아이엘츠 라이팅 AI 첨삭
- Opinion
Some colleges encourage students to create businesses while they are still in school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: [8]
The essay presents a clear and well-developed argument in response to the task. The student effectively addresses all parts of the prompt, providing well-explained ideas and relevant examples in support of their viewpoint. Both the advantages and disadvantages have been analyzed thoroughly.
Coherence & Cohesion: [8]
The student demonstrates good use of paragraphs and linking words to make the text coherent and cohesive. Ideas are connected logically, and transitions are smooth. There is a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
Lexical Resource: [7]
The use of vocabulary is generally varied and accurate. However, the lexical resource is not fully exploited, and the essay does feature a couple of redundancies and clumsy expressions. Improvement can be made in the area of precision and collocation.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: [7]
The essay displays a good command of grammar and sentence structures, with the varied usage of compound and complex sentences. However, there is one grammatical error in the phrase "Starting to recent studies," where it should have been "According to recent studies".
Overall: [7.5]
At an overall band score of 7.5, the essay is of a good standard. There is room for improvement, particularly in lexical resources and grammatical range & accuracy. With further refinement, the essay could achieve a higher score.
Task Response: [8]
The essay presents a clear and well-developed argument in response to the task. The student effectively addresses all parts of the prompt, providing well-explained ideas and relevant examples in support of their viewpoint. Both the advantages and disadvantages have been analyzed thoroughly.
Coherence & Cohesion: [8]
The student demonstrates good use of paragraphs and linking words to make the text coherent and cohesive. Ideas are connected logically, and transitions are smooth. There is a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
Lexical Resource: [7]
The use of vocabulary is generally varied and accurate. However, the lexical resource is not fully exploited, and the essay does feature a couple of redundancies and clumsy expressions. Improvement can be made in the area of precision and collocation.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: [7]
The essay displays a good command of grammar and sentence structures, with the varied usage of compound and complex sentences. However, there is one grammatical error in the phrase "Starting to recent studies," where it should have been "According to recent studies".
Overall: [7.5]
At an overall band score of 7.5, the essay is of a good standard. There is room for improvement, particularly in lexical resources and grammatical range & accuracy. With further refinement, the essay could achieve a higher score.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Some colleges encourage students to create businesses while they are still in school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
Essay:
It is widely acknowledged that some collegiate business programs encourage their students to establish their own enterprises during their course of study. While this approach bears certain advantages, there is a compelling argument that the detriments outweigh the benefits, primarily due to the diversion of student focus from their core academic pursuits.
On the positive side, the concept of translating classroom theories into real-life businesses presents students with a unique learning opportunity. Engaging with the practical aspects of their lessons allows them to apply their knowledge in a dynamic and challenging context, thus fostering a deeper understanding. For instance, developing a business plan for a hypothetical project might not provide the same level of comprehension as actual implementation for a real start-up would facilitate. Such first-hand experiences serve to bridge the gap between theory and practice, potentially paving the way to more fulfilling professional futures.
However, the flip side of the equation is the significant demand on students' time and energy. Launching and managing a successful business is a long-term commitment, often requiring full-time dedication. According to recent research, it takes around two years on average to kick-start an enterprise, consuming at least six hours daily. Asking students to commit such a significant portion of their academic hours for business can compromise their studies and indirectly affect their overall career growth.
In conclusion, despite some clear upsides to initiating business projects during academic studies, it seems evident that it is more detrimental than advantageous in the long-run.
Word count: 255
Essay translated in Korean:
학업 중인 학생들이 자신의 기업을 설립하도록 권장하는 일부 대학의 비즈니스 프로그램이 널리 인정받고 있습니다. 이런 접근법은 일정한 장점을 가지고 있지만, 핵심 학문 활동에서 학생들의 집중력을 떨어뜨릴 수 있기 때문에, 불이익이 이점을 앞선다는 강력한 논리가 있습니다.
긍정적인 측면에서 볼 때, 교실 이론을 실제 비즈니스로 전환하는 개념은 학생들에게 독특한 학습 기회를 제공합니다. 복잡하고 도전적인 맥락에서 지식을 적용할 수 있게 해주어, 그들이 더 깊은 이해를 가질 수 있습니다. 예를 들어, 가상 프로젝트를 위한 비즈니스 계획을 개발하는 것은 실제 스타트업의 구현이 제공할 수 있는 동일한 수준의 이해를 제공하지 않을 수 있습니다. 이러한 직접 경험은 이론과 실제 사이의 간극을 메워, 더 충족감 있는 전문적인 미래를 위한 길을 뚫어 줄 수 있습니다.
그러나, 방정식의 반대편에는 학생들의 시간과 에너지에 대한 중요한 요구가 있습니다. 성공적인 비즈니스를 시작하고 관리하는 것은 종종 정규 근무 시간을 필요로 하는 장기적인 헌신입니다. 최근의 연구에 따르면, 기업을 시동하는 데 평균적으로 약 2년이 걸리며, 일일 최소 6시간을 소비합니다. 학업 시간 중 상당한 부분을 비즈니스에 투자하도록 학생들을 요구하는 것은 그들의 공부를 저해하고 간접적으로 전체적인 커리어 성장에 영향을 미칠 수 있습니다.
결론적으로, 학업 중에 비즈니스 프로젝트를 시작하는 것의 명확한 장점에도 불구하고, 장기적으로 보면 불리한 면이 더 많다는 것이 명백해 보입니다.
Good expressions:
1. " translating classroom theories into real-life businesses " : 교실 이론을 실제 비즈니스로 전환
2. " bridge the gap between theory and practice " : 이론과 실제 사이의 간극을 메우다
3. " the flip side of the equation " : 방정식의 반대편
4. " Launching and managing a successful business " : 성공적인 비즈니스를 시작하고 관리하는 것
5. " despite some clear upsides " : 일부 명확한 장점에도 불구하고
6. " more detrimental than advantageous " : 장점보다 더 해로운
It is widely acknowledged that some collegiate business programs encourage their students to establish their own enterprises during their course of study. While this approach bears certain advantages, there is a compelling argument that the detriments outweigh the benefits, primarily due to the diversion of student focus from their core academic pursuits.
On the positive side, the concept of translating classroom theories into real-life businesses presents students with a unique learning opportunity. Engaging with the practical aspects of their lessons allows them to apply their knowledge in a dynamic and challenging context, thus fostering a deeper understanding. For instance, developing a business plan for a hypothetical project might not provide the same level of comprehension as actual implementation for a real start-up would facilitate. Such first-hand experiences serve to bridge the gap between theory and practice, potentially paving the way to more fulfilling professional futures.
However, the flip side of the equation is the significant demand on students' time and energy. Launching and managing a successful business is a long-term commitment, often requiring full-time dedication. According to recent research, it takes around two years on average to kick-start an enterprise, consuming at least six hours daily. Asking students to commit such a significant portion of their academic hours for business can compromise their studies and indirectly affect their overall career growth.
In conclusion, despite some clear upsides to initiating business projects during academic studies, it seems evident that it is more detrimental than advantageous in the long-run.
Word count: 255
Essay translated in Korean:
학업 중인 학생들이 자신의 기업을 설립하도록 권장하는 일부 대학의 비즈니스 프로그램이 널리 인정받고 있습니다. 이런 접근법은 일정한 장점을 가지고 있지만, 핵심 학문 활동에서 학생들의 집중력을 떨어뜨릴 수 있기 때문에, 불이익이 이점을 앞선다는 강력한 논리가 있습니다.
긍정적인 측면에서 볼 때, 교실 이론을 실제 비즈니스로 전환하는 개념은 학생들에게 독특한 학습 기회를 제공합니다. 복잡하고 도전적인 맥락에서 지식을 적용할 수 있게 해주어, 그들이 더 깊은 이해를 가질 수 있습니다. 예를 들어, 가상 프로젝트를 위한 비즈니스 계획을 개발하는 것은 실제 스타트업의 구현이 제공할 수 있는 동일한 수준의 이해를 제공하지 않을 수 있습니다. 이러한 직접 경험은 이론과 실제 사이의 간극을 메워, 더 충족감 있는 전문적인 미래를 위한 길을 뚫어 줄 수 있습니다.
그러나, 방정식의 반대편에는 학생들의 시간과 에너지에 대한 중요한 요구가 있습니다. 성공적인 비즈니스를 시작하고 관리하는 것은 종종 정규 근무 시간을 필요로 하는 장기적인 헌신입니다. 최근의 연구에 따르면, 기업을 시동하는 데 평균적으로 약 2년이 걸리며, 일일 최소 6시간을 소비합니다. 학업 시간 중 상당한 부분을 비즈니스에 투자하도록 학생들을 요구하는 것은 그들의 공부를 저해하고 간접적으로 전체적인 커리어 성장에 영향을 미칠 수 있습니다.
결론적으로, 학업 중에 비즈니스 프로젝트를 시작하는 것의 명확한 장점에도 불구하고, 장기적으로 보면 불리한 면이 더 많다는 것이 명백해 보입니다.
Good expressions:
1. " translating classroom theories into real-life businesses " : 교실 이론을 실제 비즈니스로 전환
2. " bridge the gap between theory and practice " : 이론과 실제 사이의 간극을 메우다
3. " the flip side of the equation " : 방정식의 반대편
4. " Launching and managing a successful business " : 성공적인 비즈니스를 시작하고 관리하는 것
5. " despite some clear upsides " : 일부 명확한 장점에도 불구하고
6. " more detrimental than advantageous " : 장점보다 더 해로운
제출한 라이팅
It is a common belief that it is good for college and university business programs to make their students start businesses while in school. However, there is a more persuasive argument that the disadvantages of this outweigh the benefits. This is because running a business can divert students' attention away from the basic goal of higher education.
On the one hand, trying to get a business off the ground while still in college can help students put their ideas into practice using theories presented during their classes. This hands-on involvement offers the students a more engaging way of learning. For instance, students may be asked to write out a business plan for a food truck in class, but they will not know whether it could actually be successful without trying to bring their idea to life. If they are encouraged to set up the business, they will be able to see how to implement their plan and more easily gain practical knowledge that will be valuable in their future careers.
Nevertheless, students would struggle to concentrate on their studies if universities made them create businesses. Starting to recent studies, it takes an average of two years to get a business up and running. Furthermore, managing a successful business is a full-time job, which usually requires people to work at least six hours per day. Students would be unable to dedicate that amount of time to their businesses without neglecting their studies to some extent, thus hindering their long-term professional development.
To sum up, while there are some advantages to encouraging students to start businesses as part of their studies, it is evident that there are far more disadvantages to forcing students to go into business while in college.
On the one hand, trying to get a business off the ground while still in college can help students put their ideas into practice using theories presented during their classes. This hands-on involvement offers the students a more engaging way of learning. For instance, students may be asked to write out a business plan for a food truck in class, but they will not know whether it could actually be successful without trying to bring their idea to life. If they are encouraged to set up the business, they will be able to see how to implement their plan and more easily gain practical knowledge that will be valuable in their future careers.
Nevertheless, students would struggle to concentrate on their studies if universities made them create businesses. Starting to recent studies, it takes an average of two years to get a business up and running. Furthermore, managing a successful business is a full-time job, which usually requires people to work at least six hours per day. Students would be unable to dedicate that amount of time to their businesses without neglecting their studies to some extent, thus hindering their long-term professional development.
To sum up, while there are some advantages to encouraging students to start businesses as part of their studies, it is evident that there are far more disadvantages to forcing students to go into business while in college.
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