아이엘츠 라이팅 AI 첨삭
- Discussion
Some say that new homes should constructed in existing cities while others argues that new towns should be built to accommodate the growing population. What are the advantages and disadvantages of these point of view
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 6
The candidate provides a clear position and manages to address both sides of the argument (advantages and disadvantages of constructing homes in existing cities as well as setting up new towns). However, some of the arguments are not fully developed or explained, missing out on key details for a comprehensive examination of the topic.
Coherence & Cohesion: 6
The main ideas are arranged coherently, but there are instances where sentences are not well connected making the flow of information inconsistent. Paragraphing is well-utilised to distinguish different points and sequencing of arguments.
Lexical Resource: 7
The candidate could use more sophisticated vocabulary and idioms to enrich their points, but for the most part, vocabulary is versatile and there is good attempt to use less-common vocabulary. Word choices contribute to the clarity of the essay.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6
The essay boasts a variety of sentence structures. However, there are several grammatical errors; incorrect usage of articles ("the" instead of "a"), unnecessary words in a sentence ("Since, individuals prioritize convenient.."), and preposition ("there is no need to massive investment the city").
Overall: 6.25
The essay addresses the task sufficiently, but could be enhanced with a more comprehensive, balanced examination of the viewpoints, a higher cohesion between sentences, a more sophisticated vocabulary, and improved grammatical accuracy.
Task Response: 6
The candidate provides a clear position and manages to address both sides of the argument (advantages and disadvantages of constructing homes in existing cities as well as setting up new towns). However, some of the arguments are not fully developed or explained, missing out on key details for a comprehensive examination of the topic.
Coherence & Cohesion: 6
The main ideas are arranged coherently, but there are instances where sentences are not well connected making the flow of information inconsistent. Paragraphing is well-utilised to distinguish different points and sequencing of arguments.
Lexical Resource: 7
The candidate could use more sophisticated vocabulary and idioms to enrich their points, but for the most part, vocabulary is versatile and there is good attempt to use less-common vocabulary. Word choices contribute to the clarity of the essay.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6
The essay boasts a variety of sentence structures. However, there are several grammatical errors; incorrect usage of articles ("the" instead of "a"), unnecessary words in a sentence ("Since, individuals prioritize convenient.."), and preposition ("there is no need to massive investment the city").
Overall: 6.25
The essay addresses the task sufficiently, but could be enhanced with a more comprehensive, balanced examination of the viewpoints, a higher cohesion between sentences, a more sophisticated vocabulary, and improved grammatical accuracy.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Some say that new homes should constructed in existing cities while others argues that new towns should be built to accommodate the growing population. What are the advantages and disadvantages of these point of view
Essay:
(56 words)
With the rise in population, societies debate the planning of new living spaces. Some suggest constructing homes within existing municipalities, while others propose developing completely new towns. In this essay, we will examine both perspectives.
(87 words)
Those in favour of building within existing cities present some compelling points. Firstly, it would require less of a financial burden as infrastructure like hospitals, schools and transportation already exist. Furthermore, people tend to prefer living in established areas with familiar amenities and lifestyle patterns. Building upon these locales may not only save on costs but also contribute to a town’s continued growth and development.
(81 words)
Conversely, the creation of new towns brings its own appeal. While these projects require large investments, they provide opportunities to utilize modern planning techniques and technologies, potentially leading towards more efficient and eco-friendly habitats. Nonetheless, convincing people to relocate and the associated social disruption must be taken into account, making this option likely to face more challenges.
(36 words)
Upon analysis, although both sides present valid arguments, constructing within existing cities seems the most feasible due to lower costs and public preference for familiar environments.
Word count: 260 words
Essay translated in Korean:
(55 words)
인구 증가에 따라, 새로운 생활 공간의 계획에 대한 사회적 논의가 이루어지고 있다. 일부는 기존 도시 내에 주택을 건설하는 것을 제안하고, 다른 일부는 완전히 새로운 마을을 개발하는 것을 제안한다. 이 에세이에서는 두 관점을 검토할 것이다.
(86 words)
기존 도시 내에 건물을 짓는 것을 찬성하는 사람들은 매우 설득력 있는 말을 제시한다. 먼저, 기본적인 인프라인 병원, 학교, 교통이 이미 존재하기 때문에 덜 비용이 들어간다. 더욱이 사람들은 좋아하는 편리한 시설과 생활 패턴이 있는 잘 설립된 지역에 거주하는 것을 선호한다. 이러한 장소들에 건물을 추가하면 비용을 절약할 뿐만 아니라 도시의 지속적인 성장과 발전에 기여할 수 있다.
(83 words)
반대로, 새로운 마을을 만드는 것은 그 자체로 매력을 가지고 있다. 이러한 프로젝트는 큰 투자를 요구하지만, 현대적인 계획 기법과 기술을 활용할 기회를 제공하며, 이는 더 효율적이고 친환경적인 서식지로 이어질 수 있다. 그러나 사람들을 이사시키는 것과 관련된 사회적 혼란을 감수해야 하며, 이 옵션은 더 많은 도전에 직면할 가능성이 있다.
(37 words)
분석 결과, 두 측면 모두 유효한 논거를 제시하고 있지만, 비용이 적게 드는 것과 공용 환경을 선호하는 사람들 때문에 기존 도시 내에 건설하는 것이 가장 실행 가능해 보인다.
Good expressions:
1. societies debate the planning of new living spaces - 사회에서는 새로운 생활 공간의 계획에 대해 토론하고 있다.
2. present some compelling points - 매우 설득력 있는 이야기를 제기하다
3. contribute to a town’s continued growth and development - 도시의 지속적인 성장과 발전에 기여하다
4. utilize modern planning techniques and technologies - 현대적인 계획 기법과 기술을 활용하다
5. convincing people to relocate and the associated social disruption - 사람들을 이사시키는 것과 관련된 사회적 혼란을 설득하다.
(56 words)
With the rise in population, societies debate the planning of new living spaces. Some suggest constructing homes within existing municipalities, while others propose developing completely new towns. In this essay, we will examine both perspectives.
(87 words)
Those in favour of building within existing cities present some compelling points. Firstly, it would require less of a financial burden as infrastructure like hospitals, schools and transportation already exist. Furthermore, people tend to prefer living in established areas with familiar amenities and lifestyle patterns. Building upon these locales may not only save on costs but also contribute to a town’s continued growth and development.
(81 words)
Conversely, the creation of new towns brings its own appeal. While these projects require large investments, they provide opportunities to utilize modern planning techniques and technologies, potentially leading towards more efficient and eco-friendly habitats. Nonetheless, convincing people to relocate and the associated social disruption must be taken into account, making this option likely to face more challenges.
(36 words)
Upon analysis, although both sides present valid arguments, constructing within existing cities seems the most feasible due to lower costs and public preference for familiar environments.
Word count: 260 words
Essay translated in Korean:
(55 words)
인구 증가에 따라, 새로운 생활 공간의 계획에 대한 사회적 논의가 이루어지고 있다. 일부는 기존 도시 내에 주택을 건설하는 것을 제안하고, 다른 일부는 완전히 새로운 마을을 개발하는 것을 제안한다. 이 에세이에서는 두 관점을 검토할 것이다.
(86 words)
기존 도시 내에 건물을 짓는 것을 찬성하는 사람들은 매우 설득력 있는 말을 제시한다. 먼저, 기본적인 인프라인 병원, 학교, 교통이 이미 존재하기 때문에 덜 비용이 들어간다. 더욱이 사람들은 좋아하는 편리한 시설과 생활 패턴이 있는 잘 설립된 지역에 거주하는 것을 선호한다. 이러한 장소들에 건물을 추가하면 비용을 절약할 뿐만 아니라 도시의 지속적인 성장과 발전에 기여할 수 있다.
(83 words)
반대로, 새로운 마을을 만드는 것은 그 자체로 매력을 가지고 있다. 이러한 프로젝트는 큰 투자를 요구하지만, 현대적인 계획 기법과 기술을 활용할 기회를 제공하며, 이는 더 효율적이고 친환경적인 서식지로 이어질 수 있다. 그러나 사람들을 이사시키는 것과 관련된 사회적 혼란을 감수해야 하며, 이 옵션은 더 많은 도전에 직면할 가능성이 있다.
(37 words)
분석 결과, 두 측면 모두 유효한 논거를 제시하고 있지만, 비용이 적게 드는 것과 공용 환경을 선호하는 사람들 때문에 기존 도시 내에 건설하는 것이 가장 실행 가능해 보인다.
Good expressions:
1. societies debate the planning of new living spaces - 사회에서는 새로운 생활 공간의 계획에 대해 토론하고 있다.
2. present some compelling points - 매우 설득력 있는 이야기를 제기하다
3. contribute to a town’s continued growth and development - 도시의 지속적인 성장과 발전에 기여하다
4. utilize modern planning techniques and technologies - 현대적인 계획 기법과 기술을 활용하다
5. convincing people to relocate and the associated social disruption - 사람들을 이사시키는 것과 관련된 사회적 혼란을 설득하다.
제출한 라이팅
It is observed that there are required to build more homes due to growing population. Some people argue that constructing new house in existing areas, while others contend that building new towns should be necessary to accommodate the largest number of people. Both views can be persuasive, but I believe that the former view has more benefits than the latter view.
To begin with, a significant amount of time and effort should be included, when governments build new towns. Normally, new towns consist of citizen, facilities, housing, and transportation, If government wants to new towns, they must invest massive money that can fulfill those elements. That is why, there are some difficulties in this issue in realistic. The better way is to use money to other policies that able to develop in the future. Additionally, gathering new towns is very hard. Since, individuals prioritize convenient and stable life, they will not move to new city, even if the city has more advantages.
However, there is no need to massive investment the city that already have been formed. Thus, construction of existing cities the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. Firstly, there are various facilities that convenience for a living. For instance, if individuals have to go to hospital with serious problems, they can go whenever they want, and they can go everywhere with advanced transportation because the number of technologies already developed. Therefore, if government build higher apartment, they could accommodate the growing population, also they can development of technology constantly due to increasing population.
In conclusion, since constructing new towns should be required the numerous investments, I believe that governments should build new homes in existing cities, and this will cause the possibility of city development.
To begin with, a significant amount of time and effort should be included, when governments build new towns. Normally, new towns consist of citizen, facilities, housing, and transportation, If government wants to new towns, they must invest massive money that can fulfill those elements. That is why, there are some difficulties in this issue in realistic. The better way is to use money to other policies that able to develop in the future. Additionally, gathering new towns is very hard. Since, individuals prioritize convenient and stable life, they will not move to new city, even if the city has more advantages.
However, there is no need to massive investment the city that already have been formed. Thus, construction of existing cities the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. Firstly, there are various facilities that convenience for a living. For instance, if individuals have to go to hospital with serious problems, they can go whenever they want, and they can go everywhere with advanced transportation because the number of technologies already developed. Therefore, if government build higher apartment, they could accommodate the growing population, also they can development of technology constantly due to increasing population.
In conclusion, since constructing new towns should be required the numerous investments, I believe that governments should build new homes in existing cities, and this will cause the possibility of city development.
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