아이엘츠 라이팅 AI 첨삭
- Discussion
Some say that new homes should constructed in existing cities while others argues that new towns should be built to accommodate the growing population. What are the advantages and disadvantages of these point of view.
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 7
The essay responds to the task with a clear position. The arguments are generally well developed, with logical reasoning presented. However, the advantages and disadvantages of both views could have been explored more thoroughly.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
Ideas are logically organized and paragraphs are cohesive. There is a clear progression of thought throughout the essay.
Lexical Resource: 7
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with some nice collocations (e.g., "advanced transportation systems", "continuous technological development", "extensive financial commitments"). There's some repetitive language used, but overall, the essay shows a good command of vocabulary.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 7
The essay uses a variety of sentence structures and grammatical constructions. Some small errors can be found ("that convenience for living" should probably be "that are convenient for living," "there is no need to massive investments" could be rephrased, and there is an odd comma at the end of the conclusion), but overall, the grammar use is decent.
Overall: 7
The essay demonstrates a good grasp of the English language, with a well-presented argument. It could benefit from a more thorough investigation of the advantages/disadvantages of both views and a slight increase in overall grammatical precision.
Task Response: 7
The essay responds to the task with a clear position. The arguments are generally well developed, with logical reasoning presented. However, the advantages and disadvantages of both views could have been explored more thoroughly.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
Ideas are logically organized and paragraphs are cohesive. There is a clear progression of thought throughout the essay.
Lexical Resource: 7
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with some nice collocations (e.g., "advanced transportation systems", "continuous technological development", "extensive financial commitments"). There's some repetitive language used, but overall, the essay shows a good command of vocabulary.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 7
The essay uses a variety of sentence structures and grammatical constructions. Some small errors can be found ("that convenience for living" should probably be "that are convenient for living," "there is no need to massive investments" could be rephrased, and there is an odd comma at the end of the conclusion), but overall, the grammar use is decent.
Overall: 7
The essay demonstrates a good grasp of the English language, with a well-presented argument. It could benefit from a more thorough investigation of the advantages/disadvantages of both views and a slight increase in overall grammatical precision.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Some say that new homes should constructed in existing cities while others argues that new towns should be built to accommodate the growing population. What are the advantages and disadvantages of these point of view.
Essay:
The upward surge in population growth necessitates a significant increase in housing creation. While some advocate for homes to be established within existing cities, others propose the construction of entirely new metropolises as a solution. In my view, the former approach presents a more judicious allocation of resources than the latter.
Building entirely new cities, though seeming an efficient solution, comes with heavy costs. For a city to be functioning, it mandates a series of costly elements such as institutions, infrastructure, and transportation systems, to name a few. Governments willing to take on this task must be prepared to allocate vast amounts of finances and manpower. Furthermore, persuading people to uproot their lives and relocate to newer cities, despite potential advancements, can present a significant challenge, as an inherent craving for stability and comfort might restrain them.
On the contrary, focusing development within the confines of existing cities can yield beneficial outcomes. Take, for instance, the investment of resources on infrastructure expansion within cities. Here, the availability of facilities catered to urban living is already established; easy access to hospitals, efficient public transportation, and plentiful amenities all exist. With an aim of accommodating the swelling population, high-rise apartments could be constructed, thereby facilitating not only population growth but also technological progression prompted by density.
In conclusion, the economic and social downsides of constructing entirely new towns eclipse the potential benefits. Governments should concentrate efforts to ensure optimal use of space within established cities to effectively cater to the incremental population.
Word count: 263
Essay translated in Korean:
인구 증가의 급증은 주택의 큰 증가를 필요로 합니다. 일부는 기존 도시 내에 주택을 설립하자고 주장하면서, 다른 일부는 완전히 새로운 도시를 건설하는 것을 해결책으로 제안합니다. 저의 견해로는 후자보다 전자 접근법이 자원을 보다 현명하게 배분하는 것 같습니다.
완전히 새로운 도시를 건설하는 것은 효율적인 해결책처럼 보이지만 무거운 비용이 따릅니다. 도시가 기능을 하기 위해서는 몇 가지 비용이 많이 드는 요소들이 필요하며, 이에는 기관, 인프라, 교통 시스템 등이 포함됩니다. 이 작업을 시작하려는 정부는 많은 금융 및 인력을 배정할 준비가 되어야 합니다. 또한, 잠재적인 진보에도 불구하고 사람들에게 삶을 뿌리뽑고 새로운 도시로 이동하도록 설득하는 것은 중요한 도전이 될 수 있습니다. 왜냐하면 안정성과 편안함에 대한 행복한 갈망이 그들을 제자리에 머물게 할 수 있기 때문입니다.
반면에, 기존 도시 내에서의 발전에 초점을 맞추는 것은 유익한 결과를 가져올 수 있습니다. 예를 들어, 도시에서 인프라 확장에 자원을 투자하는 것입니다. 여기서 도시 생활에 적합한 시설의 이용 가능성이 이미 확립되어 있습니다. 병원에 쉽게 접근하고, 효율적인 대중교통을 이용하고, 풍부한 편의 시설을 모두 이용할 수 있습니다. 급증하는 인구를 수용하기 위해 고층 아파트를 지으면, 이는 인구 증가뿐만 아니라 밀도에 의해 촉발된 기술적 발전도 촉진할 수 있습니다.
결론적으로, 완전히 새로운 도시를 건설하는 것의 경제적인 및 사회적인 단점은 잠재적인 이점을 가립니다. 정부는 증가하는 인구를 효과적으로 수용하기 위해 이미 확립된 도시 내에서 공간을 최적으로 활용하도록 노력을 집중해야 합니다.
Good expressions:
1. upward surge - 급증
2. allocate vast amounts of finances and manpower - 많은 금융 및 인력을 배정하다
3. inherent craving for stability and comfort - 안정성과 편안함에 대한 행복한 갈망
4. optimal use of space - 공간의 최적 이용
5. incremental population - 증가하는 인구
The upward surge in population growth necessitates a significant increase in housing creation. While some advocate for homes to be established within existing cities, others propose the construction of entirely new metropolises as a solution. In my view, the former approach presents a more judicious allocation of resources than the latter.
Building entirely new cities, though seeming an efficient solution, comes with heavy costs. For a city to be functioning, it mandates a series of costly elements such as institutions, infrastructure, and transportation systems, to name a few. Governments willing to take on this task must be prepared to allocate vast amounts of finances and manpower. Furthermore, persuading people to uproot their lives and relocate to newer cities, despite potential advancements, can present a significant challenge, as an inherent craving for stability and comfort might restrain them.
On the contrary, focusing development within the confines of existing cities can yield beneficial outcomes. Take, for instance, the investment of resources on infrastructure expansion within cities. Here, the availability of facilities catered to urban living is already established; easy access to hospitals, efficient public transportation, and plentiful amenities all exist. With an aim of accommodating the swelling population, high-rise apartments could be constructed, thereby facilitating not only population growth but also technological progression prompted by density.
In conclusion, the economic and social downsides of constructing entirely new towns eclipse the potential benefits. Governments should concentrate efforts to ensure optimal use of space within established cities to effectively cater to the incremental population.
Word count: 263
Essay translated in Korean:
인구 증가의 급증은 주택의 큰 증가를 필요로 합니다. 일부는 기존 도시 내에 주택을 설립하자고 주장하면서, 다른 일부는 완전히 새로운 도시를 건설하는 것을 해결책으로 제안합니다. 저의 견해로는 후자보다 전자 접근법이 자원을 보다 현명하게 배분하는 것 같습니다.
완전히 새로운 도시를 건설하는 것은 효율적인 해결책처럼 보이지만 무거운 비용이 따릅니다. 도시가 기능을 하기 위해서는 몇 가지 비용이 많이 드는 요소들이 필요하며, 이에는 기관, 인프라, 교통 시스템 등이 포함됩니다. 이 작업을 시작하려는 정부는 많은 금융 및 인력을 배정할 준비가 되어야 합니다. 또한, 잠재적인 진보에도 불구하고 사람들에게 삶을 뿌리뽑고 새로운 도시로 이동하도록 설득하는 것은 중요한 도전이 될 수 있습니다. 왜냐하면 안정성과 편안함에 대한 행복한 갈망이 그들을 제자리에 머물게 할 수 있기 때문입니다.
반면에, 기존 도시 내에서의 발전에 초점을 맞추는 것은 유익한 결과를 가져올 수 있습니다. 예를 들어, 도시에서 인프라 확장에 자원을 투자하는 것입니다. 여기서 도시 생활에 적합한 시설의 이용 가능성이 이미 확립되어 있습니다. 병원에 쉽게 접근하고, 효율적인 대중교통을 이용하고, 풍부한 편의 시설을 모두 이용할 수 있습니다. 급증하는 인구를 수용하기 위해 고층 아파트를 지으면, 이는 인구 증가뿐만 아니라 밀도에 의해 촉발된 기술적 발전도 촉진할 수 있습니다.
결론적으로, 완전히 새로운 도시를 건설하는 것의 경제적인 및 사회적인 단점은 잠재적인 이점을 가립니다. 정부는 증가하는 인구를 효과적으로 수용하기 위해 이미 확립된 도시 내에서 공간을 최적으로 활용하도록 노력을 집중해야 합니다.
Good expressions:
1. upward surge - 급증
2. allocate vast amounts of finances and manpower - 많은 금융 및 인력을 배정하다
3. inherent craving for stability and comfort - 안정성과 편안함에 대한 행복한 갈망
4. optimal use of space - 공간의 최적 이용
5. incremental population - 증가하는 인구
제출한 라이팅
It is evident that there is a need to build more homes due to the growing population. Some people argue that constructing new houses in existing areas, while others contend that building new towns is necessary to accommodate the largest number of people. Both views can be persuasive, but I believe that the former view has more benefits than the latter view.
To begin with, a significant amount of time and effort is required, when governments build new towns. Normally, new towns consist of citizens, facilities, housing, and transportation, If the government wants to establish new towns, they must invest massive amount of money to fulfill these elements. Consequently, there are practical difficulties in this approach. A better use of funds would be towards policies that can lead to future development. Additionally, attracting residents to new towns is challenging. Individuals prioritize convenient and stability in their lives, and they may be reluctant to move to a new city, even if it offers advantages.
However, there is no need to massive investments in cities that already have been formed. Thus, constructing new homes in existing cities has the benefits that outweigh the drawbacks. Firstly, existing cities offer various facilities that convenience for living. For instance, individuals can access hospitals easily for serious problems, and they can travel efficiently with advanced transportation systems. Therefore, if the government builds taller apartment buildings, they could accommodate the growing population, while also enabling continuous technological development due to the increasing population.
In conclusion, since constructing new towns requires significant investments, I believe that governments should focus on new homes in existing cities, This approach offers the possibility of city development without the need for extensive financial commitments.
To begin with, a significant amount of time and effort is required, when governments build new towns. Normally, new towns consist of citizens, facilities, housing, and transportation, If the government wants to establish new towns, they must invest massive amount of money to fulfill these elements. Consequently, there are practical difficulties in this approach. A better use of funds would be towards policies that can lead to future development. Additionally, attracting residents to new towns is challenging. Individuals prioritize convenient and stability in their lives, and they may be reluctant to move to a new city, even if it offers advantages.
However, there is no need to massive investments in cities that already have been formed. Thus, constructing new homes in existing cities has the benefits that outweigh the drawbacks. Firstly, existing cities offer various facilities that convenience for living. For instance, individuals can access hospitals easily for serious problems, and they can travel efficiently with advanced transportation systems. Therefore, if the government builds taller apartment buildings, they could accommodate the growing population, while also enabling continuous technological development due to the increasing population.
In conclusion, since constructing new towns requires significant investments, I believe that governments should focus on new homes in existing cities, This approach offers the possibility of city development without the need for extensive financial commitments.
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