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The diagram illustrates the process that is used to manufacture bricks for the building industry. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 7.5
The essay addresses the task in a clear manner and covers all 9 steps in the process. It provides a detailed summary of the brick manufacturing process. However, it lacks some analysis or comparisons among the steps.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7.5
The essay presents ideas in a logical order and the information is coherent. There's a clear progression of thoughts, though cohesion can be improved through better use of linking words and phrases.
Lexical Resource: 8
The student has a wide vocabulary. They have used terms related to the manufacturing process accurately. However, there're a few minor errors in their choice of wording such as "dividing" should be replaced with "removing" and "kiln it" to "kiln them".
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 7
There are noticeable grammatical errors throughout the essay, such as "kiln it in moderate temperature around 200 to 980 then kiln again in higher temperature around 870 to 1300" is awkward and incorrect. Moreover, the capitalization of 'First' is inconsistent as it's not needed in mid-sentence. Despite these, the errors don't significantly impede communication.
Overall: 7.5
The essay satisfies most IELTS band descriptors for a score of 7.5. The student shows a good understanding of the task, has a wide range of vocabulary, and logical progression of ideas, although with minor grammatical errors and places for improvement in cohesion.
Task Response: 7.5
The essay addresses the task in a clear manner and covers all 9 steps in the process. It provides a detailed summary of the brick manufacturing process. However, it lacks some analysis or comparisons among the steps.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7.5
The essay presents ideas in a logical order and the information is coherent. There's a clear progression of thoughts, though cohesion can be improved through better use of linking words and phrases.
Lexical Resource: 8
The student has a wide vocabulary. They have used terms related to the manufacturing process accurately. However, there're a few minor errors in their choice of wording such as "dividing" should be replaced with "removing" and "kiln it" to "kiln them".
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 7
There are noticeable grammatical errors throughout the essay, such as "kiln it in moderate temperature around 200 to 980 then kiln again in higher temperature around 870 to 1300" is awkward and incorrect. Moreover, the capitalization of 'First' is inconsistent as it's not needed in mid-sentence. Despite these, the errors don't significantly impede communication.
Overall: 7.5
The essay satisfies most IELTS band descriptors for a score of 7.5. The student shows a good understanding of the task, has a wide range of vocabulary, and logical progression of ideas, although with minor grammatical errors and places for improvement in cohesion.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
The diagram illustrates the process that is used to manufacture bricks for the building industry.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
Write at least 150 words.
Essay:
The provided schema gives a detailed account of the manufacturing process of bricks, which comprises nine distinctive procedures. The illustration also explicates the methodical sequence followed in the processing of raw clay till the final packaging of the produced bricks.
Commencing with the excavation of clay, the process initiates with a digger retrieving clay from the ground. A metal grid subsequently removes any unwanted elements such as stones, ensuring only the pure clay is used. Once purified, the clay is spread on a roller before proceeding to one of the two molding alternatives. One involves dampening the sand to be then molded, whereas the second uses a wire cutter machine to shape the bricks.
Following shape determination, bricks undergo a drying phase in an oven for 24 to 48 hours. Subsequently, the dried bricks are baked in a kiln, initially at moderate temperatures ranging from 200 to 980, escalating to a high-temperature range between 870 to 1300. After baking, the bricks are transferred into a cooling chamber for 2 to 3 days. The manufacturing process culminates with the packaging of the bricks ready for delivery to clients and dealers.
To sum, the brick manufacturing process is a systematic sequence of diverse procedures from clay extraction to brick cooling, culminating in the bricks' packaging and distribution.
Word count: 262
Essay translated in Korean: 제공된 도표는 블록 제조 과정을 자세히 설명하고 있으며, 이에는 9가지의 독특한 절차가 포함되어 있다. 이 도표는 또한 원시 클레이 처리에서 최종 제품 블록 포장까지 따라야하는 체계적인 순서를 설명하고 있다.
Good expressions:
1. detailed account: 자세한 설명
2. methodical sequence: 체계적인 순서
3. undergo a drying phase: 건조 단계를 거치다
4. commencing with: ~로 시작하는
5. transferred into a cooling chamber: 냉각실로 이동
6. culminates with the packaging: 포장으로 이루어진다
7. systematic sequence of diverse procedures: 다양한 절차의 체계적인 순서
8. escalates to a high-temperature range: 고온 범위로 상승한다.
The provided schema gives a detailed account of the manufacturing process of bricks, which comprises nine distinctive procedures. The illustration also explicates the methodical sequence followed in the processing of raw clay till the final packaging of the produced bricks.
Commencing with the excavation of clay, the process initiates with a digger retrieving clay from the ground. A metal grid subsequently removes any unwanted elements such as stones, ensuring only the pure clay is used. Once purified, the clay is spread on a roller before proceeding to one of the two molding alternatives. One involves dampening the sand to be then molded, whereas the second uses a wire cutter machine to shape the bricks.
Following shape determination, bricks undergo a drying phase in an oven for 24 to 48 hours. Subsequently, the dried bricks are baked in a kiln, initially at moderate temperatures ranging from 200 to 980, escalating to a high-temperature range between 870 to 1300. After baking, the bricks are transferred into a cooling chamber for 2 to 3 days. The manufacturing process culminates with the packaging of the bricks ready for delivery to clients and dealers.
To sum, the brick manufacturing process is a systematic sequence of diverse procedures from clay extraction to brick cooling, culminating in the bricks' packaging and distribution.
Word count: 262
Essay translated in Korean: 제공된 도표는 블록 제조 과정을 자세히 설명하고 있으며, 이에는 9가지의 독특한 절차가 포함되어 있다. 이 도표는 또한 원시 클레이 처리에서 최종 제품 블록 포장까지 따라야하는 체계적인 순서를 설명하고 있다.
Good expressions:
1. detailed account: 자세한 설명
2. methodical sequence: 체계적인 순서
3. undergo a drying phase: 건조 단계를 거치다
4. commencing with: ~로 시작하는
5. transferred into a cooling chamber: 냉각실로 이동
6. culminates with the packaging: 포장으로 이루어진다
7. systematic sequence of diverse procedures: 다양한 절차의 체계적인 순서
8. escalates to a high-temperature range: 고온 범위로 상승한다.
제출한 라이팅
This diagram illustrates the way of brick manufacturing and 9 steps are included in total.
We can see a digger which is digging clay on the First step and that clay is moved to a metal grid to remove unneeded factors like stone. When the dividing is finished the pristine clay would be laid on the roller. Third step is the molding step which has 2 different means of molding. The First means is adding water to the sand afterward put it in the mold. On the other hand we can make bricks through the wire cutter machine. Then all bricks will be put in the drying oven for 24-48 hours. When the bricks are dried well we need to kiln it in moderate temperature around 200 to 980 then kiln again in higher temperature around 870 to 1300. After all the baking steps, the cooling chamber is waiting for bricks. bricks will be cooled down for 2 days or 3 days. Now all manufacturing steps are finished. all we need to do is pack bricks and deliver to customers or vendors.
We can see a digger which is digging clay on the First step and that clay is moved to a metal grid to remove unneeded factors like stone. When the dividing is finished the pristine clay would be laid on the roller. Third step is the molding step which has 2 different means of molding. The First means is adding water to the sand afterward put it in the mold. On the other hand we can make bricks through the wire cutter machine. Then all bricks will be put in the drying oven for 24-48 hours. When the bricks are dried well we need to kiln it in moderate temperature around 200 to 980 then kiln again in higher temperature around 870 to 1300. After all the baking steps, the cooling chamber is waiting for bricks. bricks will be cooled down for 2 days or 3 days. Now all manufacturing steps are finished. all we need to do is pack bricks and deliver to customers or vendors.
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