아이엘츠 라이팅 AI 첨삭
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Many working people today do not have enough free time off work to spend their families and friends. Why? What effects on family life and society as a whole?
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 6.5
The essay poses a clear response to the questions asked demonstrating a clear and balanced understanding of the issue. The cause and effect of the issue is covered but could use some more exploration and depth.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7.0
The essay is logically organised and ideas follow each other in a coherent manner. There are clear transition of ideas but more complex words could be used for transitions. The introduction, body, and conclusion are distinct and follow a logical pattern.
Lexical Resource: 6.5
The vocabulary used is good overall, but there is a need for more precision in word choice. For example, 'sinificant' should be 'significant', 'competive' should be 'competitive', 'substantional' should be 'substantial'.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6.0
The essay is largely grammatically accurate, but there are a few areas of confusion. There are occasional errors such as 'don't care their both physical and mental health' should be 'don't take care of..' and 'people should aware' should be 'people should be aware'.
Overall: 6.5
The essay mostly fulfills the task and is easy to follow even though there are errors and inconsistencies in grammar and vocabulary that may cause some confusion. More precision in language and terminology would be beneficial.
Task Response: 6.5
The essay poses a clear response to the questions asked demonstrating a clear and balanced understanding of the issue. The cause and effect of the issue is covered but could use some more exploration and depth.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7.0
The essay is logically organised and ideas follow each other in a coherent manner. There are clear transition of ideas but more complex words could be used for transitions. The introduction, body, and conclusion are distinct and follow a logical pattern.
Lexical Resource: 6.5
The vocabulary used is good overall, but there is a need for more precision in word choice. For example, 'sinificant' should be 'significant', 'competive' should be 'competitive', 'substantional' should be 'substantial'.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6.0
The essay is largely grammatically accurate, but there are a few areas of confusion. There are occasional errors such as 'don't care their both physical and mental health' should be 'don't take care of..' and 'people should aware' should be 'people should be aware'.
Overall: 6.5
The essay mostly fulfills the task and is easy to follow even though there are errors and inconsistencies in grammar and vocabulary that may cause some confusion. More precision in language and terminology would be beneficial.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Many working people today do not have enough free time off work to spend their families and friends. Why? What effects on family life and society as a whole?
Essay:
Today's working individuals often find themselves deprived of quality time with their families and friends. The advancement of industrial society and the pressure of a competitive setting represents the primary reasons behind it.
There are a multitude of reasons why people in contemporary society possess limited leisure time. Living in an evolving world demands individuals stay competitive by working tirelessly and honing their skills, leaving them with less family time. Additionally, the escalating cost of living has compelled people to extend their working hours, with many families opting for dual-income to cope with financial stresses. This results in an increased prevalence of workaholics and extended working hours.
The impact of this occurrence affects not only individuals but also society in general. When people fail to spend quality time with their families, the familial bonds often weaken, potentially leading to psychological and social issues. This is demonstrated as teenagers often report feeling alienated, despite living with their families, and adults frequently encounter mental health issues such as depression due to neglecting their well-being. Furthermore, the decline in birth rates in several developed countries is another unconcealed consequence of this trend, resulting in substantial allocation of resources to address these issues.
In conclusion, the lack of leisure time among working individuals is an inevitable societal alteration carrying negative repercussions. Therefore, maintaining a balance between work and personal life is vital, along with encouraging a culture that esteems family time.
Word count: 260
Essay translated in Korean:
오늘날의 근로자들은 자주 가족과 친구들과의 질 좋은 시간을 보낼 기회를 상실하고 있다. 산업사회의 발전과 경쟁적인 설정의 압력이 이런 상황을 불러일으키는 주된 원인이다.
현대 사회의 사람들이 여가 시간을 제한적으로 가지는 이유는 여러가지다. 진화하는 세상에 살면서, 개개인이 끊임없이 일하고 스킬을 세련시켜야 하기 때문에 가족과 함께 보내는 시간이 줄어든다. 또한, 증가하는 생활비 때문에 사람들은 더 길게 일하게 되고, 많은 가정들이 금융적 압박에 대처하기 위해 이중 소득을 선택한다. 이 결과, 워커홀릭과 초과근무가 늘어났다.
이런 현상의 영향은 개인 뿐만 아니라 사회 전체에 미친다. 사람들이 가족과의 매너얼한 시간을 갖지 못하면, 가족 관계는 č로 약화되고, 심리적이고 사회적인 문제가 발생할 가능성이 있다. 이는 청소년들이 종종 가족과 함께 살고 있음에도 불구하고 고독감을 느끼는 것으로 나타나고, 성인들은 종종 자신의 건강을 소홀히 취급하여 우울증 같은 정신 건강 문제를 겪는다. 게다가, 여러 선진 국가에서의 출산률 하락은 이런 경향의 또 다른 명백한 결과로, 이런 문제를 해결하기 위해 상당한 자원을 할애한다.
결론적으로, 근로자들 사이에서 여가 시간의 부족은 부정적인 영향을 미치는 불가피한 사회적 변화다. 그러므로 일-생활의 균형을 유지하는 것이 중요하며, 가족을 중요시하는 문화를 장려하는 것이 필요하다.
Good expressions:
1. the advancement of industrial society - 산업사회의 발전
2. an inevitable societal alteration - 불가피한 사회적 변화
3. maintaining a balance between work and personal life - 일-생활의 균형을 유지하는 것
4. unconcealed consequence - 명백한 결과
5. escalation of living cost - 생활비의 상승
6. culture that esteems family time - 가족 시간을 중요시하는 문화
Today's working individuals often find themselves deprived of quality time with their families and friends. The advancement of industrial society and the pressure of a competitive setting represents the primary reasons behind it.
There are a multitude of reasons why people in contemporary society possess limited leisure time. Living in an evolving world demands individuals stay competitive by working tirelessly and honing their skills, leaving them with less family time. Additionally, the escalating cost of living has compelled people to extend their working hours, with many families opting for dual-income to cope with financial stresses. This results in an increased prevalence of workaholics and extended working hours.
The impact of this occurrence affects not only individuals but also society in general. When people fail to spend quality time with their families, the familial bonds often weaken, potentially leading to psychological and social issues. This is demonstrated as teenagers often report feeling alienated, despite living with their families, and adults frequently encounter mental health issues such as depression due to neglecting their well-being. Furthermore, the decline in birth rates in several developed countries is another unconcealed consequence of this trend, resulting in substantial allocation of resources to address these issues.
In conclusion, the lack of leisure time among working individuals is an inevitable societal alteration carrying negative repercussions. Therefore, maintaining a balance between work and personal life is vital, along with encouraging a culture that esteems family time.
Word count: 260
Essay translated in Korean:
오늘날의 근로자들은 자주 가족과 친구들과의 질 좋은 시간을 보낼 기회를 상실하고 있다. 산업사회의 발전과 경쟁적인 설정의 압력이 이런 상황을 불러일으키는 주된 원인이다.
현대 사회의 사람들이 여가 시간을 제한적으로 가지는 이유는 여러가지다. 진화하는 세상에 살면서, 개개인이 끊임없이 일하고 스킬을 세련시켜야 하기 때문에 가족과 함께 보내는 시간이 줄어든다. 또한, 증가하는 생활비 때문에 사람들은 더 길게 일하게 되고, 많은 가정들이 금융적 압박에 대처하기 위해 이중 소득을 선택한다. 이 결과, 워커홀릭과 초과근무가 늘어났다.
이런 현상의 영향은 개인 뿐만 아니라 사회 전체에 미친다. 사람들이 가족과의 매너얼한 시간을 갖지 못하면, 가족 관계는 č로 약화되고, 심리적이고 사회적인 문제가 발생할 가능성이 있다. 이는 청소년들이 종종 가족과 함께 살고 있음에도 불구하고 고독감을 느끼는 것으로 나타나고, 성인들은 종종 자신의 건강을 소홀히 취급하여 우울증 같은 정신 건강 문제를 겪는다. 게다가, 여러 선진 국가에서의 출산률 하락은 이런 경향의 또 다른 명백한 결과로, 이런 문제를 해결하기 위해 상당한 자원을 할애한다.
결론적으로, 근로자들 사이에서 여가 시간의 부족은 부정적인 영향을 미치는 불가피한 사회적 변화다. 그러므로 일-생활의 균형을 유지하는 것이 중요하며, 가족을 중요시하는 문화를 장려하는 것이 필요하다.
Good expressions:
1. the advancement of industrial society - 산업사회의 발전
2. an inevitable societal alteration - 불가피한 사회적 변화
3. maintaining a balance between work and personal life - 일-생활의 균형을 유지하는 것
4. unconcealed consequence - 명백한 결과
5. escalation of living cost - 생활비의 상승
6. culture that esteems family time - 가족 시간을 중요시하는 문화
제출한 라이팅
In recent days, it has been a common trend that people don't have enough chance to have quality time with families and friends. In this essay, I will explore the cause and effect of this issue.
Firstly, there are a number of reasons why people are so busy in thesedays. Since we live in ever-changing society, individuals should try to work hard and develop their ability to become more competive than others. It is the main factor that people can't have enough leisure time for themselves and families. Moreover, with high living cost and financial burden, people should work longer and choose to be dual-income families. For these reasons, there are many work-holic and extended worker in every company.
Secondly, this trend has many sinificant consequences not only for individual but also for all of society. Many people cannot feel a strong bond of family as they don't spend quality time with their family. It can lead to various kinds of personal and social problems. For instance, teens can feel isolated even though they live with their parents and family members. Many adults are also sick with mental disease such as depression and panic because they don't care their both physical and mental health. Meanwhile, the birth rate has decreased gradually in many developed countries which is a serious issue. Furthermore, many countries allocate substantional cost for caring those problem.
To sum up, while this trend is an inevitable change, it brings considerable negative effects. Therefore, people should aware this problem and have to strike work and life balance. In addition, it is essential to make a social atmosphere encouraging family prior culture.
Firstly, there are a number of reasons why people are so busy in thesedays. Since we live in ever-changing society, individuals should try to work hard and develop their ability to become more competive than others. It is the main factor that people can't have enough leisure time for themselves and families. Moreover, with high living cost and financial burden, people should work longer and choose to be dual-income families. For these reasons, there are many work-holic and extended worker in every company.
Secondly, this trend has many sinificant consequences not only for individual but also for all of society. Many people cannot feel a strong bond of family as they don't spend quality time with their family. It can lead to various kinds of personal and social problems. For instance, teens can feel isolated even though they live with their parents and family members. Many adults are also sick with mental disease such as depression and panic because they don't care their both physical and mental health. Meanwhile, the birth rate has decreased gradually in many developed countries which is a serious issue. Furthermore, many countries allocate substantional cost for caring those problem.
To sum up, while this trend is an inevitable change, it brings considerable negative effects. Therefore, people should aware this problem and have to strike work and life balance. In addition, it is essential to make a social atmosphere encouraging family prior culture.
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