AI IELTS Writing AI Correction
- Opinion
In the past, people stored knowledge in books. Nowadays people store knowledge on the internet. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: [6]
The candidate addresses the task adequately. Both views are mentioned and an opinion is given but the development and support of ideas in body paragraph need more work.
Coherence & Cohesion: [6]
The essay is well-organized with clear paragraphing, good use of linking words such as "firstly", "in addition", and "moreover". However, there is some repetition and overuse of phrases which is detrimental to coherence.
Lexical Resource: [6]
The range of vocabulary is fairly wide but some words are inappropriately used. Also, the terminology used throughout the essay doesn't always seem natural or correctly applied.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: [6]
Overall, the candidate shows a good control of complex sentence formations. However, there are a few minor errors and awkward phrases reduce the effectiveness of communication.
Overall: [6]
The essay meets the requirements of the task and exhibits a fairly good command of language, although there are places where the writer's message is unclear because of misuse or overuse of words and phrases. The content could be better developed and explained as well. The overall Band Score is 6. There’s a consistent performance in all the four areas of writing. With clarity in thought and improvement in writing style, especially developing ideas in depth, the writer can aspire for a higher band.
Task Response: [6]
The candidate addresses the task adequately. Both views are mentioned and an opinion is given but the development and support of ideas in body paragraph need more work.
Coherence & Cohesion: [6]
The essay is well-organized with clear paragraphing, good use of linking words such as "firstly", "in addition", and "moreover". However, there is some repetition and overuse of phrases which is detrimental to coherence.
Lexical Resource: [6]
The range of vocabulary is fairly wide but some words are inappropriately used. Also, the terminology used throughout the essay doesn't always seem natural or correctly applied.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: [6]
Overall, the candidate shows a good control of complex sentence formations. However, there are a few minor errors and awkward phrases reduce the effectiveness of communication.
Overall: [6]
The essay meets the requirements of the task and exhibits a fairly good command of language, although there are places where the writer's message is unclear because of misuse or overuse of words and phrases. The content could be better developed and explained as well. The overall Band Score is 6. There’s a consistent performance in all the four areas of writing. With clarity in thought and improvement in writing style, especially developing ideas in depth, the writer can aspire for a higher band.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
In the past, people stored knowledge in books. Nowadays people store knowledge on the internet. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
Essay:
The shift in paradigm for knowledge storage from traditional bookkeeping to the modern internet medium has been quite prominent. This essay explores the benefits and drawbacks of this transition, and concludes that the positive aspects take precedence over the negative ones.
With many turning to the internet as a reservoir for knowledge, several perks come to light. The primary advantage is the ease of accessing information with a simple click, eliminating the time-consuming process of sifting through volumes of books. Secondly, digital storage of data circumvents the issue of limited physical space, allowing us to archive an abundance of information without worrying about where to store them.
However, this shift is not without its caveats. A major concern is the breach of intellectual property rights, with data being made available to all without consent. This has led to an increased need for protection measures, including purchasing anti-virus software. Furthermore, the internet encourages surface-level reading, therefore, diminishing the scope for critical and in-depth thinking often associated with traditional book reading.
In summation, the convenience and space-saving aspect of internet-based knowledge storage seem to overshadow the issues related to security and shallow learning. Nonetheless, it is vital that steps be taken to safeguard privacy and encourage critical thinking with the online mode of learning.
Word count: 203
Essay translated in Korean:
기존의 전통적인 도서 보관 방식에서 현대의 인터넷 매체로 지식 저장의 패러다임이 크게 전환되었습니다. 이 에세이는 이러한 전환의 장점과 단점을 탐구하고, 긍정적 측면이 부정적인 측면보다 우세하다는 결론을 내립니다.
많은 사람들이 인터넷을 지식의 저류지로 삼으며, 여러 가지 이점이 빛을 보고 있습니다. 주요한 장점은 간단한 클릭으로 정보를 쉽게 접근할 수 있어, 책들을 뒤져보는 시간 낭비를 줄일 수 있다는 점입니다. 둘째, 데이터의 디지털 저장은 한정된 물리적 공간이라는 문제를 우회하며, 저장할 공간에 대한 고민 없이 다량의 정보를 보관할 수 있게 해줍니다.
그러나, 이 변화에는 주의해야할 점이 있습니다. 주된 우려사항은 지적 재산권의 위반으로, 데이터가 동의 없이 모두에게 공개되는 것입니다. 이로 인해 안티바이러스 소프트웨어를 구입하는 등의 보호 조치가 필요하게 되었습니다. 또한, 인터넷은 표면적인 읽기를 장려하여, 전통적인 서적 읽기와 관련된 비판적이고 깊이 있는 사고의 범위를 줄입니다.
결국, 인터넷 기반의 지식 저장의 편리성과 공간 절약 측면은 보안과 얕은 학습과 관련된 문제를 가리며보인다. 그러나, 온라인 학습 방식으로 비판적 사고를 장려하고 개인정보를 보호하는 조치를 취하는 것이 중요하다.
Good expressions:
1. shift in paradigm - 패러다임의 전환
2. reservoir for knowledge - 지식의 저류지
3. breach of intellectual property rights - 지식 재산권의 위반
4. surface-level reading - 표면적인 읽기
5. in summation - 결론적으로
The shift in paradigm for knowledge storage from traditional bookkeeping to the modern internet medium has been quite prominent. This essay explores the benefits and drawbacks of this transition, and concludes that the positive aspects take precedence over the negative ones.
With many turning to the internet as a reservoir for knowledge, several perks come to light. The primary advantage is the ease of accessing information with a simple click, eliminating the time-consuming process of sifting through volumes of books. Secondly, digital storage of data circumvents the issue of limited physical space, allowing us to archive an abundance of information without worrying about where to store them.
However, this shift is not without its caveats. A major concern is the breach of intellectual property rights, with data being made available to all without consent. This has led to an increased need for protection measures, including purchasing anti-virus software. Furthermore, the internet encourages surface-level reading, therefore, diminishing the scope for critical and in-depth thinking often associated with traditional book reading.
In summation, the convenience and space-saving aspect of internet-based knowledge storage seem to overshadow the issues related to security and shallow learning. Nonetheless, it is vital that steps be taken to safeguard privacy and encourage critical thinking with the online mode of learning.
Word count: 203
Essay translated in Korean:
기존의 전통적인 도서 보관 방식에서 현대의 인터넷 매체로 지식 저장의 패러다임이 크게 전환되었습니다. 이 에세이는 이러한 전환의 장점과 단점을 탐구하고, 긍정적 측면이 부정적인 측면보다 우세하다는 결론을 내립니다.
많은 사람들이 인터넷을 지식의 저류지로 삼으며, 여러 가지 이점이 빛을 보고 있습니다. 주요한 장점은 간단한 클릭으로 정보를 쉽게 접근할 수 있어, 책들을 뒤져보는 시간 낭비를 줄일 수 있다는 점입니다. 둘째, 데이터의 디지털 저장은 한정된 물리적 공간이라는 문제를 우회하며, 저장할 공간에 대한 고민 없이 다량의 정보를 보관할 수 있게 해줍니다.
그러나, 이 변화에는 주의해야할 점이 있습니다. 주된 우려사항은 지적 재산권의 위반으로, 데이터가 동의 없이 모두에게 공개되는 것입니다. 이로 인해 안티바이러스 소프트웨어를 구입하는 등의 보호 조치가 필요하게 되었습니다. 또한, 인터넷은 표면적인 읽기를 장려하여, 전통적인 서적 읽기와 관련된 비판적이고 깊이 있는 사고의 범위를 줄입니다.
결국, 인터넷 기반의 지식 저장의 편리성과 공간 절약 측면은 보안과 얕은 학습과 관련된 문제를 가리며보인다. 그러나, 온라인 학습 방식으로 비판적 사고를 장려하고 개인정보를 보호하는 조치를 취하는 것이 중요하다.
Good expressions:
1. shift in paradigm - 패러다임의 전환
2. reservoir for knowledge - 지식의 저류지
3. breach of intellectual property rights - 지식 재산권의 위반
4. surface-level reading - 표면적인 읽기
5. in summation - 결론적으로
제출한 라이팅
There is a growing trend among majority of people to store knowledge on the internet. It is not uncommon see a diverse range of methods on the internet to keep those understanding. This essay will examine the positive and negative aspects of this phenomenon and argue that the benefits would far outweigh the drawbacks.
Keeping acquaintance on the internet can have several advantages. Firstly, it is easily accessible when we want to find some information in special area, ensuring that it requires little time to get targeted knowledge. In addition, the on-line storage is not required to occupy more space in real situations, which means we are able to save a lot of space to allocate for our valuable knowledge.
On the contrary, there are potential drawbacks. Some individuals’ know-how is often exposed to the public without their authorities, ensuring that authors should invest excessive resources to protect their intellectual properties from threat of hackers. For example, it is common for on-line users to purchase special vaccine programs like V3 and anti-virus for their precious learning. Moreover, it is worth noting that value for written papers has been forgotten by writers, meaning that we will lose the moment to consider our thinking in depth.
In conclusion, storing knowledge on the internet presents a complex scenario with both positive and negative aspects. It is undeniable that on-line storage is the most accessible method regardless of places where we stay. However, it is crucial to acknowledge that the somebody’s privacy will be a trivial information with no efforts. It is, therefore, imperative that we keep considerable stance when recording our individual materials on the internet.
Keeping acquaintance on the internet can have several advantages. Firstly, it is easily accessible when we want to find some information in special area, ensuring that it requires little time to get targeted knowledge. In addition, the on-line storage is not required to occupy more space in real situations, which means we are able to save a lot of space to allocate for our valuable knowledge.
On the contrary, there are potential drawbacks. Some individuals’ know-how is often exposed to the public without their authorities, ensuring that authors should invest excessive resources to protect their intellectual properties from threat of hackers. For example, it is common for on-line users to purchase special vaccine programs like V3 and anti-virus for their precious learning. Moreover, it is worth noting that value for written papers has been forgotten by writers, meaning that we will lose the moment to consider our thinking in depth.
In conclusion, storing knowledge on the internet presents a complex scenario with both positive and negative aspects. It is undeniable that on-line storage is the most accessible method regardless of places where we stay. However, it is crucial to acknowledge that the somebody’s privacy will be a trivial information with no efforts. It is, therefore, imperative that we keep considerable stance when recording our individual materials on the internet.
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