아이엘츠 라이팅 AI 첨삭
- Opinion
Some people believe famous people's support towards international aid organizations draws the attention to problems, while others think celebrities make the problems less important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 8
The essay effectively addresses the task with a clear introduction stating the topic and the writer's position. The body of the essay effectively discusses both views, providing relevant examples and explanations. The conclusion effectively summarizes the discussion and reinforces the writer's position.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
The essay generally organizes information and ideas coherently. There's clear progression with the points connecting as one argument, but the candidate sometimes repeats the word 'celebrity' which seems a little redundant. Logical connectors like "However," "Therefore," "For instance," and "For example" are well used.
Lexical Resource: 8
There is a wide range of vocabulary with predominantly accurate usage. The use of words like 'indifferent', 'influence', 'endangered' and 'advertizing impact' show a good range of vocabulary suited to the subject matter. There are no noticeable errors in choosing or using words.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 8
There is a broad range of complex structures used accurately. For example, "although there is a risk of some celebrities mishandling these issues" demonstrates good use of a complex structure. There are no glaring grammatical errors and the sentences are largely free of errors.
Overall: 7.75
The essay is strong in meeting the requirements of the task and shows a good command of English, despite minor flaws in coherence and cohesion.
Task Response: 8
The essay effectively addresses the task with a clear introduction stating the topic and the writer's position. The body of the essay effectively discusses both views, providing relevant examples and explanations. The conclusion effectively summarizes the discussion and reinforces the writer's position.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
The essay generally organizes information and ideas coherently. There's clear progression with the points connecting as one argument, but the candidate sometimes repeats the word 'celebrity' which seems a little redundant. Logical connectors like "However," "Therefore," "For instance," and "For example" are well used.
Lexical Resource: 8
There is a wide range of vocabulary with predominantly accurate usage. The use of words like 'indifferent', 'influence', 'endangered' and 'advertizing impact' show a good range of vocabulary suited to the subject matter. There are no noticeable errors in choosing or using words.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 8
There is a broad range of complex structures used accurately. For example, "although there is a risk of some celebrities mishandling these issues" demonstrates good use of a complex structure. There are no glaring grammatical errors and the sentences are largely free of errors.
Overall: 7.75
The essay is strong in meeting the requirements of the task and shows a good command of English, despite minor flaws in coherence and cohesion.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Some people believe famous people's support towards international aid organizations draws the attention to problems, while others think celebrities make the problems less important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Essay:
Some individuals argue that when celebrities raise awareness on international aid, they help to spotlight pertinent issues. Others contend that these endorsements might diminish the seriousness of the issues, leading to public apathy. Despite acknowledging both perspectives, my position leans more toward the former – that celebrity endorsement can effectively draw attention to key global issues.
Undeniably, a celebrity's public behavior has considerable sway over social opinions and attitudes. When they publicize their support for international aid, it can shape public perception. For example, a controversial figure with a history of societal indiscretions could appear disingenuous in their altruism, sparking public skepticism or indifference. Critics argue that such occurrences can undermine the issue at hand, painting it as just another public relations stunt rather than a serious cause.
However, I espouse the view that celebrity endorsement can have a powerful impact on shining a light on global causes. There have been numerous instances where a celebrity, through their influence, has positively shaped societal opinion toward significant issues. Consider the case of a renowned singer raising the issue of endangered species, which consequently sparked a public interest that may not have existed without their intervention. Celebrities, by virtue of their wide-reaching influence, have a unique capacity to stir public interest and prompt action.
In conclusion, while some risks exist about celebrities possibly mismanaging global causes, I maintain that the promotional power that celebrities wield remains a potent tool in drawing international attention to critical issues.
Word count: 256
Essay translated in Korean:
일부 사람들은 유명인사들이 국제 원조에 대한 인식을 높이면 중요한 문제에 주목을 받을 수 있다고 주장한다. 반면 다른 이들은 이러한 지지가 문제의 심각성을 감소시키고 공공 무관심을 초래할 수 있다고 반박한다. 두 주장 모두 인정하면서도, 나의 견해는 전자로 향한다 - 유명인사의 지지가 핵심적인 세계 이슈에 효과적으로 주목을 받을 수 있다.
부인할 수 없이, 유명인사의 공개적인 행동은 사회의 의견과 태도에 상당한 영향을 미친다. 이들이 국제 원조에 대한 지지를 공개하면 공공의 인식을 형성할 수 있다. 예를 들어, 사회적 오점의 역사가 있는 논란의 인물이 이타주의를 사랑한다는 것을 보일 때, 공중의 의구심이나 무관심을 일으킬 수 있다. 비판가들은 이러한 현상이 현 손에 어려운 상황을 심각하게 저하시킬 수 있다고 주장하며, 이를 단순히 다른 공개관계 효과보다 심각한 원인으로 칠한다.
그러나 나는 유명인사의 지지가 중요한 문제에 빛을 비추는데 큰 영향을 미친다는 견해를 표명한다. 세계적인 모든 문제를 위한 유명인사의 영향력을 긍정적으로 형성한 많은 사례가 있다. 멸종 위기에 처한 종에 대한 문제를 제기한 유명 가수의 사례를 고려하면, 이에 따라 대중의 관심이 생기지 않았을 수도 있다. 유명인사들은 넓게 퍼진 영향력 때문에 대중의 관심을 불러일으키고 행동을 촉구하는 독특한 능력을 가지고 있다.
결론적으로, 유명인사들이 세계적인 원인을 잘 못 다루는 위험성이 있는 동안, 나는 유명인사들이 가지고 있는 홍보력이 중요한 이슈에 국제적인 관심을 불러일으키는 강력한 도구라는 점을 유지합니다.
Good expressions:
1. spotlight pertinent issues - 중요한 문제에 주목하다
2. considerable sway over - ~에 대한 상당한 영향력을 가지다
3. unique capacity to stir public interest - 대중의 관심을 불러일으키는 독특한 능력
4. potent tool in drawing international attention - 국제적인 관심을 끌어내는 강력한 도구
5. celebrity endorsement - 유명인사의 지지
Some individuals argue that when celebrities raise awareness on international aid, they help to spotlight pertinent issues. Others contend that these endorsements might diminish the seriousness of the issues, leading to public apathy. Despite acknowledging both perspectives, my position leans more toward the former – that celebrity endorsement can effectively draw attention to key global issues.
Undeniably, a celebrity's public behavior has considerable sway over social opinions and attitudes. When they publicize their support for international aid, it can shape public perception. For example, a controversial figure with a history of societal indiscretions could appear disingenuous in their altruism, sparking public skepticism or indifference. Critics argue that such occurrences can undermine the issue at hand, painting it as just another public relations stunt rather than a serious cause.
However, I espouse the view that celebrity endorsement can have a powerful impact on shining a light on global causes. There have been numerous instances where a celebrity, through their influence, has positively shaped societal opinion toward significant issues. Consider the case of a renowned singer raising the issue of endangered species, which consequently sparked a public interest that may not have existed without their intervention. Celebrities, by virtue of their wide-reaching influence, have a unique capacity to stir public interest and prompt action.
In conclusion, while some risks exist about celebrities possibly mismanaging global causes, I maintain that the promotional power that celebrities wield remains a potent tool in drawing international attention to critical issues.
Word count: 256
Essay translated in Korean:
일부 사람들은 유명인사들이 국제 원조에 대한 인식을 높이면 중요한 문제에 주목을 받을 수 있다고 주장한다. 반면 다른 이들은 이러한 지지가 문제의 심각성을 감소시키고 공공 무관심을 초래할 수 있다고 반박한다. 두 주장 모두 인정하면서도, 나의 견해는 전자로 향한다 - 유명인사의 지지가 핵심적인 세계 이슈에 효과적으로 주목을 받을 수 있다.
부인할 수 없이, 유명인사의 공개적인 행동은 사회의 의견과 태도에 상당한 영향을 미친다. 이들이 국제 원조에 대한 지지를 공개하면 공공의 인식을 형성할 수 있다. 예를 들어, 사회적 오점의 역사가 있는 논란의 인물이 이타주의를 사랑한다는 것을 보일 때, 공중의 의구심이나 무관심을 일으킬 수 있다. 비판가들은 이러한 현상이 현 손에 어려운 상황을 심각하게 저하시킬 수 있다고 주장하며, 이를 단순히 다른 공개관계 효과보다 심각한 원인으로 칠한다.
그러나 나는 유명인사의 지지가 중요한 문제에 빛을 비추는데 큰 영향을 미친다는 견해를 표명한다. 세계적인 모든 문제를 위한 유명인사의 영향력을 긍정적으로 형성한 많은 사례가 있다. 멸종 위기에 처한 종에 대한 문제를 제기한 유명 가수의 사례를 고려하면, 이에 따라 대중의 관심이 생기지 않았을 수도 있다. 유명인사들은 넓게 퍼진 영향력 때문에 대중의 관심을 불러일으키고 행동을 촉구하는 독특한 능력을 가지고 있다.
결론적으로, 유명인사들이 세계적인 원인을 잘 못 다루는 위험성이 있는 동안, 나는 유명인사들이 가지고 있는 홍보력이 중요한 이슈에 국제적인 관심을 불러일으키는 강력한 도구라는 점을 유지합니다.
Good expressions:
1. spotlight pertinent issues - 중요한 문제에 주목하다
2. considerable sway over - ~에 대한 상당한 영향력을 가지다
3. unique capacity to stir public interest - 대중의 관심을 불러일으키는 독특한 능력
4. potent tool in drawing international attention - 국제적인 관심을 끌어내는 강력한 도구
5. celebrity endorsement - 유명인사의 지지
제출한 라이팅
Some people believe that celebrities showing interest in international aid helps to bring attention to certain issues, while others argue that it could lead to public indifference. There are both negative and positive impacts, but I agree with the former view.
To begin with, celebrities often become the focus of various societal issues, whether positive or negative. Their behavior can influence society in many ways. Therefore, when celebrities mention or discuss international aid, it can influence the public's perception. For instance, if a celebrity who has been involved in numerous societal problems such as drunk driving, drug abuse, and racism suddenly speaks out about international aid, the public may become indifferent or even criticize them heavily. People might think that the celebrity is only doing the campaign to improve their image.
However, since celebrities have an impact on societal issues, I believe their behavior can also be influential in addressing these issues. There are many instances where celebrities have had positive effects on societal problems. For example, when a famous singer brought attention to the issue of endangered species on social media, it sparked public interest in the problem. This wasn't solely because of the singer's influence, but also because celebrities have a unique ability to raise awareness among the public. Therefore, I believe that celebrities should show interest in international aid, as their influence can help shed light on important issues.
In conclusion, although there is a risk of some celebrities mishandling these issues, I still believe that the advertising impact of celebrities is one of the best ways to address problems related to international aid
To begin with, celebrities often become the focus of various societal issues, whether positive or negative. Their behavior can influence society in many ways. Therefore, when celebrities mention or discuss international aid, it can influence the public's perception. For instance, if a celebrity who has been involved in numerous societal problems such as drunk driving, drug abuse, and racism suddenly speaks out about international aid, the public may become indifferent or even criticize them heavily. People might think that the celebrity is only doing the campaign to improve their image.
However, since celebrities have an impact on societal issues, I believe their behavior can also be influential in addressing these issues. There are many instances where celebrities have had positive effects on societal problems. For example, when a famous singer brought attention to the issue of endangered species on social media, it sparked public interest in the problem. This wasn't solely because of the singer's influence, but also because celebrities have a unique ability to raise awareness among the public. Therefore, I believe that celebrities should show interest in international aid, as their influence can help shed light on important issues.
In conclusion, although there is a risk of some celebrities mishandling these issues, I still believe that the advertising impact of celebrities is one of the best ways to address problems related to international aid
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