AI IELTS Writing AI Correction
- Discussion
The family has a great influence on children's development, but the influence from outside the home plays a bigger part in children's life. Do you agree or disagree?
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 6
The student presents a clear position throughout the response. They develop main ideas, but some points may be underdeveloped. Examples or justifications need to be expanded upon in some instances.
Coherence & Cohesion: 6
The information and ideas are generally arranged coherently. An appropriate mix of simple and complex sentence forms are used. However, the argument could be arranged and developed in a much more effective way, with better use of linking words/phrases.
Lexical Resource: 6
The range of vocabulary could be higher, but overall, the student has an adequate control of vocabulary. However, the student has to avoid repetition and use a broader set of expressions relevant to the essay subject.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6
While there are some errors in use of articles, prepositions and verb tenses, the meaning is generally clear, and a variety of structures are used. The student must pay more attention to these details for a higher score.
Overall: 6
This essay shows promise and has several strong points, but needs some refining in organization, argument development, vocabulary usage, and grammar precision. If these points are improved, a higher score can certainly be achieved.
Task Response: 6
The student presents a clear position throughout the response. They develop main ideas, but some points may be underdeveloped. Examples or justifications need to be expanded upon in some instances.
Coherence & Cohesion: 6
The information and ideas are generally arranged coherently. An appropriate mix of simple and complex sentence forms are used. However, the argument could be arranged and developed in a much more effective way, with better use of linking words/phrases.
Lexical Resource: 6
The range of vocabulary could be higher, but overall, the student has an adequate control of vocabulary. However, the student has to avoid repetition and use a broader set of expressions relevant to the essay subject.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6
While there are some errors in use of articles, prepositions and verb tenses, the meaning is generally clear, and a variety of structures are used. The student must pay more attention to these details for a higher score.
Overall: 6
This essay shows promise and has several strong points, but needs some refining in organization, argument development, vocabulary usage, and grammar precision. If these points are improved, a higher score can certainly be achieved.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
The family has a great influence on children's development, but the influence from outside the home plays a bigger part in children's life. Do you agree or disagree?
Essay:
Nurturing children into responsible and respectful adults invariably attracts an array of opinions, sparking heated debates on whether the primary influence stems from the family or the external environment. I am of the opinion that although external influences contribute significantly, the family's impact outweighs all other factors in molding a child's character and behavior.
Committing the largest share of their time to family and home environment, children are naturally susceptible to their family's influence. Generally, children share more waking hours interacting with family members than they spend in school or other communal spaces. Therefore, mathematically speaking, the more time spent, the greater the chances that family values, attitudes, and behaviors imprint on the child.
Beyond time allocation, family's centrality to a child's existence cannot be denied. Families project unconditional acceptance and love, seemingly the only steadfast anchor in a tumultuous world. This sense of permanence imparts essential values like empathy, compassion, and understanding to children. Furthermore, families offer emotional security, even in their absence, a sanctuary to which children retreat in moments of distress. Conversely, deviated family dynamics might foster confusion and anti-social behaviors in children.
In conclusion, the family, with its enduring presence and emotional stronghold, wields a more decisive influence on children's development than the outside world. The integral role family plays transcends the impact of less consistent external influences, shaping profoundly the trajectory of a child's growth and personality development.
Word count: 267
Essay translated in Korean:
아이들을 책임감 있고 예의 바른 성인으로 키우는 것은 필연적으로 다양한 의견을 불러일으키며, 주요한 영향력이 가족에서 나오는지 외부 환경에서 나오는지에 대한 격렬한 논쟁을 불러일으킵니다. 외부의 영향이 상당히 크게 기여하고 있음에도 불구하고, 가족의 영향력이 아이의 성격과 행동을 형성하는 데 가장 중요한 요인이라고 생각합니다.
아이들은 가족이나 가정 환경에 가장 많은 시간을 할애하므로, 자연스럽게 가족의 영향력에 취약합니다. 일반적으로, 아이들은 학교나 다른 공동체 공간에서 보내는 시간보다 가족 구성원과 상호 작용하는 시간을 더 많이 보냅니다. 따라서 수학적으로 말하자면, 더 많은 시간을 보낼수록 가족의 가치, 태도, 행동이 아이에게 더 강하게 각인될 가능성이 큽니다.
시간 배분을 넘어서 가족의 중심성은 아이들의 존재에 있어 부인할 수 없습니다. 가족은 불변의 사랑과 수용을 보여주며, 혼란스러운 세상에서 유일하게 변하지 않는 닻 같은 존재입니다. 이런 불변성은 공감, 동정, 이해 등의 핵심 가치를 아이들에게 가르쳐 줍니다. 또한 가족은 그들의 부재에도 불구하고 정서적인 안전성을 제공하며, 아이들이 고난의 순간에 피난처로 사용할 수 있는 안식처를 제공합니다. 반대로, 통상적인 가족 구조에서 벗어난 경우 아이들의 혼란과 반사회적 행동을 부추기는 경향이 있습니다.
결론적으로 보면, 가족의 지속적인 존재와 정서적인 강함은 아이들의 발달에 외부 세계보다 결정적인 영향을 미칩니다. 불규칙한 외부 영향력보다 가족이 하는 역할은 아이의 성장과 개성 발달의 궤도를 깊게 형성하는 데 더 중요합니다.
Good expressions:
1. sparking heated debates - 격렬한 논쟁을 불러일으키다
2. steadfast anchor - 변하지 않는 닻
3. emotional stronghold - 정서적인 강장
4. shaping profoundly the trajectory - 깊게 궤도를 형성하는
Nurturing children into responsible and respectful adults invariably attracts an array of opinions, sparking heated debates on whether the primary influence stems from the family or the external environment. I am of the opinion that although external influences contribute significantly, the family's impact outweighs all other factors in molding a child's character and behavior.
Committing the largest share of their time to family and home environment, children are naturally susceptible to their family's influence. Generally, children share more waking hours interacting with family members than they spend in school or other communal spaces. Therefore, mathematically speaking, the more time spent, the greater the chances that family values, attitudes, and behaviors imprint on the child.
Beyond time allocation, family's centrality to a child's existence cannot be denied. Families project unconditional acceptance and love, seemingly the only steadfast anchor in a tumultuous world. This sense of permanence imparts essential values like empathy, compassion, and understanding to children. Furthermore, families offer emotional security, even in their absence, a sanctuary to which children retreat in moments of distress. Conversely, deviated family dynamics might foster confusion and anti-social behaviors in children.
In conclusion, the family, with its enduring presence and emotional stronghold, wields a more decisive influence on children's development than the outside world. The integral role family plays transcends the impact of less consistent external influences, shaping profoundly the trajectory of a child's growth and personality development.
Word count: 267
Essay translated in Korean:
아이들을 책임감 있고 예의 바른 성인으로 키우는 것은 필연적으로 다양한 의견을 불러일으키며, 주요한 영향력이 가족에서 나오는지 외부 환경에서 나오는지에 대한 격렬한 논쟁을 불러일으킵니다. 외부의 영향이 상당히 크게 기여하고 있음에도 불구하고, 가족의 영향력이 아이의 성격과 행동을 형성하는 데 가장 중요한 요인이라고 생각합니다.
아이들은 가족이나 가정 환경에 가장 많은 시간을 할애하므로, 자연스럽게 가족의 영향력에 취약합니다. 일반적으로, 아이들은 학교나 다른 공동체 공간에서 보내는 시간보다 가족 구성원과 상호 작용하는 시간을 더 많이 보냅니다. 따라서 수학적으로 말하자면, 더 많은 시간을 보낼수록 가족의 가치, 태도, 행동이 아이에게 더 강하게 각인될 가능성이 큽니다.
시간 배분을 넘어서 가족의 중심성은 아이들의 존재에 있어 부인할 수 없습니다. 가족은 불변의 사랑과 수용을 보여주며, 혼란스러운 세상에서 유일하게 변하지 않는 닻 같은 존재입니다. 이런 불변성은 공감, 동정, 이해 등의 핵심 가치를 아이들에게 가르쳐 줍니다. 또한 가족은 그들의 부재에도 불구하고 정서적인 안전성을 제공하며, 아이들이 고난의 순간에 피난처로 사용할 수 있는 안식처를 제공합니다. 반대로, 통상적인 가족 구조에서 벗어난 경우 아이들의 혼란과 반사회적 행동을 부추기는 경향이 있습니다.
결론적으로 보면, 가족의 지속적인 존재와 정서적인 강함은 아이들의 발달에 외부 세계보다 결정적인 영향을 미칩니다. 불규칙한 외부 영향력보다 가족이 하는 역할은 아이의 성장과 개성 발달의 궤도를 깊게 형성하는 데 더 중요합니다.
Good expressions:
1. sparking heated debates - 격렬한 논쟁을 불러일으키다
2. steadfast anchor - 변하지 않는 닻
3. emotional stronghold - 정서적인 강장
4. shaping profoundly the trajectory - 깊게 궤도를 형성하는
제출한 라이팅
In today, Our society has bunch of children problems. These include children crimes, children accidents, conflicts between elderly and children, etc. Because Children problems are increasing and getting more complicated, the interests of children education and children development are gathering attention at the same time. This means that debates about which can impact the child most, family or outside the home can take place. I believe family has more great influence on children's development.
First, Children have most of their time in home. Of course they go to kindergarden and some academic places, but usually they spend their time with family. Mathematically, The more time spends, The more possibility that can impact children increases.
Second, Family is the most fundamental thing for children that waits for him and loves him. Family is the last thing for children. All of people or things can hate him, but family can't. Because of this concept, every children can understand the concept of love, comprisement, kindness, etc. Also they can feel relieved even they are not with their family. If the family did not operate normally, children could get confused and act anti-socially.
Third, The adult who children met first is their parents. We learn many things to elderly people. So do children. Their father and mother are the first adult that children met, they mimic their act, knowledge, characteristic. This process happen without his intention. The basic thing that need to communicate society emerges in young age and restricted area.
In conclusion, the family can influence more than outside the home. Because children spend most of their time in home with family, family is the great concept that helps children grow positively, and parents play important role due to their position in children's life.
First, Children have most of their time in home. Of course they go to kindergarden and some academic places, but usually they spend their time with family. Mathematically, The more time spends, The more possibility that can impact children increases.
Second, Family is the most fundamental thing for children that waits for him and loves him. Family is the last thing for children. All of people or things can hate him, but family can't. Because of this concept, every children can understand the concept of love, comprisement, kindness, etc. Also they can feel relieved even they are not with their family. If the family did not operate normally, children could get confused and act anti-socially.
Third, The adult who children met first is their parents. We learn many things to elderly people. So do children. Their father and mother are the first adult that children met, they mimic their act, knowledge, characteristic. This process happen without his intention. The basic thing that need to communicate society emerges in young age and restricted area.
In conclusion, the family can influence more than outside the home. Because children spend most of their time in home with family, family is the great concept that helps children grow positively, and parents play important role due to their position in children's life.
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