아이엘츠 라이팅 AI 첨삭
- Discussion
It is important to be concerned about international events, even if those events have no direct impact on our lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 8.5
The writer addresses the task fully. The writer's opinion is clear throughout the essay, with adequate support and relevant examples.
Coherence & Cohesion: 9
Each paragraph is logically organized and follows a clear line of thought, transition words and cohesive devices are used effectively.
Lexical Resource: 8.5
The writer uses a wide range of vocabulary. There's good use of less common and idiomatic words, but somewhat repetitive wording in some places.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 8.5
There's a mix of simple and complex sentence constructions, and all are grammatically accurate with very few minor errors.
Overall: 8.5
This is a coherent, well-structured essay with a clear argument and appropriate examples. Further improvement can be in diversifying vocabulary and error-free sentences.
Task Response: 8.5
The writer addresses the task fully. The writer's opinion is clear throughout the essay, with adequate support and relevant examples.
Coherence & Cohesion: 9
Each paragraph is logically organized and follows a clear line of thought, transition words and cohesive devices are used effectively.
Lexical Resource: 8.5
The writer uses a wide range of vocabulary. There's good use of less common and idiomatic words, but somewhat repetitive wording in some places.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 8.5
There's a mix of simple and complex sentence constructions, and all are grammatically accurate with very few minor errors.
Overall: 8.5
This is a coherent, well-structured essay with a clear argument and appropriate examples. Further improvement can be in diversifying vocabulary and error-free sentences.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
It is important to be concerned about international events, even if those events have no direct impact on our lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Essay:
It is often said that attention need not be paid to global occurrences, unless they directly affect us. However, I hold a contrary opinion, believing that being attuned to international events is essential because it enables nations to aid other countries and also devise ways to rectify their own issues.
Firstly, understanding international issues can be a stepping stone towards aiding global citizens. Scores of nations often face tragic circumstances like human rights abuses, natural disasters and war. Being informed about these incidents paves the way for relief measures, such as resource sharing and financial contributions. A vivid illustration of this is the 2008 Sichuan earthquake, where various nations expeditiously responded and provided significant assistance, thereby amplifying China's disaster recovery efforts.
Secondly, knowing about global events can provide valuable insights when dealing with our own societal challenges. Frequently, nations are faced with identical dilemmas, hence, studying those nations' failures and successes can guide us towards effective solutions. Case in point is Korea; when faced with heightened numbers of migrant workers and the associated issues, they looked upon the strategies of the UK and Germany and implemented effective laws.
To encapsulate, international awareness is crucial, not just for lending assistance to other nations but also for solving domestic issues. Ignoring global events reduces our chances to evolve and be prepared for life's ambiguities.
Word count: 251
Essay translated in Korean:
세계적인 사건에 주목할 필요가 없다는 의견이 종종 있지만, 나는 반대의 견해를 가지고 있다. 다른 나라에 도움을 줄 수 있는 능력을 갖추고 자국의 문제를 해결할 방법을 찾을 수 있기 때문에 국제 사건에 경각심을 가지고 있어야 한다고 믿는다.
우선, 국제 문제를 이해하는 것은 세계 시민을 돕는 발판이 될 수 있다. 많은 국가들이 인권 학대, 자연 재해 그리고 전쟁 같은 비극적인 상황에 직면해 있다. 이러한 사건에 대한 정보를 얻는 것은 자원 공유와 재정적 지원과 같은 구호 조치로 이어질 수 있다. 이를 빗나가면 2008년 사천 지진이 있는데, 이때 여러 나라들은 신속하게 반응하고 큰 도움을 주었다.
두 번째로, 세계의 사건을 알고 있을 때 우리 자신의 사회적 도전을 처리하는데 중요한 통찰력을 제공할 수 있다. 대부분의 나라들은 동일한 딜레마에 직면하기 때문에, 이러한 나라들의 실패와 성공을 공부하는 것은 효과적인 해결책으로 이끌어줄 수 있다. 한국을 예로 들면, 이민 노동자 수가 급증하면서 생긴 문제를 처리하기 위해 영국과 독일의 전략을 참조하여 유효한 법을 시행하였다.
요약하면, 국제적인 인식은 다른 나라에 도움을 주는 것뿐만 아니라 국내 문제 해결에도 중요하다. 세계적인 사건을 무시하면 우리쪽에서 생명의 불확실성에 대비하고 발전할 기회를 줄인다.
Good expressions:
1. Stepping stone towards - ~을 향한 발판
2. Paves the way - 길을 닦다.
3. Vivid illustration - 생생한 예
4. Case in point - 예를 들어
5. To encapsulate - 요약하면
It is often said that attention need not be paid to global occurrences, unless they directly affect us. However, I hold a contrary opinion, believing that being attuned to international events is essential because it enables nations to aid other countries and also devise ways to rectify their own issues.
Firstly, understanding international issues can be a stepping stone towards aiding global citizens. Scores of nations often face tragic circumstances like human rights abuses, natural disasters and war. Being informed about these incidents paves the way for relief measures, such as resource sharing and financial contributions. A vivid illustration of this is the 2008 Sichuan earthquake, where various nations expeditiously responded and provided significant assistance, thereby amplifying China's disaster recovery efforts.
Secondly, knowing about global events can provide valuable insights when dealing with our own societal challenges. Frequently, nations are faced with identical dilemmas, hence, studying those nations' failures and successes can guide us towards effective solutions. Case in point is Korea; when faced with heightened numbers of migrant workers and the associated issues, they looked upon the strategies of the UK and Germany and implemented effective laws.
To encapsulate, international awareness is crucial, not just for lending assistance to other nations but also for solving domestic issues. Ignoring global events reduces our chances to evolve and be prepared for life's ambiguities.
Word count: 251
Essay translated in Korean:
세계적인 사건에 주목할 필요가 없다는 의견이 종종 있지만, 나는 반대의 견해를 가지고 있다. 다른 나라에 도움을 줄 수 있는 능력을 갖추고 자국의 문제를 해결할 방법을 찾을 수 있기 때문에 국제 사건에 경각심을 가지고 있어야 한다고 믿는다.
우선, 국제 문제를 이해하는 것은 세계 시민을 돕는 발판이 될 수 있다. 많은 국가들이 인권 학대, 자연 재해 그리고 전쟁 같은 비극적인 상황에 직면해 있다. 이러한 사건에 대한 정보를 얻는 것은 자원 공유와 재정적 지원과 같은 구호 조치로 이어질 수 있다. 이를 빗나가면 2008년 사천 지진이 있는데, 이때 여러 나라들은 신속하게 반응하고 큰 도움을 주었다.
두 번째로, 세계의 사건을 알고 있을 때 우리 자신의 사회적 도전을 처리하는데 중요한 통찰력을 제공할 수 있다. 대부분의 나라들은 동일한 딜레마에 직면하기 때문에, 이러한 나라들의 실패와 성공을 공부하는 것은 효과적인 해결책으로 이끌어줄 수 있다. 한국을 예로 들면, 이민 노동자 수가 급증하면서 생긴 문제를 처리하기 위해 영국과 독일의 전략을 참조하여 유효한 법을 시행하였다.
요약하면, 국제적인 인식은 다른 나라에 도움을 주는 것뿐만 아니라 국내 문제 해결에도 중요하다. 세계적인 사건을 무시하면 우리쪽에서 생명의 불확실성에 대비하고 발전할 기회를 줄인다.
Good expressions:
1. Stepping stone towards - ~을 향한 발판
2. Paves the way - 길을 닦다.
3. Vivid illustration - 생생한 예
4. Case in point - 예를 들어
5. To encapsulate - 요약하면
제출한 라이팅
It is a common belief that it is not necessary to be aware of world events as long as they are unlikely to directly impact our lives. However, I firmly believe that we should keep up with events occurring in other countries. This is because knowledge of international events allows nations to provide support to other countries and even come up with solutions to their own problems.
To begin with, being concerned about international events enables people to help other citizens of the world. Humanitarian crises, natural disasters and conflicts are, unfortunately, frequent occurrences in many places around the globe. By paying attention to these events, it is possible to share resources to assist others in times of need. For instance, the 2008 earthquake in Sichuan, China, caused a lot of damage. However, a quick reaction from the international community helped China rescue more victims than they would have otherwise been able to save if they were working alone. Also, many countries donated large amounts of money to make repairs throughout the region. This aid made it easier for local people to deal with the tragedy.
On top of that, keeping up with world events leads to a better understanding of how to deal with problems that could occur in our own society. Many societies face similar issues, and looking to see how other states failed or succeeded can provide guidance toward better solutions. Korea, for example, faced a dilemma when the number of migrant workers increased rapidly. Some of them suffered from poor treatment, while others remained in the country without a visa. After looking at international examples from countries like the UK and Germany, which have experienced a similar problem in the past, the Korean government was able to introduce laws to protect the rights of migrant workers while also reducing the number who overstayed illegally.
To sum up, understanding what is occurring in other countries makes it possible to help others and provides useful information that can be used to solve problems at home. For these reasons, it is important to maintain an interest in events occurring in other countries.
To begin with, being concerned about international events enables people to help other citizens of the world. Humanitarian crises, natural disasters and conflicts are, unfortunately, frequent occurrences in many places around the globe. By paying attention to these events, it is possible to share resources to assist others in times of need. For instance, the 2008 earthquake in Sichuan, China, caused a lot of damage. However, a quick reaction from the international community helped China rescue more victims than they would have otherwise been able to save if they were working alone. Also, many countries donated large amounts of money to make repairs throughout the region. This aid made it easier for local people to deal with the tragedy.
On top of that, keeping up with world events leads to a better understanding of how to deal with problems that could occur in our own society. Many societies face similar issues, and looking to see how other states failed or succeeded can provide guidance toward better solutions. Korea, for example, faced a dilemma when the number of migrant workers increased rapidly. Some of them suffered from poor treatment, while others remained in the country without a visa. After looking at international examples from countries like the UK and Germany, which have experienced a similar problem in the past, the Korean government was able to introduce laws to protect the rights of migrant workers while also reducing the number who overstayed illegally.
To sum up, understanding what is occurring in other countries makes it possible to help others and provides useful information that can be used to solve problems at home. For these reasons, it is important to maintain an interest in events occurring in other countries.
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