AI IELTS Writing AI Correction
- Discussion
In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 7
The essay answers the task adequately by providing both the advantages and disadvantages of the given statement. The introduction provides a clear thesis, and the body paragraphs discuss each point in detail with supportive examples. However, the loss of some clarity and detail in the arguments affects the score.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
The essay is logically structured and uses cohesive devices effectively. There is a clear progression of ideas, but the argument could use further development in places. Transition words are used well, but at times the logical link between ideas is less apparent.
Lexical Resource: 7
The writer shows an appropriate range of vocabulary, although at times the use of vocabulary slightly hinders the meaning. Common words are used well, but there are few less common words or phrases, and there are times when word choice seems forced and not entirely natural.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6
A range of sentence structures is used and punctuation is generally accurate. There are minor mistakes that impede understanding, like missing prepositions or incorrect tense use. More complex grammatical structures could be used more often to enhance the text.
Overall: 7
The essay effectively addresses the task and uses a range of vocabulary and grammatical structures. However, the minor mistakes and forced use of vocabulary at times keep it from achieving a higher score. The author could improve by focusing on sentence variety, complex grammar structures and more natural word choice.
Task Response: 7
The essay answers the task adequately by providing both the advantages and disadvantages of the given statement. The introduction provides a clear thesis, and the body paragraphs discuss each point in detail with supportive examples. However, the loss of some clarity and detail in the arguments affects the score.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
The essay is logically structured and uses cohesive devices effectively. There is a clear progression of ideas, but the argument could use further development in places. Transition words are used well, but at times the logical link between ideas is less apparent.
Lexical Resource: 7
The writer shows an appropriate range of vocabulary, although at times the use of vocabulary slightly hinders the meaning. Common words are used well, but there are few less common words or phrases, and there are times when word choice seems forced and not entirely natural.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6
A range of sentence structures is used and punctuation is generally accurate. There are minor mistakes that impede understanding, like missing prepositions or incorrect tense use. More complex grammatical structures could be used more often to enhance the text.
Overall: 7
The essay effectively addresses the task and uses a range of vocabulary and grammatical structures. However, the minor mistakes and forced use of vocabulary at times keep it from achieving a higher score. The author could improve by focusing on sentence variety, complex grammar structures and more natural word choice.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough.
What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
Essay:
In many communities, children are urged to pursue their objectives with determination, reflecting the belief that hard work can overcome any obstacle. This philosophy can have both positive and negative implications for children.
Firstly, propagating the idea that diligence leads to success can instill a sense of motivation and resilience in children. They are more likely to persevere in their efforts to complete tasks, whether simple or complex, fostering a never-give-up spirit. This mindset can manifest itself in small ways, such as finishing their homework or tidying their room, but it can also lead to significant personal victories, like passing important exams.
However, the mantra of unfaltering perseverance can also have its downsides. One potential pitfall is that children may not comprehend that some aspects of life are beyond individual control, no matter how much effort is invested. Relationships with peers, for example, cannot be managed through effort alone as they involve the interpersonal dynamics where other's acceptance plays a vital role. Moreover, an excessive emphasis on success can potentially induce stress and dejection in children, particularly when they fail after making sincere efforts. It may ultimately lead them to resent societal norms and expectations.
In conclusion, while the disadvantages of embedding this strong-willed mindset in children are significant, I am of the belief that the merits far outweigh the drawbacks, as the former encourages personal growth and resilience.
Word count: 227
Essay translated in Korean:
많은 공동체에서 아이들은 어떤 장애물도 극복할 수 있는 노력을 통해 목표를 추구하도록 격려하는데, 이 철학은 아이들에게 긍정적이고 부정적인 영향을 끼칠 수 있습니다.
첫째, 꾸준한 노력이 성공으로 이어진다는 생각을 전파하는 것은 아이들에게 동기 부여와 회복력을 심어줄 수 있습니다. 그들은 작업을 완료하기 위해 노력을 계속하는 것이 더 가능성이 있어, 포기하지 않는 정신을 이루게합니다. 이 마음가짐은 숙제를 끝내거나 방을 정리하는 등 작은 방법으로 나타날 수 있지만, 중요한 시험에 합격하는 것과 같이 중요한 개인적인 승리로 이어질 수도 있습니다.
그러나 온건하지 않는 인내의 가사는 또한 나쁜 편이 있을 수 있습니다. 한 가지 잠재적인 함정은 아이들이 얼마나 많은 노력이 투자되더라도 인생의 일부 측면은 개인의 통제를 벗어난다는 것을 이해하지 못할 수 있다는 것입니다. 동료들과의 관계에는 노력만으로는 관리할 수 없었으며 그들은 대인 관계에 관여하게 되며, 다른 사람들의 수용이 중요한 역할을 합니다. 게다가 성공에 너무 많은 강조는 아이들에게 스트레스와 실망을 일으킬 수 있으며, 특히 그들이 진심을 다해 노력한 후 실패했을 때 그럴 것입니다. 결국 사회의 기준과 기대를 혐오하게 만들 수 있습니다.
결론적으로, 아이들에게 이 강한 의지의 마음가짐을 심어주는 불리한 점들은 중요하지만, 저는 전자가 개인의 성장과 회복력을 촉진하기 때문에 후자보다 훨씬 뛰어나다고 생각합니다.
Good expressions:
1. Pursue their objectives with determination - 결의를 가지고 목표를 추구하다
2. Can lead to significant personal victories - 중요한 개인적인 승리를 이끌 수 있다
3. Beyond individual control - 개인의 통제를 벗어난다
4. Resent societal norms and expectations - 사회적 규범과 기대에 대해 분개하다
5. Merits far outweigh the drawbacks - 이점이 결점을 훨씬 뛰어넘는다.
In many communities, children are urged to pursue their objectives with determination, reflecting the belief that hard work can overcome any obstacle. This philosophy can have both positive and negative implications for children.
Firstly, propagating the idea that diligence leads to success can instill a sense of motivation and resilience in children. They are more likely to persevere in their efforts to complete tasks, whether simple or complex, fostering a never-give-up spirit. This mindset can manifest itself in small ways, such as finishing their homework or tidying their room, but it can also lead to significant personal victories, like passing important exams.
However, the mantra of unfaltering perseverance can also have its downsides. One potential pitfall is that children may not comprehend that some aspects of life are beyond individual control, no matter how much effort is invested. Relationships with peers, for example, cannot be managed through effort alone as they involve the interpersonal dynamics where other's acceptance plays a vital role. Moreover, an excessive emphasis on success can potentially induce stress and dejection in children, particularly when they fail after making sincere efforts. It may ultimately lead them to resent societal norms and expectations.
In conclusion, while the disadvantages of embedding this strong-willed mindset in children are significant, I am of the belief that the merits far outweigh the drawbacks, as the former encourages personal growth and resilience.
Word count: 227
Essay translated in Korean:
많은 공동체에서 아이들은 어떤 장애물도 극복할 수 있는 노력을 통해 목표를 추구하도록 격려하는데, 이 철학은 아이들에게 긍정적이고 부정적인 영향을 끼칠 수 있습니다.
첫째, 꾸준한 노력이 성공으로 이어진다는 생각을 전파하는 것은 아이들에게 동기 부여와 회복력을 심어줄 수 있습니다. 그들은 작업을 완료하기 위해 노력을 계속하는 것이 더 가능성이 있어, 포기하지 않는 정신을 이루게합니다. 이 마음가짐은 숙제를 끝내거나 방을 정리하는 등 작은 방법으로 나타날 수 있지만, 중요한 시험에 합격하는 것과 같이 중요한 개인적인 승리로 이어질 수도 있습니다.
그러나 온건하지 않는 인내의 가사는 또한 나쁜 편이 있을 수 있습니다. 한 가지 잠재적인 함정은 아이들이 얼마나 많은 노력이 투자되더라도 인생의 일부 측면은 개인의 통제를 벗어난다는 것을 이해하지 못할 수 있다는 것입니다. 동료들과의 관계에는 노력만으로는 관리할 수 없었으며 그들은 대인 관계에 관여하게 되며, 다른 사람들의 수용이 중요한 역할을 합니다. 게다가 성공에 너무 많은 강조는 아이들에게 스트레스와 실망을 일으킬 수 있으며, 특히 그들이 진심을 다해 노력한 후 실패했을 때 그럴 것입니다. 결국 사회의 기준과 기대를 혐오하게 만들 수 있습니다.
결론적으로, 아이들에게 이 강한 의지의 마음가짐을 심어주는 불리한 점들은 중요하지만, 저는 전자가 개인의 성장과 회복력을 촉진하기 때문에 후자보다 훨씬 뛰어나다고 생각합니다.
Good expressions:
1. Pursue their objectives with determination - 결의를 가지고 목표를 추구하다
2. Can lead to significant personal victories - 중요한 개인적인 승리를 이끌 수 있다
3. Beyond individual control - 개인의 통제를 벗어난다
4. Resent societal norms and expectations - 사회적 규범과 기대에 대해 분개하다
5. Merits far outweigh the drawbacks - 이점이 결점을 훨씬 뛰어넘는다.
제출한 라이팅
In some countries, people consider encouraging children to try hard to accomplish their tasks being essential. Under this circumstance, some people contend that it would make a positive influence to children, while others believe that it could result in negative consequences.
First, there are several advantages that are worth considering.
To start with, children who are promoted by people around them can have a motivation to challenge. This induces them to build a healthy habit of trying their work at least rather than giving up first.
In addition to this, as followed by this social ambience, when they achieve their goals, even though they are minor things like doing homework and cleaning a room, they can achieve huge accomplishment. In my experience, at the moment when I finally passed the college entrance exam making a monumental effort, all people celebrated me.
In spite of the merits mentioned above, this could lead to adverse repercussions.
First of all, it could makes the young overlook that there are some categories that are beyond control even though they tried hard enough. For instance, relationship with other people acquires more efforts. It sometimes does not depend on how hard someone try to get in. Also the counterpart would be offended by the continuous meaningless actions.
As well as this, they can get a bunch of stresses and disappointment once they failed even though they made a huge effort on their work. As the consequence, some kids could have hostility against the society.
In conclusion, even though there are drawbacks on this issue, it seems to me that its benefits far outweigh its negative effects, owing to the reasons mentioned above.
First, there are several advantages that are worth considering.
To start with, children who are promoted by people around them can have a motivation to challenge. This induces them to build a healthy habit of trying their work at least rather than giving up first.
In addition to this, as followed by this social ambience, when they achieve their goals, even though they are minor things like doing homework and cleaning a room, they can achieve huge accomplishment. In my experience, at the moment when I finally passed the college entrance exam making a monumental effort, all people celebrated me.
In spite of the merits mentioned above, this could lead to adverse repercussions.
First of all, it could makes the young overlook that there are some categories that are beyond control even though they tried hard enough. For instance, relationship with other people acquires more efforts. It sometimes does not depend on how hard someone try to get in. Also the counterpart would be offended by the continuous meaningless actions.
As well as this, they can get a bunch of stresses and disappointment once they failed even though they made a huge effort on their work. As the consequence, some kids could have hostility against the society.
In conclusion, even though there are drawbacks on this issue, it seems to me that its benefits far outweigh its negative effects, owing to the reasons mentioned above.
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