아이엘츠 라이팅 AI 첨삭
- Problem and Solution
When a country gets richer, cities often benefit more than the countryside. When a country gets richer, cities often benefit more than the countryside.
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 6
The essay overall does respond to the topic by describing some of the problems related to a country becoming richer and focusing benefits on cities. However, the task missing the discussion of solutions in greater detail.
Coherence & Cohesion: 5.5
The essay's paragraphs are connected to each other and it follows a logical progression of ideas. However, there are few issues with connective words and certain sentences seem disjointed or unclear.
Lexical Resource: 6
The vocabulary exhibits a good range and usage of relevant phrases and terms like 'inflation', 'overheats competitions', 'subsidizing the young'. However, there are certain word choices and phrases that are not suitable for an academic context.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 5.5
There are notable grammatical mistakes throughout the essay and several sentences lack proper structure. The student has tried using different sentence structures but often with errors.
Overall: 5.8
Task Response: 6
The essay overall does respond to the topic by describing some of the problems related to a country becoming richer and focusing benefits on cities. However, the task missing the discussion of solutions in greater detail.
Coherence & Cohesion: 5.5
The essay's paragraphs are connected to each other and it follows a logical progression of ideas. However, there are few issues with connective words and certain sentences seem disjointed or unclear.
Lexical Resource: 6
The vocabulary exhibits a good range and usage of relevant phrases and terms like 'inflation', 'overheats competitions', 'subsidizing the young'. However, there are certain word choices and phrases that are not suitable for an academic context.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 5.5
There are notable grammatical mistakes throughout the essay and several sentences lack proper structure. The student has tried using different sentence structures but often with errors.
Overall: 5.8
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
When a country gets richer, cities often benefit more than the countryside. When a country gets richer, cities often benefit more than the countryside.
Essay:
As a country's wealth increases, a disparity often emerges between its cities and rural areas. This disparity is frequently portrayed as cities reaping considerably more benefits, resulting in a notable concentration of a nation's population within these urban territories. This urban bias often gives rise to a host of issues, which if effectively addressed, could result in a more equitable distribution of resources and an improved standard of living for all.
In cities, despite the advantages such as advanced infrastructure and a myriad of facilities, living conditions are not devoid of challenges. The influx of people exacerbates issues of crime as higher population densities often correspond to higher crime rates. Moreover, the inflation experienced in cities due to increased demand makes the cost of living, particularly housing, relatively higher, creating financial stress for many. Job seekers also face stiff competition because job opportunities do not commensurate with the population influx.
To correction these urban-rural disparities, the administration has to focus more on developing rural areas. Countryside regions often lack essential utilities such as hospitals and libraries, and by extending these facilities, the government can create a more comfortable living environment for rural inhabitants. Furthermore, providing subsidies to the youth who choose to reside in rural areas can deter the migration of young families to cities, thereby curbing the urbanization rate.
In summation, although cities typically benefit more as a country becomes wealthier, the government can help bridge the urban-rural divide by improving conditions in rural areas and encouraging young families to remain there.
Word count: 262
Essay translated in Korean:
나라의 부가 증가하면 그 도시와 시골 사이에는 종종 차이가 나타납니다. 이 차이는 대개 도시가 훨씬 더 많은 혜택을 누리며, 이로 인해 국가 인구의 상당 부분이 이러한 도시로 집중되는 형태로 그려지곤 합니다. 이러한 도시 편중 현상은 많은 문제를 야기하며, 이를 효과적으로 해결하면 자원의 고르게 분배와 모두에게 향상된 생활 수준이 가능해질 것입니다.
도시에서는 발전된 인프라와 많은 시설 등의 이점에도 불구하고, 생활 조건에는 도전이 따릅니다. 수 많은 사람들이 몰리면서 범죄 문제는 악화되며, 인구 밀도가 높을수록 범죄율이 높아집니다. 또한, 고요 주민들만큼 일자리 그렇지 않을 수 있는데, 이로인해 직업을 찾는 사람들은 경쟁에 직면하게 됩니다.
이러한 도시와 시골의 차이를 바로 잡기 위해서는 정부가 농촌 지역 발전에 더 집중해야 합니다. 시골 지역에는 병원이나 도서관 같은 핵심 시설이 부족하대, 이러한 시설을 확대함으로써 정부는 농촌 거주자들이 더 편안하게 생활할 수 있게 만들 수 있다. 또한, 시골에 거주를 선택하는 젊은이들에게 보조금을 제공함으로써 젊은 가족들이 도시로 이동하는 것을 방지하고, 도시화율을 억제하는데 도움이 될 수 있다.
결론적으로, 나라가 부유해지면서 일반적으로 도시가 더 많은 이익을 보지만, 정부는 시골 지역의 조건을 개선하고 젊은 가정들이 그곳에 정착하도록 독려함으로써 도시-시골 간 격차를 줄일 수 있다.
Good expressions:
1. disparity often emerges [차이가 종종 나타납니다]
2. myriad of facilities [수 많은 시설]
3. exacerbates issues of crime [범죄 문제를 악화시킵니다]
4. stiff competition [격렬한 경쟁]
5. extending these facilities [이러한 시설을 확대함]
6. encourage young families to remain there [젊은 가정들이 그곳에 머무르도록 장려하다]
As a country's wealth increases, a disparity often emerges between its cities and rural areas. This disparity is frequently portrayed as cities reaping considerably more benefits, resulting in a notable concentration of a nation's population within these urban territories. This urban bias often gives rise to a host of issues, which if effectively addressed, could result in a more equitable distribution of resources and an improved standard of living for all.
In cities, despite the advantages such as advanced infrastructure and a myriad of facilities, living conditions are not devoid of challenges. The influx of people exacerbates issues of crime as higher population densities often correspond to higher crime rates. Moreover, the inflation experienced in cities due to increased demand makes the cost of living, particularly housing, relatively higher, creating financial stress for many. Job seekers also face stiff competition because job opportunities do not commensurate with the population influx.
To correction these urban-rural disparities, the administration has to focus more on developing rural areas. Countryside regions often lack essential utilities such as hospitals and libraries, and by extending these facilities, the government can create a more comfortable living environment for rural inhabitants. Furthermore, providing subsidies to the youth who choose to reside in rural areas can deter the migration of young families to cities, thereby curbing the urbanization rate.
In summation, although cities typically benefit more as a country becomes wealthier, the government can help bridge the urban-rural divide by improving conditions in rural areas and encouraging young families to remain there.
Word count: 262
Essay translated in Korean:
나라의 부가 증가하면 그 도시와 시골 사이에는 종종 차이가 나타납니다. 이 차이는 대개 도시가 훨씬 더 많은 혜택을 누리며, 이로 인해 국가 인구의 상당 부분이 이러한 도시로 집중되는 형태로 그려지곤 합니다. 이러한 도시 편중 현상은 많은 문제를 야기하며, 이를 효과적으로 해결하면 자원의 고르게 분배와 모두에게 향상된 생활 수준이 가능해질 것입니다.
도시에서는 발전된 인프라와 많은 시설 등의 이점에도 불구하고, 생활 조건에는 도전이 따릅니다. 수 많은 사람들이 몰리면서 범죄 문제는 악화되며, 인구 밀도가 높을수록 범죄율이 높아집니다. 또한, 고요 주민들만큼 일자리 그렇지 않을 수 있는데, 이로인해 직업을 찾는 사람들은 경쟁에 직면하게 됩니다.
이러한 도시와 시골의 차이를 바로 잡기 위해서는 정부가 농촌 지역 발전에 더 집중해야 합니다. 시골 지역에는 병원이나 도서관 같은 핵심 시설이 부족하대, 이러한 시설을 확대함으로써 정부는 농촌 거주자들이 더 편안하게 생활할 수 있게 만들 수 있다. 또한, 시골에 거주를 선택하는 젊은이들에게 보조금을 제공함으로써 젊은 가족들이 도시로 이동하는 것을 방지하고, 도시화율을 억제하는데 도움이 될 수 있다.
결론적으로, 나라가 부유해지면서 일반적으로 도시가 더 많은 이익을 보지만, 정부는 시골 지역의 조건을 개선하고 젊은 가정들이 그곳에 정착하도록 독려함으로써 도시-시골 간 격차를 줄일 수 있다.
Good expressions:
1. disparity often emerges [차이가 종종 나타납니다]
2. myriad of facilities [수 많은 시설]
3. exacerbates issues of crime [범죄 문제를 악화시킵니다]
4. stiff competition [격렬한 경쟁]
5. extending these facilities [이러한 시설을 확대함]
6. encourage young families to remain there [젊은 가정들이 그곳에 머무르도록 장려하다]
제출한 라이팅
The gap between urban and rural are getting increase even country have a lot of money, since only cities have more benefits, the population of nation focus on cities. These situation causes several issues. However, if government makes facilities and support people who live in countryside, problems would be solved.
Living in cities has a lot of advantages because of their facilities and infrastructures, but there are still some troubles. The citizens would be exposed to many crimes because the more people in cities, the more crime can happen. In addition, as the population of cities is higher, inflation of them also increases and it makes it difficult to buy a house because of the price. Also a job seeker should highly competitive because there are not enough job for a high population.
In order to solve these problems, governments have to disperse the population by making facilities for the countryside. In the countryside, they do not have enough essential facilities such as hospitals and libraries. Therefore, the nation makes an effort for making infrastructures that would help country people live comfortably. Giving subsidies for young people who stay rural also could relieve the problems that many young families move to big cities. If the government supports the young, they could easily settle down countryside and do not feel the need to moving.
In conclusion, because of the local gap, populations of countries focus on main cities and this phenomena overheats competitions between job seekers and causes a lot of crimes. However, I think the government is trying to spread the population out by making facilities for public profits in the country and subsidizing the young who live in the countryside.
Living in cities has a lot of advantages because of their facilities and infrastructures, but there are still some troubles. The citizens would be exposed to many crimes because the more people in cities, the more crime can happen. In addition, as the population of cities is higher, inflation of them also increases and it makes it difficult to buy a house because of the price. Also a job seeker should highly competitive because there are not enough job for a high population.
In order to solve these problems, governments have to disperse the population by making facilities for the countryside. In the countryside, they do not have enough essential facilities such as hospitals and libraries. Therefore, the nation makes an effort for making infrastructures that would help country people live comfortably. Giving subsidies for young people who stay rural also could relieve the problems that many young families move to big cities. If the government supports the young, they could easily settle down countryside and do not feel the need to moving.
In conclusion, because of the local gap, populations of countries focus on main cities and this phenomena overheats competitions between job seekers and causes a lot of crimes. However, I think the government is trying to spread the population out by making facilities for public profits in the country and subsidizing the young who live in the countryside.
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