AI IELTS Writing AI Correction
- Discussion
Some parents direct their children’s education toward specific careers, such as in medicine or law. Others allow their children to follow their own interests and choose their own career goals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 7
The student mainly provided reasoned arguments for both points of view, although the downside of pursuing personal goals should have been expanded slightly more.
Coherence & Cohesion: 6
Although the essay is structured well, there are sentences in which ideas and connections could be better explained. Paragraph transitions need to be smoother. Some information seems to be discussed out of place like the suicide reference in the first main body paragraph.
Lexical Resource: 7
The student has used a range of vocabulary. However, there are several instances of incorrect word choices, which could confuse the reader.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 5
There are frequent grammatical errors and inappropriate use of articles. The phrases are sometimes too complicated and don't follow grammatical rules. In addition, plural and singular forms are often mixed up. Attention must be paid to the correct usage of tenses.
Overall: 6.25
The essay is fairly well done and mostly meets all the requirements. It is generally coherent, but grammar errors and inaccurate language use lower the overall score. With more practice and accuracy in language use, the score could improve significantly.
Task Response: 7
The student mainly provided reasoned arguments for both points of view, although the downside of pursuing personal goals should have been expanded slightly more.
Coherence & Cohesion: 6
Although the essay is structured well, there are sentences in which ideas and connections could be better explained. Paragraph transitions need to be smoother. Some information seems to be discussed out of place like the suicide reference in the first main body paragraph.
Lexical Resource: 7
The student has used a range of vocabulary. However, there are several instances of incorrect word choices, which could confuse the reader.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 5
There are frequent grammatical errors and inappropriate use of articles. The phrases are sometimes too complicated and don't follow grammatical rules. In addition, plural and singular forms are often mixed up. Attention must be paid to the correct usage of tenses.
Overall: 6.25
The essay is fairly well done and mostly meets all the requirements. It is generally coherent, but grammar errors and inaccurate language use lower the overall score. With more practice and accuracy in language use, the score could improve significantly.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Some parents direct their children’s education toward specific careers, such as in medicine or law. Others allow their children to follow their own interests and choose their own career goals.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Essay:
While some parents believe in directing their children's education towards specific professional domains, such as medicine or law, others champion the idea of letting their children discover their own interests and career goals. This essay discusses both perspectives and articulates my own viewpoint on the matter.
Parents who proactively guide their children towards particular careers often do so because they perceive those professions as offering a high status and potentially substantial income. This approach, while well-intentioned, has both advantages and disadvantages. Parents with extensive societal experience may be in a position to provide their children with shortcuts to lucrative careers thereby placing them on a fast-track to professional success. Conversely, this controlled path may also deprive children of the opportunity to explore their genuine interests, potentially leading to disinterest and even rebellion, with severe cases resulting in self-harm due to feelings of being trapped in a life that feels meaningless.
Alternatively, parents who allow their children to make independent career choices consider self-discovery and pursuing personal passions as crucial to life success. This approach can fuel intrinsic motivation, leading to substantial efforts and eventual achievement. However, it's not devoid of pitfalls, such as the potential for disillusionment if reality does not meet initial expectations or the risk of immoral choices driven by base motivations like excessive income.
To conclude, both approaches have their merits, but I personally believe in the benefits of allowing children to discover and pursue their independent career paths, as the potential for intrinsic motivation and self-mastery far outweighs any potential pitfalls.
Word count: 261
Essay translated in Korean:
일부 부모는 어린이의 교육을 의학 또는 법률과 같은 특정 전문 분야로 지휘하는 것을 선호하는 반면, 다른 일부는 자녀가 자신의 관심사와 경력 목표를 발견하도록 하는 아이디어를 지지합니다. 이 문제는 이러한 두 가지 관점을 논의하고 이에 대한 제 개인적인 견해를 설명합니다.
특정 직업으로 어린이를 안내하는 것을 적극적으로 지휘하는 부모들은 종종 이러한 직업이 높은 지위와 잠재적으로 상당한 소득을 제공한다고 인식하기 때문입니다. 이런 접근법은 선의로서 이루어지지만 장단점이 모두 있습니다. 사회에서 광범위한 경험을 하게 된 부모들은 잠재적으로 수익성 높은 직업으로의 지름길을 제공하여 어린이를 전문적인 성공으로 빠르게 안내할 수 있는 위치에 있을 수 있습니다. 반대로, 이런 제어된 경로는 어린이들에게 진정한 관심을 탐색하는 기회를 박탈할 수 있으며, 이는 무관심과 심지어는 반항으로 이어질 수 있으며, 심한 경우 의미가 없는 삶에 갇혀 있다는 느낌으로 자해로 이어질 수 있습니다.
대안으로, 어린이가 독립적인 직업 선택을 하는 것을 허용하는 부모들은 자기 발견과 개인적인 열정을 추구하는 것이 삶의 성공에 중요하다고 생각합니다. 이 접근법은 본질적인 동기부여를 촉발할 수 있어, 상당한 노력을 기울이고 결국에는 성취가 가능해집니다. 그러나 실제가 초기 기대치를 만족시키지 못하면 환멸감이 생길 수 있거나 과도한 소득과 같은 저급한 동기에 의해 야기되는 부도덕한 선택에 대한 위험이 있습니다.
결론적으로, 두 가지 접근법 모두 그들 자신의 장점이 있지만, 팽창적인 자동성과 자기 완성 향한 동기는 잠재적인 위험요소들을 크게 상쇄한다고 생각하기에 저는 어린이가 독립적인 경로를 발견하고 추구하도록 하는 것의 이점들을 개인적으로 믿습니다.
Good expressions:
1. proactively guide - 적극적으로 지도하다
2. well-intentioned - 선의의
3. fast-track to professional success - 전문적 성공으로의 빠른 철도
4. deprive of the opportunity - 기회를 박탈하다
5. fuel intrinsic motivation - 본질적 동기부여를 촉진하다
6. not devoid of pitfalls - 함정이 없지 않다
7. discover and pursuit - 발견하고 추구하다
8. self-mastery - 자기 완성.
While some parents believe in directing their children's education towards specific professional domains, such as medicine or law, others champion the idea of letting their children discover their own interests and career goals. This essay discusses both perspectives and articulates my own viewpoint on the matter.
Parents who proactively guide their children towards particular careers often do so because they perceive those professions as offering a high status and potentially substantial income. This approach, while well-intentioned, has both advantages and disadvantages. Parents with extensive societal experience may be in a position to provide their children with shortcuts to lucrative careers thereby placing them on a fast-track to professional success. Conversely, this controlled path may also deprive children of the opportunity to explore their genuine interests, potentially leading to disinterest and even rebellion, with severe cases resulting in self-harm due to feelings of being trapped in a life that feels meaningless.
Alternatively, parents who allow their children to make independent career choices consider self-discovery and pursuing personal passions as crucial to life success. This approach can fuel intrinsic motivation, leading to substantial efforts and eventual achievement. However, it's not devoid of pitfalls, such as the potential for disillusionment if reality does not meet initial expectations or the risk of immoral choices driven by base motivations like excessive income.
To conclude, both approaches have their merits, but I personally believe in the benefits of allowing children to discover and pursue their independent career paths, as the potential for intrinsic motivation and self-mastery far outweighs any potential pitfalls.
Word count: 261
Essay translated in Korean:
일부 부모는 어린이의 교육을 의학 또는 법률과 같은 특정 전문 분야로 지휘하는 것을 선호하는 반면, 다른 일부는 자녀가 자신의 관심사와 경력 목표를 발견하도록 하는 아이디어를 지지합니다. 이 문제는 이러한 두 가지 관점을 논의하고 이에 대한 제 개인적인 견해를 설명합니다.
특정 직업으로 어린이를 안내하는 것을 적극적으로 지휘하는 부모들은 종종 이러한 직업이 높은 지위와 잠재적으로 상당한 소득을 제공한다고 인식하기 때문입니다. 이런 접근법은 선의로서 이루어지지만 장단점이 모두 있습니다. 사회에서 광범위한 경험을 하게 된 부모들은 잠재적으로 수익성 높은 직업으로의 지름길을 제공하여 어린이를 전문적인 성공으로 빠르게 안내할 수 있는 위치에 있을 수 있습니다. 반대로, 이런 제어된 경로는 어린이들에게 진정한 관심을 탐색하는 기회를 박탈할 수 있으며, 이는 무관심과 심지어는 반항으로 이어질 수 있으며, 심한 경우 의미가 없는 삶에 갇혀 있다는 느낌으로 자해로 이어질 수 있습니다.
대안으로, 어린이가 독립적인 직업 선택을 하는 것을 허용하는 부모들은 자기 발견과 개인적인 열정을 추구하는 것이 삶의 성공에 중요하다고 생각합니다. 이 접근법은 본질적인 동기부여를 촉발할 수 있어, 상당한 노력을 기울이고 결국에는 성취가 가능해집니다. 그러나 실제가 초기 기대치를 만족시키지 못하면 환멸감이 생길 수 있거나 과도한 소득과 같은 저급한 동기에 의해 야기되는 부도덕한 선택에 대한 위험이 있습니다.
결론적으로, 두 가지 접근법 모두 그들 자신의 장점이 있지만, 팽창적인 자동성과 자기 완성 향한 동기는 잠재적인 위험요소들을 크게 상쇄한다고 생각하기에 저는 어린이가 독립적인 경로를 발견하고 추구하도록 하는 것의 이점들을 개인적으로 믿습니다.
Good expressions:
1. proactively guide - 적극적으로 지도하다
2. well-intentioned - 선의의
3. fast-track to professional success - 전문적 성공으로의 빠른 철도
4. deprive of the opportunity - 기회를 박탈하다
5. fuel intrinsic motivation - 본질적 동기부여를 촉진하다
6. not devoid of pitfalls - 함정이 없지 않다
7. discover and pursuit - 발견하고 추구하다
8. self-mastery - 자기 완성.
제출한 라이팅
These days, some people contend that parents leading to specific life goals to their offsprings would have a great deal of positive influence, while others believe that parents should let their children to find their own ways. In this essay, I will deal with two different opnions and reason out a conclusion.
First, some parents want their children to take particular occupations, for instance certain careers in the medical or law field, which can earn a high status and higher income. It has both merits and drawbacks. To start with, parents have a wide range of views on society thus they know that which way would be helpful to their kids in the future. If this works successfully for them, the younger generations could gain professional experience earlier and can build their careers efficiently.
In spite of the merits described above, however, this issue could lead an unintentional detrimental consequence. As children are forced to follow the fixed way where their parents picked, they could lost interest readily in it. Consequently they feel a myraid of stresses and depression, as well as this, they could also be rebellious against their parents. Even there were some cases that they killed themselves as they felt their lives meaningless and feeble.
On the other hand, some parents let them to pursue their personal goals. The most abvious benefit of this is as they delve into their interest and discover their own ways by themselves, they could be motivational and make monumental efforts on it to acheive it.
While they do not have enough experiences in the practical world, hence, the career they desired could be different from they expected. That could derive disappointment and sadness from it. On top of that, they could make a wrong choice in terms of moral matters. For example, the young who are only interested in earning money could end up to have an iligal job, but high profit.
In conclusion, it can be observed that there are two opposed opinions but it seems to me that the benefit of the way in letting them pursue their aim far outweigh its any potential drawbacks.
First, some parents want their children to take particular occupations, for instance certain careers in the medical or law field, which can earn a high status and higher income. It has both merits and drawbacks. To start with, parents have a wide range of views on society thus they know that which way would be helpful to their kids in the future. If this works successfully for them, the younger generations could gain professional experience earlier and can build their careers efficiently.
In spite of the merits described above, however, this issue could lead an unintentional detrimental consequence. As children are forced to follow the fixed way where their parents picked, they could lost interest readily in it. Consequently they feel a myraid of stresses and depression, as well as this, they could also be rebellious against their parents. Even there were some cases that they killed themselves as they felt their lives meaningless and feeble.
On the other hand, some parents let them to pursue their personal goals. The most abvious benefit of this is as they delve into their interest and discover their own ways by themselves, they could be motivational and make monumental efforts on it to acheive it.
While they do not have enough experiences in the practical world, hence, the career they desired could be different from they expected. That could derive disappointment and sadness from it. On top of that, they could make a wrong choice in terms of moral matters. For example, the young who are only interested in earning money could end up to have an iligal job, but high profit.
In conclusion, it can be observed that there are two opposed opinions but it seems to me that the benefit of the way in letting them pursue their aim far outweigh its any potential drawbacks.
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