아이엘츠 라이팅 AI 첨삭
- Discussion
Some think college is best for career preparation, while others prefer gaining work experience early. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: [7.5]
The candidate addressed the task fully. The essay clearly presents both views and also gives a personal opinion. Each point is well-developed and supported by relevant examples.
Coherence & Cohesion: [7.0]
The essay is well-structured and there is logical flow of ideas. However, there are minor issues with coherence, such as some awkward sentence structures that can sometimes hinder understanding.
Lexical Resource: [7.5]
The candidate made use of a wide range of vocabulary to convey precise meaning. There is good use of less common and idiomatic vocabulary.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: [7.0]
The candidate displays a good range of complex structures. However, there are occasional grammatical errors, such as incorrect use of plural and singular nouns.
Overall: [7.25]
Task Response: [7.5]
The candidate addressed the task fully. The essay clearly presents both views and also gives a personal opinion. Each point is well-developed and supported by relevant examples.
Coherence & Cohesion: [7.0]
The essay is well-structured and there is logical flow of ideas. However, there are minor issues with coherence, such as some awkward sentence structures that can sometimes hinder understanding.
Lexical Resource: [7.5]
The candidate made use of a wide range of vocabulary to convey precise meaning. There is good use of less common and idiomatic vocabulary.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: [7.0]
The candidate displays a good range of complex structures. However, there are occasional grammatical errors, such as incorrect use of plural and singular nouns.
Overall: [7.25]
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Some think college is best for career preparation, while others prefer gaining work experience early.
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Essay:
The debate over the best route to prepare for one's career, be it higher education or early employment, is a contentious one. Both paths offer their own unique benefits and potential pitfalls.
Firstly, starting a career straight after high school offers a range of benefits. Early employment enables young people to gain hands-on experience, accumulate savings ahead of their peers, and become adept in financial management. Furthermore, work experience often leads to higher qualifications and career advancements. Mastery in a certain field can also be achieved through practical work situations.
However, pursuing higher education in a university provides its own set of advantages. Comprehensive knowledge in specialized subjects is acquired in colleges, which encourages a more holistic perspective. Extracurricular activities in universities also promote the development of key skills like critical thinking, problem-solving, and creativity. These skills, instrumental for future careers, can be honed in an academic setting more than anywhere else.
In conclusion, while working early offers immediate financial benefits and practical experience, the deeper and wide-ranged learning and personal development that universities provide are, in my opinion, critical for setting one up for a successful future career.
Word count: 243
Essay translated in Korean:
자신의 경력을 준비하는 가장 좋은 방법에 대한 논쟁, 그것이 고등교육이거나 일찍 취업하는 것이냐는 논란의 여지가 있는 주제입니다. 두 길 모두 독특한 이점과 잠재적인 함정을 제공합니다.
첫째, 고등학교 졸업 직후에 경력을 시작하는 것은 여러 가지 이점을 제공합니다. 일찍 취업하면 젊은이들이 현장 경험을 쌓고, 동료들보다 앞서 저축을 늘릴 수 있고 금융관리에 능숙해질 수 있습니다. 또한, 업무 경험은 종종 더 높은 자격과 경력 진급을 이끌어냅니다. 특정 분야에 대한 숙련도도 실무 상황을 통해 달성할 수 있습니다.
그러나 대학에서 더 높은 교육을 받는 것도 그 자체의 장점을 제공합니다. 대학에서는 전문화된 주제에 대한 종합적인 지식을 얻게되어 더 홀리스틱한 관점을 격려합니다. 대학의 여가 활동은 비판적 사고, 문제 해결, 공상력과 같은 핵심 기술의 발전을 촉진합니다. 이러한 기술들은 미래의 경력에 매우 중요하며, 학문적 환경에서 가장 잘 다듬어질 수 있습니다.
결론적으로, 일찍 일하는 것이 즉시적인 금융적 이익과 실무 경험을 제공하는 반면, 대학이 제공하는 보다 깊이 있는 학습과 개인적 개발은 성공적인 미래 경력을 위한 중요한 요소라고 저는 생각합니다.
Good expressions:
1. contentious one - 논란의 여지가 있는 주제
2. accumulate savings - 저축을 늘리다
3. holistic perspective - 홀리스틱한 관점
4. instrumental for - ~에 대해 중요하다
5. setting one up for - ~를 위한 준비를 하다
The debate over the best route to prepare for one's career, be it higher education or early employment, is a contentious one. Both paths offer their own unique benefits and potential pitfalls.
Firstly, starting a career straight after high school offers a range of benefits. Early employment enables young people to gain hands-on experience, accumulate savings ahead of their peers, and become adept in financial management. Furthermore, work experience often leads to higher qualifications and career advancements. Mastery in a certain field can also be achieved through practical work situations.
However, pursuing higher education in a university provides its own set of advantages. Comprehensive knowledge in specialized subjects is acquired in colleges, which encourages a more holistic perspective. Extracurricular activities in universities also promote the development of key skills like critical thinking, problem-solving, and creativity. These skills, instrumental for future careers, can be honed in an academic setting more than anywhere else.
In conclusion, while working early offers immediate financial benefits and practical experience, the deeper and wide-ranged learning and personal development that universities provide are, in my opinion, critical for setting one up for a successful future career.
Word count: 243
Essay translated in Korean:
자신의 경력을 준비하는 가장 좋은 방법에 대한 논쟁, 그것이 고등교육이거나 일찍 취업하는 것이냐는 논란의 여지가 있는 주제입니다. 두 길 모두 독특한 이점과 잠재적인 함정을 제공합니다.
첫째, 고등학교 졸업 직후에 경력을 시작하는 것은 여러 가지 이점을 제공합니다. 일찍 취업하면 젊은이들이 현장 경험을 쌓고, 동료들보다 앞서 저축을 늘릴 수 있고 금융관리에 능숙해질 수 있습니다. 또한, 업무 경험은 종종 더 높은 자격과 경력 진급을 이끌어냅니다. 특정 분야에 대한 숙련도도 실무 상황을 통해 달성할 수 있습니다.
그러나 대학에서 더 높은 교육을 받는 것도 그 자체의 장점을 제공합니다. 대학에서는 전문화된 주제에 대한 종합적인 지식을 얻게되어 더 홀리스틱한 관점을 격려합니다. 대학의 여가 활동은 비판적 사고, 문제 해결, 공상력과 같은 핵심 기술의 발전을 촉진합니다. 이러한 기술들은 미래의 경력에 매우 중요하며, 학문적 환경에서 가장 잘 다듬어질 수 있습니다.
결론적으로, 일찍 일하는 것이 즉시적인 금융적 이익과 실무 경험을 제공하는 반면, 대학이 제공하는 보다 깊이 있는 학습과 개인적 개발은 성공적인 미래 경력을 위한 중요한 요소라고 저는 생각합니다.
Good expressions:
1. contentious one - 논란의 여지가 있는 주제
2. accumulate savings - 저축을 늘리다
3. holistic perspective - 홀리스틱한 관점
4. instrumental for - ~에 대해 중요하다
5. setting one up for - ~를 위한 준비를 하다
제출한 라이팅
In recent years, there have been a lot of controversies regarding whether students should go to university for future career or they should work instead. While some people argue that young people should work as soon as possible for gaining experience, but I believe that going university would be better for their future.
On the one hand, there are a lot of reasons why students should work first instead of going to university. Firstly, students who work immediately after graduating from high school are able to earn money approximately 3-4 years in advance. If young people start to make money early, they are able to have opportunity to learn how to manage their incomes and be ready for the future’s financial status, for example, by saving their salaris. In addition, people who have more experience would have more qualifications to get promotion. Finally, people are able to develop working skill through extent experience and be a specialist in a specific industry.
On the other hand, students are able to learn deep knowledge in specialised department and also develop personally in college. The college provides a variety of broad knowledge to the students, allowing them to develop a well-rounded understanding of many subjects. The students are able to have a broad perspective through these opportunities and get a chance to choose future career. Moreover, universities give opportunity to students of diverse activities which can foster essential skills such as critical thinking, problem-solving skills and creativity. These significantly important skills helps students for future career preparation.
In conclusion, there are convincing arguments both for and against that young people should get working experience first, but I believe that young people have to study at university for their future career path.
On the one hand, there are a lot of reasons why students should work first instead of going to university. Firstly, students who work immediately after graduating from high school are able to earn money approximately 3-4 years in advance. If young people start to make money early, they are able to have opportunity to learn how to manage their incomes and be ready for the future’s financial status, for example, by saving their salaris. In addition, people who have more experience would have more qualifications to get promotion. Finally, people are able to develop working skill through extent experience and be a specialist in a specific industry.
On the other hand, students are able to learn deep knowledge in specialised department and also develop personally in college. The college provides a variety of broad knowledge to the students, allowing them to develop a well-rounded understanding of many subjects. The students are able to have a broad perspective through these opportunities and get a chance to choose future career. Moreover, universities give opportunity to students of diverse activities which can foster essential skills such as critical thinking, problem-solving skills and creativity. These significantly important skills helps students for future career preparation.
In conclusion, there are convincing arguments both for and against that young people should get working experience first, but I believe that young people have to study at university for their future career path.
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