아이엘츠 라이팅 AI 첨삭
- Opinion
Many governments spend too much money on weapons and military equipment. It would be better for the government to use the money spent on the military to improve its citizens' quality of life. do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 7
The student addresses the task well and provides a balanced discussion of both sides of the argument. They state their own opinion clearly and support it with relevant examples. This indicates a good response to the task.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
The essay follows a logical sequence and maintains a clear central theme throughout. Paragraphing appropriately separates different ideas, and cohesive devices are used effectively to connect those ideas, leading to a well-structured essay.
Lexical Resource: 7
The student has used a variety of vocabulary and collocations accurately. However, there are some vocabularies that could be enhanced to better convey their arguments.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 7
The student has demonstrated a good range of grammatical structures and uses them with good flexibility and accuracy. There's minimal grammatical errors, and sentences are well-structured, therefore indicating a good skill in this criterion.
Overall: 7
The student has produced a good essay that addresses all the criteria appropriately. Improvement in vocabulary use and variety would help boosting the essay's quality to reach a higher band.
Task Response: 7
The student addresses the task well and provides a balanced discussion of both sides of the argument. They state their own opinion clearly and support it with relevant examples. This indicates a good response to the task.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
The essay follows a logical sequence and maintains a clear central theme throughout. Paragraphing appropriately separates different ideas, and cohesive devices are used effectively to connect those ideas, leading to a well-structured essay.
Lexical Resource: 7
The student has used a variety of vocabulary and collocations accurately. However, there are some vocabularies that could be enhanced to better convey their arguments.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 7
The student has demonstrated a good range of grammatical structures and uses them with good flexibility and accuracy. There's minimal grammatical errors, and sentences are well-structured, therefore indicating a good skill in this criterion.
Overall: 7
The student has produced a good essay that addresses all the criteria appropriately. Improvement in vocabulary use and variety would help boosting the essay's quality to reach a higher band.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Many governments spend too much money on weapons and military equipment. It would be better for the government to use the money spent on the military to improve its citizens' quality of life.
do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Essay:
The debate over whether governmental funding should be allotted more towards enhancing the living conditions of the citizens, rather than spent on military armament, is a contentious one. I am in staunch agreement with the former ideology.
There is undeniable relevance for investments in military facilities, as they serve as a form of national security. With an alarming increase in international conflicts, the need for a strong military presence is essential to maintain peace and order within the nation. It not only serves as a deterrent to potential invasions, but also generates job opportunities within the defense industry, thereby ensuring economic stability.
However, the nation's priority should be channeling public revenue towards domestic welfare, which encompasses activities that directly impact the layman's quality of life. Social welfare schemes could assist underprivileged populations in overcoming their financial burdens and day-to-day struggles. Furthermore, investment in infrastructure development and technological innovations would instigate higher productivity, allowing citizens to enjoy a higher standard of living. A part of the funds could also be directly disbursed to citizens to boost their disposable income and invariably an enhanced lifestyle.
In wrapping up, it is crucial that governments dedicate adequate consideration and funds towards enhancing the quality of societal living.
Word count: 244
Essay translated in Korean:
국가의 자금 지원이 시민들의 생활 조건을 향상시키는 데 더 많이 사용되어야 하지 군사 무장에 사용되어야 하는지에 대한 논쟁은 논란이 많다. 나는 전자의 이데올로기에 매우 동의한다.
군사 시설에 대한 투자는 분명히 국가 보안의 형태로서 중요하다. 국제적인 충돌이 급증함에 따라, 평화와 질서를 유지하는 데는 강력한 군사적 존재가 필수적이다. 이러한 투자는 잠재적인 침략을 막는 것뿐만 아니라 국방 산업 내에서의 일자리 기회를 생성하여 경제적 안정성을 보장한다.
그러나, 국가의 우선 순위는 국내 복지, 즉 일반시민의 삶의 질에 직접적인 영향을 주는 활동에 공익 수익을 채널링하는 것이어야 한다. 사회 복지 계획은 빈곤 계층이 재정 부담과 일상적인 고충을 극복하는 데 도움을 줄 수 있다. 또한, 인프라 개발 및 기술혁신에 투자 하면 시민들이 높은 생활 수준을 누릴 수 있게 하는 더 높은 생산성을 촉진시킬 것이다. 일부 자금은 시민들에게 직접 배급되어 가처분 소득을 늘리고, 불변적으로 향상된 생활 방식을 촉진할 수 있다.
결론적으로, 정부는 사회 삶의 질 향상에 충분한 고려와 자금을 할애하는 것이 중요하다.
Good expressions:
1. maintaining peace and order within the nation - 국가 내에서의 평화와 질서 유지
2. directly impact the layman's quality of life - 일반 시민의 삶의 질에 직접적인 영향을 미치다
3. instigate higher productivity - 더 높은 생산성을 이끌어내다
4. enhancing the quality of societal living - 사회적 삶의 질 향상
The debate over whether governmental funding should be allotted more towards enhancing the living conditions of the citizens, rather than spent on military armament, is a contentious one. I am in staunch agreement with the former ideology.
There is undeniable relevance for investments in military facilities, as they serve as a form of national security. With an alarming increase in international conflicts, the need for a strong military presence is essential to maintain peace and order within the nation. It not only serves as a deterrent to potential invasions, but also generates job opportunities within the defense industry, thereby ensuring economic stability.
However, the nation's priority should be channeling public revenue towards domestic welfare, which encompasses activities that directly impact the layman's quality of life. Social welfare schemes could assist underprivileged populations in overcoming their financial burdens and day-to-day struggles. Furthermore, investment in infrastructure development and technological innovations would instigate higher productivity, allowing citizens to enjoy a higher standard of living. A part of the funds could also be directly disbursed to citizens to boost their disposable income and invariably an enhanced lifestyle.
In wrapping up, it is crucial that governments dedicate adequate consideration and funds towards enhancing the quality of societal living.
Word count: 244
Essay translated in Korean:
국가의 자금 지원이 시민들의 생활 조건을 향상시키는 데 더 많이 사용되어야 하지 군사 무장에 사용되어야 하는지에 대한 논쟁은 논란이 많다. 나는 전자의 이데올로기에 매우 동의한다.
군사 시설에 대한 투자는 분명히 국가 보안의 형태로서 중요하다. 국제적인 충돌이 급증함에 따라, 평화와 질서를 유지하는 데는 강력한 군사적 존재가 필수적이다. 이러한 투자는 잠재적인 침략을 막는 것뿐만 아니라 국방 산업 내에서의 일자리 기회를 생성하여 경제적 안정성을 보장한다.
그러나, 국가의 우선 순위는 국내 복지, 즉 일반시민의 삶의 질에 직접적인 영향을 주는 활동에 공익 수익을 채널링하는 것이어야 한다. 사회 복지 계획은 빈곤 계층이 재정 부담과 일상적인 고충을 극복하는 데 도움을 줄 수 있다. 또한, 인프라 개발 및 기술혁신에 투자 하면 시민들이 높은 생활 수준을 누릴 수 있게 하는 더 높은 생산성을 촉진시킬 것이다. 일부 자금은 시민들에게 직접 배급되어 가처분 소득을 늘리고, 불변적으로 향상된 생활 방식을 촉진할 수 있다.
결론적으로, 정부는 사회 삶의 질 향상에 충분한 고려와 자금을 할애하는 것이 중요하다.
Good expressions:
1. maintaining peace and order within the nation - 국가 내에서의 평화와 질서 유지
2. directly impact the layman's quality of life - 일반 시민의 삶의 질에 직접적인 영향을 미치다
3. instigate higher productivity - 더 높은 생산성을 이끌어내다
4. enhancing the quality of societal living - 사회적 삶의 질 향상
제출한 라이팅
Many believe that governments should spend public money to enhance their citizens' quality of life instead of on weapons and military equipment. I completely agree with this opinion.
Spending on weapons and military equipment plays a pivotal role in preventing war and protecting national prestige. From past to contemporary society, actual force can deter war and conflict, allowing citizens to feel safe. It also helps prevent conflict between nations and is adapted by companies too. Additionally, sometimes other countries or pirates, sadly threaten national assets or citizens. At that time, the government should protect or rescue their people; if they do not, the country will lose trust from its citizens. Finally, the defense industry is one of the most important business in some nations; it can provide many lucrative jobs to people.
On the other hand, there are many reasons why we should spend taxes to improve people's quality of life. Firstly, the governments can help their underprivileged citizens who do not have enough money to take care of their families and themselves. Strong social welfare policy derived from a wealth of taxes contributes to improving overall people's lives. Secondly, the authorities could invest in infrastructure and develop technology, allowing individuals to be more productive and enjoy a better quality of life. For the last argument, taxes can be distributed directly to the people, which can enrich people's leisure lives and ultimately improve people's lives.
In conclusion, I agree that governments should spend taxes to improve citizens' quality of life.
Spending on weapons and military equipment plays a pivotal role in preventing war and protecting national prestige. From past to contemporary society, actual force can deter war and conflict, allowing citizens to feel safe. It also helps prevent conflict between nations and is adapted by companies too. Additionally, sometimes other countries or pirates, sadly threaten national assets or citizens. At that time, the government should protect or rescue their people; if they do not, the country will lose trust from its citizens. Finally, the defense industry is one of the most important business in some nations; it can provide many lucrative jobs to people.
On the other hand, there are many reasons why we should spend taxes to improve people's quality of life. Firstly, the governments can help their underprivileged citizens who do not have enough money to take care of their families and themselves. Strong social welfare policy derived from a wealth of taxes contributes to improving overall people's lives. Secondly, the authorities could invest in infrastructure and develop technology, allowing individuals to be more productive and enjoy a better quality of life. For the last argument, taxes can be distributed directly to the people, which can enrich people's leisure lives and ultimately improve people's lives.
In conclusion, I agree that governments should spend taxes to improve citizens' quality of life.
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