AI IELTS Writing AI Correction
- Opinion
Individual greed and selfishness have been the basis of modern society. Some people think that we must return to older more traditional values such as respect for the and the local community in order to create a better world to live in.To what extend
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 7
The student showed a good understanding of the task, provided a clear position and supported this throughout the essay with relevant examples and reasons. However, the depth of the argument could have been further developed.
Coherence & Cohesion: 6
There is a logical progression of ideas that are further enhanced by appropriate exemplification. However, paragraphing lacks cohesion and in general, transitional phrases and pronouns are not always used accurately and precisely.
Lexical Resource: 7
While there is a sufficient range of vocabulary and the candidate is able to discuss the topic effectively, there was some repetitive use of words, and the word choice could have been more sophisticated. Still, the errors were not impairing the readability.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6
The candidate demonstrated an adequate range of grammatical structures, but there are several inaccuracies within the essay. Errors in preposition usage ("respect for community," "in a village located in north of Iran") and subject-verb agreement ("anyone who have need") were some observed inaccuracies.
Overall: 6.5
The essay adequately addresses the task, presents arguments, uses a reasonable range of vocabulary and range of grammar despite minor inaccuracies. Error-free syntax and more complex sentence structure would have improved the score.
Task Response: 7
The student showed a good understanding of the task, provided a clear position and supported this throughout the essay with relevant examples and reasons. However, the depth of the argument could have been further developed.
Coherence & Cohesion: 6
There is a logical progression of ideas that are further enhanced by appropriate exemplification. However, paragraphing lacks cohesion and in general, transitional phrases and pronouns are not always used accurately and precisely.
Lexical Resource: 7
While there is a sufficient range of vocabulary and the candidate is able to discuss the topic effectively, there was some repetitive use of words, and the word choice could have been more sophisticated. Still, the errors were not impairing the readability.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6
The candidate demonstrated an adequate range of grammatical structures, but there are several inaccuracies within the essay. Errors in preposition usage ("respect for community," "in a village located in north of Iran") and subject-verb agreement ("anyone who have need") were some observed inaccuracies.
Overall: 6.5
The essay adequately addresses the task, presents arguments, uses a reasonable range of vocabulary and range of grammar despite minor inaccuracies. Error-free syntax and more complex sentence structure would have improved the score.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Individual greed and selfishness have been the basis of modern society. Some people think that we must return to older more traditional values such as respect for the and the local community in order to create a better world to live in.To what extend
Essay:
Modern society, driven by individualism and the pursuit of personal gain, has led some to believe that a return to traditional societal values, such as a deep respect for community ties, could pave the way for a more harmonious world. I align myself completely with this viewpoint, finding it both logical and desired.
Primarily, the communal bonds in a local society often surpass the impersonal interactions seen in metropolitan locales. In a small community, people generally have deep-rooted relationships, fostering a strong sense of unity and cooperation. This close-knit environment encourages individuals to place communal wellbeing above personal desires. A pertinent example of this is seen in Taleghan, a rural village in Iran, where tradition underpins society. The villagers, considering their community as an extended family, maintain a cooperative fund to aid those in financial distress.
Furthermore, individuals who place community welfare above self-interest tend to shape their goals around community development, rather than personal gain. Their perspective changes from a microcosmic view of individual success to a macrocosmic view, resulting in a commensurate decrease in selfish tendencies. This shift not only enhances collective security but also fosters greater compassion between community members. For example, in a community that views itself as a large familial unit, instances of thievery and crime may decrease, leading to enhanced societal safety.
Therefore, in conclusion, it is beneficial to consider a revival of traditional societal values, rooted in community respect, as a countermeasure to the increasing individualism and selfishness observed in contemporary society.
Word count: 257
Essay translated in Korean:
현대 사회는 개인주의와 개인 이익 추구에 의해 이끌려 왔고, 이는 깊은 공동체의 연결을 존중하는 등의 전통적인 사회적 가치를 다시 회복함으로써 더 조화롭고 평화로운 세상을 만들 수 있다고 많은 사람들이 믿게 하였습니다. 저는 이 견해를 완전히 동감하며, 그것이 논리적이며 원하는 바이라고 생각합니다.
Good expressions:
1. pave the way [길을 닦다]
2. align myself [나 자신을 일치시키다]
3. deep-rooted relationships [뿌리 깊은 관계]
4. macrocosmic view [광범위한, 매크로적인 시각]
5. commensurate decrease [상응하는 감소]
6. countermeasure [대응책]
Modern society, driven by individualism and the pursuit of personal gain, has led some to believe that a return to traditional societal values, such as a deep respect for community ties, could pave the way for a more harmonious world. I align myself completely with this viewpoint, finding it both logical and desired.
Primarily, the communal bonds in a local society often surpass the impersonal interactions seen in metropolitan locales. In a small community, people generally have deep-rooted relationships, fostering a strong sense of unity and cooperation. This close-knit environment encourages individuals to place communal wellbeing above personal desires. A pertinent example of this is seen in Taleghan, a rural village in Iran, where tradition underpins society. The villagers, considering their community as an extended family, maintain a cooperative fund to aid those in financial distress.
Furthermore, individuals who place community welfare above self-interest tend to shape their goals around community development, rather than personal gain. Their perspective changes from a microcosmic view of individual success to a macrocosmic view, resulting in a commensurate decrease in selfish tendencies. This shift not only enhances collective security but also fosters greater compassion between community members. For example, in a community that views itself as a large familial unit, instances of thievery and crime may decrease, leading to enhanced societal safety.
Therefore, in conclusion, it is beneficial to consider a revival of traditional societal values, rooted in community respect, as a countermeasure to the increasing individualism and selfishness observed in contemporary society.
Word count: 257
Essay translated in Korean:
현대 사회는 개인주의와 개인 이익 추구에 의해 이끌려 왔고, 이는 깊은 공동체의 연결을 존중하는 등의 전통적인 사회적 가치를 다시 회복함으로써 더 조화롭고 평화로운 세상을 만들 수 있다고 많은 사람들이 믿게 하였습니다. 저는 이 견해를 완전히 동감하며, 그것이 논리적이며 원하는 바이라고 생각합니다.
Good expressions:
1. pave the way [길을 닦다]
2. align myself [나 자신을 일치시키다]
3. deep-rooted relationships [뿌리 깊은 관계]
4. macrocosmic view [광범위한, 매크로적인 시각]
5. commensurate decrease [상응하는 감소]
6. countermeasure [대응책]
제출한 라이팅
It is believed that the modern community is consisted of greedy people and arrogant ones, so Back to former values and virtues like respect for native society may contribute to make world better place for living. I totally agree with this idea and I think it is justifiable.
To begin with, individuals who live in local communities may respect for relationships more than people in big cities. In native community people know each other for the long time and their strong relationship make a powerful society because they put their selfishness aside and help them. They consider the community as a large family, so they put others first. For example, in a village located in north of Iran called Taleghan, people still live based on tradition values and they have a local budget for anyone who have need financial aid.
Moreover, People who respect for community put their goal based on the progress of union not just personal achievements. Their greediness may lower due to see the whole community, so people on this community can feel the security more and be more kind. For instance, when people think the community as their own family they cannot steal From each other, therefore the crime rate reduce and society will be more safe.
In conclusion, although people greed and selfishness increase in modern society, some individuals believe that we ought to return to older tradition values and respect because of the above-mentioned reasons to make world a better place for living.
To begin with, individuals who live in local communities may respect for relationships more than people in big cities. In native community people know each other for the long time and their strong relationship make a powerful society because they put their selfishness aside and help them. They consider the community as a large family, so they put others first. For example, in a village located in north of Iran called Taleghan, people still live based on tradition values and they have a local budget for anyone who have need financial aid.
Moreover, People who respect for community put their goal based on the progress of union not just personal achievements. Their greediness may lower due to see the whole community, so people on this community can feel the security more and be more kind. For instance, when people think the community as their own family they cannot steal From each other, therefore the crime rate reduce and society will be more safe.
In conclusion, although people greed and selfishness increase in modern society, some individuals believe that we ought to return to older tradition values and respect because of the above-mentioned reasons to make world a better place for living.
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