AI IELTS Writing AI Correction
- Discussion
Some people say that playing computer games is bad for children in every aspect. Others say that playing computer games can have positive effects on the way children develop.
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 6
The student answers the question but their position is not always clear. The second paragraph seems to side with the positive effects of playing games but then the rest of the essay focus on its negative effects.
Coherence & Cohesion: 6
The essay is organized around main ideas, but some of the ideas are not well-linked, which interrupts the flow of the essay. Transitions such as 'however' and 'therefore' are used appropriately but sometimes the sentences are not logically connected.
Lexical Resource: 6
A wide variety of words are used, but there are instances of incorrect usage. Overuse of words such as 'children' and 'games' was noted, and could have been replaced with pronouns or synonyms for variety.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 5
While a range of structures are used, there are many grammatical errors throughout the essay. Examples of this are ‘computer games can influenced badly to children’ and 'far more demerits than merits'. The misuse of 'the' and plural forms was also noted.
Overall: 6
This band score suggests that the writer shows competence yet struggles with errors and issues of clarity. Further improvement in grammar and more accurate representation of ideas is necessary to achieve a higher score.
Task Response: 6
The student answers the question but their position is not always clear. The second paragraph seems to side with the positive effects of playing games but then the rest of the essay focus on its negative effects.
Coherence & Cohesion: 6
The essay is organized around main ideas, but some of the ideas are not well-linked, which interrupts the flow of the essay. Transitions such as 'however' and 'therefore' are used appropriately but sometimes the sentences are not logically connected.
Lexical Resource: 6
A wide variety of words are used, but there are instances of incorrect usage. Overuse of words such as 'children' and 'games' was noted, and could have been replaced with pronouns or synonyms for variety.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 5
While a range of structures are used, there are many grammatical errors throughout the essay. Examples of this are ‘computer games can influenced badly to children’ and 'far more demerits than merits'. The misuse of 'the' and plural forms was also noted.
Overall: 6
This band score suggests that the writer shows competence yet struggles with errors and issues of clarity. Further improvement in grammar and more accurate representation of ideas is necessary to achieve a higher score.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Some people say that playing computer games is bad for children in every aspect. Others say that playing computer games can have positive effects on the way children develop.
Essay:
There is a perennial debate on the impacts of video gaming on children’s development. While some argue it poses threats to their overall growth, others counter argue that it could potentially benefit a child's development.
Many attest to the benefits of gaming, claiming it provides children with a healthy avenue for stress relief and a sense of achievement. By overcoming challenging levels in a game, children can feel a sense of accomplishment which may help alleviate stress, especially from academic pressure. For example, rewarding young children with game-play upon the completion of their chores or homework could encourage them to perform more efficiently.
On the contrary, the potential harm stemming from video games cannot be overlooked. Children and young adolescents can easily become addicted to gaming, owing to their limited ability for self-control. This addiction can lead to a series of issues such as social isolation, poor academic performance and trouble adapting to daily life routines. Various studies have suggested a correlation between gaming addiction and students’ inability to adjust to school life.
In conclusion, though some aspects of gaming might boost children's morale and reduce stress, the negative consequences such as potential addiction far outweigh these benefits.
Word count: 209
Essay translated in Korean:
비디오 게임이 어린이의 발달에 미치는 영향에 대한 끊임없는 논쟁이 있다. 어떤사람들은 그것이 그들의 전반적인 성장에 위협을 불러일으키는 반면, 다른 사람들은 그것이 아이들의 개발을 수익하게 할 수 있다고 반박 주장한다.
게임이 스트레스 해소와 성취감을 제공한다는 많은 장점을 주장하는 사람들이 있다. 게임의 어려운 레벨을 극복함으로써, 아이들은 특히 학업 압력으로부터 스트레스를 해소하는데 도움이 되는 성취감을 느낄 수 있다. 예를 들어, 아이들에게 수행이나 숙제 완료 후 게임을 보상으로 제공하면 그들이 더 효율적으로 행동하도록 할 수 있다.
그러나, 비디오 게임으로 인한 잠재적인 해를 간과해서는 안된다. 어린이와 청소년들은 자제력이 제한적이기 때문에 쉽게 게임에 중독될 수 있다. 이러한 중독은 사회적 고립, 학업 성적 하락, 일상 생활에 적응하는 능력 저하 등 일련의 문제를 일으킬 수 있다. 여러 연구에서는 학교 생활에 적응하지 못하는 학생들과 게임 중독 사이에 상관 관계가 있다고 제안하고 있다.
결론적으로, 게임의 일부 측면이 아이들의 사기를 향상시키고 스트레스를 줄일 수 있지만, 잠재적인 중독과 같은 부정적인 결과가 이러한 이점을 훨씬 초과한다.
Good expressions:
1. "perennial debate" - 오래된 논쟁
2. "academic pressure" - 학업 압력
3. "limited ability for self-control" - 자제력이 제한적인 능력
4. "series of issues" - 일련의 문제
5. "correlation between...and" - ...사이의 상관관계
6. "far outweigh these benefits" - 이러한 이점을 훨씬 초과한다.
There is a perennial debate on the impacts of video gaming on children’s development. While some argue it poses threats to their overall growth, others counter argue that it could potentially benefit a child's development.
Many attest to the benefits of gaming, claiming it provides children with a healthy avenue for stress relief and a sense of achievement. By overcoming challenging levels in a game, children can feel a sense of accomplishment which may help alleviate stress, especially from academic pressure. For example, rewarding young children with game-play upon the completion of their chores or homework could encourage them to perform more efficiently.
On the contrary, the potential harm stemming from video games cannot be overlooked. Children and young adolescents can easily become addicted to gaming, owing to their limited ability for self-control. This addiction can lead to a series of issues such as social isolation, poor academic performance and trouble adapting to daily life routines. Various studies have suggested a correlation between gaming addiction and students’ inability to adjust to school life.
In conclusion, though some aspects of gaming might boost children's morale and reduce stress, the negative consequences such as potential addiction far outweigh these benefits.
Word count: 209
Essay translated in Korean:
비디오 게임이 어린이의 발달에 미치는 영향에 대한 끊임없는 논쟁이 있다. 어떤사람들은 그것이 그들의 전반적인 성장에 위협을 불러일으키는 반면, 다른 사람들은 그것이 아이들의 개발을 수익하게 할 수 있다고 반박 주장한다.
게임이 스트레스 해소와 성취감을 제공한다는 많은 장점을 주장하는 사람들이 있다. 게임의 어려운 레벨을 극복함으로써, 아이들은 특히 학업 압력으로부터 스트레스를 해소하는데 도움이 되는 성취감을 느낄 수 있다. 예를 들어, 아이들에게 수행이나 숙제 완료 후 게임을 보상으로 제공하면 그들이 더 효율적으로 행동하도록 할 수 있다.
그러나, 비디오 게임으로 인한 잠재적인 해를 간과해서는 안된다. 어린이와 청소년들은 자제력이 제한적이기 때문에 쉽게 게임에 중독될 수 있다. 이러한 중독은 사회적 고립, 학업 성적 하락, 일상 생활에 적응하는 능력 저하 등 일련의 문제를 일으킬 수 있다. 여러 연구에서는 학교 생활에 적응하지 못하는 학생들과 게임 중독 사이에 상관 관계가 있다고 제안하고 있다.
결론적으로, 게임의 일부 측면이 아이들의 사기를 향상시키고 스트레스를 줄일 수 있지만, 잠재적인 중독과 같은 부정적인 결과가 이러한 이점을 훨씬 초과한다.
Good expressions:
1. "perennial debate" - 오래된 논쟁
2. "academic pressure" - 학업 압력
3. "limited ability for self-control" - 자제력이 제한적인 능력
4. "series of issues" - 일련의 문제
5. "correlation between...and" - ...사이의 상관관계
6. "far outweigh these benefits" - 이러한 이점을 훨씬 초과한다.
제출한 라이팅
Some people believe that computer games can influenced badly to children in all the way, while other think it can give positives to children develop. Although playing computer games can help children development, I think that they have more disadvantages than advantages to children.
Many people believe that playing computer games are advantageous to children because they can make children relieve their stress and feel achievement. When the people clear the stage of the game, they can get an achievement and this situation is good to ease the stress to people. Therefore playing games is helpful to children faced with various problems such as study stress. For instance, If the young people get rewards like playing games, they can spend their free time happily, additionally they would finish their work efficiently.
However, I have many reasons to believe that, nowadays, playing games have far more demerits than merits. The adolescent who play computer game can be easily addict to play games because they are too young to self-control themselves, so it is really difficult to end games themselves. Additionally, if children are addicted to games, they have some problems about their school life such as relationships with friends, school records so it makes it impossible for children to adapt to their daily life. Some research shows that many students who can’t adjust school are normally game addicts.
In conclusion, playing computer games may have positives for some children in some part, but, in my opinion, its problems like game addiction that may bring to children is serious.
Many people believe that playing computer games are advantageous to children because they can make children relieve their stress and feel achievement. When the people clear the stage of the game, they can get an achievement and this situation is good to ease the stress to people. Therefore playing games is helpful to children faced with various problems such as study stress. For instance, If the young people get rewards like playing games, they can spend their free time happily, additionally they would finish their work efficiently.
However, I have many reasons to believe that, nowadays, playing games have far more demerits than merits. The adolescent who play computer game can be easily addict to play games because they are too young to self-control themselves, so it is really difficult to end games themselves. Additionally, if children are addicted to games, they have some problems about their school life such as relationships with friends, school records so it makes it impossible for children to adapt to their daily life. Some research shows that many students who can’t adjust school are normally game addicts.
In conclusion, playing computer games may have positives for some children in some part, but, in my opinion, its problems like game addiction that may bring to children is serious.
공유
back to list 😎
