, the notion of making it a legal obligation may be deemed unjust in cases where the parents failed to provide their children with adequate care. It may be more productive for individuals to plan for their later years, in alignment with increased lifespans due to medical advancements. Therefore, it is crucial that governments implement supportive policies like pensions and welfare benefits for the elderly. By doing this, younger people can focus on their own economic and personal growth, benefiting the overall societal progress.
In conclusion, while children should help their parents when possible, making it a legal obligation may not be ideal. The government has a crucial role in ensuring the well-being of the elderly through established institutional support systems.
Word count: 263
Essay translated in Korean:
전세계의 인구구조가 늙어가는 방향으로 이동하면서, 자녀가 노년의 부모의 복지에 대한 법정 책임을 갖는 문제가 주목을 받고 있다. 이 논문은 이러한 제안의 타당성을 탐구할 것이며, 젊은 세대의 재정 능력과 정부의 역할과 같은 요인을 고려할 것이다.
재정적 의무를 법적으로 부과하는 대립 주장의 핵심은 모든 젊은 개인이 필요한 지원을 제공할 수 있다는 것이 아니다. 경제적 어려움이 가중되는 가운데 고용 불안정성에 고심하는 사람들에게는 노령의 부모를 돌보는 추가 비용이 과도한 재정적 부담을 유발할 수 있으며, 이는 스트레스 증가를 초래할 수 있다. 이는 상당한 재정적, 감정적, 시간적 투자를 필요로 하는 건강 상태의 부모를 돌보는 경우에 특히 그렇다.
대안적으로, 법적 의무화 개념은 부모가 자녀에게 적절한 돌봄을 제공하지 못한 경우에 불공정하다고 여겨질 수 있다. 개인이 의료 발전으로 인해 연장된 수명에 맞춰 그 후의 연령을 계획하는 것이 더 생산적일 수 있다. 따라서 정부가 노인을 위한 연금과 복지 혜택과 같은 지원 정책을 실시하는 것이 매우 중요하다. 이렇게 하면 젊은 사람들은 자신의 경제적, 개인적 성장에 집중할 수 있으며, 이는 전반적인 사회 발전에 이바지하게 된다.
결론적으로, 자녀들이 가능한 경우 부모를 돕는 것이 좋지만 법적인 의무로 만드는 것은 이상적이지 않을 수 있다. 정부는 기존의 제도적 지원 시스템을 통해 노인의 본질적인 선을 보장하는 중요한 역할을 한다.
Good expressions:
1. demographic shifts towards - 인구구조가 ~로 이동
2. legal responsibility - 법적 책임
3. inadequate care - 적절하지 않은 돌봄
4. implement supportive policies - 지원정책을 실시하다
5. overall societal progress - 전반적인 사회 발전
6. establishment of institutional support systems - 제도적 지원 시스템의 설립
As the demographic worldwide shifts towards an aging population, the issue of legal responsibility for children towards their elderly parents' well-being has gained attention. This essay will explore the validity of such a proposition, considering factors like the financial capability of the younger generation and the role of the government.
The key counterargument to legal imposition of financial duty is that not all younger individuals are capable of providing the requisite support. For those struggling with employment instability amidst economic adversities, the additional costs of caring for elderly parents can put an excessive financial burden, potentially leading to increased stress. This is particularly the case when looking after parents with health conditions requiring significant financial, emotional, and time investments.
Alternatively, the notion of making it a legal obligation may be deemed unjust in cases where the parents failed to provide their children with adequate care. It may be more productive for individuals to plan for their later years, in alignment with increased lifespans due to medical advancements. Therefore, it is crucial that governments implement supportive policies like pensions and welfare benefits for the elderly. By doing this, younger people can focus on their own economic and personal growth, benefiting the overall societal progress.
In conclusion, while children should help their parents when possible, making it a legal obligation may not be ideal. The government has a crucial role in ensuring the well-being of the elderly through established institutional support systems.
Word count: 263
Essay translated in Korean:
전세계의 인구구조가 늙어가는 방향으로 이동하면서, 자녀가 노년의 부모의 복지에 대한 법정 책임을 갖는 문제가 주목을 받고 있다. 이 논문은 이러한 제안의 타당성을 탐구할 것이며, 젊은 세대의 재정 능력과 정부의 역할과 같은 요인을 고려할 것이다.
재정적 의무를 법적으로 부과하는 대립 주장의 핵심은 모든 젊은 개인이 필요한 지원을 제공할 수 있다는 것이 아니다. 경제적 어려움이 가중되는 가운데 고용 불안정성에 고심하는 사람들에게는 노령의 부모를 돌보는 추가 비용이 과도한 재정적 부담을 유발할 수 있으며, 이는 스트레스 증가를 초래할 수 있다. 이는 상당한 재정적, 감정적, 시간적 투자를 필요로 하는 건강 상태의 부모를 돌보는 경우에 특히 그렇다.
대안적으로, 법적 의무화 개념은 부모가 자녀에게 적절한 돌봄을 제공하지 못한 경우에 불공정하다고 여겨질 수 있다. 개인이 의료 발전으로 인해 연장된 수명에 맞춰 그 후의 연령을 계획하는 것이 더 생산적일 수 있다. 따라서 정부가 노인을 위한 연금과 복지 혜택과 같은 지원 정책을 실시하는 것이 매우 중요하다. 이렇게 하면 젊은 사람들은 자신의 경제적, 개인적 성장에 집중할 수 있으며, 이는 전반적인 사회 발전에 이바지하게 된다.
결론적으로, 자녀들이 가능한 경우 부모를 돕는 것이 좋지만 법적인 의무로 만드는 것은 이상적이지 않을 수 있다. 정부는 기존의 제도적 지원 시스템을 통해 노인의 본질적인 선을 보장하는 중요한 역할을 한다.
Good expressions:
1. demographic shifts towards - 인구구조가 ~로 이동
2. legal responsibility - 법적 책임
3. inadequate care - 적절하지 않은 돌봄
4. implement supportive policies - 지원정책을 실시하다
5. overall societal progress - 전반적인 사회 발전
6. establishment of institutional support systems - 제도적 지원 시스템의 설립
제출한 라이팅
As society grapples with an increasing proportion of elderly citizens, the question of whether their children should be legally obligated to care for them has sparked debate. I believe that while there is merit in the idea, it's important to consider other factors such as financial capability and the role of governments.
One compelling argument is that not all children of the elderly are financially able to support them. The additional expenses can be a significant burden, particularly for those still striving to secure stable employment amidst economic challenges such as inflation and a shrinking job market. Consequently, imposing the responsibility of caring for aging parents may exacerbate the financial strain on these individuals, leading to heightened stress levels. This is especially true when caring for parents with conditions like dementia, which require substantial financial resources, time, and emotional investment.
Furthermore, it's unjust to mandate children to support parents who may not have provided adequate care during their upbringing. In some cases, children may have endured neglect or abuse, resulting in ongoing trauma. Instead of imposing such obligations, it would be more effective for individuals to plan for their retirement years in advance. Given the extended lifespan thanks to medical advancements, governments should prioritize policies such as pension schemes and welfare programs to support the aging population. By doing so, younger generations can focus on their career and personal development, potentially contributing to the overall economic growth of the country.
In conclusion, while it's undeniable that older parents may require assistance from their children, it's not fair to impose full responsibility on them. Those who are financially capable should be encouraged to support their retired parents voluntarily. However, governments play a crucial role in establishing institutional methods and programs to assist elderly citizens, relieving some of the burden on their children.
One compelling argument is that not all children of the elderly are financially able to support them. The additional expenses can be a significant burden, particularly for those still striving to secure stable employment amidst economic challenges such as inflation and a shrinking job market. Consequently, imposing the responsibility of caring for aging parents may exacerbate the financial strain on these individuals, leading to heightened stress levels. This is especially true when caring for parents with conditions like dementia, which require substantial financial resources, time, and emotional investment.
Furthermore, it's unjust to mandate children to support parents who may not have provided adequate care during their upbringing. In some cases, children may have endured neglect or abuse, resulting in ongoing trauma. Instead of imposing such obligations, it would be more effective for individuals to plan for their retirement years in advance. Given the extended lifespan thanks to medical advancements, governments should prioritize policies such as pension schemes and welfare programs to support the aging population. By doing so, younger generations can focus on their career and personal development, potentially contributing to the overall economic growth of the country.
In conclusion, while it's undeniable that older parents may require assistance from their children, it's not fair to impose full responsibility on them. Those who are financially capable should be encouraged to support their retired parents voluntarily. However, governments play a crucial role in establishing institutional methods and programs to assist elderly citizens, relieving some of the burden on their children.
공유
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