아이엘츠 라이팅 AI 첨삭
- Discussion
Some people think that the best way to reduce the time spent in travelling to work is to replace parks and gardens close to the city center with apartment buildings for commuters, but others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: [5]
The essay addresses the task of discussing both sides of the argument and providing the writer's own opinion. However, it doesn't always fully develop points and remain focused on the question.
Coherence & Cohesion: [5]
The essay is organized well and makes use of linking words. But ideas are not always coherently expressed and the writer loses cohesion in some places.
Lexical Resource: [6]
The essay uses a range of vocabulary, including less common terms to convey personal opinions. However, some word choices are awkward and lead to confusion. Lexical errors are fairly common.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: [5]
Grammar usage is varied but with a number of errors in article use, subject-verb agreement, and formation of sentences. However, these errors do not impede communication significantly.
Overall: [5.25]
The essay meets moderate standards of the IELTS exam but requires improvement in task response, coherence and cohesion, and especially in grammar accuracy for a better score.
Task Response: [5]
The essay addresses the task of discussing both sides of the argument and providing the writer's own opinion. However, it doesn't always fully develop points and remain focused on the question.
Coherence & Cohesion: [5]
The essay is organized well and makes use of linking words. But ideas are not always coherently expressed and the writer loses cohesion in some places.
Lexical Resource: [6]
The essay uses a range of vocabulary, including less common terms to convey personal opinions. However, some word choices are awkward and lead to confusion. Lexical errors are fairly common.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: [5]
Grammar usage is varied but with a number of errors in article use, subject-verb agreement, and formation of sentences. However, these errors do not impede communication significantly.
Overall: [5.25]
The essay meets moderate standards of the IELTS exam but requires improvement in task response, coherence and cohesion, and especially in grammar accuracy for a better score.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Some people think that the best way to reduce the time spent in travelling to work is to replace parks and gardens close to the city center with apartment buildings for commuters, but others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Essay:
Urban areas today face numerous challenges, one of which is the problem of traffic during commute times. A potential solution that has surfaced is to replace the parks and gardens near city centers with apartments, but this solution has both proponents and opponents.
The main argument in favor of replacing these green spaces with apartments is centered on proximity. Supporters argue that by building residences closer to workplaces, the distance people have to travel to work will be significantly lessened. Hence, less travel time will be needed, theoretically alleviating traffic congestion.
Opponents, however, contest that minimising distance is not the fundamental solution. They argue that regardless of the proximity of these apartments to companies, citizens will still use personal vehicles. This is due to the fact that not all establishments would be within close reach to these new buildings. Thus, despite a transition from parks and gardens to apartment buildings, the issue of traffic congestion during peak hours persists.
In my view, the answer cannot solely lie in replacing green spaces with apartments. The introduction of more public transport options such as subways, buses, and trams, should be considered as part of the solution. This approach could not only potentially solve the issue of traffic congestion but also contribute to reduced air pollution.
Word count: 208
Essay translated in Korean:
오늘날의 도시 지역은 많은 도전 과제를 직면하고 있으며, 그중에 하나가 통근 시간 동안의 교통 문제입니다. 가장 가까운 도시 중심부의 공원과 정원을 아파트로 대체하는 것이 잠재적인 해결책으로 제시되었지만, 이 해결책에는 찬성와 반대 의견이 있습니다.
공원과 정원을 아파트로 교체하기를 지지하는 주된 주장은 근접성에 중심을 두고 있습니다. 지지자들은 직장이 있는 곳에 가까운 곳에 거주지를 건설함으로써, 사람들이 출근하는 데 필요한 거리가 크게 줄어들 것이라고 주장합니다. 따라서 이동 시간이 줄어들어, 이론적으로 교통 체증이 완화될 것입니다.
그러나, 반대자들은 거리를 최소화하는 것이 근본적인 해결책이 아니라고 반박합니다. 그들은 이러한 아파트가 회사들에 가까워도 시민들이 여전히 개인 차량을 사용할 것이라고 주장합니다. 이는 모든 건물들이 이 새로운 건물들에 가까운 거리에 위치하지 않기 때문입니다. 따라서, 공원과 정원에서 아파트 건물로의 전환에도 불구하고, 피크 시간 동안의 교통 체증 문제는 여전히 그대로입니다.
저의 생각은, 해결책이 공원과 정원을 아파트로 대체하는 것만으로는 부족하다는 것입니다. 지하철, 버스, 트램과 같은 공공 교통 수단의 도입을 해결책의 일부로 고려해야 합니다. 이런 접근 방식은 교통 체증 문제를 해결하는 데 뿐만 아니라 공기 오염도 줄일 수 있을 것입니다.
Good expressions:
1. alleviate traffic congestion - 교통 체증 완화
2. within close reach - 가까운 범위 내에
3. persists - 계속되다
4. solely lie in - 완전히 ~에 달려 있다
5. contribute to - ~에 기여하다
Urban areas today face numerous challenges, one of which is the problem of traffic during commute times. A potential solution that has surfaced is to replace the parks and gardens near city centers with apartments, but this solution has both proponents and opponents.
The main argument in favor of replacing these green spaces with apartments is centered on proximity. Supporters argue that by building residences closer to workplaces, the distance people have to travel to work will be significantly lessened. Hence, less travel time will be needed, theoretically alleviating traffic congestion.
Opponents, however, contest that minimising distance is not the fundamental solution. They argue that regardless of the proximity of these apartments to companies, citizens will still use personal vehicles. This is due to the fact that not all establishments would be within close reach to these new buildings. Thus, despite a transition from parks and gardens to apartment buildings, the issue of traffic congestion during peak hours persists.
In my view, the answer cannot solely lie in replacing green spaces with apartments. The introduction of more public transport options such as subways, buses, and trams, should be considered as part of the solution. This approach could not only potentially solve the issue of traffic congestion but also contribute to reduced air pollution.
Word count: 208
Essay translated in Korean:
오늘날의 도시 지역은 많은 도전 과제를 직면하고 있으며, 그중에 하나가 통근 시간 동안의 교통 문제입니다. 가장 가까운 도시 중심부의 공원과 정원을 아파트로 대체하는 것이 잠재적인 해결책으로 제시되었지만, 이 해결책에는 찬성와 반대 의견이 있습니다.
공원과 정원을 아파트로 교체하기를 지지하는 주된 주장은 근접성에 중심을 두고 있습니다. 지지자들은 직장이 있는 곳에 가까운 곳에 거주지를 건설함으로써, 사람들이 출근하는 데 필요한 거리가 크게 줄어들 것이라고 주장합니다. 따라서 이동 시간이 줄어들어, 이론적으로 교통 체증이 완화될 것입니다.
그러나, 반대자들은 거리를 최소화하는 것이 근본적인 해결책이 아니라고 반박합니다. 그들은 이러한 아파트가 회사들에 가까워도 시민들이 여전히 개인 차량을 사용할 것이라고 주장합니다. 이는 모든 건물들이 이 새로운 건물들에 가까운 거리에 위치하지 않기 때문입니다. 따라서, 공원과 정원에서 아파트 건물로의 전환에도 불구하고, 피크 시간 동안의 교통 체증 문제는 여전히 그대로입니다.
저의 생각은, 해결책이 공원과 정원을 아파트로 대체하는 것만으로는 부족하다는 것입니다. 지하철, 버스, 트램과 같은 공공 교통 수단의 도입을 해결책의 일부로 고려해야 합니다. 이런 접근 방식은 교통 체증 문제를 해결하는 데 뿐만 아니라 공기 오염도 줄일 수 있을 것입니다.
Good expressions:
1. alleviate traffic congestion - 교통 체증 완화
2. within close reach - 가까운 범위 내에
3. persists - 계속되다
4. solely lie in - 완전히 ~에 달려 있다
5. contribute to - ~에 기여하다
제출한 라이팅
In today's society, urban area is so much complicated. The more being complicated, The more problems appears. In fact, There are many problems in present city. Especially city transportation problem is the most crucial problem. We can see the road is packed with cars when the time people go to work and come back to home. To resolve this one, many of resolution has been proposed.
The one way of resolution is removing parks and gardens in nearby city, and then constructs some apartment building in that area. This one can be the most simple way to resolve problems but it also have pros and cons.
The positive aspects of building some apartments is increasing of people who lives inside the urban area. The new constructed apartment will be positioned nearby the company where they work in. So much of people lives in that apartment can reduce the time in going to work. Because the distance between home and workplace is shorten than the past one.
But the people who says replacing parks to buildings is not able to solve the problem claim that distance is not the critical point. They will say that even if the distance travelling to work can be diminished, the number of people who uses his car will not decrease. Because all parks and gardens close to the city are not very next to all companies. So people who live in new-constructed buildings should use their car. Then problem because of too many cars in the road at special time has still remain.
I believe that reducing parks and gardens and replacing them to apartments can't be the enough solution. In my opinion, giving some replacement of cars, for example subway, bus and trams, should be companied. If it do so, the problem can be solved and even reduce the air pollution additionally.
The one way of resolution is removing parks and gardens in nearby city, and then constructs some apartment building in that area. This one can be the most simple way to resolve problems but it also have pros and cons.
The positive aspects of building some apartments is increasing of people who lives inside the urban area. The new constructed apartment will be positioned nearby the company where they work in. So much of people lives in that apartment can reduce the time in going to work. Because the distance between home and workplace is shorten than the past one.
But the people who says replacing parks to buildings is not able to solve the problem claim that distance is not the critical point. They will say that even if the distance travelling to work can be diminished, the number of people who uses his car will not decrease. Because all parks and gardens close to the city are not very next to all companies. So people who live in new-constructed buildings should use their car. Then problem because of too many cars in the road at special time has still remain.
I believe that reducing parks and gardens and replacing them to apartments can't be the enough solution. In my opinion, giving some replacement of cars, for example subway, bus and trams, should be companied. If it do so, the problem can be solved and even reduce the air pollution additionally.
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