아이엘츠 라이팅 AI 첨삭
- Discussion
People can live and work anywhere they want because of improved communication technology and transport. What are the advantages and disadvantges of this development?
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: [6]
The essay generally addresses the task, presenting relevant points on both the advantages and disadvantages of improved communication technology and transport. However, some points are a bit unclear and almost miss the point of the question. The conclusion is a bit weak and doesn't fully address the task of weighing out the advantages and disadvantages, rather it comes off as biased towards one side.
Coherence & Cohesion: [5]
Coherence and cohesion of ideas are okay but can be improved for a better flow of information. Some sentences are unclear and hard to understand because of minor errors in syntax and usage of conjunctions. Linking words are used correctly but sometimes unnecessary.
Lexical Resource: [5]
The range of vocabulary used in this essay is quite varied. There are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "convenience lifestyle" and "bottom" instead of "button". The meaning can still be deduced, but it distorts the clarity of the essay.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: [5]
The essay presents a mix of simple and complex grammatical structures. However, there are several grammatical errors and awkward constructions that can confuse the reader. For example, mistakes in plural and singular forms, use of articles, and misuse of prepositions are noticeable throughout the text.
Overall: [5.25]
This essay at its current state falls within the band 5 range. Both coherence & cohesion and grammatical range & accuracy require improvement. The student should avoid making serious and frequent grammatical errors. Furthermore, the ideas presented in the essay need to be expressed in a more coherent and cohesive manner. With further revision and study, the essay could potentially reach a band 6 or higher.
Task Response: [6]
The essay generally addresses the task, presenting relevant points on both the advantages and disadvantages of improved communication technology and transport. However, some points are a bit unclear and almost miss the point of the question. The conclusion is a bit weak and doesn't fully address the task of weighing out the advantages and disadvantages, rather it comes off as biased towards one side.
Coherence & Cohesion: [5]
Coherence and cohesion of ideas are okay but can be improved for a better flow of information. Some sentences are unclear and hard to understand because of minor errors in syntax and usage of conjunctions. Linking words are used correctly but sometimes unnecessary.
Lexical Resource: [5]
The range of vocabulary used in this essay is quite varied. There are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "convenience lifestyle" and "bottom" instead of "button". The meaning can still be deduced, but it distorts the clarity of the essay.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: [5]
The essay presents a mix of simple and complex grammatical structures. However, there are several grammatical errors and awkward constructions that can confuse the reader. For example, mistakes in plural and singular forms, use of articles, and misuse of prepositions are noticeable throughout the text.
Overall: [5.25]
This essay at its current state falls within the band 5 range. Both coherence & cohesion and grammatical range & accuracy require improvement. The student should avoid making serious and frequent grammatical errors. Furthermore, the ideas presented in the essay need to be expressed in a more coherent and cohesive manner. With further revision and study, the essay could potentially reach a band 6 or higher.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
People can live and work anywhere they want because of improved communication technology and transport. What are the advantages and disadvantges of this development?
Essay:
The advent of sophisticated communication technology and transportation has provided people with the freedom to live or work from virtually any location. This development, however, comes with its merits and demerits.
On the positive side, this advancement contributes to a more convenient lifestyle. With superior communication technology and transport, people have the flexibility to work from any location and at their convenience, without being restricted by geographical boundaries. This is underpinned by a ubiquitous internet presence that permits tasks such as company projects to be executed from any location. Furthermore, people can obtain necessary items or supplies without having to move from their places, thanks to modern technology and swift deliveries. Thus, leading to a more efficient utilisation of time and an enhancement in their quality of life.
Conversely, this development carries with it a degree of vulnerability, particularly in personal security. The omnipresence of technology, including surveillance cameras, creates an environment where people could be monitored constantly, leading to privacy concerns. Furthermore, it inadvertently provides an easy platform for criminal activities, posing a significant risk for those unaware of the necessary precautions to protect themselves from such potential harm.
To sum up, while the development of modern technology and transportation has created unprecedented convenience, it also presents a considerable risk in terms of security. The onus, therefore, lies on individuals to equip themselves with the knowledge of preventing crime.
Word count: 257
Essay translated in Korean:
첨단 통신 기술과 교통 이 발전함에 따라 사람들은 사실상 어떤 위치에서나 살거나 일할 수 있는 자유를 얻었습니다. 그러나 이런 발전은 그 장단점이 따릅니다.
긍정적인 측면에서 이런 발전은 더 편리한 생활방식에 기여를 합니다. 최고급 통신 기술과 교통을 통해 사람들은 지리적 한계에 제약받지 않고 장소와 시간에 맞춰 근무할 수 있습니다. 이것은 회사 프로젝트와 같은 작업이 어떤 위치에서나 실행될 수 있게하는 보편적인 인터넷의 존재에 의해 뒷받침되며, 사람들은 현대 기술과 빠른 배송 덕분에 위치를 이동하지 않고도 필요한 물품을 얻을 수 있습니다.따라서 시간이 효율적으로 활용되고 생활의 질이 향상됩니다.
반대로,이 발전은 개인의 보안에 대한 취약성이라는 일정한 위험을 수반합니다. 감시 카메라를 포함한 기술의 모든 곳에 존재함으로써 사람들이 시시각각 감시 받는 환경을 만들어 개인 정보 보호 문제를 초래합니다. 더욱이 이것은 심지어 범죄 활동에 대한 쉬운 플랫폼을 제공하여 이러한 잠재적 위험으로부터 자신을 보호하기 위한 필요한 예방 조치를 모르는 사람들에게 중요한 위험을 초래합니다.
결론적으로, 현대 기술과 교통의 발전은 전례 없는 편리함을 제공했지만, 보안 측면에서 상당한 위험도 불러일으킵니다. 따라서, 범죄 예방에 대한 지식을 갖추는 책임은 개인에게 있다.
Good expressions:
1. ubiquitious internet presence - 보편적인 인터넷의 존재
2. enhancement in their quality of life - 생활의 질 향상
3. omnipresence of technology - 기술의 모든 곳에 존재함
4. equip themselves with - ~에 대한 지식을 갖추는
5. preventing crime - 범죄 예방.
The advent of sophisticated communication technology and transportation has provided people with the freedom to live or work from virtually any location. This development, however, comes with its merits and demerits.
On the positive side, this advancement contributes to a more convenient lifestyle. With superior communication technology and transport, people have the flexibility to work from any location and at their convenience, without being restricted by geographical boundaries. This is underpinned by a ubiquitous internet presence that permits tasks such as company projects to be executed from any location. Furthermore, people can obtain necessary items or supplies without having to move from their places, thanks to modern technology and swift deliveries. Thus, leading to a more efficient utilisation of time and an enhancement in their quality of life.
Conversely, this development carries with it a degree of vulnerability, particularly in personal security. The omnipresence of technology, including surveillance cameras, creates an environment where people could be monitored constantly, leading to privacy concerns. Furthermore, it inadvertently provides an easy platform for criminal activities, posing a significant risk for those unaware of the necessary precautions to protect themselves from such potential harm.
To sum up, while the development of modern technology and transportation has created unprecedented convenience, it also presents a considerable risk in terms of security. The onus, therefore, lies on individuals to equip themselves with the knowledge of preventing crime.
Word count: 257
Essay translated in Korean:
첨단 통신 기술과 교통 이 발전함에 따라 사람들은 사실상 어떤 위치에서나 살거나 일할 수 있는 자유를 얻었습니다. 그러나 이런 발전은 그 장단점이 따릅니다.
긍정적인 측면에서 이런 발전은 더 편리한 생활방식에 기여를 합니다. 최고급 통신 기술과 교통을 통해 사람들은 지리적 한계에 제약받지 않고 장소와 시간에 맞춰 근무할 수 있습니다. 이것은 회사 프로젝트와 같은 작업이 어떤 위치에서나 실행될 수 있게하는 보편적인 인터넷의 존재에 의해 뒷받침되며, 사람들은 현대 기술과 빠른 배송 덕분에 위치를 이동하지 않고도 필요한 물품을 얻을 수 있습니다.따라서 시간이 효율적으로 활용되고 생활의 질이 향상됩니다.
반대로,이 발전은 개인의 보안에 대한 취약성이라는 일정한 위험을 수반합니다. 감시 카메라를 포함한 기술의 모든 곳에 존재함으로써 사람들이 시시각각 감시 받는 환경을 만들어 개인 정보 보호 문제를 초래합니다. 더욱이 이것은 심지어 범죄 활동에 대한 쉬운 플랫폼을 제공하여 이러한 잠재적 위험으로부터 자신을 보호하기 위한 필요한 예방 조치를 모르는 사람들에게 중요한 위험을 초래합니다.
결론적으로, 현대 기술과 교통의 발전은 전례 없는 편리함을 제공했지만, 보안 측면에서 상당한 위험도 불러일으킵니다. 따라서, 범죄 예방에 대한 지식을 갖추는 책임은 개인에게 있다.
Good expressions:
1. ubiquitious internet presence - 보편적인 인터넷의 존재
2. enhancement in their quality of life - 생활의 질 향상
3. omnipresence of technology - 기술의 모든 곳에 존재함
4. equip themselves with - ~에 대한 지식을 갖추는
5. preventing crime - 범죄 예방.
제출한 라이팅
It is believed that since development of technology, people can do everywhere what they want. I think that this view has both merits and demerits.
To begin with, as benefits, individuals can live convenience lifestyle. By advanced communication technology and transport, they can work everywhere when they want, and they do not care about location, which is far or close. For instance, people can solve the problems such as company projects anywhere, due to existence of the internet everywhere. Additionally, individuals can get all stuffs when they need. Developed technology and transport, even if people do not move or go somewhere, they can get significant subjects around their place. Also, through digital platforms, stuffs which locate long distance, it is available to receive from delivery quickly. Compared to the past, individuals can use their time efficiently, as a result, also they are able to improve their qualities during the given time.
However, there are several drawbacks this issue. Firstly, security is vulnerable. As technology developed, it can be using various functions with only a bottom. Plus, due to function of cameras, people could be monitored everywhere. It means that it is likely to make mistakes easily and happens dangerous situations anytime. Additionally, there are some people who overuse this function. Since, always society is followed with criminals, it is inevitable to prevent overuse with development of technology. Thus, usage of advanced technology could be exposed to criminals easily, and individuals should know the ways not to be exposed the crime.
In conclusion, improved technology and transport has both merits and demerits, while drawbacks bring significant negative effects than benefits. Thus, people must always prevent crime.
To begin with, as benefits, individuals can live convenience lifestyle. By advanced communication technology and transport, they can work everywhere when they want, and they do not care about location, which is far or close. For instance, people can solve the problems such as company projects anywhere, due to existence of the internet everywhere. Additionally, individuals can get all stuffs when they need. Developed technology and transport, even if people do not move or go somewhere, they can get significant subjects around their place. Also, through digital platforms, stuffs which locate long distance, it is available to receive from delivery quickly. Compared to the past, individuals can use their time efficiently, as a result, also they are able to improve their qualities during the given time.
However, there are several drawbacks this issue. Firstly, security is vulnerable. As technology developed, it can be using various functions with only a bottom. Plus, due to function of cameras, people could be monitored everywhere. It means that it is likely to make mistakes easily and happens dangerous situations anytime. Additionally, there are some people who overuse this function. Since, always society is followed with criminals, it is inevitable to prevent overuse with development of technology. Thus, usage of advanced technology could be exposed to criminals easily, and individuals should know the ways not to be exposed the crime.
In conclusion, improved technology and transport has both merits and demerits, while drawbacks bring significant negative effects than benefits. Thus, people must always prevent crime.
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