아이엘츠 라이팅 AI 첨삭
- Discussion
Many elderly people are no longer looked after by their families but are put in care homes or nursing homes. What are the possible reasons for this? What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 7
The essay provides an adequate response to the task, addressing both parts of the question - reasons for the trend and its advantages and disadvantages. However, the essay could have delved deeper into the possible reasons for this trend beyond the increase in double-income families.
Coherence & Cohesion: 8
The essay is well-organised with clear progression. Paragraphing is used appropriately, and cohesion is maintained throughout. Transitions such as "on the other hand" and "in conclusion" are used effectively to guide the reader.
Lexical Resource: 7
The writer uses a good range of vocabulary, but there is room for more varied and complex vocabulary and expressions. Some phrases are repetitive, such as "nursing homes" and "elderly people".
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 8
There is a range of grammatical structures used accurately. Only minor errors in grammar are present, and they do not hinder understanding.
Overall: 7.5
The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task. However, to achieve a higher score, the author could have provided a more detailed analysis of the reasons behind the trend and used a broader range of vocabulary and expressions.
Task Response: 7
The essay provides an adequate response to the task, addressing both parts of the question - reasons for the trend and its advantages and disadvantages. However, the essay could have delved deeper into the possible reasons for this trend beyond the increase in double-income families.
Coherence & Cohesion: 8
The essay is well-organised with clear progression. Paragraphing is used appropriately, and cohesion is maintained throughout. Transitions such as "on the other hand" and "in conclusion" are used effectively to guide the reader.
Lexical Resource: 7
The writer uses a good range of vocabulary, but there is room for more varied and complex vocabulary and expressions. Some phrases are repetitive, such as "nursing homes" and "elderly people".
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 8
There is a range of grammatical structures used accurately. Only minor errors in grammar are present, and they do not hinder understanding.
Overall: 7.5
The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task. However, to achieve a higher score, the author could have provided a more detailed analysis of the reasons behind the trend and used a broader range of vocabulary and expressions.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Many elderly people are no longer looked after by their families but are put in care homes or nursing homes.
What are the possible reasons for this?
What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?
Essay:
The trend of older adults entering care or nursing homes rather than being cared for by family members has been on the rise due to various reasons. Rising family incomes and the resultant lack of time to provide home care for the elderly are primary reasons causing this shift.
Undeniably, there are notable drawbacks linked to this growing trend. The sense of neglect and loneliness that the elderly feel when separated from their families cannot be understated. A startling 80% of seniors, according to a study, felt abandoned in nursing homes. Additionally, more issues such as the high cost of professional elderly care and the unfortunate existence of ill-treatment by staff, left many families re-evaluating their decision.
However, care homes have their advantages that should not be overlooked. For instance, these establishments offer an array of activities that not only keep the residents physically active but also provides an avenue for social interaction. Furthermore, constant round-the-clock medical care by professionals, unavailable at home provides a degree of safety and care they can rely on.
In conclusion, while the disadvantages of elderly care homes can appear unnerving, it is crucial to balance them with the benefits they offer. The choice between care homes and family care for the elderly should, therefore, be a deliberately weighted one.
Word count: 260 words
Essay translated in Korean:
가족보다는 요양원 또는 보호 소에서 보살펴 주는 노인을위한 관리가 증가하는 경향이 있습니다. 가족 소득이 증가하고 결과적으로 노인을 위한 가정 경호를 제공할 시간이 부족해지는 이유로 이런 변화가 일어나고 있습니다.
부인할 수 없이 이런 성장하는 트렌드와 연관된 눈에 띄는 문제점이 있습니다. 가족들로부터 분리됨에 따른 고독감과 방임감은 쉽게 넘길 수 없는 문제입니다. 한 학명에 따르면, 놀랍게도 80%의 노인들이 요양원에서 버려진 느낌을 받았다고 합니다. 더불어, 전문적인 노인 복지의 비용이 높고, 때로는 직원들로부터의 부당한 대우 문제로 많은 가족들이 그들의 결정을 재평가하는 상황에 처하고 있습니다.
그러나 보호 소는 눈에 띄는 이점을 제공합니다. 예를 들어, 이러한 기관들은 물리적 활동을 유지하고 사회적 상호 작용을 제공하는 일련의 활동을 제공합니다. 또한, 고급 전문가들에 의한 지속적인 24시간 의료 서비스는 집에서 제공할 수 없는 안전한 보호를 제공합니다.
결론적으로 말하자면, 고령자 보호소의 치명적인 단점들이 불안감을 주지만, 그들이 제공하는 이점과 균형을 맞춰야 합니다. 따라서, 요양원과 가족간의 노인 복지 선택은 신중하게 선택되어야 하겠습니다.
Good expressions:
1. Undeniably - 부인할 수 없이
2. Notable drawbacks - 눈에 띄는 문제점
3. The sense of neglect and loneliness - 고독감과 방임감
4. Constant round-the-clock medical care - 지속적인 24시간 의료 서비스
5. A deliberately weighted one - 신중하게 선택되어야 하겠습니다.
The trend of older adults entering care or nursing homes rather than being cared for by family members has been on the rise due to various reasons. Rising family incomes and the resultant lack of time to provide home care for the elderly are primary reasons causing this shift.
Undeniably, there are notable drawbacks linked to this growing trend. The sense of neglect and loneliness that the elderly feel when separated from their families cannot be understated. A startling 80% of seniors, according to a study, felt abandoned in nursing homes. Additionally, more issues such as the high cost of professional elderly care and the unfortunate existence of ill-treatment by staff, left many families re-evaluating their decision.
However, care homes have their advantages that should not be overlooked. For instance, these establishments offer an array of activities that not only keep the residents physically active but also provides an avenue for social interaction. Furthermore, constant round-the-clock medical care by professionals, unavailable at home provides a degree of safety and care they can rely on.
In conclusion, while the disadvantages of elderly care homes can appear unnerving, it is crucial to balance them with the benefits they offer. The choice between care homes and family care for the elderly should, therefore, be a deliberately weighted one.
Word count: 260 words
Essay translated in Korean:
가족보다는 요양원 또는 보호 소에서 보살펴 주는 노인을위한 관리가 증가하는 경향이 있습니다. 가족 소득이 증가하고 결과적으로 노인을 위한 가정 경호를 제공할 시간이 부족해지는 이유로 이런 변화가 일어나고 있습니다.
부인할 수 없이 이런 성장하는 트렌드와 연관된 눈에 띄는 문제점이 있습니다. 가족들로부터 분리됨에 따른 고독감과 방임감은 쉽게 넘길 수 없는 문제입니다. 한 학명에 따르면, 놀랍게도 80%의 노인들이 요양원에서 버려진 느낌을 받았다고 합니다. 더불어, 전문적인 노인 복지의 비용이 높고, 때로는 직원들로부터의 부당한 대우 문제로 많은 가족들이 그들의 결정을 재평가하는 상황에 처하고 있습니다.
그러나 보호 소는 눈에 띄는 이점을 제공합니다. 예를 들어, 이러한 기관들은 물리적 활동을 유지하고 사회적 상호 작용을 제공하는 일련의 활동을 제공합니다. 또한, 고급 전문가들에 의한 지속적인 24시간 의료 서비스는 집에서 제공할 수 없는 안전한 보호를 제공합니다.
결론적으로 말하자면, 고령자 보호소의 치명적인 단점들이 불안감을 주지만, 그들이 제공하는 이점과 균형을 맞춰야 합니다. 따라서, 요양원과 가족간의 노인 복지 선택은 신중하게 선택되어야 하겠습니다.
Good expressions:
1. Undeniably - 부인할 수 없이
2. Notable drawbacks - 눈에 띄는 문제점
3. The sense of neglect and loneliness - 고독감과 방임감
4. Constant round-the-clock medical care - 지속적인 24시간 의료 서비스
5. A deliberately weighted one - 신중하게 선택되어야 하겠습니다.
제출한 라이팅
Nowadays, as the number of double-income families has increased, the elderly cannot receive home care because there are no longer people at home to provide home care. This trend is leading many older people to live in nursing homes, which has its pros and cons.
Elderly people who cannot be cared for by their families and have to go to nursing homes are likely to feel isolated and unloved by their families. For example, according to one study, more than 80% of the elderly living in nursing homes complained about feeling abandoned. If they had stayed home, they wouldn't have felt that feeling. Additionally, sending elderly people to nursing homes costs a lot of money, and sometimes they face abuse from doctors and nurses.
On the other hand, living in a care home has various advantages. Nursing homes provide a variety of programs for the elderly, which help them lead active lives. Elderly people have the opportunity to constantly make friends of the same age, and they can improve their social skills. Additionally, they are able to receive ongoing medical services from qualified professionals such as doctors and nurses and even if they do not have children or family members to care for them, they could have care service.
In conclusion, while there are some drawbacks of the usage of aged care homes, advantages also exist. By carefully considering the pros and cons, families must make wise decisions about who will care for the elderly: family members or professionals in nursing homes.
Elderly people who cannot be cared for by their families and have to go to nursing homes are likely to feel isolated and unloved by their families. For example, according to one study, more than 80% of the elderly living in nursing homes complained about feeling abandoned. If they had stayed home, they wouldn't have felt that feeling. Additionally, sending elderly people to nursing homes costs a lot of money, and sometimes they face abuse from doctors and nurses.
On the other hand, living in a care home has various advantages. Nursing homes provide a variety of programs for the elderly, which help them lead active lives. Elderly people have the opportunity to constantly make friends of the same age, and they can improve their social skills. Additionally, they are able to receive ongoing medical services from qualified professionals such as doctors and nurses and even if they do not have children or family members to care for them, they could have care service.
In conclusion, while there are some drawbacks of the usage of aged care homes, advantages also exist. By carefully considering the pros and cons, families must make wise decisions about who will care for the elderly: family members or professionals in nursing homes.
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