아이엘츠 라이팅 AI 첨삭
- Problem and Solution
In modern times, people are under more stress than ever. This has a negative impact on their well-being. State some of the causes and suggest possible solutions.
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 6
The essay reasonably addresses the task by giving some causes of stress in the modern world and proposing potential solutions. The writer's argument and reasoning are generally clear but ideas could be further developed.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
The essay is logically organized, with each paragraph having its own clear focus. The writer uses cohesive devices appropriately most of the time, even though there are minor disjoint moments.
Lexical Resource: 7
The writer demonstrates a good range of vocabulary but there are mistakes in word choices that at times hinder understanding. Phrases like "we can control our tempers and stress by do nothing at home and taking hobbies with close acquaintances" could have been written more clearly.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6
The range of sentence structures is quite good, but there are several grammatical errors throughout. For example, using 'getting people to feel' instead of 'causing people to feel', 'one of ways' instead of 'one of the ways', misuse of the word 'but', and not capitalizing the start of sentences.
Overall: 6.5
The essay is generally well-structured and makes relevant points but would benefit from more detailed development of ideas, using vocabulary more precisely and making fewer grammatical errors. It's a good attempt but there's room for improvement.
Task Response: 6
The essay reasonably addresses the task by giving some causes of stress in the modern world and proposing potential solutions. The writer's argument and reasoning are generally clear but ideas could be further developed.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
The essay is logically organized, with each paragraph having its own clear focus. The writer uses cohesive devices appropriately most of the time, even though there are minor disjoint moments.
Lexical Resource: 7
The writer demonstrates a good range of vocabulary but there are mistakes in word choices that at times hinder understanding. Phrases like "we can control our tempers and stress by do nothing at home and taking hobbies with close acquaintances" could have been written more clearly.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6
The range of sentence structures is quite good, but there are several grammatical errors throughout. For example, using 'getting people to feel' instead of 'causing people to feel', 'one of ways' instead of 'one of the ways', misuse of the word 'but', and not capitalizing the start of sentences.
Overall: 6.5
The essay is generally well-structured and makes relevant points but would benefit from more detailed development of ideas, using vocabulary more precisely and making fewer grammatical errors. It's a good attempt but there's room for improvement.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
In modern times, people are under more stress than ever. This has a negative impact on their well-being. State some of the causes and suggest possible solutions.
Essay:
It is an undeniable fact that people nowadays are experiencing higher levels of stress compared to previous generations, negatively impacting their overall well-being. Certain causes have contributed to this surge and various solutions can be strategized for relief.
To begin with, the escalating rates of stress are primarily a result of the demands of modern society, where individuals are expected to perform in a multitude of roles. More specifically, an individual's professional life has become notably challenging. The current business landscape seeks all-round performers, capable of solving issues at all fronts, thus intensifying competition and pressure for self-grooming. Additionally, a recent study highlights that employees largely continue their education post-graduation to stay competitive and adapt to the continually evolving work environment.
Although the situation seems bleak, there are potential remedies. Relaxation during leisure time is an excellent stress-buster. Engaging in restful activities or pursuing hobbies with friends can help individuals manage their stress levels. Evidence from a university study indicates that employees working four days a week have a better work-life balance and are generally happier. Interestingly, these individuals demonstrate higher work efficiency when they take ample time to relax.
In conclusion, modern society has inevitably increased stress levels among individuals. However, allocating sufficient time for relaxation can significantly mitigate the negative impact of this pressure.
Word count: 209
Essay translated in Korean:
오늘날 사람들이 이전 세대에 비해 스트레스 수준이 높아지는 것은 부인할 수 없는 사실이며, 이는 그들의 전반적인 건강에 부정적인 영향을 미칩니다. 이러한 급증에 기여한 원인이 있고, 해결책을 통해 완화할 수 있습니다.
우선 스트레스가 급증하는 주요 원인은 현대 사회의 요구로 인해 개인들이 다양한 역할을 수행할 것으로 기대되기 때문입니다. 구체적으로 말하면, 개인의 직업 생활이 두드러지게 어려워졌습니다. 현재의 비즈니스 환경은 모든 프론트에서 문제를 해결할 수 있는 오갈 데 없이 능력 있는 직원들을 찾고 있어 경쟁력과 자기개발에 대한 압박을 강화하고 있습니다. 게다가 최근의 연구는 졸업 후에도 사원들이 경쟁력을 유지하고 지속적으로 변화하는 업무 환경에 적응하기 위해 대부분 교육을 계속한다는 것을 보여줍니다.
상황이 암담해 보이지만, 대응책이 있습니다. 여가 시간 중에 휴식을 취하는 것은 탁월한 스트레스 해소책입니다. 편안한 활동에 참여하거나 친구들과 취미를 즐기는 것이 개인의 스트레스 수준을 관리하는 데 도움이 될 수 있습니다. 한 대학의 연구 결과에서 주 4일 근무하는 직원들이 더 나은 워크-라이프 균형을 가지고 대체로 더 행복하며, 흥미롭게도 이들이 충분히 휴식을 취할 때 더 높은 업무 효율성을 보인다고 합니다.
결론적으로, 현대 사회는 개인들의 스트레스 수준을 증가시키는 불가피한 상황들이 많습니다. 하지만 충분한 휴식 시간을 확보하면 이런 압박의 부정적인 영향을 크게 완화시킬 수 있습니다.
Good expressions:
1. 'undeniable fact': 부인할 수 없는 사실
2. 'escalating rates': 급증하는 비율
3. 'continually evolving work environment': 지속적으로 변화하는 업무 환경
4. 'all-round performers': 다방면의 편을 가진 연주자들
5. 'work-life balance': 워크-라이프 균형
6. 'mitigate the negative impact': 부정적인 영향을 완화시키다.
It is an undeniable fact that people nowadays are experiencing higher levels of stress compared to previous generations, negatively impacting their overall well-being. Certain causes have contributed to this surge and various solutions can be strategized for relief.
To begin with, the escalating rates of stress are primarily a result of the demands of modern society, where individuals are expected to perform in a multitude of roles. More specifically, an individual's professional life has become notably challenging. The current business landscape seeks all-round performers, capable of solving issues at all fronts, thus intensifying competition and pressure for self-grooming. Additionally, a recent study highlights that employees largely continue their education post-graduation to stay competitive and adapt to the continually evolving work environment.
Although the situation seems bleak, there are potential remedies. Relaxation during leisure time is an excellent stress-buster. Engaging in restful activities or pursuing hobbies with friends can help individuals manage their stress levels. Evidence from a university study indicates that employees working four days a week have a better work-life balance and are generally happier. Interestingly, these individuals demonstrate higher work efficiency when they take ample time to relax.
In conclusion, modern society has inevitably increased stress levels among individuals. However, allocating sufficient time for relaxation can significantly mitigate the negative impact of this pressure.
Word count: 209
Essay translated in Korean:
오늘날 사람들이 이전 세대에 비해 스트레스 수준이 높아지는 것은 부인할 수 없는 사실이며, 이는 그들의 전반적인 건강에 부정적인 영향을 미칩니다. 이러한 급증에 기여한 원인이 있고, 해결책을 통해 완화할 수 있습니다.
우선 스트레스가 급증하는 주요 원인은 현대 사회의 요구로 인해 개인들이 다양한 역할을 수행할 것으로 기대되기 때문입니다. 구체적으로 말하면, 개인의 직업 생활이 두드러지게 어려워졌습니다. 현재의 비즈니스 환경은 모든 프론트에서 문제를 해결할 수 있는 오갈 데 없이 능력 있는 직원들을 찾고 있어 경쟁력과 자기개발에 대한 압박을 강화하고 있습니다. 게다가 최근의 연구는 졸업 후에도 사원들이 경쟁력을 유지하고 지속적으로 변화하는 업무 환경에 적응하기 위해 대부분 교육을 계속한다는 것을 보여줍니다.
상황이 암담해 보이지만, 대응책이 있습니다. 여가 시간 중에 휴식을 취하는 것은 탁월한 스트레스 해소책입니다. 편안한 활동에 참여하거나 친구들과 취미를 즐기는 것이 개인의 스트레스 수준을 관리하는 데 도움이 될 수 있습니다. 한 대학의 연구 결과에서 주 4일 근무하는 직원들이 더 나은 워크-라이프 균형을 가지고 대체로 더 행복하며, 흥미롭게도 이들이 충분히 휴식을 취할 때 더 높은 업무 효율성을 보인다고 합니다.
결론적으로, 현대 사회는 개인들의 스트레스 수준을 증가시키는 불가피한 상황들이 많습니다. 하지만 충분한 휴식 시간을 확보하면 이런 압박의 부정적인 영향을 크게 완화시킬 수 있습니다.
Good expressions:
1. 'undeniable fact': 부인할 수 없는 사실
2. 'escalating rates': 급증하는 비율
3. 'continually evolving work environment': 지속적으로 변화하는 업무 환경
4. 'all-round performers': 다방면의 편을 가진 연주자들
5. 'work-life balance': 워크-라이프 균형
6. 'mitigate the negative impact': 부정적인 영향을 완화시키다.
제출한 라이팅
It is true that an increasing number of people say they get more stressed out by modern society.
While this is a serious problem, it can be resolved by appropriate relaxation.
The main cause of getting people to feel stressed is that they are required to handle more diverse situations than in the past which means that they should become more competent.
Contemporary businesses need a well-rounded worker who has a problem-solving ability to deal with any issue properly, and it has led job applicants to not only competing more for relatively stable positions on the labor market, but it also made people in work more nervous under the pressure of self development.
A survey has shown that most employees working for companies continued to study for promotion or adjustment to new work environments after graduation of college due to having better competition in a particular area.
However, there are solutions to this problem.
One of ways to escape from excessive stress is to relax ourselves during the off-time.
When we usually have time to take a rest, we can control our tempers and stress by do nothing at home and taking hobbies with close aquaintances.
it allows working people to distract themselves from assigned tasks which helps relieve stress effectively.
According to a research performed by a university, people who worked 4 ouf of a week felt happier and more satisfied with the balance between work and leisure than those who did their work during 6 days a week. Even the latter group showed higher work effieciency after enough relaxing time.
To sum up, it is clear that people living in today's high-tech society feel stressed more,
Nevertheless, this issue can be resolved with enough off-time.
While this is a serious problem, it can be resolved by appropriate relaxation.
The main cause of getting people to feel stressed is that they are required to handle more diverse situations than in the past which means that they should become more competent.
Contemporary businesses need a well-rounded worker who has a problem-solving ability to deal with any issue properly, and it has led job applicants to not only competing more for relatively stable positions on the labor market, but it also made people in work more nervous under the pressure of self development.
A survey has shown that most employees working for companies continued to study for promotion or adjustment to new work environments after graduation of college due to having better competition in a particular area.
However, there are solutions to this problem.
One of ways to escape from excessive stress is to relax ourselves during the off-time.
When we usually have time to take a rest, we can control our tempers and stress by do nothing at home and taking hobbies with close aquaintances.
it allows working people to distract themselves from assigned tasks which helps relieve stress effectively.
According to a research performed by a university, people who worked 4 ouf of a week felt happier and more satisfied with the balance between work and leisure than those who did their work during 6 days a week. Even the latter group showed higher work effieciency after enough relaxing time.
To sum up, it is clear that people living in today's high-tech society feel stressed more,
Nevertheless, this issue can be resolved with enough off-time.
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