아이엘츠 라이팅 AI 첨삭
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The chart below shows student numbers attending a language school in London between 1987 and 2017. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. write at least 150 words.
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: [7]
The essay covers the task well by choosing major points from the data and elaborating every category of languages. It could be further improved by more careful attention to the proportions given.
Coherence & Cohesion: [7]
The information is well-structured and organized logically. The writer's usage of connectors ("first of all," "next," "lastly") assists in guiding the reader throughout the essay. However, some points could be connected better, and some sentences lack a clear link to the preceding points.
Lexical Resource: [6]
The writer shows an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, but there is some overuse of the word 'trend' and some confusion between 'European' and 'European languages.' The essay would benefit from more varied vocabulary.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: [6]
While there is a range of grammatical structures, there are several grammatical errors. The essay contains some phrase errors such as "a third popular language" and "second transfer European" which could be improved for clarity.
Overall: [6.5]
This essay manages to cover the task requirements, demonstrates reasonable lexical resource and coherence but has some grammatical errors which lower the overall score. The writer should focus on improving these aspects to achieve a higher score.
Task Response: [7]
The essay covers the task well by choosing major points from the data and elaborating every category of languages. It could be further improved by more careful attention to the proportions given.
Coherence & Cohesion: [7]
The information is well-structured and organized logically. The writer's usage of connectors ("first of all," "next," "lastly") assists in guiding the reader throughout the essay. However, some points could be connected better, and some sentences lack a clear link to the preceding points.
Lexical Resource: [6]
The writer shows an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, but there is some overuse of the word 'trend' and some confusion between 'European' and 'European languages.' The essay would benefit from more varied vocabulary.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: [6]
While there is a range of grammatical structures, there are several grammatical errors. The essay contains some phrase errors such as "a third popular language" and "second transfer European" which could be improved for clarity.
Overall: [6.5]
This essay manages to cover the task requirements, demonstrates reasonable lexical resource and coherence but has some grammatical errors which lower the overall score. The writer should focus on improving these aspects to achieve a higher score.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
The chart below shows student numbers attending a language school in London between 1987 and 2017.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. write at least 150 words.
Essay:
The presented chart provides insight into the trends in language preference among students at a language school in London from 1987 to 2017. It delineates the popularity of five languages namely, Mexican, European, Chinese, Japanese and Vietnamese over three decades.
Initially, the Mexican language went from having an enrollment of approximately 65 students in 1987 to maintaining a steady figure of over 70 from 1997 onwards, thereby proving to be the most popular language at the institution. Chinese, on the other hand, initially held the third position in popularity but witnessed a significant surge post-1999, helping it to surpass European languages by 2017. This surge however was not unaccompanied as Japanese mirrored a similar, albeit lower trend, maintaining its position as the fourth most popular language.
In stark contrast to the growing popularity of other languages, European languages declined remarkably after peaking at around 70 students in 1997. By 2017, it had become the second least popular subject with a little over 20 enrollments. Notably, Vietnamese enrolments remained persistently low, fluctuating between 0 and 10 throughout the thirty years.
In conclusion, while Mexican and Asian languages rose in popularity at the school over the three decades, European languages experienced a drastic decline.
Word count: 202
Essay translated in Korean:
제시된 차트는 1987년부터 2017년까지 런던의 언어 학교에서 학생들의 언어 선호도에 대한 트렌드를 제공합니다. 이는 멕시코, 유럽, 중국, 일본, 베트남과 같은 다섯 가지 언어의 인기도를 30년 동안 설명합니다.
처음에는 멕시코어 학생들이 1987년 약 65명에서 1997년 이후로는 70명 이상을 유지했습니다. 따라서 이 학교에서 가장 인기 있는 언어가 되었습니다. 반면 중국어는 초기에 세 번째로 인기가 있었지만 1999년 이후에 급증하여 2017년에는 유럽어를 능가하게 되었습니다. 하파, 이러한 급증은 동반자 없이는 없었다. 일본어는 비슷한 추세를 보였지만 더 낮았으므로 네 번째로 인기 있는 언어의 위치를 유지했습니다.
다른 언어의 인기성이 증가하는 것과 대조적으로, 유럽어는 1997년에 약 70명의 학생으로 정점을 찍은 후에 눈에 띄게 감소했습니다. 2017년에는 20명 이상으로 두 번째로 인기 없는 과목이 되었습니다. 베트남어 등록률은 0에서 10 사이에서 30년 동안 지속적으로 낮았습니다.
결론적으로, 멕시코어와 아시아어는 30년 동안 학교에서 인기가 증가했지만 유럽어는 급격하게 감소했습니다.
Good expressions:
1. provides insight into - 의 통찰력을 제공하다
2. held the third position - 세 번째 위치를 차지했다
3. witnessed a significant surge - 중요한 급증을 목격했다
4. remained persistently low - 지속적으로 낮았다
5. experienced a drastic decline - 급격한 감소를 경험했다.
The presented chart provides insight into the trends in language preference among students at a language school in London from 1987 to 2017. It delineates the popularity of five languages namely, Mexican, European, Chinese, Japanese and Vietnamese over three decades.
Initially, the Mexican language went from having an enrollment of approximately 65 students in 1987 to maintaining a steady figure of over 70 from 1997 onwards, thereby proving to be the most popular language at the institution. Chinese, on the other hand, initially held the third position in popularity but witnessed a significant surge post-1999, helping it to surpass European languages by 2017. This surge however was not unaccompanied as Japanese mirrored a similar, albeit lower trend, maintaining its position as the fourth most popular language.
In stark contrast to the growing popularity of other languages, European languages declined remarkably after peaking at around 70 students in 1997. By 2017, it had become the second least popular subject with a little over 20 enrollments. Notably, Vietnamese enrolments remained persistently low, fluctuating between 0 and 10 throughout the thirty years.
In conclusion, while Mexican and Asian languages rose in popularity at the school over the three decades, European languages experienced a drastic decline.
Word count: 202
Essay translated in Korean:
제시된 차트는 1987년부터 2017년까지 런던의 언어 학교에서 학생들의 언어 선호도에 대한 트렌드를 제공합니다. 이는 멕시코, 유럽, 중국, 일본, 베트남과 같은 다섯 가지 언어의 인기도를 30년 동안 설명합니다.
처음에는 멕시코어 학생들이 1987년 약 65명에서 1997년 이후로는 70명 이상을 유지했습니다. 따라서 이 학교에서 가장 인기 있는 언어가 되었습니다. 반면 중국어는 초기에 세 번째로 인기가 있었지만 1999년 이후에 급증하여 2017년에는 유럽어를 능가하게 되었습니다. 하파, 이러한 급증은 동반자 없이는 없었다. 일본어는 비슷한 추세를 보였지만 더 낮았으므로 네 번째로 인기 있는 언어의 위치를 유지했습니다.
다른 언어의 인기성이 증가하는 것과 대조적으로, 유럽어는 1997년에 약 70명의 학생으로 정점을 찍은 후에 눈에 띄게 감소했습니다. 2017년에는 20명 이상으로 두 번째로 인기 없는 과목이 되었습니다. 베트남어 등록률은 0에서 10 사이에서 30년 동안 지속적으로 낮았습니다.
결론적으로, 멕시코어와 아시아어는 30년 동안 학교에서 인기가 증가했지만 유럽어는 급격하게 감소했습니다.
Good expressions:
1. provides insight into - 의 통찰력을 제공하다
2. held the third position - 세 번째 위치를 차지했다
3. witnessed a significant surge - 중요한 급증을 목격했다
4. remained persistently low - 지속적으로 낮았다
5. experienced a drastic decline - 급격한 감소를 경험했다.
제출한 라이팅
This graph illustrates the number of pupils in 5 different categories of languages from 1987 to 2017.
Overall, although most languages show an upward trend, European languages solely show a downward trend.
First of all, the most popular subject in this language school is Mexican. It started at approximately 65 in 1987 and recorded more than 70 since 1997.
Next is chinese. Chinese was a third popular language however it increased very rapidly since 1999. as a result in 2017 it ranked second transfer European. Even though Japanese shows a similar trend with Chinese, the Japanese graph is always located below the Chinese as a fourth popular language.
Vietnamese display a marginal fluctuation between 0 and 10 for 30 years.
Lastly, European is the only language that has a downward trend among 5 different languages. It began at 60 in 1987 and peaked around 70 in 1987. But it decreased steeply since 1997 and reached slightly more than 20 in 2017 as a secondly unpopular subject.
Overall, although most languages show an upward trend, European languages solely show a downward trend.
First of all, the most popular subject in this language school is Mexican. It started at approximately 65 in 1987 and recorded more than 70 since 1997.
Next is chinese. Chinese was a third popular language however it increased very rapidly since 1999. as a result in 2017 it ranked second transfer European. Even though Japanese shows a similar trend with Chinese, the Japanese graph is always located below the Chinese as a fourth popular language.
Vietnamese display a marginal fluctuation between 0 and 10 for 30 years.
Lastly, European is the only language that has a downward trend among 5 different languages. It began at 60 in 1987 and peaked around 70 in 1987. But it decreased steeply since 1997 and reached slightly more than 20 in 2017 as a secondly unpopular subject.
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