AI IELTS Writing AI Correction
- Discussion
Some parents direct their children’s education toward specific careers, such as in medicine or law. Others allow their children to follow their own interests and choose their own career goals. Discuss both views and give your opinion
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 7
The student has addressed the task with a clear discussion about both the views in reference to the involvement of parents in determining the children’s career choices. The opinion of the writer is stated in the conclusion.
Coherence & Cohesion: 6
The essay has been structured and organized well with clarity. An introduction, discussion of viewpoints, and conclusion are evident. However, some areas could've used better linkers or transitions to ensure a smooth flow of thoughts.
Lexical Resource: 6
Decent vocabulary has been used throughout the essay. However, misusage and incorrect word choices brought the score down.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6
Despite a range of complex structures attempted, the essay has several grammatical and usage errors which compromise the overall quality. These include incorrect prepositions usage, missing articles, and other tiny errors.
Overall: 6.25
The student has generally addressed the task appropriately with structured paragraphs and a conclusion. However, to get a higher band score, improvements could be made in coherence, vocabulary usage, and grammatical accuracy.
Task Response: 7
The student has addressed the task with a clear discussion about both the views in reference to the involvement of parents in determining the children’s career choices. The opinion of the writer is stated in the conclusion.
Coherence & Cohesion: 6
The essay has been structured and organized well with clarity. An introduction, discussion of viewpoints, and conclusion are evident. However, some areas could've used better linkers or transitions to ensure a smooth flow of thoughts.
Lexical Resource: 6
Decent vocabulary has been used throughout the essay. However, misusage and incorrect word choices brought the score down.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6
Despite a range of complex structures attempted, the essay has several grammatical and usage errors which compromise the overall quality. These include incorrect prepositions usage, missing articles, and other tiny errors.
Overall: 6.25
The student has generally addressed the task appropriately with structured paragraphs and a conclusion. However, to get a higher band score, improvements could be made in coherence, vocabulary usage, and grammatical accuracy.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Some parents direct their children’s education toward specific careers, such as in medicine or law. Others allow their children to follow their own interests and choose their own career goals.
Discuss both views and give your opinion
Essay:
Parents play a vital role in the course of life their children take, inclusive of their career paths. The debate about whether children should be directed towards specific careers or allowed to identify their paths is a contemporary issue in society
Some parents believe that guiding their children towards definite careers, especially in areas such as medicine or law, presents a myriad of benefits. They argue that they have a broader understanding of societal dynamics and can, therefore, inform better choices for their children. Choosing a career early means that children can gain professional experience sooner, thus setting up successful career paths. However, imposing career choices can have negative implications. Kids may lose interest or experience undue pressure, leading to stress, depression, or outright rebellion.
Conversely, other parents advocate for children to chart their career maps, arguing that self-discovery and pursuing personal interests make for better commitment and motivation. The downside to this approach is that children, mainly due to their limited life experience, may indulge in unrealistic expectations and could be disappointed when these expectations are not met. Moreover, they stand the risk of making ethically wrong choices, for instance, choosing illegal, but highly profitable jobs.
In conclusion, while both parenting strategies have their merits and demerits, allowing children to pursue their interests can promote personal growth and happiness, which outbalances potential pitfalls.
Word count: 259
Essay translated in Korean:
부모는 자녀의 생활 코스, 그 중에서도 경력 경로에 중요한 역할을 하는데, 이에 대한 논의는 현대 사회에서 중요한 문제입니다. 자녀가 특정 직업을 향해 가야 하는지 그들 자신의 경로를 찾도록 해야 하는지에 대한 논의입니다.
일부 부모는 의학이나 법과 같은 영역에서 자식을 확정된 직업으로 안내하는 것이 많은 이점이 있다고 믿습니다. 그들은 사회적인 역학을 보다 폭넓게 이해하고 있으므로 아이들을 위한 더 나은 선택을 할 수 있다고 주장합니다. 직업을 일찍배우는 것은 아이들이 더 빨리 전문적인 경험을 쌓을 수 있게 해주며, 성공적인 경력 경로를 구축할 수 있습니다. 그러나 직업 선택을 강요하다보니 아이들이 흥미를 잃거나 과도한 압박을 받을 수 있고, 이는 스트레스, 우울증, 또는 반항으로 이어질 수 있습니다.
반대로 다른 부모들은 자식이 직업 맵을 그리는 것을 주장합니다. 그들은 자기 발견과 개인적인 흥미를 추구하는 것이 더 나은 약속과 동기부여를 만든다고 주장합니다. 이 접근법의 단점은 주로 자녀들의 제한된 삶의 경험 때문에 현실적이지 않은 기대를 즐길 수 있으며, 이러한 기대가 충족되지 않을 때 실망할 수 있다는 것입니다. 또한, 그들은 윤리적으로 잘못된 선택을 할 위험이 있습니다. 예를 들어, 매우 이익이 많은 불법 직업을 선택하는 경우입니다.
결론적으로, 두 가지 양육 전략 모두 장단점이 있지만, 자식들이 그들의 흥미를 추구하게 하는 것은 개인의 성장과 행복을 증진시켜, 잠재적인 위험을 상쇄시킬 수 있습니다.
Good expressions:
1. contemporary issue - 현대 문제
2. myriad of benefits - 많은 이점들
3. broader understanding - 폭넓은 이해력
4. undue pressure - 과도한 압박
5. chart their career maps - 경력 맵을 그리다
6. indulge in unrealistic expectations - 현실적이지 않은 기대를 즐기다
7. ethically wrong choices - 윤리적으로 잘못된 선택들
9. outbalances potential pitfalls - 잠재적인 위험을 상쇄시킨다.
Parents play a vital role in the course of life their children take, inclusive of their career paths. The debate about whether children should be directed towards specific careers or allowed to identify their paths is a contemporary issue in society
Some parents believe that guiding their children towards definite careers, especially in areas such as medicine or law, presents a myriad of benefits. They argue that they have a broader understanding of societal dynamics and can, therefore, inform better choices for their children. Choosing a career early means that children can gain professional experience sooner, thus setting up successful career paths. However, imposing career choices can have negative implications. Kids may lose interest or experience undue pressure, leading to stress, depression, or outright rebellion.
Conversely, other parents advocate for children to chart their career maps, arguing that self-discovery and pursuing personal interests make for better commitment and motivation. The downside to this approach is that children, mainly due to their limited life experience, may indulge in unrealistic expectations and could be disappointed when these expectations are not met. Moreover, they stand the risk of making ethically wrong choices, for instance, choosing illegal, but highly profitable jobs.
In conclusion, while both parenting strategies have their merits and demerits, allowing children to pursue their interests can promote personal growth and happiness, which outbalances potential pitfalls.
Word count: 259
Essay translated in Korean:
부모는 자녀의 생활 코스, 그 중에서도 경력 경로에 중요한 역할을 하는데, 이에 대한 논의는 현대 사회에서 중요한 문제입니다. 자녀가 특정 직업을 향해 가야 하는지 그들 자신의 경로를 찾도록 해야 하는지에 대한 논의입니다.
일부 부모는 의학이나 법과 같은 영역에서 자식을 확정된 직업으로 안내하는 것이 많은 이점이 있다고 믿습니다. 그들은 사회적인 역학을 보다 폭넓게 이해하고 있으므로 아이들을 위한 더 나은 선택을 할 수 있다고 주장합니다. 직업을 일찍배우는 것은 아이들이 더 빨리 전문적인 경험을 쌓을 수 있게 해주며, 성공적인 경력 경로를 구축할 수 있습니다. 그러나 직업 선택을 강요하다보니 아이들이 흥미를 잃거나 과도한 압박을 받을 수 있고, 이는 스트레스, 우울증, 또는 반항으로 이어질 수 있습니다.
반대로 다른 부모들은 자식이 직업 맵을 그리는 것을 주장합니다. 그들은 자기 발견과 개인적인 흥미를 추구하는 것이 더 나은 약속과 동기부여를 만든다고 주장합니다. 이 접근법의 단점은 주로 자녀들의 제한된 삶의 경험 때문에 현실적이지 않은 기대를 즐길 수 있으며, 이러한 기대가 충족되지 않을 때 실망할 수 있다는 것입니다. 또한, 그들은 윤리적으로 잘못된 선택을 할 위험이 있습니다. 예를 들어, 매우 이익이 많은 불법 직업을 선택하는 경우입니다.
결론적으로, 두 가지 양육 전략 모두 장단점이 있지만, 자식들이 그들의 흥미를 추구하게 하는 것은 개인의 성장과 행복을 증진시켜, 잠재적인 위험을 상쇄시킬 수 있습니다.
Good expressions:
1. contemporary issue - 현대 문제
2. myriad of benefits - 많은 이점들
3. broader understanding - 폭넓은 이해력
4. undue pressure - 과도한 압박
5. chart their career maps - 경력 맵을 그리다
6. indulge in unrealistic expectations - 현실적이지 않은 기대를 즐기다
7. ethically wrong choices - 윤리적으로 잘못된 선택들
9. outbalances potential pitfalls - 잠재적인 위험을 상쇄시킨다.
제출한 라이팅
These days, some people contend that parents leading to specific life goals to their offspring would have a great deal of positive influence, while others believe that parents should let their children to find their own ways. In this essay, I will deal with two different opinions and reason out a conclusion.
First, some parents want their children to take particular occupations. For instance, certain careers in the medical or law field, which can earn a high status and higher income. It has both a merit and a drawback. To start with, parents have a wide range of views on society. Thus they know that which way would be helpful to their kids in the future. If this works successfully for them, the younger generations could gain professional experience earlier and build their careers efficiently.
In spite of the merits described above, however, this issue could lead an unintentional detrimental consequence. As children are forced to follow the fixed way where their parents picked, they lost interest readily in it. Consequently they feel a myriad of stresses and depression. As well as this, they could also be rebellious against their parents.
On the other hand, some parents let them to pursue their personal goals. The most obvious benefit is that they are eager to achieve it. As they have an interest in them and discover their own ways by themselves, they become motivational and make monumental efforts on it.
While they do not have enough experiences in the practical world. Hence, the career they desired could be different from they expected. That makes them to be disappointed. On top of that, they could make a wrong choice regarding moral matters. For example, the young who are only interested in earning money could end up to have an iligal job, but high profit.
In conclusion, it can be observed that there are two opposed opinions but it seems to me that the benefit of the way in letting them pursue their aim far outweigh its any potential drawbacks.
First, some parents want their children to take particular occupations. For instance, certain careers in the medical or law field, which can earn a high status and higher income. It has both a merit and a drawback. To start with, parents have a wide range of views on society. Thus they know that which way would be helpful to their kids in the future. If this works successfully for them, the younger generations could gain professional experience earlier and build their careers efficiently.
In spite of the merits described above, however, this issue could lead an unintentional detrimental consequence. As children are forced to follow the fixed way where their parents picked, they lost interest readily in it. Consequently they feel a myriad of stresses and depression. As well as this, they could also be rebellious against their parents.
On the other hand, some parents let them to pursue their personal goals. The most obvious benefit is that they are eager to achieve it. As they have an interest in them and discover their own ways by themselves, they become motivational and make monumental efforts on it.
While they do not have enough experiences in the practical world. Hence, the career they desired could be different from they expected. That makes them to be disappointed. On top of that, they could make a wrong choice regarding moral matters. For example, the young who are only interested in earning money could end up to have an iligal job, but high profit.
In conclusion, it can be observed that there are two opposed opinions but it seems to me that the benefit of the way in letting them pursue their aim far outweigh its any potential drawbacks.
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