아이엘츠 라이팅 AI 첨삭
- Discussion
Universities should encourage students to take a wide range of subjects rather than to concentrate on one particular subject area.
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 8
The essay adequately addresses the task. The student provides answers to the question in a well-balanced manner, introducing the topic and then presenting valid arguments for both sides of the debate before arriving at a personal standpoint.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
The essay is well arranged with logical and coherent arguments. The ideas are linked and flow naturally from one to another. On the other hand, the student could have made better use of linking words to improve cohesion.
Lexical Resource: 7
The student has shown a sufficient range of vocabulary. There are some less-common words used effectively, although the choice of words in a few contexts can be improved.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 7
Good range of grammatical structures is demonstrated by the student. Most sentences are error-free, but a few mistakes reduce the score, such as "impose student's ability" where the correct form should be "impede."
Overall: 7.25
The essay is well structured and the answer is well developed. The student demonstrates a good ability to use a range of lexical and grammatical structures, despite few inaccuracies.
Task Response: 8
The essay adequately addresses the task. The student provides answers to the question in a well-balanced manner, introducing the topic and then presenting valid arguments for both sides of the debate before arriving at a personal standpoint.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
The essay is well arranged with logical and coherent arguments. The ideas are linked and flow naturally from one to another. On the other hand, the student could have made better use of linking words to improve cohesion.
Lexical Resource: 7
The student has shown a sufficient range of vocabulary. There are some less-common words used effectively, although the choice of words in a few contexts can be improved.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 7
Good range of grammatical structures is demonstrated by the student. Most sentences are error-free, but a few mistakes reduce the score, such as "impose student's ability" where the correct form should be "impede."
Overall: 7.25
The essay is well structured and the answer is well developed. The student demonstrates a good ability to use a range of lexical and grammatical structures, despite few inaccuracies.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Universities should encourage students to take a wide range of subjects
rather than to concentrate on one particular subject area.
Essay:
The role of universities in the academic growth of students is crucial. A point of contention, however, is whether they should stimulate a versatile learning experience by urging scholars to study various subjects, or to focus on a specific field.
Undeniably, encouraging diversification in subjects grants students opportunities to acquire a comprehensive set of skills. It gives them the privilege to understand numerous fields, thereby fostering their intellectual versatility, and enabling them to face varied practical and theoretical challenges efficiently. An excellent illustration of this can be found in a study by Seoul University, which found that diversely educated individuals often end up with better career opportunities.
Conversely, inundating students with an array of subjects could potentially compromise their attention towards their main field of study. The stress of coping with multiple subjects might result in a decline in academic grades, inevitably affecting their career prospects. Furthermore, it can also blur their clarity on their career aspirations and impede the discovery of their genuine interest.
In light of the above, it would seem that despite the potential pitfalls, the rewards of broad-based learning, such as improved adaptability and a well-rounded knowledge base, outweigh the challenges. Thus, universities should continue to promote a diversified curriculum to students.
Word count: 259
Essay translated in Korean:
대학은 학생들의 학문적 성장에서 중요한 역할을 담당합니다. 그러나 그들이 학자들이 다양한 주제를 연구하도록 촉구하여 다양한 학습 경험을 유도해야하나, 아니면 특정 분야에 초점을 맞춰야 하는지 여부는 논란의 여지가 있습니다.
다양한 주제를 장려함으로써 학생들은 다양한 기술을 취득할 수 있는 기회를 얻으며, 이는 수많은 분야를 이해할 수 있는 특권을 줍니다. 이로 인해 학생들의 학문적 유연성이 키워지고 다양한 실제적이고 이론적인 도전에 효과적으로 대응할 수 있게 됩니다. 서울 대학의 한 연구에서도 다양한 교육을 받은 사람들이 종종 더 나은 직업 기회를 얻는다는 사실을 발견했습니다.
반면에, 수많은 과목으로 학생들을 범람시키면 학생들의 주요 학문 분야에 대한 집중력이 훼손될 수 있습니다. 여러 주제를 다루는 데 대한 스트레스는 학점 저하로 이어질 수 있으며, 이는 필연적으로 그들의 직업 전망에 영향을 주게 됩니다. 또한, 이는 그들의 경력 목표에 대한 명확성을 흐릴 수 있으며, 진정한 흥미 발견을 방해할 수 있습니다.
위의 사항을 고려하면, 잠재적인 함정에도 불구하고, 개선된 유연성과 전체 지식 기반과 같은 광범위한 학습의 보상이 도전과제를 상회한다고 보입니다. 따라서, 대학은 여전히 학생들에게 다양성 있는 커리큘럼을 장려해야 합니다.
Good expressions:
1. point of contention - 논란의 여지
2. intellectual versatility - 학문적 유연성
3. inundating students - 학생들을 범람시키다
4. potential pitfalls - 잠재적인 함정
5. broad-based learning - 광범위한 학습
6. diversified curriculum - 다양한 커리큘럼
The role of universities in the academic growth of students is crucial. A point of contention, however, is whether they should stimulate a versatile learning experience by urging scholars to study various subjects, or to focus on a specific field.
Undeniably, encouraging diversification in subjects grants students opportunities to acquire a comprehensive set of skills. It gives them the privilege to understand numerous fields, thereby fostering their intellectual versatility, and enabling them to face varied practical and theoretical challenges efficiently. An excellent illustration of this can be found in a study by Seoul University, which found that diversely educated individuals often end up with better career opportunities.
Conversely, inundating students with an array of subjects could potentially compromise their attention towards their main field of study. The stress of coping with multiple subjects might result in a decline in academic grades, inevitably affecting their career prospects. Furthermore, it can also blur their clarity on their career aspirations and impede the discovery of their genuine interest.
In light of the above, it would seem that despite the potential pitfalls, the rewards of broad-based learning, such as improved adaptability and a well-rounded knowledge base, outweigh the challenges. Thus, universities should continue to promote a diversified curriculum to students.
Word count: 259
Essay translated in Korean:
대학은 학생들의 학문적 성장에서 중요한 역할을 담당합니다. 그러나 그들이 학자들이 다양한 주제를 연구하도록 촉구하여 다양한 학습 경험을 유도해야하나, 아니면 특정 분야에 초점을 맞춰야 하는지 여부는 논란의 여지가 있습니다.
다양한 주제를 장려함으로써 학생들은 다양한 기술을 취득할 수 있는 기회를 얻으며, 이는 수많은 분야를 이해할 수 있는 특권을 줍니다. 이로 인해 학생들의 학문적 유연성이 키워지고 다양한 실제적이고 이론적인 도전에 효과적으로 대응할 수 있게 됩니다. 서울 대학의 한 연구에서도 다양한 교육을 받은 사람들이 종종 더 나은 직업 기회를 얻는다는 사실을 발견했습니다.
반면에, 수많은 과목으로 학생들을 범람시키면 학생들의 주요 학문 분야에 대한 집중력이 훼손될 수 있습니다. 여러 주제를 다루는 데 대한 스트레스는 학점 저하로 이어질 수 있으며, 이는 필연적으로 그들의 직업 전망에 영향을 주게 됩니다. 또한, 이는 그들의 경력 목표에 대한 명확성을 흐릴 수 있으며, 진정한 흥미 발견을 방해할 수 있습니다.
위의 사항을 고려하면, 잠재적인 함정에도 불구하고, 개선된 유연성과 전체 지식 기반과 같은 광범위한 학습의 보상이 도전과제를 상회한다고 보입니다. 따라서, 대학은 여전히 학생들에게 다양성 있는 커리큘럼을 장려해야 합니다.
Good expressions:
1. point of contention - 논란의 여지
2. intellectual versatility - 학문적 유연성
3. inundating students - 학생들을 범람시키다
4. potential pitfalls - 잠재적인 함정
5. broad-based learning - 광범위한 학습
6. diversified curriculum - 다양한 커리큘럼
제출한 라이팅
Universities have traditionally been places of diverse learning where students are exposed to a broad range of subjects. However, there is an ongoing debate as to whether this is beneficial, or if students shoud focus more on their chosen field of study. In this essay, I will discuss advantages and disadvanatages of experiencing diverse subjects.
Understanding a wide spectrum of subjects brings undeniable advantages. Students are afforded the opportunities to gain holistic education and develop a greater depth of understanding across different industries. This enhances their intellectual adaptability and their ability to respond effectively to a variety of practical and theoretical callenges. For instance, a study conducted by Seoul University demonstrates that students with such diverse knowledge tend to seize more lucrative career prospects.
On the other hand, there are downsides to such a broad approach to learning. Balancing numerous subjects may impose student's ability to concentrate on their major, potentially negatively impacting their academic performance. This drop in grades significantly narrows their career opportunities and may detract from their ability to identify their true passion and aspirations.
In conclusion, while a wide-ranging education presents certain challenges, I believe that the benefits of intellectual adaptabiltiy and expansive knowlege outweight these drawbacks. Students should, therefore, be encouraged to pursue a variety of course.
Understanding a wide spectrum of subjects brings undeniable advantages. Students are afforded the opportunities to gain holistic education and develop a greater depth of understanding across different industries. This enhances their intellectual adaptability and their ability to respond effectively to a variety of practical and theoretical callenges. For instance, a study conducted by Seoul University demonstrates that students with such diverse knowledge tend to seize more lucrative career prospects.
On the other hand, there are downsides to such a broad approach to learning. Balancing numerous subjects may impose student's ability to concentrate on their major, potentially negatively impacting their academic performance. This drop in grades significantly narrows their career opportunities and may detract from their ability to identify their true passion and aspirations.
In conclusion, while a wide-ranging education presents certain challenges, I believe that the benefits of intellectual adaptabiltiy and expansive knowlege outweight these drawbacks. Students should, therefore, be encouraged to pursue a variety of course.
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