AI IELTS Writing AI Correction
- Opinion
Some people say that the extended family is not as important now as it once was. Others think that its worth has not changed because people always need help from their family members. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: [7]
The essay responds well to the task, assessing both perspectives and providing clear personal opinion all through. The topic is relevant and arguments are well outlined and backed by appropriate reasons.
Coherence & Cohesion: [6]
The structure of the essay is quite logical and well-organized but there are moments where the thought process seems to collide and isn't as smooth. Thus, affecting the overall coherence of the essay.
Lexical Resource: [7]
The student has tried to use a variety of vocabulary to express the ideas on the prompt. However, the overuse or misuse of some complex terms has hampered comprehension in some instances.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: [6]
While the essay demonstrates reasonable control over a variety of grammatical structures, there are noticeable errors such as omission of articles 'the' and 'a', and incorrect verb tenses. Pronouns use ('I' should always be capital) also needs revision.
Overall: [6.5]
The essay generally meets the task requirements and employs a decent vocabulary range but needs improvement in terms of grammar accuracy and overall fluency. There could be better use of linking devices to ensure a smoother flow of ideas and more effective argumentation. Also, careful proofreading to correct small errors would enhance the overall quality of the essay.
Task Response: [7]
The essay responds well to the task, assessing both perspectives and providing clear personal opinion all through. The topic is relevant and arguments are well outlined and backed by appropriate reasons.
Coherence & Cohesion: [6]
The structure of the essay is quite logical and well-organized but there are moments where the thought process seems to collide and isn't as smooth. Thus, affecting the overall coherence of the essay.
Lexical Resource: [7]
The student has tried to use a variety of vocabulary to express the ideas on the prompt. However, the overuse or misuse of some complex terms has hampered comprehension in some instances.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: [6]
While the essay demonstrates reasonable control over a variety of grammatical structures, there are noticeable errors such as omission of articles 'the' and 'a', and incorrect verb tenses. Pronouns use ('I' should always be capital) also needs revision.
Overall: [6.5]
The essay generally meets the task requirements and employs a decent vocabulary range but needs improvement in terms of grammar accuracy and overall fluency. There could be better use of linking devices to ensure a smoother flow of ideas and more effective argumentation. Also, careful proofreading to correct small errors would enhance the overall quality of the essay.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Some people say that the extended family is not as important now as it once was.
Others think that its worth has not changed because people always need help from their family members.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Essay:
There is an ongoing debate on the significance of the extended family in the present times. Some argue it has lost its importance due to industrialization and changing family values, while others believe its role remains unchanged as people still draw emotional and financial support from their family members.
On one hand, modernization and technological advancement have altered the family structure considerably. Integration of technology in daily lives has resulted in diminished family time, causing family members to reside in different regions and prefer nuclear family structures. Furthermore, the widespread use of smart devices like mobile phones and tablets has resulted in individuals spending less quality time with their families. Industrialization has also prompted a preference for living alone and developing a pronounced sense of individualism, thus moving away from the extended family unit.
On the other hand, the importance of family, be it extended or nuclear, can never be understated. Despite the changes prompted by industrialization and technology, a family remains a source of emotional security and economic support, contributing positively to mental health and happiness. Research has shown that spending quality time with family fosters greater peace and contentment compared to those who do not prioritize family time.
In conclusion, while our society has evolved with time and technology, it is my belief that the importance of extended families remains unwavering, providing an irreplaceable support system for emotional wellbeing and financial stability.
Word count: 262
Essay translated in Korean:
현대에 있는 확장 가족의 중요성에 대해 논의가 있습니다. 일부는 산업화와 변화하는 가족의 가치로 인해 중요성을 잃었다고 주장하고, 다른 일부는 사람들이 여전히 가족 구성원들로부터 감정적인 지원과 재정적인 지원을받는다고 믿기 때문에 역할이 변하지 않았다고 믿습니다.
한편으로는, 현대화와 기술의 발전이 가족 구조를 크게 바꾸었습니다. 기술의 일상생활과의 통합으로 가족의 시간이 줄고, 가족 구성원이 다른 지역에 거주하고 핵가족 구조를 선호하게 됩니다. 또한, 휴대폰이나 태블릿과 같은 스마트 기기의 널리 사용으로 인해, 개인들이 가족과의 품질 있는 시간을 보내는 것이라고 인간관계로 주장합니다.
한편으로는, 가족의 중요성은 가족이 확장되든 핵가족이든 상관없이 무시할 수 없습니다. 산업화와 기술을 통해 변화에 따라 가족은 감정적인 안전과 경제적인 지원의 원천으로 남아, 정신건강과 행복에 긍정적인 기여를 합니다. 가족과 함께 질 있는 시간을 보내는 것은 가족의 시간을 우선시하지 않는 이들에 비해 더 큰 평화와 만족감을 조성한다고 연구가 보여줍니다.
결론적으로, 사회가 시간과 기술로 발전했음에도 불구하고, 확장된 가족의 중요성은 감정적인 안녕과 재정적인 안정성에 대한 대체불가능한 지원 시스템을 제공하므로 변하지 않는 것으로 믿습니다.
Good expressions:
1. ongoing debate - 진행중인 논쟁
2. emotional security - 감정적인 안전
3. financial stability - 재정적 안정
4. pronounced sense of individualism - 뚜렷한 개인주의 의식
5. irreplaceable support system - 대체불가능한 지원 시스템
6. fostering greater peace and contentment - 더 큰 평화와 만족감을 조성하다.
There is an ongoing debate on the significance of the extended family in the present times. Some argue it has lost its importance due to industrialization and changing family values, while others believe its role remains unchanged as people still draw emotional and financial support from their family members.
On one hand, modernization and technological advancement have altered the family structure considerably. Integration of technology in daily lives has resulted in diminished family time, causing family members to reside in different regions and prefer nuclear family structures. Furthermore, the widespread use of smart devices like mobile phones and tablets has resulted in individuals spending less quality time with their families. Industrialization has also prompted a preference for living alone and developing a pronounced sense of individualism, thus moving away from the extended family unit.
On the other hand, the importance of family, be it extended or nuclear, can never be understated. Despite the changes prompted by industrialization and technology, a family remains a source of emotional security and economic support, contributing positively to mental health and happiness. Research has shown that spending quality time with family fosters greater peace and contentment compared to those who do not prioritize family time.
In conclusion, while our society has evolved with time and technology, it is my belief that the importance of extended families remains unwavering, providing an irreplaceable support system for emotional wellbeing and financial stability.
Word count: 262
Essay translated in Korean:
현대에 있는 확장 가족의 중요성에 대해 논의가 있습니다. 일부는 산업화와 변화하는 가족의 가치로 인해 중요성을 잃었다고 주장하고, 다른 일부는 사람들이 여전히 가족 구성원들로부터 감정적인 지원과 재정적인 지원을받는다고 믿기 때문에 역할이 변하지 않았다고 믿습니다.
한편으로는, 현대화와 기술의 발전이 가족 구조를 크게 바꾸었습니다. 기술의 일상생활과의 통합으로 가족의 시간이 줄고, 가족 구성원이 다른 지역에 거주하고 핵가족 구조를 선호하게 됩니다. 또한, 휴대폰이나 태블릿과 같은 스마트 기기의 널리 사용으로 인해, 개인들이 가족과의 품질 있는 시간을 보내는 것이라고 인간관계로 주장합니다.
한편으로는, 가족의 중요성은 가족이 확장되든 핵가족이든 상관없이 무시할 수 없습니다. 산업화와 기술을 통해 변화에 따라 가족은 감정적인 안전과 경제적인 지원의 원천으로 남아, 정신건강과 행복에 긍정적인 기여를 합니다. 가족과 함께 질 있는 시간을 보내는 것은 가족의 시간을 우선시하지 않는 이들에 비해 더 큰 평화와 만족감을 조성한다고 연구가 보여줍니다.
결론적으로, 사회가 시간과 기술로 발전했음에도 불구하고, 확장된 가족의 중요성은 감정적인 안녕과 재정적인 안정성에 대한 대체불가능한 지원 시스템을 제공하므로 변하지 않는 것으로 믿습니다.
Good expressions:
1. ongoing debate - 진행중인 논쟁
2. emotional security - 감정적인 안전
3. financial stability - 재정적 안정
4. pronounced sense of individualism - 뚜렷한 개인주의 의식
5. irreplaceable support system - 대체불가능한 지원 시스템
6. fostering greater peace and contentment - 더 큰 평화와 만족감을 조성하다.
제출한 라이팅
It is a common belief that having extended family is not as vital now as in the past because of the industrialization and changed values of family.
However, there is a more persuasive argument that family time is getting more crucial for modern people as technology and society continues to advance because it still provides family members with economic support and emotional attachment.
On the one hand, the advent of technological development and industrialized work has promoted subdivided work, causing each of family members to be spread across the other regions and to have nuclear family and live alone.
In addition to it, the increasing frequency of using smart devices such as tablets and mobile phones has continued to spend less time with their family.
Compared to people who had extended family in the past, contemporary social members tend to less rely on their family with stronger individuality due to the industrial structures which lead people to living alone getting away from family.
Nevertheless, i strongly insist that we have to spend quality time with family whether family units constitute extended or nuclear family because family still offers each of family members economic support and emotional security, which has quite good effects of improving mental health as well as affording a sense of happiness on modern people.
A research studying about the relationships with family has shown that family groups that spent much of time together responded more peace and happiness than those who didn't allocate less time to being with family.
However, there is a more persuasive argument that family time is getting more crucial for modern people as technology and society continues to advance because it still provides family members with economic support and emotional attachment.
On the one hand, the advent of technological development and industrialized work has promoted subdivided work, causing each of family members to be spread across the other regions and to have nuclear family and live alone.
In addition to it, the increasing frequency of using smart devices such as tablets and mobile phones has continued to spend less time with their family.
Compared to people who had extended family in the past, contemporary social members tend to less rely on their family with stronger individuality due to the industrial structures which lead people to living alone getting away from family.
Nevertheless, i strongly insist that we have to spend quality time with family whether family units constitute extended or nuclear family because family still offers each of family members economic support and emotional security, which has quite good effects of improving mental health as well as affording a sense of happiness on modern people.
A research studying about the relationships with family has shown that family groups that spent much of time together responded more peace and happiness than those who didn't allocate less time to being with family.
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