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모범답안 5-8월호 출시
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  • Opinion

Nowadays, most countries can improve the standard of living through economic development, but some social values are lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of this phenomenon outweigh the disadvantages?

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    Evaluation

    Task Response: 7
    The essay effectively addresses the task, providing a clear position that the positive effects of economic development outweigh the negative impacts. While there is clear discussion on both sides of the argument, more specific examples to support arguments would improve the score.

    Coherence & Cohesion: 7
    The author provides a logical progression of ideas and thoughts with some clear paragraphing and linking words, making their argument easy to follow. However, the connection between some ideas within paragraphs could be smoother and more cohesive.

    Lexical Resource: 7
    The candidate shows a good command of idiomatic expressions and a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. Some sentences show an impressive level of complexity and nuance in meaning.

    Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 7
    The essay shows a good range of complex structure and sentence variety. However, there are a few small errors, but these do not hinder communication. More accurate usage of grammatical structures could improve the score.

    Overall: 7
    The essay, overall, provides a coherent and relevant discussion of the topic, demonstrating a good command of the English language across all four criteria. There's room for improvement in terms of providing more specific examples, refining grammatical accuracy, and strengthening cohesive devices.
    스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
    Nowadays, most countries can improve the standard of living through economic development, but some social values are lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of this phenomenon outweigh the disadvantages?
    Essay:
    Balancing economic progress and cultural heritage preservation is a dilemma that confronts many countries today. The fundamental question is whether the benefits of economic advancement outweigh the cultural casualties that may ensue. Despite certain drawbacks, I contend that economic growth is more beneficial.

    Undoubtedly, cultural identity is sometimes compromised in the process of economic development. Changes in infrastructure, along with other transformations, can lead to a loss of diversity, as cities worldwide take on more homogenous appearances. For instance, global metropolises like New York, London, and Sydney now have more similarities than differences, thereby diminishing the richness and variety of world cultures.

    Nevertheless, the advantages of economic progression are significant. A thriving economy can foster stronger international relationships, thereby benefiting the nation as a whole. Moreover, as people's living standards improve, interest in cultural preservation might actually increase, providing a counterpoint to the homogenization argument. Therefore, the concern for economic development should take precedence.

    In conclusion, while cultural heritage is important, we must not hinder our present progress for the sake of past values. Thus, focusing more on current economic growth should be the priority for nations.

    Word count: 200 words

    Essay translated in Korean:
    경제적 발전과 문화적 유산 보존 사이의 균형은 오늘날 많은 국가들이 직면하고 있는 딜레마다. 기본적인 문제는 경제적 발전의 이점이 발생할 수 있는 문화적 손실을 상쇄하는지 여부입니다. 특정한 불이익에도 불구하고, 나는 경제 성장이 더 이로운 것이라 주장하고자 합니다.

    의심의 여지 없이, 문화 정체성은 때때로 경제 발전의 과정에서 타협될 수 있습니다. 인프라변화 등과 같은 변화로 인해 세계 도시들이 더욱 닮아가면서 다양성을 잃을 수 있습니다. 예를 들어, 뉴욕, 런던, 시드니와 같은 전세계 대도시들은 이제 차이보다 공통점이 더 많이지어, 세계 문화의 풍부함과 다양성을 줄였습니다.

    그렇지만, 경제전도의 이점은 상당하다. 번창하는 경제는 더 강력한 국제 관계를 촉진할 수 있어, 국가 전체에 이익을 줍니다. 또한, 사람들의 생활 수준이 개선됨에 따라 문화 보존에 대한 관심이 사실상 증가할 가능성이 있습니다. 따라서, 경제 발전에 대한 관심이 우선해야 확인니다.

    결론적으로, 문화유산은 중요하지만, 우리는 과거의 가치를 위해 현재의 진보를 방해해서는 안됩니다. 따라서, 국가들은 현재의 경제 성장에 더욱 집중해야 했다.

    Good expressions:
    1. Balancing economic progress and cultural heritage - 경제적 발전과 문화적 유산 사이의 균형
    2. Compromised in the process of economic development - 경제 발전의 과정에서 타협됨
    3. Foster stronger international relationships - 더 강력한 국제 관계를 촉진하다
    4. Interest in cultural preservation might actually increase - 문화 보존에 대한 관심이 사실상 증가할 가능성이 있다
    5. For the sake of past values - 과거의 가치를 위해.
    제출한 라이팅
    The debate on weighing the importance of developing economy and preserving cultures is ongoing. Some argue that economic development cause destruction of original social values. However, I strongly insist that the positive effects of development are greater than its negative impacts.

    It can be said that governments’ first priority should be preventing the loss of their traditional cultures. As nations go through a rapid economic development, it is inevitable to change people’s unique lifestyles since there will be a modification to the infrastructures. This modification leads to the standardized society. For example, these days, major cities around the world, such as New York, London, Sydney, or Seoul look similar unlike centuries ago. Therefore, it can reduce variety of social values of the world.

    On the other hand, improving the living standard through economic development has a lot of benefits both to citizens and countries. First of all, as nation’s economy gets stronger, building an international relationship with other parts of the world will be easier. This can bring greater benefits to the country. Moreover, for people, as the living standard increase, their attention to preserving social values, or promoting their cultures to others might also increase. Hence, economic development is more important.

    In conclusion, the important thing is the present, not the past. Hence, I claim that nations’ should concentrate more on current growing of their countries, not protecting cultural significance.

    공유

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