아이엘츠 라이팅 AI 첨삭
- Opinion
Some people think that the best way to reduce the time spent in travelling to work is to replace parks and gardens close to the city center with apartment buildings for commuters, but others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 7
The argument is fully developed and both views are presented in the essay. However, the student's opinion could have been presented more explicitly in the body of the essay rather than only the introductory and concluding paragraphs.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
The student clearly organises his ideas into paragraphs and connects his ideas with cohesive devices. However, ideas could have been more distinctly linked together.
Lexical Resource: 8
The student demonstrates a strong vocabulary with a wide range of academic terms. Despite a few spelling errors, they use words accurately and appropriately.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 7
The student uses a range of complex grammatical structures. However, they have several grammatical errors and misspellings which can be distracting and can reduce the clarity of certain sentences.
Overall: 7.25
The student shows a clear understanding of the IELTS task and is able to argue their opinion effectively. However, there are some grammatical inaccuracies and minor coherence issues that need improvement.
Task Response: 7
The argument is fully developed and both views are presented in the essay. However, the student's opinion could have been presented more explicitly in the body of the essay rather than only the introductory and concluding paragraphs.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
The student clearly organises his ideas into paragraphs and connects his ideas with cohesive devices. However, ideas could have been more distinctly linked together.
Lexical Resource: 8
The student demonstrates a strong vocabulary with a wide range of academic terms. Despite a few spelling errors, they use words accurately and appropriately.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 7
The student uses a range of complex grammatical structures. However, they have several grammatical errors and misspellings which can be distracting and can reduce the clarity of certain sentences.
Overall: 7.25
The student shows a clear understanding of the IELTS task and is able to argue their opinion effectively. However, there are some grammatical inaccuracies and minor coherence issues that need improvement.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Some people think that the best way to reduce the time spent in travelling to work is to replace parks and gardens close to the city center with apartment buildings for commuters, but others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Essay:
The question of transforming parks and gardens in city centers into apartment buildings, primarily for those commuting to work, has become a topic of discussion in recent times. Despite the potential commuting benefits, I am of the belief that preserving the natural environment contributes positively to the overall quality of life for city dwellers.
Supporters of erecting residential buildings downtown argue that it could significantly decrease commuting times, a burden many modern workers lament. The drain of rush-hour traffic not only contributes to individual stress and fatigue, thereby decreasing life satisfaction and productivity, but exacerbates environmental pollution through increased emissions and fuel usage. Hence, close proximity between home and workplace would undeniably benefit both workers and society as a whole.
On the other hand, I argue that city-center parks and public gardens are indispensable for urban life. These natural spaces play a crucial role in preserving mental health by offering a tranquil retreat from urban hustle, and facilitating community interaction. Furthermore, given societies' growing sedentary habits, these green spaces serve as venues for physical activity, promoting health and overall well-being. With the imperative of healthy citizens for a thriving society, it becomes essential to retain these public parks within city centers.
In conclusion, although reducing commuting times through downtown apartment developments holds certain advantages, the multiple benefits derived from natural spaces in the city affirm my belief in their importance.
Word count:261
Essay translated in Korean:
도시 중심부의 공원과 정원을 출퇴근자용 아파트 건물로 변환하는 문제는 최근에 논의의 주제가 되었습니다. 출퇴근 시간을 줄일 수 있다는 잠재적 이점에도 불구하고, 자연 환경을 보존하는 것이 도시 거주자들에게 전체적으로 즐거운 삶을 제공한다는 믿음이 있습니다.
주거 건물을 도시 중심부에 세우는 것을 지지하는 사람들은 이것이 많은 현대 노동자들이 한탄하는 출퇴근 시간을 크게 줄일 수 있음을 주장합니다. 피크 시간의 교통이 개인의 스트레스와 피로를 증가시키고, 생활 만족도와 생산성을 감소시키며, 배출량과 연료 사용량을 증가시켜 환경 오염을 악화시키는 요인이기도 합니다. 따라서 집과 직장 사이의 가까운 거리는 노동자뿐만 아니라 사회 전체에게 두 말할 나위 없는 혜택을 줄 수 있습니다.
반면에, 나는 도시 중심부의 공원과 공공정원이 도시 생활에 있어서 아주 중요하다고 주장합니다. 이러한 자연 공간은 도시의 소란에서 벗어나 평화로운 장소를 제공하고, 공동체 간 상호작용을 촉진함으로써 정신 건강을 보존하는 중요한 역할을 합니다. 게다가, 사회의 점점 늘어나는 유휴 생활에 대한 공간이라면 이들 녹색 공간은 신체 활동의 장으로서 건강과 전반적인 웰빙을 촉진합니다. 건강한 시민이 번영하는 사회를 위한 필수적인 요소이므로, 도시 중심부 내의 이러한 공공 공원을 유지하는 것이 중요해집니다.
결론적으로, 도시 중심의 아파트 개발을 통해 출퇴근 시간을 줄이는 것이 일부 이점을 가지고 있긴 하지만, 도시의 자연 공간에서 얻을 수 있는 다양한 이점들은 그들의 중요성을 믿게 합니다.
Good expressions:
1. a topic of discussion - 논의의 주제
2. preserving the natural environment - 자연 환경을 보존하는
3. erecting residential buildings - 주거 건물을 세우는
4. indispendable for urban life - 도시 생활에 있어서 아주 중요한
5. tranquil retreat from urban hustle- 도시의 소란에서 벗어나 평화로운 장소
6. venues for physical activity - 신체 활동의 장
7. a thriving society - 번영하는 사회
The question of transforming parks and gardens in city centers into apartment buildings, primarily for those commuting to work, has become a topic of discussion in recent times. Despite the potential commuting benefits, I am of the belief that preserving the natural environment contributes positively to the overall quality of life for city dwellers.
Supporters of erecting residential buildings downtown argue that it could significantly decrease commuting times, a burden many modern workers lament. The drain of rush-hour traffic not only contributes to individual stress and fatigue, thereby decreasing life satisfaction and productivity, but exacerbates environmental pollution through increased emissions and fuel usage. Hence, close proximity between home and workplace would undeniably benefit both workers and society as a whole.
On the other hand, I argue that city-center parks and public gardens are indispensable for urban life. These natural spaces play a crucial role in preserving mental health by offering a tranquil retreat from urban hustle, and facilitating community interaction. Furthermore, given societies' growing sedentary habits, these green spaces serve as venues for physical activity, promoting health and overall well-being. With the imperative of healthy citizens for a thriving society, it becomes essential to retain these public parks within city centers.
In conclusion, although reducing commuting times through downtown apartment developments holds certain advantages, the multiple benefits derived from natural spaces in the city affirm my belief in their importance.
Word count:261
Essay translated in Korean:
도시 중심부의 공원과 정원을 출퇴근자용 아파트 건물로 변환하는 문제는 최근에 논의의 주제가 되었습니다. 출퇴근 시간을 줄일 수 있다는 잠재적 이점에도 불구하고, 자연 환경을 보존하는 것이 도시 거주자들에게 전체적으로 즐거운 삶을 제공한다는 믿음이 있습니다.
주거 건물을 도시 중심부에 세우는 것을 지지하는 사람들은 이것이 많은 현대 노동자들이 한탄하는 출퇴근 시간을 크게 줄일 수 있음을 주장합니다. 피크 시간의 교통이 개인의 스트레스와 피로를 증가시키고, 생활 만족도와 생산성을 감소시키며, 배출량과 연료 사용량을 증가시켜 환경 오염을 악화시키는 요인이기도 합니다. 따라서 집과 직장 사이의 가까운 거리는 노동자뿐만 아니라 사회 전체에게 두 말할 나위 없는 혜택을 줄 수 있습니다.
반면에, 나는 도시 중심부의 공원과 공공정원이 도시 생활에 있어서 아주 중요하다고 주장합니다. 이러한 자연 공간은 도시의 소란에서 벗어나 평화로운 장소를 제공하고, 공동체 간 상호작용을 촉진함으로써 정신 건강을 보존하는 중요한 역할을 합니다. 게다가, 사회의 점점 늘어나는 유휴 생활에 대한 공간이라면 이들 녹색 공간은 신체 활동의 장으로서 건강과 전반적인 웰빙을 촉진합니다. 건강한 시민이 번영하는 사회를 위한 필수적인 요소이므로, 도시 중심부 내의 이러한 공공 공원을 유지하는 것이 중요해집니다.
결론적으로, 도시 중심의 아파트 개발을 통해 출퇴근 시간을 줄이는 것이 일부 이점을 가지고 있긴 하지만, 도시의 자연 공간에서 얻을 수 있는 다양한 이점들은 그들의 중요성을 믿게 합니다.
Good expressions:
1. a topic of discussion - 논의의 주제
2. preserving the natural environment - 자연 환경을 보존하는
3. erecting residential buildings - 주거 건물을 세우는
4. indispendable for urban life - 도시 생활에 있어서 아주 중요한
5. tranquil retreat from urban hustle- 도시의 소란에서 벗어나 평화로운 장소
6. venues for physical activity - 신체 활동의 장
7. a thriving society - 번영하는 사회
제출한 라이팅
The debate of relocating public parks or gardens for commuters, by replcaing them with workders’ accomodations, has sparked in today’s world. While some individuals believe building houses in city centers should be prioritized, I firmly assert that natural environment is more crucial for residents rather than commuting time.
Advocates of the construction apartment buildings in city center have several valid reasons. Firstly, many modern people have suffered from severe rush-hour, wasting their time on the road. This situation results in making some workers often feel exhustied and get stressed, and causes the reduction of productivity and efficiency in workplace and even the decline of life satisfaction. Furthermore, long communting time with utilizing transport excerbate environmental pollution, by contributing to massive emissions and tremendous usage of fuel. With short distance from individuals’ home to workplace, both workers and societies could gain various benefits.
However, I contend that the existence of nature such as green parks and pubilc gardens would be the core part of individuals’ lives in many ways. The primary merit is related to maintaininig residents’ mental health, by providing natural sencery and peaceful places. In these places, citizens can participate in social interations, escape from their busy life, and appreciate the change of seasons, Such activities facilitate people to sufficiently relax and support their mental conditions. Moreover, considering the severe lack of physical excercising among modern people, parks and garden can impart several opportunities to physical activities, including cycling, running, tracking, or simply walking enjoying nature. These fresh circumstances can encourage residents to participate in outdoor activities, fostering their physical fitness and well-being in general. Individuals’ health would be most important part to create a better society, public parks sould be left in the city center.
To conclude, even though some individuals argue new apartments are more pressing issues for workers who commute for a long time, I strongly claim that such places are immesely beneficial for them due to their overall well-being.
Advocates of the construction apartment buildings in city center have several valid reasons. Firstly, many modern people have suffered from severe rush-hour, wasting their time on the road. This situation results in making some workers often feel exhustied and get stressed, and causes the reduction of productivity and efficiency in workplace and even the decline of life satisfaction. Furthermore, long communting time with utilizing transport excerbate environmental pollution, by contributing to massive emissions and tremendous usage of fuel. With short distance from individuals’ home to workplace, both workers and societies could gain various benefits.
However, I contend that the existence of nature such as green parks and pubilc gardens would be the core part of individuals’ lives in many ways. The primary merit is related to maintaininig residents’ mental health, by providing natural sencery and peaceful places. In these places, citizens can participate in social interations, escape from their busy life, and appreciate the change of seasons, Such activities facilitate people to sufficiently relax and support their mental conditions. Moreover, considering the severe lack of physical excercising among modern people, parks and garden can impart several opportunities to physical activities, including cycling, running, tracking, or simply walking enjoying nature. These fresh circumstances can encourage residents to participate in outdoor activities, fostering their physical fitness and well-being in general. Individuals’ health would be most important part to create a better society, public parks sould be left in the city center.
To conclude, even though some individuals argue new apartments are more pressing issues for workers who commute for a long time, I strongly claim that such places are immesely beneficial for them due to their overall well-being.
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