AI IELTS Writing AI Correction
- Opinion
In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 7
The student has answered both components of the question, giving a clear position in favor of moving to the city for work. The argument is extensively supported by relevant examples.
Coherence & Cohesion: 6
The candidate has written a clear introduction, main body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the clarity of some sentences could be improved, and there are occasional non-cohesive links.
Lexical Resource: 6
A good range of vocabulary is used. However, some expressions are awkward or not used appropriately (e.g. "relish these systems", "progress individuals career").
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6
The essay shows a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. There are few grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement, wrong preposition use, and missing articles.
Overall: 6.25
The essay provided is satisfactory overall but has a few areas for improvement. With better cohesion in arguments, more accurate grammar usage, and more precise vocabulary usage, the score could be higher.
Task Response: 7
The student has answered both components of the question, giving a clear position in favor of moving to the city for work. The argument is extensively supported by relevant examples.
Coherence & Cohesion: 6
The candidate has written a clear introduction, main body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the clarity of some sentences could be improved, and there are occasional non-cohesive links.
Lexical Resource: 6
A good range of vocabulary is used. However, some expressions are awkward or not used appropriately (e.g. "relish these systems", "progress individuals career").
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6
The essay shows a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. There are few grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement, wrong preposition use, and missing articles.
Overall: 6.25
The essay provided is satisfactory overall but has a few areas for improvement. With better cohesion in arguments, more accurate grammar usage, and more precise vocabulary usage, the score could be higher.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
Essay:
In numerous nations today, the pursuit for employment often necessitates individuals to relocate away from their dear ones. Although this can induce significant personal sacrifices, I firmly believe that the advantages brought about by this trend outweigh the potential disadvantages.
An evident advantage to note is that many lucrative job opportunities are clustered within metropolitan cities. Owing to their well-structured facilities and comprehensive transportation networks, these regions have become a hub for countless businesses. As a consequence, numerous job vacancies arise, offering abundant choices to job-seekers. Evidence of this can be seen in South Korea, where the majority of my university cohorts migrated to the capital, Seoul, due to increased chances of landing an employment compared to their previous residences.
Moreover, these cities also offer great avenues for individuals to bolster their career paths. Many established corporations based in cities often conduct various events and provide opportunities such as internships and office tours. This then allows individuals to gain invaluable insights about the work environment and job roles prior to making any commitments. A friend of mine who had partaken in various internships at these corporations is testament to this, as he eventually secured a job offer from one of these companies.
In conclusion, despite the emotional burden that comes with leaving behind loved ones, the increased job opportunities and career growth prospects make moving to larger cities a beneficial decision for job-seekers.
Word count: 261
Essay translated in Korean:
오늘날 많은 국가에서는 일자리를 찾기 위해 사람들이 자신의 친한 사람들로부터 멀리 이사 가야하는 경우가 많습니다. 이는 중요한 개인적 희생을 초래할 수 있지만, 이런 추세에 따른 장점이 이러한 잠재적 단점을 상당히 상쇄한다고 확신합니다.
분명한 장점 중 하나는 많은 일자리 기회가 도시에 집중되어 있다는 것입니다. 이러한 지역은 잘 구축된 시설과 포괄적인 교통망 때문에 무수히 많은 사업체들의 중심지가 되었습니다. 그 결과로, 수많은 일자리가 생겨남으로써 취직자에게 선택의 폭을 넓힙니다. 이는 대부분의 대학 동기들이 일자리를 찾는 기회가 늘어나도록 서울로 이사간 남한에서 볼 수 있습니다.
또한, 이러한 도시는 사람들이 자신의 경력을 키울 수 있는 훌륭한 기회를 제공합니다. 도시에 기반을 둔 많은 대기업들은 다양한 행사를 개최하고 인턴십이나 사무실 견학과 같은 기회를 제공합니다. 이는 개인이 어떤 약속을 하기 전에 일터 환경과 직무 역할에 대해 귀중한 정보를 얻을 수 있게 합니다. 이러한 기업들에서 다양한 인턴십에 참여한 친구 한 명이 결국 이러한 회사 중 하나로부터 직장 제안을 받았다는 사실이 증거입니다.
결론적으로, 사랑하는 사람들을 뒤로 두고 가는 감정적 부담에도 불구하고, 증가된 일자리 기회와 경력 성장 전망을 고려할 때, 취직자들에게는 큰 도시로 이동하는 것이 유익한 결정이 됩니다.
Good expressions:
1. Emotional burden - 감정적 부담
2. Invaluable insights - 귀중한 통찰력
3. Lucrative job opportunities - 이윤을 내는 일자리 기회
4. Comprehensive transportation networks - 포괄적인 교통망
5. Personal sacrifices - 개인적 희생
6. Clustered within metropolitan cities - 대도시 내에 집중되다
7. Avenues for individuals - 개인에 대한 통로
8. Prior to making any commitments - 어떠한 약속을 하기 전에
9. Career growth prospects - 경력 성장 전망
10. A beneficial decision - 유익한 결정
In numerous nations today, the pursuit for employment often necessitates individuals to relocate away from their dear ones. Although this can induce significant personal sacrifices, I firmly believe that the advantages brought about by this trend outweigh the potential disadvantages.
An evident advantage to note is that many lucrative job opportunities are clustered within metropolitan cities. Owing to their well-structured facilities and comprehensive transportation networks, these regions have become a hub for countless businesses. As a consequence, numerous job vacancies arise, offering abundant choices to job-seekers. Evidence of this can be seen in South Korea, where the majority of my university cohorts migrated to the capital, Seoul, due to increased chances of landing an employment compared to their previous residences.
Moreover, these cities also offer great avenues for individuals to bolster their career paths. Many established corporations based in cities often conduct various events and provide opportunities such as internships and office tours. This then allows individuals to gain invaluable insights about the work environment and job roles prior to making any commitments. A friend of mine who had partaken in various internships at these corporations is testament to this, as he eventually secured a job offer from one of these companies.
In conclusion, despite the emotional burden that comes with leaving behind loved ones, the increased job opportunities and career growth prospects make moving to larger cities a beneficial decision for job-seekers.
Word count: 261
Essay translated in Korean:
오늘날 많은 국가에서는 일자리를 찾기 위해 사람들이 자신의 친한 사람들로부터 멀리 이사 가야하는 경우가 많습니다. 이는 중요한 개인적 희생을 초래할 수 있지만, 이런 추세에 따른 장점이 이러한 잠재적 단점을 상당히 상쇄한다고 확신합니다.
분명한 장점 중 하나는 많은 일자리 기회가 도시에 집중되어 있다는 것입니다. 이러한 지역은 잘 구축된 시설과 포괄적인 교통망 때문에 무수히 많은 사업체들의 중심지가 되었습니다. 그 결과로, 수많은 일자리가 생겨남으로써 취직자에게 선택의 폭을 넓힙니다. 이는 대부분의 대학 동기들이 일자리를 찾는 기회가 늘어나도록 서울로 이사간 남한에서 볼 수 있습니다.
또한, 이러한 도시는 사람들이 자신의 경력을 키울 수 있는 훌륭한 기회를 제공합니다. 도시에 기반을 둔 많은 대기업들은 다양한 행사를 개최하고 인턴십이나 사무실 견학과 같은 기회를 제공합니다. 이는 개인이 어떤 약속을 하기 전에 일터 환경과 직무 역할에 대해 귀중한 정보를 얻을 수 있게 합니다. 이러한 기업들에서 다양한 인턴십에 참여한 친구 한 명이 결국 이러한 회사 중 하나로부터 직장 제안을 받았다는 사실이 증거입니다.
결론적으로, 사랑하는 사람들을 뒤로 두고 가는 감정적 부담에도 불구하고, 증가된 일자리 기회와 경력 성장 전망을 고려할 때, 취직자들에게는 큰 도시로 이동하는 것이 유익한 결정이 됩니다.
Good expressions:
1. Emotional burden - 감정적 부담
2. Invaluable insights - 귀중한 통찰력
3. Lucrative job opportunities - 이윤을 내는 일자리 기회
4. Comprehensive transportation networks - 포괄적인 교통망
5. Personal sacrifices - 개인적 희생
6. Clustered within metropolitan cities - 대도시 내에 집중되다
7. Avenues for individuals - 개인에 대한 통로
8. Prior to making any commitments - 어떠한 약속을 하기 전에
9. Career growth prospects - 경력 성장 전망
10. A beneficial decision - 유익한 결정
제출한 라이팅
It is often argued that people have to leave their friends and family when they want to get a job these days in many countries. I completely agree that this opinion and think that people who want to find work should move to a metropolis.
First of all, I strongly believe that there are most of companies are concentrated in some cities such as capital city and metropolitan cities. Due to well-organized facilities and extensive network of transportation, many business established on these cities to relish these systems. From this reason, there are numerous job opportunities in those cities. For example, 90% of my university friends moved to Seoul which is the capital city of South Korea to work. They could find their job easily compared to where they live. While, other friends who are living in their city could not find the vacant position in any companies. That is why, many individuals want to move to big cities even though they don’t want to leave their precious relationships.
Secondly, Some cities have opportunities about progress individuals career. To find intelligent and talented people, most of big companies which is located in big cities hold various kinds events and offer a chance for them like an internships and a tours of office. They give some advantages for job-seekers when they apply their companies. For instance, one of my friend attended heaps of companies internships. Then, he could experience big companies working systems and processes for a short times. After that, he finally got his job in one of those businesses. Thus, people who want to find their job should moved to main cities to get not only a job opportunities but also internships.
In conclusion, I totally believe that job-seekers should move to metropolis to get good results although friends and families leave other city because there are much more opportunities to find their jobs in those cities.
First of all, I strongly believe that there are most of companies are concentrated in some cities such as capital city and metropolitan cities. Due to well-organized facilities and extensive network of transportation, many business established on these cities to relish these systems. From this reason, there are numerous job opportunities in those cities. For example, 90% of my university friends moved to Seoul which is the capital city of South Korea to work. They could find their job easily compared to where they live. While, other friends who are living in their city could not find the vacant position in any companies. That is why, many individuals want to move to big cities even though they don’t want to leave their precious relationships.
Secondly, Some cities have opportunities about progress individuals career. To find intelligent and talented people, most of big companies which is located in big cities hold various kinds events and offer a chance for them like an internships and a tours of office. They give some advantages for job-seekers when they apply their companies. For instance, one of my friend attended heaps of companies internships. Then, he could experience big companies working systems and processes for a short times. After that, he finally got his job in one of those businesses. Thus, people who want to find their job should moved to main cities to get not only a job opportunities but also internships.
In conclusion, I totally believe that job-seekers should move to metropolis to get good results although friends and families leave other city because there are much more opportunities to find their jobs in those cities.
공유
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