아이엘츠 라이팅 AI 첨삭
- Opinion
By punishing murderer with the death penalty, society is also guilty of committing murder. Therefore, life in prison is a better punishment for murderers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 7
The student generally addresses the prompt well, offering a clear viewpoint and supporting it with specific examples. They also consider the opposing viewpoint, however, they don't really give a full response to the prompt by addressing 'society's guilt' in using the death penalty.
Coherence & Cohesion: 6.5
The essay follows a logical structure but lacks strong cohesion between ideas. Transitions could be more smoothly integrated into points, and paragraphs are a bit disjointed. The conclusion could also be more concise and conclusive in tying together the points made throughout the essay.
Lexical Resource: 7
The student demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, featuring some good collocations and less common words. However, a few phrases seem awkward or incorrectly used, such as "it can prevent re-offend" and "rehabilitating the murders".
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6.5
While generally the grammar is correct, there are several errors and unnatural phrases that impede clarity. For example, the strange phrase "murderers could be would be-criminals" and incorrect verb form "they offence the same crime."
Overall: 6.75
This response demonstrates a moderate understanding of the task, and while they make a clear argument, there are areas for improvement in the clarity of their writing and grammatical accuracy.
Task Response: 7
The student generally addresses the prompt well, offering a clear viewpoint and supporting it with specific examples. They also consider the opposing viewpoint, however, they don't really give a full response to the prompt by addressing 'society's guilt' in using the death penalty.
Coherence & Cohesion: 6.5
The essay follows a logical structure but lacks strong cohesion between ideas. Transitions could be more smoothly integrated into points, and paragraphs are a bit disjointed. The conclusion could also be more concise and conclusive in tying together the points made throughout the essay.
Lexical Resource: 7
The student demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, featuring some good collocations and less common words. However, a few phrases seem awkward or incorrectly used, such as "it can prevent re-offend" and "rehabilitating the murders".
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6.5
While generally the grammar is correct, there are several errors and unnatural phrases that impede clarity. For example, the strange phrase "murderers could be would be-criminals" and incorrect verb form "they offence the same crime."
Overall: 6.75
This response demonstrates a moderate understanding of the task, and while they make a clear argument, there are areas for improvement in the clarity of their writing and grammatical accuracy.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
By punishing murderer with the death penalty, society is also guilty of committing murder. Therefore, life in prison is a better punishment for murderers.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Essay:
There is a certain discourse arguing that capital punishment is akin to societal murder; as such, imprisonment for life serves as a more appropriate punishment for those convicted of such crimes. I fundamentally disagree with this sentiment and will elucidate my position in this essay.
One main objection towards life sentences pertains to the substantial cost to taxpayers. Essentially, maintaining the livelihood of prison inmates is financed from the government's coffers, funded primarily by taxpayer money. Thus, applying capital punishment could result in considerable savings, allowing for a redirection of funds towards initiatives aimed at societal improvement such as refurbishing ageing infrastructure. Furthermore, capital punishment can serve as a potent deterrent to repeat offences. For instance, in countries like Korea, there are numerous cases of individuals repeating offences while incarcerated, potentially worsening the prison situation.
Despite these points, some argue that lifetime imprisonment effectively secludes offenders from society. They also assert that it offers an opportunity for rehabilitation, with prisons providing diverse educational programmes centered around moral education. However, the real potential for meaningful rehabilitation is debatable amidst a harsh prison environment.
In conclusion, while there is validity to the argument that lifetime imprisonment can benefit society by removing dangerous elements and providing rehabilitation opportunities, I maintain that capital punishment's benefits outweigh the drawbacks. Specifically, it offers financial benefits and contributes to reducing further criminality.
Word count: 262
Essay translated in Korean:
일부 분쟁은 사형은 사회적 살인과 같다며 이로 인해 살인에 대한 적절한 처벌은 종신형이라고 주장합니다. 나는 이 주장에 대해 근본적으로 동의하지 않으며 이 논문에서 내 위치를 명확히 할 것입니다.
생명형에 대한 주요 이의 중 하나는 세금납부자에게 부과되는 상당한 비용에 관한 것입니다. 기본적으로 수감자의 생계 유지는 정부의 재정에서 자금이 지원되며 이것은 주로 세금으로 자금이 조성됩니다. 따라서 사형을 적용하면 상당한 절약을 할 수 있으며, 자금을 노후 인프라를 리모델링하는 것과 같은 사회 개선을 목표로한 계획에 재지향 시킬 수 있습니다. 또한 사형은 반복적인 범죄를 방지하는 강력한 억제 수단으로 작용할 수 있습니다. 예를 들어, 한국과 같은 국가에서는 수감 중인 사람들이 반복적으로 범죄를 저지르는 여러 사례가 있습니다.
이러한 점에도 불구하고 일부는 종신형이 범죄자를 효과적으로 사회에서 격리시킨다고 주장합니다. 그들은 또한 재활의 기회를 제공한다고 주장하며, 시설은 도덕 교육을 중심으로 다양한 교육 프로그램을 제공합니다. 그러나 가혹한 감옥 환경에서 의미있는 재활의 진정한 가능성은 논란의 여지가 있습니다.
결론적으로, 종신형이 위험한 요소를 제거하고 재활의 기회를 제공함으로써 사회에 이익을 줄 수 있다는 주장에는 타당성이 있지만, 나는 사형의 이점이 단점을 상쇄한다고 주장합니다. 구체적으로는 재정적 이점을 제공하며 추가 범죄를 줄이는 데 기여합니다.
Good expressions:
1. akin to societal murder - 사회적 살인과 유사하다
2. elucidate my position - 내 위치를 명확하게 하다
3. substantial cost to taxpayers - 세금납부자에게 부과되는 상당한 비용
4. potent deterrent to repeat offences - 반복적인 범죄에 대한 강력한 억제 수단
5. meaningful rehabilitation is debatable - 의미있는 재활의 가능성은 논란의 여지가 있다
6. benefits outweigh the drawbacks - 이점이 단점을 상쇄한다.
There is a certain discourse arguing that capital punishment is akin to societal murder; as such, imprisonment for life serves as a more appropriate punishment for those convicted of such crimes. I fundamentally disagree with this sentiment and will elucidate my position in this essay.
One main objection towards life sentences pertains to the substantial cost to taxpayers. Essentially, maintaining the livelihood of prison inmates is financed from the government's coffers, funded primarily by taxpayer money. Thus, applying capital punishment could result in considerable savings, allowing for a redirection of funds towards initiatives aimed at societal improvement such as refurbishing ageing infrastructure. Furthermore, capital punishment can serve as a potent deterrent to repeat offences. For instance, in countries like Korea, there are numerous cases of individuals repeating offences while incarcerated, potentially worsening the prison situation.
Despite these points, some argue that lifetime imprisonment effectively secludes offenders from society. They also assert that it offers an opportunity for rehabilitation, with prisons providing diverse educational programmes centered around moral education. However, the real potential for meaningful rehabilitation is debatable amidst a harsh prison environment.
In conclusion, while there is validity to the argument that lifetime imprisonment can benefit society by removing dangerous elements and providing rehabilitation opportunities, I maintain that capital punishment's benefits outweigh the drawbacks. Specifically, it offers financial benefits and contributes to reducing further criminality.
Word count: 262
Essay translated in Korean:
일부 분쟁은 사형은 사회적 살인과 같다며 이로 인해 살인에 대한 적절한 처벌은 종신형이라고 주장합니다. 나는 이 주장에 대해 근본적으로 동의하지 않으며 이 논문에서 내 위치를 명확히 할 것입니다.
생명형에 대한 주요 이의 중 하나는 세금납부자에게 부과되는 상당한 비용에 관한 것입니다. 기본적으로 수감자의 생계 유지는 정부의 재정에서 자금이 지원되며 이것은 주로 세금으로 자금이 조성됩니다. 따라서 사형을 적용하면 상당한 절약을 할 수 있으며, 자금을 노후 인프라를 리모델링하는 것과 같은 사회 개선을 목표로한 계획에 재지향 시킬 수 있습니다. 또한 사형은 반복적인 범죄를 방지하는 강력한 억제 수단으로 작용할 수 있습니다. 예를 들어, 한국과 같은 국가에서는 수감 중인 사람들이 반복적으로 범죄를 저지르는 여러 사례가 있습니다.
이러한 점에도 불구하고 일부는 종신형이 범죄자를 효과적으로 사회에서 격리시킨다고 주장합니다. 그들은 또한 재활의 기회를 제공한다고 주장하며, 시설은 도덕 교육을 중심으로 다양한 교육 프로그램을 제공합니다. 그러나 가혹한 감옥 환경에서 의미있는 재활의 진정한 가능성은 논란의 여지가 있습니다.
결론적으로, 종신형이 위험한 요소를 제거하고 재활의 기회를 제공함으로써 사회에 이익을 줄 수 있다는 주장에는 타당성이 있지만, 나는 사형의 이점이 단점을 상쇄한다고 주장합니다. 구체적으로는 재정적 이점을 제공하며 추가 범죄를 줄이는 데 기여합니다.
Good expressions:
1. akin to societal murder - 사회적 살인과 유사하다
2. elucidate my position - 내 위치를 명확하게 하다
3. substantial cost to taxpayers - 세금납부자에게 부과되는 상당한 비용
4. potent deterrent to repeat offences - 반복적인 범죄에 대한 강력한 억제 수단
5. meaningful rehabilitation is debatable - 의미있는 재활의 가능성은 논란의 여지가 있다
6. benefits outweigh the drawbacks - 이점이 단점을 상쇄한다.
제출한 라이팅
Nowadays, there is an argument that capital punishment is also criminal that society offend, so life imprisonment is a better way to punish murders. I strongly disagree with this point of view and in this essay, I will support my opinion with examples.
This argument has several detrimental impacts. I believe that the main one is that the waste of public’s taxes. What I mean by this is that it is undeniable that feeding offenders in prisons is conducted by government’s budget allocation and this is extracted from the taxes. In this circumstance, if government implement capital punishment, it can save the tax and the government can put more resources into developing their societies like reconstructing old facilities, which can provide an enhanced well-being for the public. Not only that, it can prevent re-offend. Take Korea for example. The majority of murderers could be would be-criminals when they are in prisons, and they offence the same crime as to other inmates, mimicking more cruel offense.
Having said that, some individuals insist that life imprisonment can be the best way to isolate offenders from our communities. Because they have to spend the rest of their lives, it is impossible to enjoy societal life and they have to rub shoulders with other brutal criminals, with a sense of fear. Moreover, imprisonment sentence during the whole life can be a great alternative to rehabilitate the murders. In many prisons, there are numerous measurements to educate the murderers like taking morality-based discipline, they can recognize their wrong doing and look back in the prisons.
In conclusion, although it is an unavoidable fact that life imprisonment is appropriate to punish the murders, in terms of eliminating them from society and rehabilitating the murders, I strongly believe that death penalty is necessary evil in our society since it has more advantages particularly with respect to saving taxes and eliminating re-criminals.
This argument has several detrimental impacts. I believe that the main one is that the waste of public’s taxes. What I mean by this is that it is undeniable that feeding offenders in prisons is conducted by government’s budget allocation and this is extracted from the taxes. In this circumstance, if government implement capital punishment, it can save the tax and the government can put more resources into developing their societies like reconstructing old facilities, which can provide an enhanced well-being for the public. Not only that, it can prevent re-offend. Take Korea for example. The majority of murderers could be would be-criminals when they are in prisons, and they offence the same crime as to other inmates, mimicking more cruel offense.
Having said that, some individuals insist that life imprisonment can be the best way to isolate offenders from our communities. Because they have to spend the rest of their lives, it is impossible to enjoy societal life and they have to rub shoulders with other brutal criminals, with a sense of fear. Moreover, imprisonment sentence during the whole life can be a great alternative to rehabilitate the murders. In many prisons, there are numerous measurements to educate the murderers like taking morality-based discipline, they can recognize their wrong doing and look back in the prisons.
In conclusion, although it is an unavoidable fact that life imprisonment is appropriate to punish the murders, in terms of eliminating them from society and rehabilitating the murders, I strongly believe that death penalty is necessary evil in our society since it has more advantages particularly with respect to saving taxes and eliminating re-criminals.
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