아이엘츠 라이팅 AI 첨삭
- Two parts
Some people believe that climate has the greatest effect on people's way of life. Others believe that the economy of the region has the greatest effect. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 7
The writer addresses all parts of the task. The introduction, body, and conclusion present an examination of both sides of the issue, as well as the writer's opinion. However, the points made are a bit simplistic and lack depth.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
The essay is generally well organized, using a variety of cohesive devices and paragraphs to separate different arguments and points of view. However, the flow of ideas could have been more natural.
Lexical Resource: 6
The writer has a decent range of vocabulary and uses some less common words. However, some questionable word choices and slight awkwardness in phrases detract from overall readability.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6
The writer has a fair command of a range of grammatical structures. There were a few errors in some sentences that affected clarity, for example, "People live in capitalism therefore we cannot live without money. If people do not have money, they can eat, wear and reside."
Overall: 6.5
The writing adequately addresses the task and displays a fair range of grammatical structures and vocabulary. However, the errors in grammar and awkward wording can make reading more difficult and undermine the coherence of the arguments. The writer could improve by making arguments more comprehensive and using accurate grammatical structures for clearer expression of ideas.
Task Response: 7
The writer addresses all parts of the task. The introduction, body, and conclusion present an examination of both sides of the issue, as well as the writer's opinion. However, the points made are a bit simplistic and lack depth.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
The essay is generally well organized, using a variety of cohesive devices and paragraphs to separate different arguments and points of view. However, the flow of ideas could have been more natural.
Lexical Resource: 6
The writer has a decent range of vocabulary and uses some less common words. However, some questionable word choices and slight awkwardness in phrases detract from overall readability.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6
The writer has a fair command of a range of grammatical structures. There were a few errors in some sentences that affected clarity, for example, "People live in capitalism therefore we cannot live without money. If people do not have money, they can eat, wear and reside."
Overall: 6.5
The writing adequately addresses the task and displays a fair range of grammatical structures and vocabulary. However, the errors in grammar and awkward wording can make reading more difficult and undermine the coherence of the arguments. The writer could improve by making arguments more comprehensive and using accurate grammatical structures for clearer expression of ideas.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Some people believe that climate has the greatest effect on people's way of life. Others believe that the economy of the region has the greatest effect. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Essay:
There is a growing debate concerning which has a greater influence on people's way of life: climate or the local economy. My standpoint asserts more weight on the latter, although both aspects will be explored in this essay.
The argument for climate's impact on lifestyle stems from its direct influence on people's behaviors and activities. For instance, in hot climates, people tend to incorporate fresh fruits and vegetables into their diets, which flourish better in such regions. Conversely, in colder climates, grains and meats may be utilized more for sustenance. Climate also dictates certain economic activities such as agriculture, fishing, and tourism. For example, vineyards thrive in warmer regions, while cold climate zones often profit from industries like skiing.
Contrarily, others argue that the economy is the determinant factor for lifestyle. A robust economy can provide better job opportunities, allowing people to earn a better living, which affords them a higher standard lifestyle. Amidst the socio-economic backdrop of capitalism, money is indispensable, and without it, essential needs such as food, clothing, and shelter are difficult to secure. Furthermore, affluent societies often invest in cultural amenities like museums, libraries, and art galleries, enriching the lives of the local populace through education and inspiration.
In summary, while climate does have an impact on one's lifestyle, the economy plays a more pivotal role in shaping living conditions and opportunities.
Word count: 243
Essay translated in Korean:
사람들의 생활 방식에 가장 큰 영향을 미치는 것이 기후인지 지역 경제인지에 대해 점점 더 많은 논란이 있습니다. 제 견해는 후자가 더 중요하다고 주장하지만, 이 에세이에서는 두 주장을 모두 탐구하겠습니다.
기후의 영향을 주장하는 쪽에서는 기후가 사람들의 행동과 활동에 직접적인 영향을 미친다고 합니다. 예를 들어, 더운 기후에서 사람들은 신선한 과일과 야채를 식단에 포함시키는 경향이 있으며, 이러한 식품은 그러한 지역에서 잘 자라나게 됩니다. 반대로 추운 기후에서는 곡물과 고기가 더 많이 사용될 수 있습니다. 또한 기후는 농업, 어업, 관광 등 특정 경제 활동을 결정합니다. 예를 들어, 포도원은 따뜻한 지역에서 잘 자라며 반면에 추운 지역에서는 스키 같은 산업에서 이익을 얻을 수 있습니다.
반대로 다른 사람들은 경제가 생활 방식을 결정하는 요인이라고 주장합니다. 강력한 경제는 더 나은 일자리를 제공하여 사람들이 더 낫게 생활하게 되므로 그들에게 더 높은 생활 수준을 제공할 수 있습니다. 자본주의의 사회경제적 배경 가운데 돈은 없어서는 안 되며, 돈이 없으면 식품, 의류, 주거 등 필수 요구사항을 확보하는 것이 어렵습니다. 또한 부유한 사회는 종종 박물관, 도서관, 미술관등의 문화시설에 투자하여 교육과 영감을 통해 지역 주민들의 삶을 풍부하게 합니다.
요약하면, 기후가 생활 방식에 영향을 미치지만, 경제는 생활 조건과 기회를 형성하는 데 더 중요한 역할을 합니다.
Good expressions:
1. converge on: -에 모이다
2. economic backdrop: 경제적 배경
3. indispensable: 없어서는 안 될, 필수적인
4. robust economy: 강력한, 활발한 경제
5. affords them a higher standard: 그들에게 더 높은 표준을 제공한다
6. cultural amenities: 문화 시설
7. amidst: - 가운데에서
8. flourishing better: 더 잘 자라다
9. socio-economic backdrop: 사회경제적 배경
10. robust economy: 강력한 경제
11. economic activities: 경제 활동
12. affluent societies: 부유한 사회
13. pivotal role: 핵심적인 역할
14. shaping living conditions and opportunities: 생활조건과 기회를 형성하는 것.
There is a growing debate concerning which has a greater influence on people's way of life: climate or the local economy. My standpoint asserts more weight on the latter, although both aspects will be explored in this essay.
The argument for climate's impact on lifestyle stems from its direct influence on people's behaviors and activities. For instance, in hot climates, people tend to incorporate fresh fruits and vegetables into their diets, which flourish better in such regions. Conversely, in colder climates, grains and meats may be utilized more for sustenance. Climate also dictates certain economic activities such as agriculture, fishing, and tourism. For example, vineyards thrive in warmer regions, while cold climate zones often profit from industries like skiing.
Contrarily, others argue that the economy is the determinant factor for lifestyle. A robust economy can provide better job opportunities, allowing people to earn a better living, which affords them a higher standard lifestyle. Amidst the socio-economic backdrop of capitalism, money is indispensable, and without it, essential needs such as food, clothing, and shelter are difficult to secure. Furthermore, affluent societies often invest in cultural amenities like museums, libraries, and art galleries, enriching the lives of the local populace through education and inspiration.
In summary, while climate does have an impact on one's lifestyle, the economy plays a more pivotal role in shaping living conditions and opportunities.
Word count: 243
Essay translated in Korean:
사람들의 생활 방식에 가장 큰 영향을 미치는 것이 기후인지 지역 경제인지에 대해 점점 더 많은 논란이 있습니다. 제 견해는 후자가 더 중요하다고 주장하지만, 이 에세이에서는 두 주장을 모두 탐구하겠습니다.
기후의 영향을 주장하는 쪽에서는 기후가 사람들의 행동과 활동에 직접적인 영향을 미친다고 합니다. 예를 들어, 더운 기후에서 사람들은 신선한 과일과 야채를 식단에 포함시키는 경향이 있으며, 이러한 식품은 그러한 지역에서 잘 자라나게 됩니다. 반대로 추운 기후에서는 곡물과 고기가 더 많이 사용될 수 있습니다. 또한 기후는 농업, 어업, 관광 등 특정 경제 활동을 결정합니다. 예를 들어, 포도원은 따뜻한 지역에서 잘 자라며 반면에 추운 지역에서는 스키 같은 산업에서 이익을 얻을 수 있습니다.
반대로 다른 사람들은 경제가 생활 방식을 결정하는 요인이라고 주장합니다. 강력한 경제는 더 나은 일자리를 제공하여 사람들이 더 낫게 생활하게 되므로 그들에게 더 높은 생활 수준을 제공할 수 있습니다. 자본주의의 사회경제적 배경 가운데 돈은 없어서는 안 되며, 돈이 없으면 식품, 의류, 주거 등 필수 요구사항을 확보하는 것이 어렵습니다. 또한 부유한 사회는 종종 박물관, 도서관, 미술관등의 문화시설에 투자하여 교육과 영감을 통해 지역 주민들의 삶을 풍부하게 합니다.
요약하면, 기후가 생활 방식에 영향을 미치지만, 경제는 생활 조건과 기회를 형성하는 데 더 중요한 역할을 합니다.
Good expressions:
1. converge on: -에 모이다
2. economic backdrop: 경제적 배경
3. indispensable: 없어서는 안 될, 필수적인
4. robust economy: 강력한, 활발한 경제
5. affords them a higher standard: 그들에게 더 높은 표준을 제공한다
6. cultural amenities: 문화 시설
7. amidst: - 가운데에서
8. flourishing better: 더 잘 자라다
9. socio-economic backdrop: 사회경제적 배경
10. robust economy: 강력한 경제
11. economic activities: 경제 활동
12. affluent societies: 부유한 사회
13. pivotal role: 핵심적인 역할
14. shaping living conditions and opportunities: 생활조건과 기회를 형성하는 것.
제출한 라이팅
It is often argued that climate affects people’s lifestyle , while others insist that the economy plays an important role for people to live in society. From my perspective, the latter seems more plausible, but both sides of the issue will be examined in this essay.
To begin with, those in favour of the role of climate argue that climate is connected with how people live. First, the weather can change people’s diet. For example, individuals who live in hot areas almost have fresh fruits and vegetables because those are rose well, in the meantime people who live in cold areas have saving usefully grains and meats. Moreover, the economic activities are considered by the climate like agriculture, fishing and tourism. In specific, the wine is developed in warm regions, in contrast skiing is a big part of the economy in cold regions.
On the other hand, it seems more convincing since the economy improves people’s lives. Firstly, the higher economy provides better jobs so people can gain a lot of money without subsistence . People live in capitalism therefore we cannot live without money.
If people do not have money, they can eat, wear and reside. It makes individuals feel an invaluable life. In addition, individuals who reside in the higher society can enjoy diverse cultural facilities since the community invests in museums, public libraries and art galleries. It allows the local people to enhance their lives , getting knowledge and rich inspiration.
In conclusion, people should be aware of the importance of the economy. Hence, the value of the economy of the areas should not be underestimated.
To begin with, those in favour of the role of climate argue that climate is connected with how people live. First, the weather can change people’s diet. For example, individuals who live in hot areas almost have fresh fruits and vegetables because those are rose well, in the meantime people who live in cold areas have saving usefully grains and meats. Moreover, the economic activities are considered by the climate like agriculture, fishing and tourism. In specific, the wine is developed in warm regions, in contrast skiing is a big part of the economy in cold regions.
On the other hand, it seems more convincing since the economy improves people’s lives. Firstly, the higher economy provides better jobs so people can gain a lot of money without subsistence . People live in capitalism therefore we cannot live without money.
If people do not have money, they can eat, wear and reside. It makes individuals feel an invaluable life. In addition, individuals who reside in the higher society can enjoy diverse cultural facilities since the community invests in museums, public libraries and art galleries. It allows the local people to enhance their lives , getting knowledge and rich inspiration.
In conclusion, people should be aware of the importance of the economy. Hence, the value of the economy of the areas should not be underestimated.
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