아이엘츠 라이팅 AI 첨삭
- Opinion
Some people believe famous people's support towards international aid organizations draws the attention to problems, while others think celebrities make the problems less important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 5
The essay addresses the task partially. The student presents and supports his idea reasonably, but the other viewpoints are not addressed thoroughly and convincingly. Moreover, some of the arguments are slightly off-topic. For example, the discussion on a celebrity's personal problems like drinking, drug use, and racism doesn't directly connect to the idea of their influence on international aid awareness.
Coherence & Cohesion: 5
The essay has an overall clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs and conclusion. However, the logical progression of ideas is not always clear, and the paragraphing could be more effective. Many sentences are difficult to follow due to inappropriate language choices, making the arguments hard to figure out.
Lexical Resource: 5
The writer attempted to use some less common vocabulary and idiomatic expressions, however, some of them were used incorrectly. The inconsistency in vocabulary usage makes some sentences and ideas unclear. Also, there is some repetition in words and phrases.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 4
The essay demonstrates a limited range in complex structures. There are frequent grammatical errors which impede understanding such as sentence fragments, agreement issues and incorrect word form.
Overall: 5
This essay shows a basic understanding of the task, but struggles with effectively expressing the arguments and ideas. The student could improve their score by developing their ideas more fully and ensuring accurate and diverse usage of grammar and vocabulary.
Task Response: 5
The essay addresses the task partially. The student presents and supports his idea reasonably, but the other viewpoints are not addressed thoroughly and convincingly. Moreover, some of the arguments are slightly off-topic. For example, the discussion on a celebrity's personal problems like drinking, drug use, and racism doesn't directly connect to the idea of their influence on international aid awareness.
Coherence & Cohesion: 5
The essay has an overall clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs and conclusion. However, the logical progression of ideas is not always clear, and the paragraphing could be more effective. Many sentences are difficult to follow due to inappropriate language choices, making the arguments hard to figure out.
Lexical Resource: 5
The writer attempted to use some less common vocabulary and idiomatic expressions, however, some of them were used incorrectly. The inconsistency in vocabulary usage makes some sentences and ideas unclear. Also, there is some repetition in words and phrases.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 4
The essay demonstrates a limited range in complex structures. There are frequent grammatical errors which impede understanding such as sentence fragments, agreement issues and incorrect word form.
Overall: 5
This essay shows a basic understanding of the task, but struggles with effectively expressing the arguments and ideas. The student could improve their score by developing their ideas more fully and ensuring accurate and diverse usage of grammar and vocabulary.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Some people believe famous people's support towards international aid organizations draws the attention to problems, while others think celebrities make the problems less important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Essay:
In the realm of international aid, celebrities play a substantial role, but they also have the potential to evoke controversy. Some argue that their involvement attracts attention to crucial problems while others contend that celebrity influence can trivialize these issues.
For proponents of celebrity participation in international aid, their position resides in the power of celebrity for visibility. Celebrities often garner substantial public interest and influence, and their endorsements or criticisms can direct society's attention into specific issues. For instance, a celebrity highlighting the dire plight of endangered species on a social media platform can create a ripple effect of awareness that invokes public interest, transcending the usual lack of public engagement in such matters due to insufficient publicity. Such a celebrity, owing to their popularity, serves as a potent catalyst for societal consciousness.
On the flip side, doubters express concern over the potential for celebrity involvement to cause public indifference, especially in cases where celebrities are known for creating negative social impacts, such as drunk driving or racism. These celebrities' attempts to support international causes may be interpreted as self-serving image rehabilitation efforts rather than genuine concern, causing the public to dismiss the issue at hand.
In conclusion, celebrity influence on international aid appears as a double-edged sword. Celebrities who portray public responsibility can positively influence society's reaction to global issues, but if mishandled, they run the risk of trivializing these problems.
Word count: 260
Essay translated in Korean:
국제원조 분야에서, 저명인이 중요한 역할을 하지만 논란을 일으킬 가능성도 있습니다. 일부 이해관계자들은 그들의 관여가 중요한 문제에 대한 주목을 끈다고 주장하고, 다른 이들은 저명인의 영향력으로 인해 이러한 문제가 경시되지 않을까 우려합니다.
저명인의 국제원조 참여를 지지하는 사람들에게서 이해하는 바는, 저명인의 가시성에 있는 힘입니다. 저명인들은 종종 상당한 대중의 관심과 영향력을 얻고, 그들의 지지 또는 비판은 사회의 주목을 특정 문제로 이끌어낼 수 있습니다. 예를 들어, 저명 인사가 소셜 미디어 플랫폼에서 멸종 위기에 처한 동물의 처참한 상황을 강조하면, 이는 대중의 관심을 끌어 일어낼 수 있는 활력 있는 효과를 만들어 내게 됩니다.
하지만, 반대쪽에서는 저명인의 참여로 대중의 무관심이 이끌어질 수 있을 것이라는 우려가 있습니다. 특히 음주 운전이나 인종 차별 같은 부정적인 사회 영향을 미치는 저명인의 경우가 그렇습니다. 이러한 저명 인사들의 국제 원조 지원 시도가 진정한 관심보다는 자기 이미지 개선 노력으로 해석될 수 있어, 대중이 직접적인 문제를 숨기려고 하게 됩니다.
결국, 저명인의 국제 원조에 대한 영향은 양날의 검처럼 드러납니다. 공적 책임을 보여주는 예명인들은 긍정적으로 사회의 반응을 국제 문제에 영향을 끼칠 수 있지만, 잘못 관리되면 이 문제들을 경시하는 위험이 있습니다.
Good expressions:
1. "plays a substantial role" - 중요한 역할을 하다
2. "invoke public interest" - 대중의 관심을 끌다
3. "transcending the usual lack of public engagement" - 일반적인 대중의 참여 부족을 초월하다
4. "a potent catalyst for societal consciousness" - 사회 의식에 대한 강력한 촉매제
5. "as a double-edged sword" - 양날의 검처럼
6. "portray public responsibility" - 공익기여를 보여주다
7. "run the risk of trivializing" - 경시하는 위험을 감수하다
In the realm of international aid, celebrities play a substantial role, but they also have the potential to evoke controversy. Some argue that their involvement attracts attention to crucial problems while others contend that celebrity influence can trivialize these issues.
For proponents of celebrity participation in international aid, their position resides in the power of celebrity for visibility. Celebrities often garner substantial public interest and influence, and their endorsements or criticisms can direct society's attention into specific issues. For instance, a celebrity highlighting the dire plight of endangered species on a social media platform can create a ripple effect of awareness that invokes public interest, transcending the usual lack of public engagement in such matters due to insufficient publicity. Such a celebrity, owing to their popularity, serves as a potent catalyst for societal consciousness.
On the flip side, doubters express concern over the potential for celebrity involvement to cause public indifference, especially in cases where celebrities are known for creating negative social impacts, such as drunk driving or racism. These celebrities' attempts to support international causes may be interpreted as self-serving image rehabilitation efforts rather than genuine concern, causing the public to dismiss the issue at hand.
In conclusion, celebrity influence on international aid appears as a double-edged sword. Celebrities who portray public responsibility can positively influence society's reaction to global issues, but if mishandled, they run the risk of trivializing these problems.
Word count: 260
Essay translated in Korean:
국제원조 분야에서, 저명인이 중요한 역할을 하지만 논란을 일으킬 가능성도 있습니다. 일부 이해관계자들은 그들의 관여가 중요한 문제에 대한 주목을 끈다고 주장하고, 다른 이들은 저명인의 영향력으로 인해 이러한 문제가 경시되지 않을까 우려합니다.
저명인의 국제원조 참여를 지지하는 사람들에게서 이해하는 바는, 저명인의 가시성에 있는 힘입니다. 저명인들은 종종 상당한 대중의 관심과 영향력을 얻고, 그들의 지지 또는 비판은 사회의 주목을 특정 문제로 이끌어낼 수 있습니다. 예를 들어, 저명 인사가 소셜 미디어 플랫폼에서 멸종 위기에 처한 동물의 처참한 상황을 강조하면, 이는 대중의 관심을 끌어 일어낼 수 있는 활력 있는 효과를 만들어 내게 됩니다.
하지만, 반대쪽에서는 저명인의 참여로 대중의 무관심이 이끌어질 수 있을 것이라는 우려가 있습니다. 특히 음주 운전이나 인종 차별 같은 부정적인 사회 영향을 미치는 저명인의 경우가 그렇습니다. 이러한 저명 인사들의 국제 원조 지원 시도가 진정한 관심보다는 자기 이미지 개선 노력으로 해석될 수 있어, 대중이 직접적인 문제를 숨기려고 하게 됩니다.
결국, 저명인의 국제 원조에 대한 영향은 양날의 검처럼 드러납니다. 공적 책임을 보여주는 예명인들은 긍정적으로 사회의 반응을 국제 문제에 영향을 끼칠 수 있지만, 잘못 관리되면 이 문제들을 경시하는 위험이 있습니다.
Good expressions:
1. "plays a substantial role" - 중요한 역할을 하다
2. "invoke public interest" - 대중의 관심을 끌다
3. "transcending the usual lack of public engagement" - 일반적인 대중의 참여 부족을 초월하다
4. "a potent catalyst for societal consciousness" - 사회 의식에 대한 강력한 촉매제
5. "as a double-edged sword" - 양날의 검처럼
6. "portray public responsibility" - 공익기여를 보여주다
7. "run the risk of trivializing" - 경시하는 위험을 감수하다
제출한 라이팅
Some people think that celebrities interesting about international aid makes to focus some issues, while others think that it can be bring public indifference. There are both negative and positive impacts, but I agree the former view.
To begin with, the number of celebrities cause various issues in society whether positive or negative. Also, their behaviour affects as various reasons in society. That is why, celebrities’ mentions or words could be influenced to public. For instance, there is a person who made a lot of problems in society, such as drinking drive, drugs and racist. If this person mentioned international aid, it will bring public indifference or just blame him a lot. Because people will think that doing his campaign for changed his image.
However, since celebrities affect to society issues, I think celebrities’s behaviour will influence to tackle the issue. There are a lot of experiences which celebrities bring positive effects about problems. For example, there is a big issue about endangered species, no one attention to this issue because lack of advertisement. Then, one of the famous singers mentioned this problem to social media and people started to interest this issue, not only the reason of this singer, it is because singer has a role which can advertise to society. For that reason, I think celebrities should interest to international aid, affected from them, the number of issues will shown to people.
In conclusion, although there is a possibility if some celebrities use the problem with wrong methods, but I think that advertising impacts of celebrities is the best way of solve the international aid problem.
To begin with, the number of celebrities cause various issues in society whether positive or negative. Also, their behaviour affects as various reasons in society. That is why, celebrities’ mentions or words could be influenced to public. For instance, there is a person who made a lot of problems in society, such as drinking drive, drugs and racist. If this person mentioned international aid, it will bring public indifference or just blame him a lot. Because people will think that doing his campaign for changed his image.
However, since celebrities affect to society issues, I think celebrities’s behaviour will influence to tackle the issue. There are a lot of experiences which celebrities bring positive effects about problems. For example, there is a big issue about endangered species, no one attention to this issue because lack of advertisement. Then, one of the famous singers mentioned this problem to social media and people started to interest this issue, not only the reason of this singer, it is because singer has a role which can advertise to society. For that reason, I think celebrities should interest to international aid, affected from them, the number of issues will shown to people.
In conclusion, although there is a possibility if some celebrities use the problem with wrong methods, but I think that advertising impacts of celebrities is the best way of solve the international aid problem.
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