아이엘츠 라이팅 AI 첨삭
- Discussion
Some people travel to foreign countries during their vacations. Others think that it is better to travel within their home countries. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 5.5
The essay adequately addresses the task of discussing both perspectives and providing one's own opinion. However, there are instances where the argument lacks supporting details and is somewhat repetitive. For example, in both 'travel domestic' and 'travel abroad’ paragraphs, 'easy to approach' idea is repeated without providing clarity or additional information. Also, the final opinion could be better developed with more reasoning.
Coherence & Cohesion: 6.0
The essay is organised and uses some cohesive devices, but they are often repetitively used and aren’t always effective in creating a natural flow of ideas. Headings or section breaks might help provide a clear signal of each idea's end and the beginning of the next one.
Lexical Resource: 5.0
The lexical resource is quite weak and does not effectively use moderate to high level words that would have better established the writer’s proficiency in English. Some word choices are repetitive, and phrases like "valuable experience that cannot buy by money" sound awkward.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 5.0
Grammatical usage within the essay seems basic with repetitive sentence structures and a number of errors. Some sentences are hard to understand due to awkward or incorrect structure such as “While domestic travel is more safety than other countries because of tourists can ask helps everywhere.”
Overall: 5.5
The essay adequately covers the task, but lacks in language proficiency, grammatical accuracy and overall cohesion. To improve the score, the student should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary, more varied sentence structures, and improve the flow of ideas.
Task Response: 5.5
The essay adequately addresses the task of discussing both perspectives and providing one's own opinion. However, there are instances where the argument lacks supporting details and is somewhat repetitive. For example, in both 'travel domestic' and 'travel abroad’ paragraphs, 'easy to approach' idea is repeated without providing clarity or additional information. Also, the final opinion could be better developed with more reasoning.
Coherence & Cohesion: 6.0
The essay is organised and uses some cohesive devices, but they are often repetitively used and aren’t always effective in creating a natural flow of ideas. Headings or section breaks might help provide a clear signal of each idea's end and the beginning of the next one.
Lexical Resource: 5.0
The lexical resource is quite weak and does not effectively use moderate to high level words that would have better established the writer’s proficiency in English. Some word choices are repetitive, and phrases like "valuable experience that cannot buy by money" sound awkward.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 5.0
Grammatical usage within the essay seems basic with repetitive sentence structures and a number of errors. Some sentences are hard to understand due to awkward or incorrect structure such as “While domestic travel is more safety than other countries because of tourists can ask helps everywhere.”
Overall: 5.5
The essay adequately covers the task, but lacks in language proficiency, grammatical accuracy and overall cohesion. To improve the score, the student should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary, more varied sentence structures, and improve the flow of ideas.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Some people travel to foreign countries during their vacations.
Others think that it is better to travel within their home countries.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Essay:
When it comes to vacationing, some individuals prefer to travel overseas, while others take pleasure in exploring their local regions. It appears that both options come with their specific strengths, yet my personal belief sways firmly towards the adventure of visiting foreign lands.
The advantages of domestic travel are numerous and undeniable. Firstly, it makes for a more accessible option, given the proximity and availability of familiar transportation methods. Secondly, safety becomes less of a concern as local individuals are ready to lend a hand in unfamiliar situations, making for a less unpredictable travel experience. Coupled with these factors, traveling locally can provide a deeper understanding of one's own culture, foster a sense of national pride, and significantly stimulate the local economy.
That said, the allure of international travel cannot be understated. It is an opportunity to immerse oneself in diverse cultures, savoring the uniqueness of global cuisines, religious practices, languages and behaviors. Equally as compelling is the chance to witness world-renowned landmarks, such as the Grand Canyon or the Eiffel Tower, experiences that cannot be replicated domestically. These opportunities for global enrichment and experiential learning make traveling abroad an unrivaled endeavor.
In conclusion, while domestic travel offers safety and accessibility, I truly believe it's the cultural richness and variety of experiences that make overseas travel a more valuable option. It is this diversity that attracts many, including myself, to venture beyond our borders for a getaway.
Word count: 247
Essay translated in Korean:
휴가를 보내는 방법에 있어서, 일부 사람들은 해외여행을 선호하는 반면, 다른 사람들은 지역을 탐험하는 것을 즐깁니다. 두 가지 옵션 모두 특정한 장점을 가지고 있지만, 저 개인적으로는 외국 땅을 방문하는 모험을 확고하게 선호합니다.
국내 여행의 이점은 수없이 많고 부인할 수 없습니다. 첫째, 가까운 거리와 익숙한 교통 방식으로 인해 접근성이 높습니다. 둘째, 현지인들이 친숙하지 않은 상황에서도 도움을 주기 때문에 안전에 대한 우려가 적어집니다. 이러한 요소들과 함께, 국내 여행은 자국의 문화에 대한 깊은 이해, 국가적 자부심을 기르는 것, 국내 경제를 상당히 활성화하는 것 등을 제공합니다.
그렇지만, 해외여행의 매력은 간과할 수 없습니다. 다양한 문화에 몸을 녹이는 기회이며, 글로벌 요리, 종교적 관행, 언어 및 행동의 독특함을 즐길 수 있습니다. 또한 그랜드캐년이나 에펠탑과 같은 세계적으로 유명한 명소를 직접 보는 기회는 국내에서 복제할 수 없는 경험입니다. 이런 경험적 학습과 세계적인 풍요로움의 기회는 해외여행을 뛰어난 모험으로 만듭니다.
결론적으로, 국내여행은 안전성과 접근성을 제공하지만, 저는 문화적인 풍부함과 다양한 경험들이 해외여행을 더 귀중한 선택으로 만든다고 믿습니다. 바로 이 다양성이 많은 사람들, 저 포함,을 우리의 국경을 넘어 외출하도록 이끌고 있습니다.
Good expressions:
1. 'allure of international travel' - 해외여행의 매력
2. 'familiar transportation methods' - 익숙한 교통 방법
3. 'cultural richness and variety of experiences' - 문화적 풍부함과 다양한 경험
4. 'venture beyond our borders' - 우리의 국경을 넘어 모험하다
5. 'coupled with these factors' - 이러한 요소들과 결합하여
When it comes to vacationing, some individuals prefer to travel overseas, while others take pleasure in exploring their local regions. It appears that both options come with their specific strengths, yet my personal belief sways firmly towards the adventure of visiting foreign lands.
The advantages of domestic travel are numerous and undeniable. Firstly, it makes for a more accessible option, given the proximity and availability of familiar transportation methods. Secondly, safety becomes less of a concern as local individuals are ready to lend a hand in unfamiliar situations, making for a less unpredictable travel experience. Coupled with these factors, traveling locally can provide a deeper understanding of one's own culture, foster a sense of national pride, and significantly stimulate the local economy.
That said, the allure of international travel cannot be understated. It is an opportunity to immerse oneself in diverse cultures, savoring the uniqueness of global cuisines, religious practices, languages and behaviors. Equally as compelling is the chance to witness world-renowned landmarks, such as the Grand Canyon or the Eiffel Tower, experiences that cannot be replicated domestically. These opportunities for global enrichment and experiential learning make traveling abroad an unrivaled endeavor.
In conclusion, while domestic travel offers safety and accessibility, I truly believe it's the cultural richness and variety of experiences that make overseas travel a more valuable option. It is this diversity that attracts many, including myself, to venture beyond our borders for a getaway.
Word count: 247
Essay translated in Korean:
휴가를 보내는 방법에 있어서, 일부 사람들은 해외여행을 선호하는 반면, 다른 사람들은 지역을 탐험하는 것을 즐깁니다. 두 가지 옵션 모두 특정한 장점을 가지고 있지만, 저 개인적으로는 외국 땅을 방문하는 모험을 확고하게 선호합니다.
국내 여행의 이점은 수없이 많고 부인할 수 없습니다. 첫째, 가까운 거리와 익숙한 교통 방식으로 인해 접근성이 높습니다. 둘째, 현지인들이 친숙하지 않은 상황에서도 도움을 주기 때문에 안전에 대한 우려가 적어집니다. 이러한 요소들과 함께, 국내 여행은 자국의 문화에 대한 깊은 이해, 국가적 자부심을 기르는 것, 국내 경제를 상당히 활성화하는 것 등을 제공합니다.
그렇지만, 해외여행의 매력은 간과할 수 없습니다. 다양한 문화에 몸을 녹이는 기회이며, 글로벌 요리, 종교적 관행, 언어 및 행동의 독특함을 즐길 수 있습니다. 또한 그랜드캐년이나 에펠탑과 같은 세계적으로 유명한 명소를 직접 보는 기회는 국내에서 복제할 수 없는 경험입니다. 이런 경험적 학습과 세계적인 풍요로움의 기회는 해외여행을 뛰어난 모험으로 만듭니다.
결론적으로, 국내여행은 안전성과 접근성을 제공하지만, 저는 문화적인 풍부함과 다양한 경험들이 해외여행을 더 귀중한 선택으로 만든다고 믿습니다. 바로 이 다양성이 많은 사람들, 저 포함,을 우리의 국경을 넘어 외출하도록 이끌고 있습니다.
Good expressions:
1. 'allure of international travel' - 해외여행의 매력
2. 'familiar transportation methods' - 익숙한 교통 방법
3. 'cultural richness and variety of experiences' - 문화적 풍부함과 다양한 경험
4. 'venture beyond our borders' - 우리의 국경을 넘어 모험하다
5. 'coupled with these factors' - 이러한 요소들과 결합하여
제출한 라이팅
It is observed that some people prefer to go abroad for vacation, but others argue that domestic places are better. Both views can be persuasive, but I strongly agree with the former opinion.
To begin with, as numerous people interested in travel at present, there are various places have attracted a lot of tourists in the world. Following this phenomenon, individuals go on vacations to their countries. To travel domestic has several benefits. Firstly, it is easy to approach. Tourists do not need to amount of time and efforts due to close distance and convenient transportation. Additionally, due to safety is one of the most crucial factors in travel, tourists should select domestic sites. Sometimes, there are an unexpected problem in trip, and tourists should prevent this situation. While domestic travel is more safety than other countries because of tourists can ask helps everywhere. Thus, some tourists prefer traveling domestic.
However, traveling abroad brings valuable experiences and unforgettable memories. To travel abroad also have a number of benefits. Firstly, visitors can experience various cultures. Depend on countries, there are existence of own cultures, such as food, religion, communication and even behavior, followed by tourists can approach them easily. Secondly, tourists can visit famous historical places. Traveling domestic have a limitation to see the nature sight and landmarks, while there are various nature sites and landmarks in the world such as Grand Canyon, Effel tower and Tower bridge. These sites bring valuable experience that cannot buy by money. That is why, individuals should visit abroad once in whole life.
In conclusion, despite to travel domestic is safer and more convenient, but I reckon that traveling abroad have more precious value. Therefore, I hope people are encouraged to go abroad for vacation
To begin with, as numerous people interested in travel at present, there are various places have attracted a lot of tourists in the world. Following this phenomenon, individuals go on vacations to their countries. To travel domestic has several benefits. Firstly, it is easy to approach. Tourists do not need to amount of time and efforts due to close distance and convenient transportation. Additionally, due to safety is one of the most crucial factors in travel, tourists should select domestic sites. Sometimes, there are an unexpected problem in trip, and tourists should prevent this situation. While domestic travel is more safety than other countries because of tourists can ask helps everywhere. Thus, some tourists prefer traveling domestic.
However, traveling abroad brings valuable experiences and unforgettable memories. To travel abroad also have a number of benefits. Firstly, visitors can experience various cultures. Depend on countries, there are existence of own cultures, such as food, religion, communication and even behavior, followed by tourists can approach them easily. Secondly, tourists can visit famous historical places. Traveling domestic have a limitation to see the nature sight and landmarks, while there are various nature sites and landmarks in the world such as Grand Canyon, Effel tower and Tower bridge. These sites bring valuable experience that cannot buy by money. That is why, individuals should visit abroad once in whole life.
In conclusion, despite to travel domestic is safer and more convenient, but I reckon that traveling abroad have more precious value. Therefore, I hope people are encouraged to go abroad for vacation
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