AI IELTS Writing AI Correction
- Etc
The pie charts below compare water usage in San Diego, California and the rest of the world.
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 7.5
The essay appropriately addresses the task, directly comparing the data given in the pie charts and referring to differences and similarities. The write-up lacks some detail to support ideas that could have been explored further.
Coherence & Cohesion: 8
The paragraphs are well organized with a clear structure and logical progression. The use of cohesive devices such as 'by contrast' and 'while' are used effectively to lay out comparisons.
Lexical Resource: 8
Good range of vocabulary is used ('massive', 'mere', 'expenditure', etc.), with varied ways of expressing percentage information consistently and correctly. There is good use of language of comparison.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 8
High level of grammatical control is evident. There are no noticeable errors that interfere with readability. The use of complex structures like passive forms and conditionals are implemented effectively.
Overall: 7.9
The student demonstrates a good grasp of the task and shows good writing skills regarding organization, vocabulary, and grammar. However, for a higher score, the student should focus on providing more detailed explanations and interpretations of the data points.
Task Response: 7.5
The essay appropriately addresses the task, directly comparing the data given in the pie charts and referring to differences and similarities. The write-up lacks some detail to support ideas that could have been explored further.
Coherence & Cohesion: 8
The paragraphs are well organized with a clear structure and logical progression. The use of cohesive devices such as 'by contrast' and 'while' are used effectively to lay out comparisons.
Lexical Resource: 8
Good range of vocabulary is used ('massive', 'mere', 'expenditure', etc.), with varied ways of expressing percentage information consistently and correctly. There is good use of language of comparison.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 8
High level of grammatical control is evident. There are no noticeable errors that interfere with readability. The use of complex structures like passive forms and conditionals are implemented effectively.
Overall: 7.9
The student demonstrates a good grasp of the task and shows good writing skills regarding organization, vocabulary, and grammar. However, for a higher score, the student should focus on providing more detailed explanations and interpretations of the data points.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
The pie charts below compare water usage in San Diego, California and the rest of the world.
Essay:
The pie charts illustrate the disparities in water consumption for household, agricultural, and industrial purposes in both San Diego County, California and globally. These variances are particularly pronounced between residential and agricultural usage.
In San Diego County and the broader state of California, the proportion of water designated for residential usage reaches 60% and 39% respectively, which is significantly higher compared to a mere 8% on a global scale. Conversely, agricultural consumption presents a stark contrast. Globally, agriculture is the primary consumer of water, representing a staggering 69% of total usage, whereas in San Diego and California, it takes up just 17% and 28% respectively.
Turning to industrial usage, the pie charts exhibit less pronounced differences. Globally and in San Diego, 23% of total water consumption is designated for industrial purposes. Meanwhile, in California, industrial water use surges to a third of the state’s total water resources, indicating a 10% increase compared to San Diego and the rest of the world.
In conclusion, while residential water use in San Diego and California significantly outpaces that of the larger global average, the inverse is true for agricultural demand. Industrial usage, however, demonstrates less variability across the regions.
Word count: 205
Essay translated in Korean:
파이 차트는 샌디에이고 카운티, 캘리포니아, 그리고 전 세계적으로 가정용, 농업용, 산업용 물 사용에 있어 두드러진 차이점을 보여준다. 이 차이점은 특히 주거용과 농업용 사이에서 두드러진다.
샌디에이고 카운티와 캘리포니아 주에서 가정용 물 사용량은 각각 60%, 39%로 전 세계 평균 8% 대비 크게 높다. 반면에 농업용 물 사용은 선명한 대조를 보이는데, 전 세계에서 농업은 물 사용의 주요 소비자로, 전체 사용량의 69%를 차지한다. 반면, 샌디에이고와 캘리포니아에서는 각각 17%, 28%로 불과하다.
산업용 물 사용을 보면, 파이 차트는 그렇게 큰 차이를 보이지 않는다. 세계적으로, 그리고 샌디에이고에서는 산업용 물 사용이 전체 사용량의 23%를 차지한다. 한편, 캘리포니아에서는 산업용 물 사용량이 주의 총 물 자원의 3분의 1로 증가하여, 샌디에이고와 나머지 세계에 비해 10% 증가한다.
결론적으로, 샌디에이고와 캘리포니아의 주거용 물 사용량은 전 세계 평균보다 크게 앞서지만, 농업용 물 수요에 대해서는 그 반대의 경우이다. 그러나 산업용 물 사용량은 지역 간에 그렇게 많은 증가를 보이지 않는다.
Good expressions:
1. "illustrate the disparities" - 차이점을 보여준다.
2. "significantly higher compared" - 대비해 크게 높다.
3. "presents a stark contrast" - 선명한 대조를 보이다.
4. "turning to" - ...로 방향을 돌리다
5. "surges to a third" - 3분의 1로 증가하다.
6. "outpaces that of" - ...보다 앞서다.
The pie charts illustrate the disparities in water consumption for household, agricultural, and industrial purposes in both San Diego County, California and globally. These variances are particularly pronounced between residential and agricultural usage.
In San Diego County and the broader state of California, the proportion of water designated for residential usage reaches 60% and 39% respectively, which is significantly higher compared to a mere 8% on a global scale. Conversely, agricultural consumption presents a stark contrast. Globally, agriculture is the primary consumer of water, representing a staggering 69% of total usage, whereas in San Diego and California, it takes up just 17% and 28% respectively.
Turning to industrial usage, the pie charts exhibit less pronounced differences. Globally and in San Diego, 23% of total water consumption is designated for industrial purposes. Meanwhile, in California, industrial water use surges to a third of the state’s total water resources, indicating a 10% increase compared to San Diego and the rest of the world.
In conclusion, while residential water use in San Diego and California significantly outpaces that of the larger global average, the inverse is true for agricultural demand. Industrial usage, however, demonstrates less variability across the regions.
Word count: 205
Essay translated in Korean:
파이 차트는 샌디에이고 카운티, 캘리포니아, 그리고 전 세계적으로 가정용, 농업용, 산업용 물 사용에 있어 두드러진 차이점을 보여준다. 이 차이점은 특히 주거용과 농업용 사이에서 두드러진다.
샌디에이고 카운티와 캘리포니아 주에서 가정용 물 사용량은 각각 60%, 39%로 전 세계 평균 8% 대비 크게 높다. 반면에 농업용 물 사용은 선명한 대조를 보이는데, 전 세계에서 농업은 물 사용의 주요 소비자로, 전체 사용량의 69%를 차지한다. 반면, 샌디에이고와 캘리포니아에서는 각각 17%, 28%로 불과하다.
산업용 물 사용을 보면, 파이 차트는 그렇게 큰 차이를 보이지 않는다. 세계적으로, 그리고 샌디에이고에서는 산업용 물 사용이 전체 사용량의 23%를 차지한다. 한편, 캘리포니아에서는 산업용 물 사용량이 주의 총 물 자원의 3분의 1로 증가하여, 샌디에이고와 나머지 세계에 비해 10% 증가한다.
결론적으로, 샌디에이고와 캘리포니아의 주거용 물 사용량은 전 세계 평균보다 크게 앞서지만, 농업용 물 수요에 대해서는 그 반대의 경우이다. 그러나 산업용 물 사용량은 지역 간에 그렇게 많은 증가를 보이지 않는다.
Good expressions:
1. "illustrate the disparities" - 차이점을 보여준다.
2. "significantly higher compared" - 대비해 크게 높다.
3. "presents a stark contrast" - 선명한 대조를 보이다.
4. "turning to" - ...로 방향을 돌리다
5. "surges to a third" - 3분의 1로 증가하다.
6. "outpaces that of" - ...보다 앞서다.
제출한 라이팅
The pie charts give information about the water used for household, industrial and agricultural purposes in San Diego County, California, and the world as a whole. It is noticeable that more water is consumed by industry or farming in the two American regions. By contrast, production of food accounts for the vast majority of water used worldwide.
In San Diego Country and California state, residential water consumption accounts for 60% and 39% of total water usage. By contrast, a mere 8 percent of the water used globally goes to homes. The opposite trend can be seen when we look at water consumption for agriculture. This accounts for a massive 69 percent of global water use, but only 17 percent and 28 percent of water usage in San Diego and California respectively. Such dramatic differences are not seen when we compare the figures for industrial water use. The same proportion of water (23%) is used by industry in San Diego and worldwide, while the figure for California is 10% higher, at one third of the state's total water expenditure.
In San Diego Country and California state, residential water consumption accounts for 60% and 39% of total water usage. By contrast, a mere 8 percent of the water used globally goes to homes. The opposite trend can be seen when we look at water consumption for agriculture. This accounts for a massive 69 percent of global water use, but only 17 percent and 28 percent of water usage in San Diego and California respectively. Such dramatic differences are not seen when we compare the figures for industrial water use. The same proportion of water (23%) is used by industry in San Diego and worldwide, while the figure for California is 10% higher, at one third of the state's total water expenditure.
공유
back to list 😎
