AI IELTS Writing AI Correction
- Discussion
Some people say that students should not be exposed to teacher’s opinions on social and political issues in the classroom. Others, however, think that it is helpful for students to hear various perspectives. Discuss both these views and give yours
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Evaluation
Task Response: 6
The essay addresses the task fairly well, discussing both sides of the argument and the student's own view with clear topic sentences. However, some points could be further developed. E.g. 'If their study included social and political issues, students could be confused about what is priority' lacks detailed explanation or examples.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
The essay shows good coherence and cohesion. Ideas are logically organized, both within and between paragraphs, and there's consistent use of cohesive devices and transitional phrases. A slightly better balance and more detailed development of arguments would have maximized score.
Lexical Resource: 7
Good range of vocabulary to convey specific meaning with precision. However, there are a couple of instances where the word used is not quite correct in context ('rubbish political world', 'as possible as quickly').
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 7
A fair amount of complex sentence structures is used, and grammatical control is fairly good overall. There are occasional minor errors (e.g. 'they are likely to lose of control themselves'), but these do not impede communication much.
Overall: 6.75
The essay demonstrates a high intermediate level of English, with gaps in task response and occasional lapses in grammar and vocabulary use. The student demonstrates good coherence and cohesion, and a reasonable use of various grammatical structures and vocabulary. Further attention to developing arguments, correcting minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing will improve the score.
Task Response: 6
The essay addresses the task fairly well, discussing both sides of the argument and the student's own view with clear topic sentences. However, some points could be further developed. E.g. 'If their study included social and political issues, students could be confused about what is priority' lacks detailed explanation or examples.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
The essay shows good coherence and cohesion. Ideas are logically organized, both within and between paragraphs, and there's consistent use of cohesive devices and transitional phrases. A slightly better balance and more detailed development of arguments would have maximized score.
Lexical Resource: 7
Good range of vocabulary to convey specific meaning with precision. However, there are a couple of instances where the word used is not quite correct in context ('rubbish political world', 'as possible as quickly').
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 7
A fair amount of complex sentence structures is used, and grammatical control is fairly good overall. There are occasional minor errors (e.g. 'they are likely to lose of control themselves'), but these do not impede communication much.
Overall: 6.75
The essay demonstrates a high intermediate level of English, with gaps in task response and occasional lapses in grammar and vocabulary use. The student demonstrates good coherence and cohesion, and a reasonable use of various grammatical structures and vocabulary. Further attention to developing arguments, correcting minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing will improve the score.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Some people say that students should not be exposed to teacher’s opinions on social and political issues in the classroom. Others, however, think that it is helpful for students to hear various perspectives. Discuss both these views and give yours
Essay:
There are differing views regarding the involvement of teachers' opinions on social and political matters within the academic realms. Whilst some people believe it to be an unnecessary distraction, others regard this as a much-needed opportunity for students to broaden their horizons. I largely resonate with the latter sentiment.
The first viewpoint proposes that the primary focus of schools should be to impart core subjects like math, science and literature. Critics are concerned that discussing volatile topics such as politics and societal issues might sidetrack the students, jeopardising their academic performance. They worry that adolescents are impressionable, and these contentious subjects might incite unpredictable reactions or behaviours, ultimately leading to a chaotic learning environment. Further concerns include potential exposure to the darker corners of political arenas and social media platforms, which can be harmful for the emotionally unprepared youngsters.
In contrast, others argue that in this ever-evolving society, it is necessary for students to gain a wide spectrum of experiences. With the internet providing instantaneous access to numerous platforms, early exposure to such topics might help students navigate their social and digital lives more consciously, possibly averting harmful behaviours. Moreover, experiencing a diverse range of views can facilitate personal and intellectual growth. Imbibing and understanding different perspectives can prepare the students to face the world beyond the classroom better.
In conclusion, despite potential pitfalls, allowing students to delve into various social and political matters guided by teachers can be a definitive step towards their growth and maturity.
Word count: 266
Essay translated in Korean:
선생님의 사회적, 정치적 의견이 학문 영역에 개입하는 것에 대해 의견이 분분합니다. 일부 사람들은 이것이 불필요한 방해로 생각하는 반면, 다른 사람들은 이것이 학생들이 시야를 넓히는 데 필요한 기회라고 생각합니다. 저는 대체로 후자의 느낌이 더 큽니다.
첫 번째 견해는 학교의 주요 초점이 수학, 과학, 문학과 같은 핵심과목을 전달하는 것이어야한다고 제안합니다. 비평가들은 정치와 사회 문제와 같은 불안정한 주제를 토론하는 것이 학생들을 새로운 길로 이끌어, 학업 성적을 해칠 수 있다고 우려합니다. 그들은 청소년들이 인상적이라고 생각하고, 이런 논란의 여지가 있는 주제들이 예측 불허의 반응이나 행동을 조장할 수 있다고 우려하며, 이는 궁극적으로 혼란스러운 학습 환경을 초래할 수 있다고 우려합니다. 이러한 문제들에 처음 노출될 경우 학생들이 더 큰 어려움을 겪을 수 있기 때문에, 다양한 경험들이 미래에 긍정적인 영향을 미칠 것이라고 주장합니다.
결론적으로, 잠재적인 함정에도 불구하고, 선생님들의 지도 하에 학생들이 여러 가지 사회와 정치 문제에 대해 연구할 수 있게하는 것은 그들의 성장과 성숙을 위한 결정적인 단계 일 수 있습니다.
Good expressions:
1. "broaden their horizons" - 시야를 넓히다
2. "jeopardising their academic performance" - 학업 성적을 해치다
3. "potentially leading to a chaotic learning environment" - 간접적으로 혼란스럽게하는 학습 환경을 초래하다
4. "facilitate personal and intellectual growth" - 개인적, 지적 성장을 촉진하다
5. "definitive step towards their growth and maturity." - 성장과 성숙을 향한 결정적인 단계
There are differing views regarding the involvement of teachers' opinions on social and political matters within the academic realms. Whilst some people believe it to be an unnecessary distraction, others regard this as a much-needed opportunity for students to broaden their horizons. I largely resonate with the latter sentiment.
The first viewpoint proposes that the primary focus of schools should be to impart core subjects like math, science and literature. Critics are concerned that discussing volatile topics such as politics and societal issues might sidetrack the students, jeopardising their academic performance. They worry that adolescents are impressionable, and these contentious subjects might incite unpredictable reactions or behaviours, ultimately leading to a chaotic learning environment. Further concerns include potential exposure to the darker corners of political arenas and social media platforms, which can be harmful for the emotionally unprepared youngsters.
In contrast, others argue that in this ever-evolving society, it is necessary for students to gain a wide spectrum of experiences. With the internet providing instantaneous access to numerous platforms, early exposure to such topics might help students navigate their social and digital lives more consciously, possibly averting harmful behaviours. Moreover, experiencing a diverse range of views can facilitate personal and intellectual growth. Imbibing and understanding different perspectives can prepare the students to face the world beyond the classroom better.
In conclusion, despite potential pitfalls, allowing students to delve into various social and political matters guided by teachers can be a definitive step towards their growth and maturity.
Word count: 266
Essay translated in Korean:
선생님의 사회적, 정치적 의견이 학문 영역에 개입하는 것에 대해 의견이 분분합니다. 일부 사람들은 이것이 불필요한 방해로 생각하는 반면, 다른 사람들은 이것이 학생들이 시야를 넓히는 데 필요한 기회라고 생각합니다. 저는 대체로 후자의 느낌이 더 큽니다.
첫 번째 견해는 학교의 주요 초점이 수학, 과학, 문학과 같은 핵심과목을 전달하는 것이어야한다고 제안합니다. 비평가들은 정치와 사회 문제와 같은 불안정한 주제를 토론하는 것이 학생들을 새로운 길로 이끌어, 학업 성적을 해칠 수 있다고 우려합니다. 그들은 청소년들이 인상적이라고 생각하고, 이런 논란의 여지가 있는 주제들이 예측 불허의 반응이나 행동을 조장할 수 있다고 우려하며, 이는 궁극적으로 혼란스러운 학습 환경을 초래할 수 있다고 우려합니다. 이러한 문제들에 처음 노출될 경우 학생들이 더 큰 어려움을 겪을 수 있기 때문에, 다양한 경험들이 미래에 긍정적인 영향을 미칠 것이라고 주장합니다.
결론적으로, 잠재적인 함정에도 불구하고, 선생님들의 지도 하에 학생들이 여러 가지 사회와 정치 문제에 대해 연구할 수 있게하는 것은 그들의 성장과 성숙을 위한 결정적인 단계 일 수 있습니다.
Good expressions:
1. "broaden their horizons" - 시야를 넓히다
2. "jeopardising their academic performance" - 학업 성적을 해치다
3. "potentially leading to a chaotic learning environment" - 간접적으로 혼란스럽게하는 학습 환경을 초래하다
4. "facilitate personal and intellectual growth" - 개인적, 지적 성장을 촉진하다
5. "definitive step towards their growth and maturity." - 성장과 성숙을 향한 결정적인 단계
제출한 라이팅
Some people argue that social and political trends should not influence students in school, while others contend that exposure various views could be helpful for students. Both views can be persuasive, but I partly agree with the latter opinion.
To begin with, school is a place, where students study basic subjects such as mathematics, languages, science, and sociology. However, if their study included social and political issues, students could be confused about what is priority. Since social and political issues are provocative, they could take precedence than other subjects. Also, students are still growing up, and they are likely to lose of control themselves, potentially leading to unpredictable behavior. Additionally, exposure to social and political issues can be dangerous for students. There are various situations, such as rubbish political world, and inappropriate behavior on social media, which are not suitable for teenagers.
On the other hand, as eras change, in order to improve the level of education, students need to gain various experiences early on. Nowadays, teenagers have access to society through the internet as possible as quickly. Therefore, if they become aware of social and political issues in advance, it may prevent inappropriate behavior in school. Moreover, various experiences contribute to the growth of students. Individuals can learn and develop through diverse experiences. If students are exposed to social and political issues without having prior experience, they may face greater difficulties. Thus, various experiences will have positive effects in the future.
In conclusion, while there are some negative impacts associated with learning social and political issues in school, I believe that through such learning experience, students can grow up. Therefore, students should be encouraged to gain exposure to various experiences.
To begin with, school is a place, where students study basic subjects such as mathematics, languages, science, and sociology. However, if their study included social and political issues, students could be confused about what is priority. Since social and political issues are provocative, they could take precedence than other subjects. Also, students are still growing up, and they are likely to lose of control themselves, potentially leading to unpredictable behavior. Additionally, exposure to social and political issues can be dangerous for students. There are various situations, such as rubbish political world, and inappropriate behavior on social media, which are not suitable for teenagers.
On the other hand, as eras change, in order to improve the level of education, students need to gain various experiences early on. Nowadays, teenagers have access to society through the internet as possible as quickly. Therefore, if they become aware of social and political issues in advance, it may prevent inappropriate behavior in school. Moreover, various experiences contribute to the growth of students. Individuals can learn and develop through diverse experiences. If students are exposed to social and political issues without having prior experience, they may face greater difficulties. Thus, various experiences will have positive effects in the future.
In conclusion, while there are some negative impacts associated with learning social and political issues in school, I believe that through such learning experience, students can grow up. Therefore, students should be encouraged to gain exposure to various experiences.
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