AI IELTS Writing AI Correction
- Opinion
Some people say that arts subjects such as painting or drawing should not be made compulsory for high school students. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 7
The essay responds appropriately to the task with a clear position throughout the answer. The student develops the argument and outline clear reasons for their stance. The introduction and conclusion are solid. However, the student's arguments sometimes lose clarity, especially in the second part.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
Cohesion is managed well with a clear overall progression, making points logically and relevantly. However, some points could have been linked better and the essay would also benefit from more connective words and phrases.
Lexical Resource: 6
The range of vocabulary is adequate and the essay demonstrates a good awareness of collocation. However, the writer has incorrectly used some words leading to a loss of meaning and less clarity on the point being made. Some words are also spelt incorrectly e.g "Strat".
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6
The student uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and demonstrates some control over complex sentences by presenting related points within one sentence. Some errors (some serious) have occurred in articles use, word order, and spelling.
Overall: 6.5
Minor errors in vocabulary choice and sentence structure, as well as occasional lack of clarity in arguments reduces the overall score to 6.5. However, with some improvement in these areas, the student has potential for a higher score.
Task Response: 7
The essay responds appropriately to the task with a clear position throughout the answer. The student develops the argument and outline clear reasons for their stance. The introduction and conclusion are solid. However, the student's arguments sometimes lose clarity, especially in the second part.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
Cohesion is managed well with a clear overall progression, making points logically and relevantly. However, some points could have been linked better and the essay would also benefit from more connective words and phrases.
Lexical Resource: 6
The range of vocabulary is adequate and the essay demonstrates a good awareness of collocation. However, the writer has incorrectly used some words leading to a loss of meaning and less clarity on the point being made. Some words are also spelt incorrectly e.g "Strat".
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6
The student uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and demonstrates some control over complex sentences by presenting related points within one sentence. Some errors (some serious) have occurred in articles use, word order, and spelling.
Overall: 6.5
Minor errors in vocabulary choice and sentence structure, as well as occasional lack of clarity in arguments reduces the overall score to 6.5. However, with some improvement in these areas, the student has potential for a higher score.
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Some people say that arts subjects such as painting or drawing should not be made compulsory for high school students. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Essay:
The debate about whether art subjects should be compulsory in high school has been divisive. I personally agree that arts should be a mandatory part of a student's curricula, despite some differing arguments.
While it might be true that students possess distinct interests, insisting on arts being optional may do more harm than good. Students who have an affinity for science, for example, might view art as a waste of time, hindering their progress in specialized areas. However, this thinking denies the opportunity for these students to explore other talents or possibilities, and is therefore a bit shortsighted.
Nonetheless, compelling counter-arguments exist suggesting that art cultivates well-rounded individuals. This stems from the understanding that studying different art forms exposes students to varied cultures, thereby promotes cultural literacy and creativity. Moreover, creativity has been linked to cognitive development, and incorporating art into the academic curriculum might lead to an enriching learning experience. Also, in our rapidly changing world, artistic skills could become advantageous. For instance, people confident in drawing or designing might find these skills useful in modern industries such as YouTube video creation.
In conclusion, despite the ongoing debate, I believe that making art subjects compulsory could significantly contribute to students' overall development.
Word count: 206
Essay translated in Korean:
고등학교에서 예술 과목을 의무화해야 하는지에 대한 논쟁은 양분된 의견을 보여왔습니다. 개인적으로는 일부 이견에도 불구하고 예술이 학생들의 교육 과정에 필수적인 부분이어야 한다고 생각합니다.
학생들이 각자의 관심사를 가지고 있다는 점을 인정하면서도, 예술을 선택 과목으로 두는 것은 더 많은 해를 끼치는 것일 수 있습니다. 예를 들어, 과학에 애착을 가진 학생들이 예술을 시간 낭비로 보고, 자신이 전문화하고자 하는 분야의 성장을 방해하게 될 수 있습니다. 그러나 이러한 생각은 이런 학생들이 다른 재능이나 가능성을 탐색할 기회를 부정하게 되므로, 다소 편협한 사고라고 볼 수 있습니다.
그러나, 예술이 전문성 있는 개인을 키울 수 있다는 설득력 있는 반론들이 있습니다. 다양한 예술 형태를 공부하는 것은 학생들을 다양한 문화에 노출시키게 되어 문화적 소양을 증진시키고 창의성을 발휘시킬 수 있음을 이해하고 있습니다. 더욱이, 창의성은 인지 발달과 연결되어 있고, 학문 과정에 예술을 통합하는 것이 풍부한 학습 경험을 제공할 수 있습니다. 또한, 빠르게 변화하는 우리의 세상에서는 예술적 기술이 유리한 장점이 될 수 있습니다. 예를 들어, 그림이나 디자인에 자신감이 있는 사람들은 이런 기술을 유튜브 비디오 제작과 같은 현대 산업에서 유용하게 활용할 수 있을 것입니다.
결론적으로, 계속되는 논쟁에도 불구하고, 예술 과목을 의무화하는 것이 학생들의 전반적인 발달에 상당히 기여할 수 있다고 믿습니다.
Good expressions:
1. "do more harm than good" - 더 많은 해를 끼치는 것
2. "affinity for" - ~에 대한 애착을 가진
3. "explore other talents or possibilities" - 다른 재능이나 가능성을 탐색하다
4. "promotes cultural literacy and creativity" - 문화적 소양을 증진시키고 창의성을 발휘시킨다
5. "significantly contribute to" - 상당히 기여하다
The debate about whether art subjects should be compulsory in high school has been divisive. I personally agree that arts should be a mandatory part of a student's curricula, despite some differing arguments.
While it might be true that students possess distinct interests, insisting on arts being optional may do more harm than good. Students who have an affinity for science, for example, might view art as a waste of time, hindering their progress in specialized areas. However, this thinking denies the opportunity for these students to explore other talents or possibilities, and is therefore a bit shortsighted.
Nonetheless, compelling counter-arguments exist suggesting that art cultivates well-rounded individuals. This stems from the understanding that studying different art forms exposes students to varied cultures, thereby promotes cultural literacy and creativity. Moreover, creativity has been linked to cognitive development, and incorporating art into the academic curriculum might lead to an enriching learning experience. Also, in our rapidly changing world, artistic skills could become advantageous. For instance, people confident in drawing or designing might find these skills useful in modern industries such as YouTube video creation.
In conclusion, despite the ongoing debate, I believe that making art subjects compulsory could significantly contribute to students' overall development.
Word count: 206
Essay translated in Korean:
고등학교에서 예술 과목을 의무화해야 하는지에 대한 논쟁은 양분된 의견을 보여왔습니다. 개인적으로는 일부 이견에도 불구하고 예술이 학생들의 교육 과정에 필수적인 부분이어야 한다고 생각합니다.
학생들이 각자의 관심사를 가지고 있다는 점을 인정하면서도, 예술을 선택 과목으로 두는 것은 더 많은 해를 끼치는 것일 수 있습니다. 예를 들어, 과학에 애착을 가진 학생들이 예술을 시간 낭비로 보고, 자신이 전문화하고자 하는 분야의 성장을 방해하게 될 수 있습니다. 그러나 이러한 생각은 이런 학생들이 다른 재능이나 가능성을 탐색할 기회를 부정하게 되므로, 다소 편협한 사고라고 볼 수 있습니다.
그러나, 예술이 전문성 있는 개인을 키울 수 있다는 설득력 있는 반론들이 있습니다. 다양한 예술 형태를 공부하는 것은 학생들을 다양한 문화에 노출시키게 되어 문화적 소양을 증진시키고 창의성을 발휘시킬 수 있음을 이해하고 있습니다. 더욱이, 창의성은 인지 발달과 연결되어 있고, 학문 과정에 예술을 통합하는 것이 풍부한 학습 경험을 제공할 수 있습니다. 또한, 빠르게 변화하는 우리의 세상에서는 예술적 기술이 유리한 장점이 될 수 있습니다. 예를 들어, 그림이나 디자인에 자신감이 있는 사람들은 이런 기술을 유튜브 비디오 제작과 같은 현대 산업에서 유용하게 활용할 수 있을 것입니다.
결론적으로, 계속되는 논쟁에도 불구하고, 예술 과목을 의무화하는 것이 학생들의 전반적인 발달에 상당히 기여할 수 있다고 믿습니다.
Good expressions:
1. "do more harm than good" - 더 많은 해를 끼치는 것
2. "affinity for" - ~에 대한 애착을 가진
3. "explore other talents or possibilities" - 다른 재능이나 가능성을 탐색하다
4. "promotes cultural literacy and creativity" - 문화적 소양을 증진시키고 창의성을 발휘시킨다
5. "significantly contribute to" - 상당히 기여하다
제출한 라이팅
It is often advocated that art subjects need to be optional course with opinions divided on its validity.While many are against this perspective, I am inclined to the belief that art subjects should be mandatory. This essay will explore compelling arguments and suggest relevant examples to support my opinion.
It is convincing that school do not have to force students to take art subject course to some degree primarily because students have different individual interests. Some students may not have natural inclination in drawing or painting, which might lead to disengagement and resentment. Additionally, the enforcing art course can hinder time to take academic courses. For instance, some students, who are obsessed with science subjects, are not likely to be inclined to learn art subjects. In that case, taking further academic subject courses are more helpful to improve students own ability and talents. Therefore, uniform teaching approaches ought to be avoided. Yet, there sill remains a counter-argument that deserves consideration.
Although it may be logical al to argue that standardized art subjects can be harmful, it is essential to acknowledge that taking art subjects may cultivates well-rounded human quality. This is due to the fact that studying several different art forms cause students to different cultures, which may promotes cultural literacy and foster creativity. In addition, creativity activities are beneficial to overall cognitive development. Therefore, taking both academic and art subject courses are more efficient to become smarter than only immersing in academic subjects. Finally, nowadays services have been evolving rapidly combined with arts. To exemplify, many people are trying to Strat youtube nowadays, those who are familiar with drawing or designing are easily to make videos and thumbnails. As a result, it is reasonable to assert that essential art subject course is crucial for students.
In conclusion, there is disagreement concerning whether art subject need to be compulsory. This implies that this topic of debate requires comprehensive deliberation while taking into account additional facets outlined above. Nevertheless, it is imperative that the significant of taking art subject should not be overlooked. It is recommended that school need to offer different types of art subjects such as not only painting and drawing but also design and photo to students.
It is convincing that school do not have to force students to take art subject course to some degree primarily because students have different individual interests. Some students may not have natural inclination in drawing or painting, which might lead to disengagement and resentment. Additionally, the enforcing art course can hinder time to take academic courses. For instance, some students, who are obsessed with science subjects, are not likely to be inclined to learn art subjects. In that case, taking further academic subject courses are more helpful to improve students own ability and talents. Therefore, uniform teaching approaches ought to be avoided. Yet, there sill remains a counter-argument that deserves consideration.
Although it may be logical al to argue that standardized art subjects can be harmful, it is essential to acknowledge that taking art subjects may cultivates well-rounded human quality. This is due to the fact that studying several different art forms cause students to different cultures, which may promotes cultural literacy and foster creativity. In addition, creativity activities are beneficial to overall cognitive development. Therefore, taking both academic and art subject courses are more efficient to become smarter than only immersing in academic subjects. Finally, nowadays services have been evolving rapidly combined with arts. To exemplify, many people are trying to Strat youtube nowadays, those who are familiar with drawing or designing are easily to make videos and thumbnails. As a result, it is reasonable to assert that essential art subject course is crucial for students.
In conclusion, there is disagreement concerning whether art subject need to be compulsory. This implies that this topic of debate requires comprehensive deliberation while taking into account additional facets outlined above. Nevertheless, it is imperative that the significant of taking art subject should not be overlooked. It is recommended that school need to offer different types of art subjects such as not only painting and drawing but also design and photo to students.
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