AI IELTS Writing AI Correction
- Discussion
Some people think that zoos are cruel and all the zoos should be closed. However, other people think that zoos are useful to protect the rare animals. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 6
The student addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. Some of the supporting ideas are under-developed and need further elaboration
Coherence & Cohesion: 5
The essay is reasonably well-organized with clear paragraphing but lacks cohesion and logical progression of ideas. The way the student has incorporated ideas into sentences is somewhat confusing, and there are several instances where it is hard to understand the student's point.
Lexical Resource: 5.5
The student uses a wide range of vocabulary but with several incorrect and inappropriate words and phrases. There are instances of incorrect word choice and some words are used incorrectly.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 5
The range of grammatical structures is adequate but there are frequent grammatical errors and some sentences are incomplete or not constructed properly.
Overall: 5.5
The essay generally communicates the main ideas, but grammatical errors, lack of clear logical progression, inappropriate word choice and lack of elaboration of some points affect communication and decrease the overall band score.
Task Response: 6
The student addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. Some of the supporting ideas are under-developed and need further elaboration
Coherence & Cohesion: 5
The essay is reasonably well-organized with clear paragraphing but lacks cohesion and logical progression of ideas. The way the student has incorporated ideas into sentences is somewhat confusing, and there are several instances where it is hard to understand the student's point.
Lexical Resource: 5.5
The student uses a wide range of vocabulary but with several incorrect and inappropriate words and phrases. There are instances of incorrect word choice and some words are used incorrectly.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 5
The range of grammatical structures is adequate but there are frequent grammatical errors and some sentences are incomplete or not constructed properly.
Overall: 5.5
The essay generally communicates the main ideas, but grammatical errors, lack of clear logical progression, inappropriate word choice and lack of elaboration of some points affect communication and decrease the overall band score.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Some people think that zoos are cruel and all the zoos should be closed. However, other people think that zoos are useful to protect the rare animals. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Essay:
There is a clear divide in public perception when it comes to the utility and morality of zoos, with some arguing they harm animals and should be shut down, while others assert they offer protection for endangered species. Personally, I mostly concur with the latter argument.
Critics are quick to point out the cramped spaces in zoos, which they argue are not conducive for animals' natural living conditions. Animals, naturally adapted to live in the wild, are inadvertently stripped of their freedom when they are contained within these limited spaces. This significant alteration in their habitat can have detrimental effects on their general wellbeing. Approaching this issue from a moral standpoint, one might argue that animals being treated as tourist attractions rather than living beings with needs and rights is inherently cruel.
Nevertheless, the flip side of this argument cannot be overlooked. With the proliferation of endangered species due to environmental degradation and rapid technological advancement, zoos do serve a protective function. They curate environments akin to the wild, enabling some semblance of natural living for animals. They provide food, medical attention, and the necessary care these animals may lack in a damaged natural habitat. This, in my opinion, is a responsibility humans need to assume due to our role in causing much of the habitat destruction that many animals face.
To sum up, despite the valid argument of zoos potentially being harmful for animal life, the human-caused harm already inflicted on these animals obliges us, as a society, to provide safe, controlled environments like zoos for their survival.
Word count: 263
Essay translated in Korean:
동물원의 유용성과 도덕성에 대한 공공 인식에는 분명한 분열이 있으며, 일부는 동물에게 해를 끼치며 폐쇄되어야 한다고 주장하면서도, 다른 이들은 멸종위기 종에 대한 보호를 제공한다고 주장합니다. 개인적으로는 후자 주장에 대부분 동의합니다.
비평가들은 동물원의 협소한 공간을 빠르게 지적하며, 이러한 공간은 동물의 자연 생활 조건에 적합하지 않다고 주장합니다. 자연적으로 야생에서 살아갈 수 있는 동물들이 이러한 제한된 공간에 포함되면서 불가피하게 자유가 박탈 될 수 있습니다. 이러한 생태지 역반은 동물의 일반적인 행복에 해로울 수 있다. 이 문제를 도덕적 관점에서 다가가면, 동물이 관광 명소로 다뤄지는 것 보다는 필요를 고려하고 안마를 가진 존재로 다루어야 햐는건 적합하지 않은 것이다, 매우 잔인하다 할 수 있다.
그러나 이러한 논란에 반대하는 의견은 간과할 수 없습니다. 환경 파괴로 인한 멸종위기에 처한 종의 늘어남과 기술의 빠른 발전으로, 동물원은 보호 기능을 제공하게 됩니다. 그들은 야생과 유사한 환경을 만들어 동물에게 자연스러운 생활을 가능하게 합니다. 그들은 음식, 의료 관리, 그리고 이들 동물이 파괴된 자연 서식지에서 얻을 수 없을 수 있는 필요한 보살핌을 제공합니다. 이것은 나의 의견으로는, 우리가 많은 동물들이 직면하고 있는 서식지 파괴의 원인을 불러온 인간의 역할로 인해, 우리가 지녀야 할 책임이라고 생각합니다.
요약하면, 동물원이 동물 생활에 해로울 수 있다는 타당한 논평에도 불구하고, 이미 우리, 즉 사회로서 동물의 생존을 위한 안전하고 통제된 환경, 즉 동물원을 제공하도록 강요하고 있습니다.
Good expressions:
1. clear divide - 명확한 분리
2. proliferation of endangered species - 멸종위기에 처한 종의 증가
3. stripped of their freedom - 그들의 자유를 박탈하다
4. the necessary care - 필요한 보살핌
5. valid argument - 타당한 주장
6. controlled environments - 통제된 환경
There is a clear divide in public perception when it comes to the utility and morality of zoos, with some arguing they harm animals and should be shut down, while others assert they offer protection for endangered species. Personally, I mostly concur with the latter argument.
Critics are quick to point out the cramped spaces in zoos, which they argue are not conducive for animals' natural living conditions. Animals, naturally adapted to live in the wild, are inadvertently stripped of their freedom when they are contained within these limited spaces. This significant alteration in their habitat can have detrimental effects on their general wellbeing. Approaching this issue from a moral standpoint, one might argue that animals being treated as tourist attractions rather than living beings with needs and rights is inherently cruel.
Nevertheless, the flip side of this argument cannot be overlooked. With the proliferation of endangered species due to environmental degradation and rapid technological advancement, zoos do serve a protective function. They curate environments akin to the wild, enabling some semblance of natural living for animals. They provide food, medical attention, and the necessary care these animals may lack in a damaged natural habitat. This, in my opinion, is a responsibility humans need to assume due to our role in causing much of the habitat destruction that many animals face.
To sum up, despite the valid argument of zoos potentially being harmful for animal life, the human-caused harm already inflicted on these animals obliges us, as a society, to provide safe, controlled environments like zoos for their survival.
Word count: 263
Essay translated in Korean:
동물원의 유용성과 도덕성에 대한 공공 인식에는 분명한 분열이 있으며, 일부는 동물에게 해를 끼치며 폐쇄되어야 한다고 주장하면서도, 다른 이들은 멸종위기 종에 대한 보호를 제공한다고 주장합니다. 개인적으로는 후자 주장에 대부분 동의합니다.
비평가들은 동물원의 협소한 공간을 빠르게 지적하며, 이러한 공간은 동물의 자연 생활 조건에 적합하지 않다고 주장합니다. 자연적으로 야생에서 살아갈 수 있는 동물들이 이러한 제한된 공간에 포함되면서 불가피하게 자유가 박탈 될 수 있습니다. 이러한 생태지 역반은 동물의 일반적인 행복에 해로울 수 있다. 이 문제를 도덕적 관점에서 다가가면, 동물이 관광 명소로 다뤄지는 것 보다는 필요를 고려하고 안마를 가진 존재로 다루어야 햐는건 적합하지 않은 것이다, 매우 잔인하다 할 수 있다.
그러나 이러한 논란에 반대하는 의견은 간과할 수 없습니다. 환경 파괴로 인한 멸종위기에 처한 종의 늘어남과 기술의 빠른 발전으로, 동물원은 보호 기능을 제공하게 됩니다. 그들은 야생과 유사한 환경을 만들어 동물에게 자연스러운 생활을 가능하게 합니다. 그들은 음식, 의료 관리, 그리고 이들 동물이 파괴된 자연 서식지에서 얻을 수 없을 수 있는 필요한 보살핌을 제공합니다. 이것은 나의 의견으로는, 우리가 많은 동물들이 직면하고 있는 서식지 파괴의 원인을 불러온 인간의 역할로 인해, 우리가 지녀야 할 책임이라고 생각합니다.
요약하면, 동물원이 동물 생활에 해로울 수 있다는 타당한 논평에도 불구하고, 이미 우리, 즉 사회로서 동물의 생존을 위한 안전하고 통제된 환경, 즉 동물원을 제공하도록 강요하고 있습니다.
Good expressions:
1. clear divide - 명확한 분리
2. proliferation of endangered species - 멸종위기에 처한 종의 증가
3. stripped of their freedom - 그들의 자유를 박탈하다
4. the necessary care - 필요한 보살핌
5. valid argument - 타당한 주장
6. controlled environments - 통제된 환경
제출한 라이팅
Some people argue that since zoos are harmful for animals, it should not be opened, while others contend that zoos have positive effects for the rare animals. Both views can be persuasive, but I partly agree the latter view.
To begin with, zoos are not appropriate to live animals due to it is small. Originally, animals have stayed in wildlife for long times ago. However, due to people’s commercial intentions, animals started to capture from wildlife. They lost freedom with feeding and sleeping in zoos that small spaces. It means that animals cannot find in natural, they just seen like pets in house. I believe that animals should grow up in proper environment such as natural and wildlife. If they arise a space, where made by human, they might be products that just suitable to tourist. Thus, zoos are cruel to animals’ growth.
However, by eras changed and technology developed, there are a lot of endangered species in the world. The other reason is that destroyed natural environment due to pursuit of individuals’ convenience, resulting in animals lost their habitats. Thus, spaces should be built to protect animals such as zoos. Moreover, zoos can make similar environment like wildlife. For instance, plating same trees and plants, and feeding proper preys. Additionally, zoos can protect and caring when animals are hungry or sick. I believe that playing this role by people is natural because they caused loss of animals’ habitats.
In conclusion, although zoos are inappropriate to live animals, since their habitats in wildlife already significantly destroyed, people must take a responsible. Thus, society should make efforts to protect them, and zoos should set up the better environments.
To begin with, zoos are not appropriate to live animals due to it is small. Originally, animals have stayed in wildlife for long times ago. However, due to people’s commercial intentions, animals started to capture from wildlife. They lost freedom with feeding and sleeping in zoos that small spaces. It means that animals cannot find in natural, they just seen like pets in house. I believe that animals should grow up in proper environment such as natural and wildlife. If they arise a space, where made by human, they might be products that just suitable to tourist. Thus, zoos are cruel to animals’ growth.
However, by eras changed and technology developed, there are a lot of endangered species in the world. The other reason is that destroyed natural environment due to pursuit of individuals’ convenience, resulting in animals lost their habitats. Thus, spaces should be built to protect animals such as zoos. Moreover, zoos can make similar environment like wildlife. For instance, plating same trees and plants, and feeding proper preys. Additionally, zoos can protect and caring when animals are hungry or sick. I believe that playing this role by people is natural because they caused loss of animals’ habitats.
In conclusion, although zoos are inappropriate to live animals, since their habitats in wildlife already significantly destroyed, people must take a responsible. Thus, society should make efforts to protect them, and zoos should set up the better environments.
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