AI IELTS Writing AI Correction
- Opinion
Art and music classes should not be mandatory at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 9
The student has fully addressed the task by stating their definite position and providing strong, relevant arguments to support it. The essay has examples and facts to support the points and is well-balanced with a clear conclusion.
Coherence & Cohesion: 8
The student has used relevant references to link the ideas together and present coherent arguments. Each paragraph presents a clear central idea with supporting points, although some linking phrases could have been used more effectively to create a more seamless flow of ideas.
Lexical Resource: 8
The student has used a wide range of vocabulary accurately and appropriately. Only a couple of more complex phrases could have been worded more clearly.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 8
The essay demonstrates control over complex structures and punctuation. At the same time, a slightly greater attention to detail could have made the grammar flawless.
Overall: 8.25
This essay is a strong response to the task, demonstrates decent command of language and clear, coherent arguments. However, there are a few minor areas (lexical resource, coherence and grammar) where there is still room for improvement.
Task Response: 9
The student has fully addressed the task by stating their definite position and providing strong, relevant arguments to support it. The essay has examples and facts to support the points and is well-balanced with a clear conclusion.
Coherence & Cohesion: 8
The student has used relevant references to link the ideas together and present coherent arguments. Each paragraph presents a clear central idea with supporting points, although some linking phrases could have been used more effectively to create a more seamless flow of ideas.
Lexical Resource: 8
The student has used a wide range of vocabulary accurately and appropriately. Only a couple of more complex phrases could have been worded more clearly.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 8
The essay demonstrates control over complex structures and punctuation. At the same time, a slightly greater attention to detail could have made the grammar flawless.
Overall: 8.25
This essay is a strong response to the task, demonstrates decent command of language and clear, coherent arguments. However, there are a few minor areas (lexical resource, coherence and grammar) where there is still room for improvement.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Art and music classes should not be mandatory at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Essay:
The proposition that art and music classes should not be mandatory at schools often sparks debates among educators and parents alike. However, I am profoundly inclined towards the viewpoint that these subjects should be mandatory, due to their potential in enhancing students' creativity as well as serving as an effective stress reliever.
An essential feature of art and music education is its ability to foster creative capabilities in students. Lessons in these domains include divergent tasks such as painting or composing music which inherently arouse, cultivate and magnify creative potentials of the youths. The link between decreased creativity and reduced exposure to the arts was underscored by a longitudinal research on American students, which highlighted a significant downturn in creativity levels in concurrence with the reduction of art and music lessons.
Furthermore, obligatory art and music classes provide a necessary oasis of tranquility amid the intense academic landscape, which are typically dense with data and figures. Participation in these classes rejuvenates weary minds, promoting positive mental health. A recent study on art therapy provides evidence of the therapeutic potential of art and music, showing a decreased level of individual stress hormones following 45 minutes of creative work.
In conclusion, mandating art and music classes for students not only bolsters creativity but also serves as an effective stress alleviation strategy. It goes without saying, therefore, that these subjects should become an integral part of the school curriculum.
Word count: 262
Essay translated in Korean:
학교에서 예술 및 음악 수업이 의무화되어야 하지 않다는 주장은 교사와 부모 사이에서 종종 논쟁을 일으킵니다. 그러나 저는 학생들의 창의성을 향상시키고 효과적인 스트레스 해소 수단으로 작용하는 잠재력 때문에 이런 과목들이 의무화되어야 한다는 견해에 많이 기울어 있습니다.
예술 과 음악 교육의 중요한 특성은 이를 통해 학생들의 창의력을 기르는 것입니다. 이와 같은 분야의 교육은 그림 그리기나 음악 작곡과 같은 다양한 과제를 포함하며, 이런 과제는 청소년들의 창의력을 자극하고 개발하며 확장시킵니다. 미국 학생들에 대한 장기 연구에서 예술 및 음악 수업의 감소와 창의성의 감소 사이의 연결성을 보여주었습니다.
또한, 의무적인 예술 및 음악 수업은 데이터와 숫자가 빽빽한 격렬한 학문 분야에서 필요한 평온함을 제공합니다. 참여하면 피로한 마음이 소생하며 긍정적인 정신 건강을 증진합니다. 최근 예술 치료에 대한 연구에서는 45분간의 창작 활동 후 개인 스트레스 호르몬의 수준이 감소함을 보여주었습니다.
결론적으로, 학생들에게 예술 및 음악 수업을 의무화하면 창의력을 강화하고 효과적인 스트레스 완화 전략이 됩니다. 따라서 이 과목들은 학교 교과 과정의 중요한 부분이 되어야 한다는 것은 두말할 것도 없습니다.
Good expressions:
1. foster creative capabilities - 창의력을 기르다
2. oasis of tranquility amid the intense academic landscape - 격렬한 학문 분야에서의 평온의 오아시스
3. positive mental health - 긍정적인 정신 건강
4. therapeutic potential - 치유의 잠재력
5. integral part of the school curriculum - 학교 교과 과정의 중요한 부분
6. longitudinal research - 장기 연구
7. inherent - 본래 내재된, 이기적인
The proposition that art and music classes should not be mandatory at schools often sparks debates among educators and parents alike. However, I am profoundly inclined towards the viewpoint that these subjects should be mandatory, due to their potential in enhancing students' creativity as well as serving as an effective stress reliever.
An essential feature of art and music education is its ability to foster creative capabilities in students. Lessons in these domains include divergent tasks such as painting or composing music which inherently arouse, cultivate and magnify creative potentials of the youths. The link between decreased creativity and reduced exposure to the arts was underscored by a longitudinal research on American students, which highlighted a significant downturn in creativity levels in concurrence with the reduction of art and music lessons.
Furthermore, obligatory art and music classes provide a necessary oasis of tranquility amid the intense academic landscape, which are typically dense with data and figures. Participation in these classes rejuvenates weary minds, promoting positive mental health. A recent study on art therapy provides evidence of the therapeutic potential of art and music, showing a decreased level of individual stress hormones following 45 minutes of creative work.
In conclusion, mandating art and music classes for students not only bolsters creativity but also serves as an effective stress alleviation strategy. It goes without saying, therefore, that these subjects should become an integral part of the school curriculum.
Word count: 262
Essay translated in Korean:
학교에서 예술 및 음악 수업이 의무화되어야 하지 않다는 주장은 교사와 부모 사이에서 종종 논쟁을 일으킵니다. 그러나 저는 학생들의 창의성을 향상시키고 효과적인 스트레스 해소 수단으로 작용하는 잠재력 때문에 이런 과목들이 의무화되어야 한다는 견해에 많이 기울어 있습니다.
예술 과 음악 교육의 중요한 특성은 이를 통해 학생들의 창의력을 기르는 것입니다. 이와 같은 분야의 교육은 그림 그리기나 음악 작곡과 같은 다양한 과제를 포함하며, 이런 과제는 청소년들의 창의력을 자극하고 개발하며 확장시킵니다. 미국 학생들에 대한 장기 연구에서 예술 및 음악 수업의 감소와 창의성의 감소 사이의 연결성을 보여주었습니다.
또한, 의무적인 예술 및 음악 수업은 데이터와 숫자가 빽빽한 격렬한 학문 분야에서 필요한 평온함을 제공합니다. 참여하면 피로한 마음이 소생하며 긍정적인 정신 건강을 증진합니다. 최근 예술 치료에 대한 연구에서는 45분간의 창작 활동 후 개인 스트레스 호르몬의 수준이 감소함을 보여주었습니다.
결론적으로, 학생들에게 예술 및 음악 수업을 의무화하면 창의력을 강화하고 효과적인 스트레스 완화 전략이 됩니다. 따라서 이 과목들은 학교 교과 과정의 중요한 부분이 되어야 한다는 것은 두말할 것도 없습니다.
Good expressions:
1. foster creative capabilities - 창의력을 기르다
2. oasis of tranquility amid the intense academic landscape - 격렬한 학문 분야에서의 평온의 오아시스
3. positive mental health - 긍정적인 정신 건강
4. therapeutic potential - 치유의 잠재력
5. integral part of the school curriculum - 학교 교과 과정의 중요한 부분
6. longitudinal research - 장기 연구
7. inherent - 본래 내재된, 이기적인
제출한 라이팅
It is a common belief that students should not be forced to study art and music. However, I firmly believe that these should be required subjects because taking art and music classes helps children become more creative and alleviates stress.
To begin with, studying art and music fosters creativity among children. These types of classes include activities, such as painting or playing musical instruments, that enable students to communicate their feelings. They become more creative as they learn how to express themselves. This is illustrated by one study carried out on American children. The researchers compared the results of several decades' worth of test designed to measure creativity. What they found was that the creativity of American children has been in decline since the mid-1990s. This coincides with a reduction in the number of art and music classes taught in US schools.
On top of that, making art and music classes mandatory would create opportunities for students to relieve their stress. This is because attending these classes would allow students to take breaks from more intensive academic courses that require the memorization of facts and figures. In effect, having mandatory art and music classes would be a chance for children to recharge their mental batteries. In fact, a study on art therapy has found that doing 45 minutes of creative work reduces the level of stress hormones found in the body. This makes taking art or music classes especially important for today's youth, who are under more pressure than ever due to the challenges of schools. Having the opportunity to relieve stress during the school could really help to improve their mental well-being.
To sum up, having students take art and music classes promotes creativity and reduces stress. For these reasons, all students should be required to study these subjects as part of the core curriculum.
To begin with, studying art and music fosters creativity among children. These types of classes include activities, such as painting or playing musical instruments, that enable students to communicate their feelings. They become more creative as they learn how to express themselves. This is illustrated by one study carried out on American children. The researchers compared the results of several decades' worth of test designed to measure creativity. What they found was that the creativity of American children has been in decline since the mid-1990s. This coincides with a reduction in the number of art and music classes taught in US schools.
On top of that, making art and music classes mandatory would create opportunities for students to relieve their stress. This is because attending these classes would allow students to take breaks from more intensive academic courses that require the memorization of facts and figures. In effect, having mandatory art and music classes would be a chance for children to recharge their mental batteries. In fact, a study on art therapy has found that doing 45 minutes of creative work reduces the level of stress hormones found in the body. This makes taking art or music classes especially important for today's youth, who are under more pressure than ever due to the challenges of schools. Having the opportunity to relieve stress during the school could really help to improve their mental well-being.
To sum up, having students take art and music classes promotes creativity and reduces stress. For these reasons, all students should be required to study these subjects as part of the core curriculum.
공유
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