아이엘츠 라이팅 AI 첨삭
- Opinion
Some people think that the best way to reduce the time spent in travelling to work is to replace parks and gardens close to the city center with apartment buildings for commuters, but others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 8
The student presents a clear opinion that is sustained throughout the response. The student discusses both sides of the argument effectively and provides clear examples.
Coherence & Cohesion: 8
The points made by the student are logically ordered and easily followed. There is good use of connectors and cohesive devices. However, there are minor issues with coherence like repeated phrases.
Lexical Resource: 9
The student exhibited an excellent range of vocabulary and even used some less common and idiomatic expressions. Sentences are paraphrased well and colloquial language is avoided.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 7.5
There is a good variety of complex structures. However, there are some minor grammatical mistakes and inappropriate word choices, but these do not impede communication.
Overall: 8.1
Despite minor grammar errors, the student demonstrated an excellent grasp of language and conveys their argument effectively. They have a good command of the English language, but should aim to improve their accuracy in grammar control.
Task Response: 8
The student presents a clear opinion that is sustained throughout the response. The student discusses both sides of the argument effectively and provides clear examples.
Coherence & Cohesion: 8
The points made by the student are logically ordered and easily followed. There is good use of connectors and cohesive devices. However, there are minor issues with coherence like repeated phrases.
Lexical Resource: 9
The student exhibited an excellent range of vocabulary and even used some less common and idiomatic expressions. Sentences are paraphrased well and colloquial language is avoided.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 7.5
There is a good variety of complex structures. However, there are some minor grammatical mistakes and inappropriate word choices, but these do not impede communication.
Overall: 8.1
Despite minor grammar errors, the student demonstrated an excellent grasp of language and conveys their argument effectively. They have a good command of the English language, but should aim to improve their accuracy in grammar control.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Some people think that the best way to reduce the time spent in travelling to work is to replace parks and gardens close to the city center with apartment buildings for commuters, but others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Essay:
The dissension surrounding the replacement of city-center parks and gardens with high-rise apartments for employees impinges on various issues including commuting, pollution and mental health. While some promote the building of commuter accommodations, I staunchly believe that the value of green spaces supersedes short travel times.
Those supporting the development of city-center apartments have tangible reasons. Foremost, excessive commuting erodes employees' leisure hours and induces stress, potentially impacting their workplace efficacy and life quality. Also, long car trips emit pollutants, aggravating global warming and negative health impacts. Erecting commuter apartments can mitigate these concerns, letting both the employees and society reap the benefits.
I, however, stand firm that urban green spaces like parks and gardens have a paramount role in residents' lives. Not only do these oases provide a tranquil escape from daily worries and foster social bonding, but they are also quadrants of seasonal change, bolstering residents' mental health. Moreover, the growing concern over sedentary lifestyles can be alleviated in part by the exercise opportunities these spaces provide. Cycling, jogging, hiking or just a gentle stroll can promote residents' physical well-being complementing their mental health. Therefore, the retention of city-center parks is beneficial for the society.
In conclusion, regardless of benefits offered by commuter apartments, green spaces are indispensable, underscoring the significance of physical and mental well-being over commute time reduction.
Word count: 250
Essay translated in Korean:
도시 중심의 공원과 정원을 직장인용 고층 아파트로 교체하는 문제에 대한 논란은 통근, 오염 및 정신 건강과 같은 다양한 문제로 이어집니다. 일부는 통근자를 위한 주거 시설 건설을 촉진하지만, 저는 그린 스페이스의 가치가 짧은 이동 시간을 초월한다고 엄정히 믿습니다.
도시 중심의 아파트 개발을 지지하는 사람들은 구체적인 이유를 가지고 있습니다. 첫째, 과도한 통근은 직원들의 여가 시간을 저해하고 스트레스를 유발하여 그들의 직장 효율성과 생활 품질에 영향을 줄 수 있습니다. 또한 장거리 차량 이동으로 인한 오염 물질이 기후 변화와 부정적인 건강 영향을 악화시킵니다. 통근자 아파트를 세우고 이러한 문제들을 완화하면 직원들과 사회 모두가 그 혜택을 보를 수 있습니다.
그러나 제 생각에는 도시 녹지공간인 공원과 정원이 주민들의 삶에서 매우 중요한 역할을 하는 것이 맞습니다. 이런 오아시스들은 일상 걱정에서 벗어나 평온하게 쉴 수 있게 해주고 사회적 연결을 촉진하며, 계절 변화의 영역이기도 합니다. 이러한 공간들은 주민들의 정신 건강을 강화하는 데 중요합니다. 게다가 주민들의 신체 건강도 증진하는 운동 기회를 제공하여 잠재적으로 건강 문제를 완화시키고 있습니다. 따라서 도시 중심의 공원을 유지하는 것이 사회에 유익합니다.
결론적으로 말하자면, 통근자 아파트가 제공하는 이점에도 불구하고 그린 스페이스는 불가결하며 이동 시간을 줄이는 것보다 신체적, 정신적 안녕의 중요성을 강조합니다.
Good expressions:
1. dissension surrounding - 주변의 논쟁
2. tangible reasons - 구체적인 이유
3. erosion of leisure hours - 여가 시간의 저하
4. paramount role - 매우 중요한 역할
5. quadrants of seasonal change - 계절 변화의 영역
6. bolstering residents' mental health - 주민들의 정신 건강을 강화
7. retention of city-center parks - 도시 중심의 공원 유지
8. underscoring the significance - 중요성을 강조
The dissension surrounding the replacement of city-center parks and gardens with high-rise apartments for employees impinges on various issues including commuting, pollution and mental health. While some promote the building of commuter accommodations, I staunchly believe that the value of green spaces supersedes short travel times.
Those supporting the development of city-center apartments have tangible reasons. Foremost, excessive commuting erodes employees' leisure hours and induces stress, potentially impacting their workplace efficacy and life quality. Also, long car trips emit pollutants, aggravating global warming and negative health impacts. Erecting commuter apartments can mitigate these concerns, letting both the employees and society reap the benefits.
I, however, stand firm that urban green spaces like parks and gardens have a paramount role in residents' lives. Not only do these oases provide a tranquil escape from daily worries and foster social bonding, but they are also quadrants of seasonal change, bolstering residents' mental health. Moreover, the growing concern over sedentary lifestyles can be alleviated in part by the exercise opportunities these spaces provide. Cycling, jogging, hiking or just a gentle stroll can promote residents' physical well-being complementing their mental health. Therefore, the retention of city-center parks is beneficial for the society.
In conclusion, regardless of benefits offered by commuter apartments, green spaces are indispensable, underscoring the significance of physical and mental well-being over commute time reduction.
Word count: 250
Essay translated in Korean:
도시 중심의 공원과 정원을 직장인용 고층 아파트로 교체하는 문제에 대한 논란은 통근, 오염 및 정신 건강과 같은 다양한 문제로 이어집니다. 일부는 통근자를 위한 주거 시설 건설을 촉진하지만, 저는 그린 스페이스의 가치가 짧은 이동 시간을 초월한다고 엄정히 믿습니다.
도시 중심의 아파트 개발을 지지하는 사람들은 구체적인 이유를 가지고 있습니다. 첫째, 과도한 통근은 직원들의 여가 시간을 저해하고 스트레스를 유발하여 그들의 직장 효율성과 생활 품질에 영향을 줄 수 있습니다. 또한 장거리 차량 이동으로 인한 오염 물질이 기후 변화와 부정적인 건강 영향을 악화시킵니다. 통근자 아파트를 세우고 이러한 문제들을 완화하면 직원들과 사회 모두가 그 혜택을 보를 수 있습니다.
그러나 제 생각에는 도시 녹지공간인 공원과 정원이 주민들의 삶에서 매우 중요한 역할을 하는 것이 맞습니다. 이런 오아시스들은 일상 걱정에서 벗어나 평온하게 쉴 수 있게 해주고 사회적 연결을 촉진하며, 계절 변화의 영역이기도 합니다. 이러한 공간들은 주민들의 정신 건강을 강화하는 데 중요합니다. 게다가 주민들의 신체 건강도 증진하는 운동 기회를 제공하여 잠재적으로 건강 문제를 완화시키고 있습니다. 따라서 도시 중심의 공원을 유지하는 것이 사회에 유익합니다.
결론적으로 말하자면, 통근자 아파트가 제공하는 이점에도 불구하고 그린 스페이스는 불가결하며 이동 시간을 줄이는 것보다 신체적, 정신적 안녕의 중요성을 강조합니다.
Good expressions:
1. dissension surrounding - 주변의 논쟁
2. tangible reasons - 구체적인 이유
3. erosion of leisure hours - 여가 시간의 저하
4. paramount role - 매우 중요한 역할
5. quadrants of seasonal change - 계절 변화의 영역
6. bolstering residents' mental health - 주민들의 정신 건강을 강화
7. retention of city-center parks - 도시 중심의 공원 유지
8. underscoring the significance - 중요성을 강조
제출한 라이팅
The debate over relocating public parks or gardens for commuters, by replacing them with workers' accommodations, has sparked in today's world. While some individuals believe that building houses in city centers should be prioritized, I firmly assert that the natural environment is more crucial for residents than commuting time.
Advocates of constructing apartment buildings in city centers have several valid reasons. Firstly, many modern people have suffered from severe rush hours, wasting their time on the road. This situation often leaves workers feeling exhausted and stressed, leading to reduced productivity and efficiency in the workplace, and even a decline in life satisfaction. Furthermore, long commuting times using transportation exacerbate environmental pollution by contributing to massive emissions and significant fuel usage. With short distances from individuals' homes to the workplace, both workers and societies could gain various benefits.
However, I contend that the existence of nature, such as green parks and public gardens, should be a core part of individuals' lives in many ways. The primary merit is related to maintaining residents' mental health by providing natural scenery and peaceful places. In these places, citizens can engage in social interactions, escape from their busy lives, and appreciate the changing seasons. Such activities facilitate people in sufficiently relaxing and supporting their mental conditions. Moreover, considering the severe lack of physical exercise among modern people, parks and gardens can provide several opportunities for physical activities, including cycling, running, tracking, or simply walking and enjoying nature. These fresh circumstances can encourage residents to participate in outdoor activities, fostering their physical fitness and general well-being. Individuals' health is a crucial aspect in creating a better society; therefore, public parks should remain in the city center.
In conclusion, while some argue that new apartments are a more pressing concern for workers with long commutes, I strongly contend that such places are immensely beneficial for them in terms of overall well-being.
Advocates of constructing apartment buildings in city centers have several valid reasons. Firstly, many modern people have suffered from severe rush hours, wasting their time on the road. This situation often leaves workers feeling exhausted and stressed, leading to reduced productivity and efficiency in the workplace, and even a decline in life satisfaction. Furthermore, long commuting times using transportation exacerbate environmental pollution by contributing to massive emissions and significant fuel usage. With short distances from individuals' homes to the workplace, both workers and societies could gain various benefits.
However, I contend that the existence of nature, such as green parks and public gardens, should be a core part of individuals' lives in many ways. The primary merit is related to maintaining residents' mental health by providing natural scenery and peaceful places. In these places, citizens can engage in social interactions, escape from their busy lives, and appreciate the changing seasons. Such activities facilitate people in sufficiently relaxing and supporting their mental conditions. Moreover, considering the severe lack of physical exercise among modern people, parks and gardens can provide several opportunities for physical activities, including cycling, running, tracking, or simply walking and enjoying nature. These fresh circumstances can encourage residents to participate in outdoor activities, fostering their physical fitness and general well-being. Individuals' health is a crucial aspect in creating a better society; therefore, public parks should remain in the city center.
In conclusion, while some argue that new apartments are a more pressing concern for workers with long commutes, I strongly contend that such places are immensely beneficial for them in terms of overall well-being.
공유
목록으로 돌아가기 😎
