AI IELTS Writing AI Correction
- Opinion
Some people believe that younger family members should be legally responsible for supporting older family members when they become physically and mentally and financially unable to look after themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: [6]
The essay engages with the prompt and develops a valid argument against the proposed policy. The writer presents their viewpoint and supports their stance with logical reasons. However, there are a few instances where the argument could have been elaborated further.
Coherence & Cohesion: [6]
The essay is organized fairly well, with each paragraph dealing with a different perspective. However, the coherence is sometimes affected by awkward phrasing and a lack of clarity. Transitions between ideas could be smoother.
Lexical Resource: [6]
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary. However, there are frequent misuses and spelling mistakes (e.g., "response" instead of "responsibility", "substancial" instead of "substantial", "carings" instead of "care"). This suggests the writer might benefit from focusing more on vocabulary building and proper word usage.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: [5]
The writer attempted to use a variety of grammatical structures, but many sentences contain errors or awkward phrasing which hinders understanding. Phrases such as "I disagree to this policy" and "I think not every youngsters are affordable" are examples of incorrect grammar usage. The essay would have been strengthened significantly by more accurate grammar.
Overall: [6]
The writer has an overall understanding of the task, but struggles with lexical choices and grammatical accuracy. The essay’s arguments are generally clear, but they could be expressed more effectively with more precise language and more accurate grammar. Overall, the writing proficiency shown here corresponds to Band 6. This signifies that the writer is 'competent' but displays issues with errors and inappropriate language choices at times.
Task Response: [6]
The essay engages with the prompt and develops a valid argument against the proposed policy. The writer presents their viewpoint and supports their stance with logical reasons. However, there are a few instances where the argument could have been elaborated further.
Coherence & Cohesion: [6]
The essay is organized fairly well, with each paragraph dealing with a different perspective. However, the coherence is sometimes affected by awkward phrasing and a lack of clarity. Transitions between ideas could be smoother.
Lexical Resource: [6]
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary. However, there are frequent misuses and spelling mistakes (e.g., "response" instead of "responsibility", "substancial" instead of "substantial", "carings" instead of "care"). This suggests the writer might benefit from focusing more on vocabulary building and proper word usage.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: [5]
The writer attempted to use a variety of grammatical structures, but many sentences contain errors or awkward phrasing which hinders understanding. Phrases such as "I disagree to this policy" and "I think not every youngsters are affordable" are examples of incorrect grammar usage. The essay would have been strengthened significantly by more accurate grammar.
Overall: [6]
The writer has an overall understanding of the task, but struggles with lexical choices and grammatical accuracy. The essay’s arguments are generally clear, but they could be expressed more effectively with more precise language and more accurate grammar. Overall, the writing proficiency shown here corresponds to Band 6. This signifies that the writer is 'competent' but displays issues with errors and inappropriate language choices at times.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Some people believe that younger family members should be legally responsible for supporting older family members when they become physically and mentally and financially unable to look after themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Essay:
With the growing average life-span raising concerns over the elderly population, a belief has emerged that the responsibility of caring for the elderly should rest on younger family members. Personally, I am not in agreement with this perspective, as the multifaceted challenges the younger generation faces may hinder them from adequately carrying out such responsibilities.
To begin with, today's youths often endure numerous financial and societal problems, such as unemployment and inflation, which directly affect their financial capability to shoulder the cost of eldercare. Forcing them to take on this duty under unprepared societal circumstances will undoubtedly exacerbate their stress and anxiety. Furthermore, providing eldercare is not only a financial burden but also a time-consuming endeavor. Adults are often required to forfeit their limited free time to cater to the needs of the elderly, who may suffer medical conditions or a decline in mental capabilities, leading to potentially overwhelming pressures.
Also, we must remember that not all familial relationships are nurturing, and many individuals have suffered abuse or mistreatment at the hands of their parents. Forcing them to care for these parents might not only open wounds but also infringe upon their human rights. It is vital to consider the unique circumstances of each case before enforcing any legal obligations of care.
In conclusion, the compulsory care for elderly family members by the younger generation should not be imposed due to the myriad pressures it presents and the diverse experiences individuals have. Encouraging state support for those in need may serve as a better solution.
Word count: 262
Essay translated in Korean:
평균 수명이 증가하면서 노년 인구에 대한 우려가 커지자, 노인을 돌보는 책임이 젊은 가족 구성원에게 있어야 한다는 견해가 제기되었다. 개인적으로, 젊은 세대가 직면한 다양한 도전이 이러한 책임을 적절하게 수행하는 것을 방해할 수 있으므로 이러한 견해에 동의하지는 않는다.
우선, 오늘날의 청소년들은 대부분 실업과 인플레이션과 같은 수많은 금융적, 사회적 문제를 겪고 있다. 이는 그들이 노인 복지 비용을 부담하는 금융 역량에 직접적인 영향을 준다. 사회적 환경이 준비되지 않은 상태에서 청소년들에게 이러한 책임을 강요하면 그들의 스트레스와 불안감을 더욱 악화시킬 것임에 틀림없다. 또한, 노인 복지는 금전적 부담뿐만 아니라 시간을 많이 소비하는 사업이다. 성인들은 종종 노인들의 케어를 위해 제한된 여가 시간을 희생하게 되며, 이렇게 되면 압박이 증가할 수 있다.
또한, 모든 가정관계가 양육하는 것은 아니며, 많은 사람들이 부모로부터 학대나 혹사를 받은 경험이 있다. 이런 부모들을 돌봐야 한다는 강요는 상처를 되살릴 수 있을 뿐만 아니라 그들의 인권을 침해할 수 있다. 케어의 법적 의무를 강제하기 전에 각 사례의 독특한 상황을 고려해야 한다.
결론적으로, 젊은 세대에게 노년 가족 구성원의 강제적인 케어는 제시하는 수많은 압력과 개개인의 다양한 경험 때문에 부과되어서는 안 된다. 필요한 사람들에게 국가 지원을 촉구하는 것이 더 나은 해결책이 될 수 있다.
Good expressions:
1. myriad pressures [다양한 압력들]
2. shoulder the cost [비용을 부담하다]
3. infringe upon their human rights [그들의 인권을 침해하다]
4. exacerbate their stress [스트레스를 악화시키다]
5. unique circumstances of each case [각 사례의 독특한 상황]
With the growing average life-span raising concerns over the elderly population, a belief has emerged that the responsibility of caring for the elderly should rest on younger family members. Personally, I am not in agreement with this perspective, as the multifaceted challenges the younger generation faces may hinder them from adequately carrying out such responsibilities.
To begin with, today's youths often endure numerous financial and societal problems, such as unemployment and inflation, which directly affect their financial capability to shoulder the cost of eldercare. Forcing them to take on this duty under unprepared societal circumstances will undoubtedly exacerbate their stress and anxiety. Furthermore, providing eldercare is not only a financial burden but also a time-consuming endeavor. Adults are often required to forfeit their limited free time to cater to the needs of the elderly, who may suffer medical conditions or a decline in mental capabilities, leading to potentially overwhelming pressures.
Also, we must remember that not all familial relationships are nurturing, and many individuals have suffered abuse or mistreatment at the hands of their parents. Forcing them to care for these parents might not only open wounds but also infringe upon their human rights. It is vital to consider the unique circumstances of each case before enforcing any legal obligations of care.
In conclusion, the compulsory care for elderly family members by the younger generation should not be imposed due to the myriad pressures it presents and the diverse experiences individuals have. Encouraging state support for those in need may serve as a better solution.
Word count: 262
Essay translated in Korean:
평균 수명이 증가하면서 노년 인구에 대한 우려가 커지자, 노인을 돌보는 책임이 젊은 가족 구성원에게 있어야 한다는 견해가 제기되었다. 개인적으로, 젊은 세대가 직면한 다양한 도전이 이러한 책임을 적절하게 수행하는 것을 방해할 수 있으므로 이러한 견해에 동의하지는 않는다.
우선, 오늘날의 청소년들은 대부분 실업과 인플레이션과 같은 수많은 금융적, 사회적 문제를 겪고 있다. 이는 그들이 노인 복지 비용을 부담하는 금융 역량에 직접적인 영향을 준다. 사회적 환경이 준비되지 않은 상태에서 청소년들에게 이러한 책임을 강요하면 그들의 스트레스와 불안감을 더욱 악화시킬 것임에 틀림없다. 또한, 노인 복지는 금전적 부담뿐만 아니라 시간을 많이 소비하는 사업이다. 성인들은 종종 노인들의 케어를 위해 제한된 여가 시간을 희생하게 되며, 이렇게 되면 압박이 증가할 수 있다.
또한, 모든 가정관계가 양육하는 것은 아니며, 많은 사람들이 부모로부터 학대나 혹사를 받은 경험이 있다. 이런 부모들을 돌봐야 한다는 강요는 상처를 되살릴 수 있을 뿐만 아니라 그들의 인권을 침해할 수 있다. 케어의 법적 의무를 강제하기 전에 각 사례의 독특한 상황을 고려해야 한다.
결론적으로, 젊은 세대에게 노년 가족 구성원의 강제적인 케어는 제시하는 수많은 압력과 개개인의 다양한 경험 때문에 부과되어서는 안 된다. 필요한 사람들에게 국가 지원을 촉구하는 것이 더 나은 해결책이 될 수 있다.
Good expressions:
1. myriad pressures [다양한 압력들]
2. shoulder the cost [비용을 부담하다]
3. infringe upon their human rights [그들의 인권을 침해하다]
4. exacerbate their stress [스트레스를 악화시키다]
5. unique circumstances of each case [각 사례의 독특한 상황]
제출한 라이팅
An increasing average life-span have drawn public attention. Since the severeness of the aged-society is rising and the government can not control all of those old people, some people assume that the youngsters should take the response for their own elderly family members. However, personally, I disagree to this policy because not every young members have sufficient condition for the carings.
Firstly, as I mentioned above, I think not every youngsters are affordable for the additional expense for taking care of their family members. Additionally, nowadays, young people are suffering from various societal problems which give direct impact to their financial state, such as inflation or increasing unemployment. However, requiring the young people to manage their elderly family members, when the social circumstances are not prepared, can raise their pressures and stress levels. I believe that not only the financial elements, but also the lack of time can be the crucial disadvantage of this system. Since people lose their intelligence and civility as they get older, it is seemingly more harder to support them. However, when the youngster do not have enough money to hire a special manager, they need to manage the elderly members by themselves. I consider that for some critics, this situation can lay a substancial grievance to those youngsters who want to spare their valuable time for themself. Moreover, we should think about some individuals who have grown in tragic cases such as child abuse and mistreatment from their parents. Regarding these cases, the adults who have been abused from their parents, might live rest of their lives by traumatized. However, legislating this policy legally can harm those people who do not want to be related with their family anymore. Forcing the citizens to take charge of their family, ignoring the individual’s mental condition and emotional state can be lead to the infringement of human rights. I think the government have no authority to comply people to handle and support their family. To conclude, I assume that younger family members taking full response of taking care of their parents or grandparents should not be implemented as a compulsive way because of the lack of societal supportive conditions and different background stories of individuals. I suggest the government and the national institute to support the youngster who need to support their family members with grants and subsidies, rather than forcing it
Firstly, as I mentioned above, I think not every youngsters are affordable for the additional expense for taking care of their family members. Additionally, nowadays, young people are suffering from various societal problems which give direct impact to their financial state, such as inflation or increasing unemployment. However, requiring the young people to manage their elderly family members, when the social circumstances are not prepared, can raise their pressures and stress levels. I believe that not only the financial elements, but also the lack of time can be the crucial disadvantage of this system. Since people lose their intelligence and civility as they get older, it is seemingly more harder to support them. However, when the youngster do not have enough money to hire a special manager, they need to manage the elderly members by themselves. I consider that for some critics, this situation can lay a substancial grievance to those youngsters who want to spare their valuable time for themself. Moreover, we should think about some individuals who have grown in tragic cases such as child abuse and mistreatment from their parents. Regarding these cases, the adults who have been abused from their parents, might live rest of their lives by traumatized. However, legislating this policy legally can harm those people who do not want to be related with their family anymore. Forcing the citizens to take charge of their family, ignoring the individual’s mental condition and emotional state can be lead to the infringement of human rights. I think the government have no authority to comply people to handle and support their family. To conclude, I assume that younger family members taking full response of taking care of their parents or grandparents should not be implemented as a compulsive way because of the lack of societal supportive conditions and different background stories of individuals. I suggest the government and the national institute to support the youngster who need to support their family members with grants and subsidies, rather than forcing it
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