AI IELTS Writing AI Correction
- Problem and Solution
Many women are in the workforce today, but only a few are in senior positions. What causes this phenomenon?
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 6
The student clearly gives their opinion and discusses both problems and solutions related to the role of women in the workplace. However, the examination of the causes behind the phenomenon isn't comprehensive.
Coherence & Cohesion: 5
The essay tends to oscillate between topics and ideas, which might confuse the reader at times. While there are transitions and cohesive links, the overall structure is hard to follow, and some ideas seem disconnected.
Lexical Resource: 7
The student uses a good range of vocabulary which generally fit the context, though in some instances word choice is slightly awkward or ambiguous. They manage to demonstrate their vocabulary skills but also need to focus on choosing the right terms to convey their intended meaning more accurately.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6
A variety of sentence structures are used, and the meaning is generally clear. However, some grammatical errors disrupt the flow and comprehension of the writing. These include incorrect use of words, a lack of subject-verb agreement, and misuse of tenses.
Overall: 6
The student clearly understands the task and makes good attempts to address it, yet there's a need for better cohesion and coherence. Errors in grammar and vocabulary used should be rectified, and the student should also attempt to make the structure of the essay simpler and more logical.
Task Response: 6
The student clearly gives their opinion and discusses both problems and solutions related to the role of women in the workplace. However, the examination of the causes behind the phenomenon isn't comprehensive.
Coherence & Cohesion: 5
The essay tends to oscillate between topics and ideas, which might confuse the reader at times. While there are transitions and cohesive links, the overall structure is hard to follow, and some ideas seem disconnected.
Lexical Resource: 7
The student uses a good range of vocabulary which generally fit the context, though in some instances word choice is slightly awkward or ambiguous. They manage to demonstrate their vocabulary skills but also need to focus on choosing the right terms to convey their intended meaning more accurately.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6
A variety of sentence structures are used, and the meaning is generally clear. However, some grammatical errors disrupt the flow and comprehension of the writing. These include incorrect use of words, a lack of subject-verb agreement, and misuse of tenses.
Overall: 6
The student clearly understands the task and makes good attempts to address it, yet there's a need for better cohesion and coherence. Errors in grammar and vocabulary used should be rectified, and the student should also attempt to make the structure of the essay simpler and more logical.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Many women are in the workforce today, but only a few are in senior positions. What causes this phenomenon?
Essay:
While it is commonly accepted that many women are actively involved in the workforce, the scarcity of women in senior positions remains a poignant issue. This essay will explore the potential causes for this phenomenon and propose possible solutions.
The underrepresentation of women in executive roles can primarily be attributed to ingrained societal norms and gender stereotypes. Often these stereotypes define women's roles as primarily domestic, resulting in many women relinquishing their careers to fulfil child-rearing responsibilities, particularly evident in countries like South Korea. This not only limits the potential growth of women's careers but also reinforces gender disparity within the workforce.
Consequently, a multifaceted approach is needed to solve the issue. Governmental policies promoting gender equality should be implemented, simultaneously raising awareness about gender discrimination in the workplace. Awareness could further be echoed by launching campaigns focused on gender issues, thereby discouraging discrimination and promoting fair employment practices. For example, campaigns emphasizing equal rights for all genders could force companies to reconsider their promotion practices, focusing more on an employee's capability rather than their gender.
In conclusion, the decrease in the number of women in senior roles can be attributed to long-standing gender biases and stereotypes. However, through effective policies and awareness campaigns, this issue can be attenuated.
Word count: 263
Essay translated in Korean:
많은 여성이 능동적으로 직장에 참여하고 있다는 사실은 일반적으로 받아들여지지만, 여성이 고위직에 부족한 것은 절실한 문제로 남아있다. 이 논문은 이 현상의 잠재적 원인을 탐색하고 가능한 해결책을 제시할 것이다.
여성의 고위관리자 역할에 대한 부족한 대표성은 주로 깊이 뿌리내린 사회적 관습과 성 스테레오타입에 기인할 수 있다. 이러한 스테레오 타입은 종종 여성의 역할을 주로 가정적인 것으로 정의하여, 대형 국가인 한국에서 특히 많은 여성이 자녀 양육 책임을 다하기 위해 경력을 포기해야 한다. 이는 여성의 경력 성장의 잠재력을 제한하며, 또한 직장 내 성 차별을 강화한다.
결국, 문제를 해결하기 위해서는 다면적인 접근이 필요하다. 성 평등을 촉진하는 정부 정책이 시행되어야 하고, 직장 내 성 차별에 대한 인식을 높여야 한다. 성 문제에 초점을 맞춘 캠페인을 진행함으로써 인식을 높일 수 있고, 이는 차별을 금지하고 공정한 고용 관행을 촉진하는데 도움이 될 수 있다. 예를 들어, 모든 성별에 대한 균등한 권리를 강조하는 캠페인은 회사들이 승진 관행을 재고하고, 직원의 성별보다는 그들의 능력에 더욱 초점을 맞출 수 있게 할 수 있다.
결론적으로, 여성의 고위 역할 감소는 오래된 성 편견과 스테레오 타입에 기인 할 수 있다. 그러나 효과적인 정책과 인식 캠페인을 통해 이 문제는 완화될 수 있다.
Good expressions:
1. scarcity of women - 여성의 부족
2. ingrained societal norms - 깊이 뿌리내린 사회적 관습
3. multifaceted approach - 다면적 접근
4. gender disparity - 성 차별
5. gender discrimination - 성 차별
6. fair employment practices - 공정한 고용 관행
7. long-standing gender biases - 오래된 성 편견
8. attenuated - 완화되다.
While it is commonly accepted that many women are actively involved in the workforce, the scarcity of women in senior positions remains a poignant issue. This essay will explore the potential causes for this phenomenon and propose possible solutions.
The underrepresentation of women in executive roles can primarily be attributed to ingrained societal norms and gender stereotypes. Often these stereotypes define women's roles as primarily domestic, resulting in many women relinquishing their careers to fulfil child-rearing responsibilities, particularly evident in countries like South Korea. This not only limits the potential growth of women's careers but also reinforces gender disparity within the workforce.
Consequently, a multifaceted approach is needed to solve the issue. Governmental policies promoting gender equality should be implemented, simultaneously raising awareness about gender discrimination in the workplace. Awareness could further be echoed by launching campaigns focused on gender issues, thereby discouraging discrimination and promoting fair employment practices. For example, campaigns emphasizing equal rights for all genders could force companies to reconsider their promotion practices, focusing more on an employee's capability rather than their gender.
In conclusion, the decrease in the number of women in senior roles can be attributed to long-standing gender biases and stereotypes. However, through effective policies and awareness campaigns, this issue can be attenuated.
Word count: 263
Essay translated in Korean:
많은 여성이 능동적으로 직장에 참여하고 있다는 사실은 일반적으로 받아들여지지만, 여성이 고위직에 부족한 것은 절실한 문제로 남아있다. 이 논문은 이 현상의 잠재적 원인을 탐색하고 가능한 해결책을 제시할 것이다.
여성의 고위관리자 역할에 대한 부족한 대표성은 주로 깊이 뿌리내린 사회적 관습과 성 스테레오타입에 기인할 수 있다. 이러한 스테레오 타입은 종종 여성의 역할을 주로 가정적인 것으로 정의하여, 대형 국가인 한국에서 특히 많은 여성이 자녀 양육 책임을 다하기 위해 경력을 포기해야 한다. 이는 여성의 경력 성장의 잠재력을 제한하며, 또한 직장 내 성 차별을 강화한다.
결국, 문제를 해결하기 위해서는 다면적인 접근이 필요하다. 성 평등을 촉진하는 정부 정책이 시행되어야 하고, 직장 내 성 차별에 대한 인식을 높여야 한다. 성 문제에 초점을 맞춘 캠페인을 진행함으로써 인식을 높일 수 있고, 이는 차별을 금지하고 공정한 고용 관행을 촉진하는데 도움이 될 수 있다. 예를 들어, 모든 성별에 대한 균등한 권리를 강조하는 캠페인은 회사들이 승진 관행을 재고하고, 직원의 성별보다는 그들의 능력에 더욱 초점을 맞출 수 있게 할 수 있다.
결론적으로, 여성의 고위 역할 감소는 오래된 성 편견과 스테레오 타입에 기인 할 수 있다. 그러나 효과적인 정책과 인식 캠페인을 통해 이 문제는 완화될 수 있다.
Good expressions:
1. scarcity of women - 여성의 부족
2. ingrained societal norms - 깊이 뿌리내린 사회적 관습
3. multifaceted approach - 다면적 접근
4. gender disparity - 성 차별
5. gender discrimination - 성 차별
6. fair employment practices - 공정한 고용 관행
7. long-standing gender biases - 오래된 성 편견
8. attenuated - 완화되다.
제출한 라이팅
In order to address the problem of a few senior position women in the workplace. Its causes must be clearly understood by society. To accomplish this, the most practical solution would be to promote awareness about gender issues.
These days, a few female employees in top positions are caused by sexism, such as mostly male leaders in the workplace. This is because some experts believe that females’ roles are domestic like caring family and doing house chores. In South Korea, for example, it is common to find women who stopped their work due to care for their young children should give up their careers. This shows that the advancement of poor women into society can stem the difference between male and female roles.
However, to alleviate the prevalent cause of a few senior women in the workplace, the government should promote awareness among all employees about equal rights in their work. Furthermore, encouraging workers to focus on gender issues can help to prevent women from reducing their unemployment. For instance, various sexual relationships campaigns that aim to emphasize all sex regarding equal rights at their company could effectively show companies that it is essential to have all workers’ equal rights regardless of gender. As a result of this innovation method, employers will begin to consider women’s promotion based on ability. This demonstrates that implementing effective campaigns can solve the widespread problem of declined senior women.
In conclusion, society should immediately deal with the issue of promotion of women based on quality by creating effective policies that are centered on factors. Actively handling the issue of a few working women in top positions in this way will ensure that society’s future will gradually improve.
These days, a few female employees in top positions are caused by sexism, such as mostly male leaders in the workplace. This is because some experts believe that females’ roles are domestic like caring family and doing house chores. In South Korea, for example, it is common to find women who stopped their work due to care for their young children should give up their careers. This shows that the advancement of poor women into society can stem the difference between male and female roles.
However, to alleviate the prevalent cause of a few senior women in the workplace, the government should promote awareness among all employees about equal rights in their work. Furthermore, encouraging workers to focus on gender issues can help to prevent women from reducing their unemployment. For instance, various sexual relationships campaigns that aim to emphasize all sex regarding equal rights at their company could effectively show companies that it is essential to have all workers’ equal rights regardless of gender. As a result of this innovation method, employers will begin to consider women’s promotion based on ability. This demonstrates that implementing effective campaigns can solve the widespread problem of declined senior women.
In conclusion, society should immediately deal with the issue of promotion of women based on quality by creating effective policies that are centered on factors. Actively handling the issue of a few working women in top positions in this way will ensure that society’s future will gradually improve.
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