AI IELTS Writing AI Correction
- Problem and Solution
Children these days spend a lot of time apart from their parents because in many homes, both parents work. What problems can be caused by this? What are some ways to support such children?
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 7
The student has addressed all parts of the task and given a clear position throughout the response. However, sometimes the details mentioned aren’t fully relevant or fully developed.
Coherence & Cohesion: 6
The student has organized the essay in a logical way, presenting clear arguments with some coherence. However, the essay can be disjointed at times and some of the arguments aren't as clear or well-developed as they could be.
Lexical Resource: 6
The student has used a moderate range of vocabulary, but there are some awkward phrasings and a few examples of inaccurate use of more complex vocabulary and phrases.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 5
The student has used a mix of simple and complex sentence forms but with limited success. There are regular grammatical errors throughout, which sometimes hinder understanding.
Overall: 6
The student has a fair understanding of the task and presents some good arguments but improvements could be made in language accuracy and argument development. Overall, a reasonable effort has been made to respond to the task.
Task Response: 7
The student has addressed all parts of the task and given a clear position throughout the response. However, sometimes the details mentioned aren’t fully relevant or fully developed.
Coherence & Cohesion: 6
The student has organized the essay in a logical way, presenting clear arguments with some coherence. However, the essay can be disjointed at times and some of the arguments aren't as clear or well-developed as they could be.
Lexical Resource: 6
The student has used a moderate range of vocabulary, but there are some awkward phrasings and a few examples of inaccurate use of more complex vocabulary and phrases.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 5
The student has used a mix of simple and complex sentence forms but with limited success. There are regular grammatical errors throughout, which sometimes hinder understanding.
Overall: 6
The student has a fair understanding of the task and presents some good arguments but improvements could be made in language accuracy and argument development. Overall, a reasonable effort has been made to respond to the task.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Children these days spend a lot of time apart from their parents because in many homes, both parents work.
What problems can be caused by this?
What are some ways to support such children?
Essay:
In contemporary society, it is increasingly common for children to spend less time with their parents due to rising dual-career families. This trend, while understandable given the escalating cost of living, can bring about various problems which can be counteracted with strategic interventions such as expanding daycare facilities and enforcing parental leave policies.
One significant issue resulting from limited parental interaction is the potential emotional and social challenge for the children. Being predominantly looked after by others means kids may lack the nurturing environment of parental love and guidance, vital in shaping their values and personality. Furthermore, due to the continual inflation rate and mounting school fees, a growing number of parents, including those in South Korea, find it challenging to meet family expenses, thereby necessitating both parents to work full time.
However, this predicament can be mediated by promoting increased daycare services and parental leave. Governments could introduce policies that cater to the welfare of working parents and their children by enhancing daycare facilities. Not only would this provide a safe and productive space for children while their parents work, but it also reduces the burden of childcare. Additionally, generous parental leave benefits, as shown in some businesses, allow parents more time to spend with their children, boosting their emotional wellbeing and ensuring their developmental needs are met.
In conclusion, even though the trend of children spending more time alone due to working parents is concerning, it can be mitigated by revamping societal structures that support parental involvement such as daycare services and parental leaves.
Word count: 262
Essay translated in Korean:
현대 사회에서는 생활비 상승으로 인해 이중 경력 가족이 증가함에 따라 아이들이 부모와 함께 보내는 시간이 줄어드는 현상이 점점 보편화되고 있습니다. 이러한 추세는 이해할 수 있는 부분이지만, 보육 시설 확대 및 육아휴직 정책 집행과 같은 전략적인 개입을 통해 다양한 문제들을 방지할 수 있습니다.
부모와 소통하는 시간이 부족함으로 인해 발생하는 주요한 문제 중 하나는 아이들이 대면할 수 있는 감정적인 문제와 사회적인 문제입니다. 대부분 타인에게 보호받는 환경에서 아이들은 부모의 사랑과 지도라는 육성 환경이 부족하게 되고, 이는 그들의 가치관과 성격 형성에 중요한 역할을 합니다.
하지만 이 문제는 보육 서비스 확대와 육아휴직을 통해 개선될 수 있습니다. 정부는 보육 시설을 강화하는 정책을 도입함으로써 근로 부모와 그들의 아이들의 복지를 보장할 수 있습니다. 이는 부모가 일하는 동안 아이들에게 안전하고 생산적인 공간을 제공하여 아동 보호의 부담을 줄여줄 것입니다.
결론적으로, 부모가 일을 위해 아이들이 혼자 시간을 보내는 추세가 우려되긴 하지만, 보육 서비스와 육아휴직과 같은 부모의 참여를 지원하는 사회 구조를 개선함으로써 이 문제를 완화할 수 있습니다.
Good expressions:
1. dual-career families - 이중 경력 가족
2. escalating cost of living - 상승하는 생활비
3. potential emotional and social challenge - 잠재적인 감정적 및 사회적 도전
4. shaping their values and personality - 그들의 가치관과 성격 형성
5. revamping societal structures - 사회 구조 개선
6. generous parental leave benefits - 넉넉한 육아휴직 혜택
7. boosting their emotional wellbeing - 감정적인 건강 향상
8. mitigated by revamping - 개선을 통해 완화되다
In contemporary society, it is increasingly common for children to spend less time with their parents due to rising dual-career families. This trend, while understandable given the escalating cost of living, can bring about various problems which can be counteracted with strategic interventions such as expanding daycare facilities and enforcing parental leave policies.
One significant issue resulting from limited parental interaction is the potential emotional and social challenge for the children. Being predominantly looked after by others means kids may lack the nurturing environment of parental love and guidance, vital in shaping their values and personality. Furthermore, due to the continual inflation rate and mounting school fees, a growing number of parents, including those in South Korea, find it challenging to meet family expenses, thereby necessitating both parents to work full time.
However, this predicament can be mediated by promoting increased daycare services and parental leave. Governments could introduce policies that cater to the welfare of working parents and their children by enhancing daycare facilities. Not only would this provide a safe and productive space for children while their parents work, but it also reduces the burden of childcare. Additionally, generous parental leave benefits, as shown in some businesses, allow parents more time to spend with their children, boosting their emotional wellbeing and ensuring their developmental needs are met.
In conclusion, even though the trend of children spending more time alone due to working parents is concerning, it can be mitigated by revamping societal structures that support parental involvement such as daycare services and parental leaves.
Word count: 262
Essay translated in Korean:
현대 사회에서는 생활비 상승으로 인해 이중 경력 가족이 증가함에 따라 아이들이 부모와 함께 보내는 시간이 줄어드는 현상이 점점 보편화되고 있습니다. 이러한 추세는 이해할 수 있는 부분이지만, 보육 시설 확대 및 육아휴직 정책 집행과 같은 전략적인 개입을 통해 다양한 문제들을 방지할 수 있습니다.
부모와 소통하는 시간이 부족함으로 인해 발생하는 주요한 문제 중 하나는 아이들이 대면할 수 있는 감정적인 문제와 사회적인 문제입니다. 대부분 타인에게 보호받는 환경에서 아이들은 부모의 사랑과 지도라는 육성 환경이 부족하게 되고, 이는 그들의 가치관과 성격 형성에 중요한 역할을 합니다.
하지만 이 문제는 보육 서비스 확대와 육아휴직을 통해 개선될 수 있습니다. 정부는 보육 시설을 강화하는 정책을 도입함으로써 근로 부모와 그들의 아이들의 복지를 보장할 수 있습니다. 이는 부모가 일하는 동안 아이들에게 안전하고 생산적인 공간을 제공하여 아동 보호의 부담을 줄여줄 것입니다.
결론적으로, 부모가 일을 위해 아이들이 혼자 시간을 보내는 추세가 우려되긴 하지만, 보육 서비스와 육아휴직과 같은 부모의 참여를 지원하는 사회 구조를 개선함으로써 이 문제를 완화할 수 있습니다.
Good expressions:
1. dual-career families - 이중 경력 가족
2. escalating cost of living - 상승하는 생활비
3. potential emotional and social challenge - 잠재적인 감정적 및 사회적 도전
4. shaping their values and personality - 그들의 가치관과 성격 형성
5. revamping societal structures - 사회 구조 개선
6. generous parental leave benefits - 넉넉한 육아휴직 혜택
7. boosting their emotional wellbeing - 감정적인 건강 향상
8. mitigated by revamping - 개선을 통해 완화되다
제출한 라이팅
It is true that children gradually spend less time being with their parents as both parents go to work.
While there is quite a serious problem, it can be resolved with increasing daycare facilities and parental leave on a government scale.
The main cause of the inceasing number of kids who spend their time without parents it that people are required to pay more in order to support their families.
When one of parents solely does job, it is difficult to make a living and support family today as society continues to advance.
Parents should be worried about the educational costs of children until they grow up into adults as well as prices are rising recently, which leads to working parents increasing continually.
Let's take an example of South Korea. newlyweds living in the country are normally concerned about the growing spending on school fees for their children and necessaries thereby making both of parents have no choice but to work.
However, there are solutions to the problem, some of the ways to build daycare facilities more and offer maternity and paternity leave to parents.
Providing parents raising children with more daycare services and parental leave by government's policies ensure that parents have more time to take care of their children positively.
Some companies' employees benefits have shown that they afforded workers with kids oppotunities to have more family time through paid leave and reducing working time. it affected those familiy positively leading them to not only having quality time with children, but also giving more attention to their kids.
To sum up, it is clear that children who spend time without parents inrcrease, the issue can be resolved by offering more facilities related to daycare services and parental vacation.
While there is quite a serious problem, it can be resolved with increasing daycare facilities and parental leave on a government scale.
The main cause of the inceasing number of kids who spend their time without parents it that people are required to pay more in order to support their families.
When one of parents solely does job, it is difficult to make a living and support family today as society continues to advance.
Parents should be worried about the educational costs of children until they grow up into adults as well as prices are rising recently, which leads to working parents increasing continually.
Let's take an example of South Korea. newlyweds living in the country are normally concerned about the growing spending on school fees for their children and necessaries thereby making both of parents have no choice but to work.
However, there are solutions to the problem, some of the ways to build daycare facilities more and offer maternity and paternity leave to parents.
Providing parents raising children with more daycare services and parental leave by government's policies ensure that parents have more time to take care of their children positively.
Some companies' employees benefits have shown that they afforded workers with kids oppotunities to have more family time through paid leave and reducing working time. it affected those familiy positively leading them to not only having quality time with children, but also giving more attention to their kids.
To sum up, it is clear that children who spend time without parents inrcrease, the issue can be resolved by offering more facilities related to daycare services and parental vacation.
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