AI IELTS Writing AI Correction
- Two parts
Nowadays, many governments budget money for the sports industry. Why do you think governments are funding sports so heavily? Do you think this is an appropriate investment?
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 8
The student responded appropriately to the task by providing opinion and reasoning behind the government's heavy investment in sports. Examples were used effectively to illustrate the point though they could be more developed.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
There is logical sequencing of points and ideas are connected, but more cohesive devices could improve the flow. Also, more structure could have been applied in the essay's organization to make it more reader-friendly.
Lexical Resource: 8
There is a good range of vocabulary used in the text. However, there could have been more varied language used, especially to articulate more effectively the benefits of sports and the need for government investment.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 7
Students demonstrated a good grammatical range but some sentences could be more accurate and targeted. Errors such as incorrect use of pronouns and capitalization need to be corrected.
Overall: 7.5
The essay has strengths particularly in the content and task response, but there are areas of improvement to increase the scores in coherence & cohesion and grammar. Overall, it effectively conveyed the student's viewpoint and addressed the question fully.
Task Response: 8
The student responded appropriately to the task by providing opinion and reasoning behind the government's heavy investment in sports. Examples were used effectively to illustrate the point though they could be more developed.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
There is logical sequencing of points and ideas are connected, but more cohesive devices could improve the flow. Also, more structure could have been applied in the essay's organization to make it more reader-friendly.
Lexical Resource: 8
There is a good range of vocabulary used in the text. However, there could have been more varied language used, especially to articulate more effectively the benefits of sports and the need for government investment.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 7
Students demonstrated a good grammatical range but some sentences could be more accurate and targeted. Errors such as incorrect use of pronouns and capitalization need to be corrected.
Overall: 7.5
The essay has strengths particularly in the content and task response, but there are areas of improvement to increase the scores in coherence & cohesion and grammar. Overall, it effectively conveyed the student's viewpoint and addressed the question fully.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Nowadays, many governments budget money for the sports industry.
Why do you think governments are funding sports so heavily?
Do you think this is an appropriate investment?
Essay:
Nowadays, it is undeniable that governments are increasingly allocating large portions of their budget to develop the sports industry. Questions, understandably, have been raised about this prioritization.
The principal reason that governments are heavily investing in sports is due to rising demand from citizens. This is primarily because citizens in developed nations are now looking for a healthier work-life balance. Realizing this, they have turned to sports - both participation and spectating - as a means of relaxation. In a bid to cater to these needs, governments have taken upon themselves to invest heavily in building state-of-the-art stadiums and sports facilities. For instance, South Korean baseball stadiums now offer not only high-caliber athletic showdowns but also a gamut of amenities for spectators boosting the entertainment quotient of the sporting events.
However, despite the high costs, I believe this investment is warranted, given the potential benefits. Firstly, these initiatives provide diverse and exciting opportunities to engage the public and reduce the monotony of weekday routines. Additionally, the camaraderie ignited by supporting a common sports team can foster significant social cohesion. While the fiscal implications cannot be overlooked, the psychological and societal benefits seem to make it a worthwhile expenditure.
In conclusion, the preference for sports-oriented leisure has prompted governments to allocate substantial budgets to develop the sports industry. Although expensive, the potential benefits might be deserving of the investment.
Word count: 253
Essay translated in Korean:
요즘, 정부가 스포츠 산업 발전에 예산 대부분을 배정하는 것은 부인할 수 없습니다. 이러한 우선 순위가 제기된 문제들에 대해 이해할 수 있습니다.
정부가 스포츠에 많은 투자를 하는 주된 이유는 시민들의 수요 증가 때문입니다. 알다시피, 선진국의 시민들은 지금 보다 건강한 직장과 삶의 균형을 찾고 있습니다. 이를 인식하여, 스포츠 참여 및 관람을 통해 휴식을 취하려고 합니다. 이런 필요성에 대응하기 위해, 정부는 최첨단 경기장과 스포츠 시설을 건설하기 위해 투자를 확대하고 있습니다. 예를 들어, 한국의 야구장은 고수준의 경기 뿐만 아니라 감상자를 위한 다양한 편의 시설을 제공하여 스포츠 이벤트의 지속적인 증가를 돕고 있습니다.
그러나 높은 비용에도 불구하고, 잠재적인 이점들을 고려할 때 이러한 투자를 신중하게 평가하는 것이 중요합니다. 먼저, 이러한 활동은 일상의 단조로움을 덜어주고 공통의 스포츠 팀을 응원함으로써 맺어진 동정은 상당한 사회적 결속을 촉진할 수 있습니다. 재정적 영향을 간과할 수는 없지만, 이러한 심리적, 사회적 혜택들이 값어치 있는 지출일 수 있다고 생각합니다.
결론적으로, 스포츠 중심의 여가 활동에 대한 선호도가 정부가 스포츠 산업 발전에 상당한 예산을 배정하게 만들었습니다. 비싸더라도, 잠재적인 이점들은 투자할 만한 가치가 있을 수도 있습니다.
Good expressions:
1. Allocate large portions of their budget - 예산의 대부분을 배정하다
2. State-of-the-art stadiums and sports facilities - 최첨단 경기장과 스포츠 시설
3. A gamut of amenities - 다양한 편의 시설
4. The camaraderie ignited by supporting a common sports team - 공통의 스포츠 팀을 응원함으로써 불어난 우정
5. Fiscal implications - 재정적 영향
6. Psychological and societal benefits - 심리적, 사회적 혜택
7. Worthwhile expenditure - 값어치 있는 지출
8. Sports-oriented leisure - 스포츠 중심의 여가 활동
9. Potentially deserving of the investment - 투자할 만한 가치가 있을 수도 있습니다.
Nowadays, it is undeniable that governments are increasingly allocating large portions of their budget to develop the sports industry. Questions, understandably, have been raised about this prioritization.
The principal reason that governments are heavily investing in sports is due to rising demand from citizens. This is primarily because citizens in developed nations are now looking for a healthier work-life balance. Realizing this, they have turned to sports - both participation and spectating - as a means of relaxation. In a bid to cater to these needs, governments have taken upon themselves to invest heavily in building state-of-the-art stadiums and sports facilities. For instance, South Korean baseball stadiums now offer not only high-caliber athletic showdowns but also a gamut of amenities for spectators boosting the entertainment quotient of the sporting events.
However, despite the high costs, I believe this investment is warranted, given the potential benefits. Firstly, these initiatives provide diverse and exciting opportunities to engage the public and reduce the monotony of weekday routines. Additionally, the camaraderie ignited by supporting a common sports team can foster significant social cohesion. While the fiscal implications cannot be overlooked, the psychological and societal benefits seem to make it a worthwhile expenditure.
In conclusion, the preference for sports-oriented leisure has prompted governments to allocate substantial budgets to develop the sports industry. Although expensive, the potential benefits might be deserving of the investment.
Word count: 253
Essay translated in Korean:
요즘, 정부가 스포츠 산업 발전에 예산 대부분을 배정하는 것은 부인할 수 없습니다. 이러한 우선 순위가 제기된 문제들에 대해 이해할 수 있습니다.
정부가 스포츠에 많은 투자를 하는 주된 이유는 시민들의 수요 증가 때문입니다. 알다시피, 선진국의 시민들은 지금 보다 건강한 직장과 삶의 균형을 찾고 있습니다. 이를 인식하여, 스포츠 참여 및 관람을 통해 휴식을 취하려고 합니다. 이런 필요성에 대응하기 위해, 정부는 최첨단 경기장과 스포츠 시설을 건설하기 위해 투자를 확대하고 있습니다. 예를 들어, 한국의 야구장은 고수준의 경기 뿐만 아니라 감상자를 위한 다양한 편의 시설을 제공하여 스포츠 이벤트의 지속적인 증가를 돕고 있습니다.
그러나 높은 비용에도 불구하고, 잠재적인 이점들을 고려할 때 이러한 투자를 신중하게 평가하는 것이 중요합니다. 먼저, 이러한 활동은 일상의 단조로움을 덜어주고 공통의 스포츠 팀을 응원함으로써 맺어진 동정은 상당한 사회적 결속을 촉진할 수 있습니다. 재정적 영향을 간과할 수는 없지만, 이러한 심리적, 사회적 혜택들이 값어치 있는 지출일 수 있다고 생각합니다.
결론적으로, 스포츠 중심의 여가 활동에 대한 선호도가 정부가 스포츠 산업 발전에 상당한 예산을 배정하게 만들었습니다. 비싸더라도, 잠재적인 이점들은 투자할 만한 가치가 있을 수도 있습니다.
Good expressions:
1. Allocate large portions of their budget - 예산의 대부분을 배정하다
2. State-of-the-art stadiums and sports facilities - 최첨단 경기장과 스포츠 시설
3. A gamut of amenities - 다양한 편의 시설
4. The camaraderie ignited by supporting a common sports team - 공통의 스포츠 팀을 응원함으로써 불어난 우정
5. Fiscal implications - 재정적 영향
6. Psychological and societal benefits - 심리적, 사회적 혜택
7. Worthwhile expenditure - 값어치 있는 지출
8. Sports-oriented leisure - 스포츠 중심의 여가 활동
9. Potentially deserving of the investment - 투자할 만한 가치가 있을 수도 있습니다.
제출한 라이팅
It is true that governments gradually invest more money in fostering sports industry and many people are concerned about the increasing expenditure on sports.
Even though it is a controversial issue, i strongly agree to invest more in the facilities and services
because a growing number of people want to enjoy watching sports matches in better stadiums with various and convenient amenities.
As citizens living in developed countries pursue the balance between work and leisure, the demand for the different forms of leisure facilities have been increasing, which leads governments to planning to construct and expand more places to relish doing sports activities as well as watching sports games.
For example, some city planners state that sports have the easiest accessibility for people to spend their free time during days-off.
To satisfy the needs, governments will have no choice but to appropriate more budgets for the sports industry's amenities and services.
So i support the idea that governments should spend more budgets expanding and promoting sports industry.
Even if they need much money to support the sports on a government scale, it is rather considered to take proper action because more and more people continues to think about the need for expanding more diverse leisure activities including the sports, which helps the public forget stress and pressure of their daily lives and feel a sense of unity while cheering a team on until a sports match is over.
Let's take an example of Korean baseball stadiums.
Their facilities are becoming a more complex one, offering more enjoyable amenities to spectaculars who visited the stadium to watch the baseball matches based on various kind of needs people hope to do.
Even though it is a controversial issue, i strongly agree to invest more in the facilities and services
because a growing number of people want to enjoy watching sports matches in better stadiums with various and convenient amenities.
As citizens living in developed countries pursue the balance between work and leisure, the demand for the different forms of leisure facilities have been increasing, which leads governments to planning to construct and expand more places to relish doing sports activities as well as watching sports games.
For example, some city planners state that sports have the easiest accessibility for people to spend their free time during days-off.
To satisfy the needs, governments will have no choice but to appropriate more budgets for the sports industry's amenities and services.
So i support the idea that governments should spend more budgets expanding and promoting sports industry.
Even if they need much money to support the sports on a government scale, it is rather considered to take proper action because more and more people continues to think about the need for expanding more diverse leisure activities including the sports, which helps the public forget stress and pressure of their daily lives and feel a sense of unity while cheering a team on until a sports match is over.
Let's take an example of Korean baseball stadiums.
Their facilities are becoming a more complex one, offering more enjoyable amenities to spectaculars who visited the stadium to watch the baseball matches based on various kind of needs people hope to do.
공유
quay lại danh sách 😎
