아이엘츠 라이팅 AI 첨삭
- Problem and Solution
The world of work is changing rapidly and employees cannot depend on having the same job or the same working conditions for life. Discuss the possible causes for this rapid change, and suggest ways of preparing people for the world of work
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 6.0
The essay generally responds to the prompt but not fully. The reasons for the rapid change in the world of work were not explicitly discussed, and it was merely vague with "trends are changing as quickly as possible". Similarly, the solution of accepting new trends seems a little vague and generic.
Coherence & Cohesion: 6.0
The ideas used in the essay are organized with a clear structure, including an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the logical progression of ideas isn't always solid, particularly when discussing the reasons for the world of work's rapid changes, and the student often repeats the same idea, albeit in slightly different words.
Lexical Resource: 6.0
The essay uses a fairly broad range of vocabulary and the writer demonstrates a good control of collocation. Nonetheless, word choice is sometimes awkward and a bit confusing ("absorded famous expenditure trends", "accpect new trends").
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 5.5
The student shows competence in using a mix of simple and complex sentence structures; however, there are errors in grammar and word usage that could confuse the reader ("society did not access a person who still in the past", "collegues will leave him soon since his working quality would be slow").
Overall: 6.0
The essay is generally satisfactory, showing a clear overall understanding of the task, appropriate vocabulary and some range in structure, but would greatly benefit from tighter development of ideas and more attentive grammar usage.
Task Response: 6.0
The essay generally responds to the prompt but not fully. The reasons for the rapid change in the world of work were not explicitly discussed, and it was merely vague with "trends are changing as quickly as possible". Similarly, the solution of accepting new trends seems a little vague and generic.
Coherence & Cohesion: 6.0
The ideas used in the essay are organized with a clear structure, including an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the logical progression of ideas isn't always solid, particularly when discussing the reasons for the world of work's rapid changes, and the student often repeats the same idea, albeit in slightly different words.
Lexical Resource: 6.0
The essay uses a fairly broad range of vocabulary and the writer demonstrates a good control of collocation. Nonetheless, word choice is sometimes awkward and a bit confusing ("absorded famous expenditure trends", "accpect new trends").
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 5.5
The student shows competence in using a mix of simple and complex sentence structures; however, there are errors in grammar and word usage that could confuse the reader ("society did not access a person who still in the past", "collegues will leave him soon since his working quality would be slow").
Overall: 6.0
The essay is generally satisfactory, showing a clear overall understanding of the task, appropriate vocabulary and some range in structure, but would greatly benefit from tighter development of ideas and more attentive grammar usage.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
The world of work is changing rapidly and employees cannot depend on having the same job or the same working conditions for life.
Discuss the possible causes for this rapid change, and suggest ways of preparing people for the world of work
Essay:
In the current global landscape, long-term job stability and maintaining identical working conditions do not hold the same certainty they once did, largely due to rapidly evolving trends. This essay will delve into the reasons for this shift and suggest methods to equip individuals for this new world of work.
The primary cause of the dynamic nature of job markets can be attributed to technological advancements. As technology rapidly propels itself forward, it becomes necessary for individuals to adapt to these new innovations or risk being left behind. For instance, workplaces now integrate smart devices and artificial intelligence into their daily operations. Employees are expected to assimilate these changes seamlessly, which can create a disruptive environment for those resistant or unable to adapt.
To effectively handle this change, individuals must adopt a receptive attitude to emerging trends and expansion of their skills and knowledge. Many tend to resist accepting novel concepts due to cultural differences or fear of change. However, financial sustainability often requires adapting to current market demands that follow popular trends. Concurrently, alternative income approaches, such as property investment or trading in stocks should be considered as additional future possibilities. These strategies not only increase financial stability but also make for a smoother transition into the evolving world of work.
To conclude, various social changes and technological progression lead to the job market's instability. However, by opening themselves up to new trends and diversifying their income sources, individuals can establish a secure future in this fluid professional landscape.
Word Count: 263
Essay translated in Korean:
현재의 글로벌 풍경에서는 기술의 급속한 발전으로 인해 장기적인 직장 안정성과 유지되는 근무 조건을 유지하지 못하는 것이 크게 변하고 있습니다. 이 논문에서는 이 변화의 원인과 이 새로운 취업 시대에 개인을 준비시키는 방법에 대해 논의하겠습니다.
직장 시장의 동적인 성격의 주요 원인은 기술 발전에 기인한다. 기술이 급속히 앞으로 나아가면서 새로운 혁신에 대응하거나 뒤처지는 위험을 감수하게 된다. 예를 들어, 직장은 이제 스마트 장치와 인공 지능을 일상 업무에 통합합니다. 직원들은 이러한 변화를 원활하게 받아들이고 순응해야 하며, 이렇게 못하는 사람들에게는 혼란스러운 환경을 초래할 수 있습니다.
이 변화를 효과적으로 처리하려면 개인들은 신흥 추세에 대한 수용적인 태도를 취하고, 스킬과 지식을 확장하는 것이 필요합니다. 많은 사람들이 문화적 차이나 변화에 대한 두려움 때문에 새로운 개념을 받아들이는 것을 거부하려고 합니다. 그러나 재정적인 안정성을 유지하려면 대중적인 추세를 따르는 현재 시장의 요구에 적응하는 것이 종종 필요합니다. 동시에, 부동산 투자나 주식 거래와 같은 대체 수익 접근법을 고려해야 합니다. 이와 같은 전략들은 재정적 안정성을 높이는 데 불과하지 않고 직장의 변화하는 세계로 원활한 전환을 가능하게 합니다.
결론적으로, 다양한 사회 변화와 기술 발전이 직장 시장의 불안정성을 불러오고 있다. 그러나 새로운 추세를 적극적으로 받아들이고 자신의 소득 원천을 다양화함으로써 개인은 이 유동적인 전문 직업 경계에서 안정적인 미래를 설립할 수 있다.
Good expressions:
1. seamless transition [원활한 전환]
2. receptive attitude [수용적인 태도]
3. financial sustainability [재정적인 안정성]
4. fluid professional landscape [유동적인 전문 직업 경계]
In the current global landscape, long-term job stability and maintaining identical working conditions do not hold the same certainty they once did, largely due to rapidly evolving trends. This essay will delve into the reasons for this shift and suggest methods to equip individuals for this new world of work.
The primary cause of the dynamic nature of job markets can be attributed to technological advancements. As technology rapidly propels itself forward, it becomes necessary for individuals to adapt to these new innovations or risk being left behind. For instance, workplaces now integrate smart devices and artificial intelligence into their daily operations. Employees are expected to assimilate these changes seamlessly, which can create a disruptive environment for those resistant or unable to adapt.
To effectively handle this change, individuals must adopt a receptive attitude to emerging trends and expansion of their skills and knowledge. Many tend to resist accepting novel concepts due to cultural differences or fear of change. However, financial sustainability often requires adapting to current market demands that follow popular trends. Concurrently, alternative income approaches, such as property investment or trading in stocks should be considered as additional future possibilities. These strategies not only increase financial stability but also make for a smoother transition into the evolving world of work.
To conclude, various social changes and technological progression lead to the job market's instability. However, by opening themselves up to new trends and diversifying their income sources, individuals can establish a secure future in this fluid professional landscape.
Word Count: 263
Essay translated in Korean:
현재의 글로벌 풍경에서는 기술의 급속한 발전으로 인해 장기적인 직장 안정성과 유지되는 근무 조건을 유지하지 못하는 것이 크게 변하고 있습니다. 이 논문에서는 이 변화의 원인과 이 새로운 취업 시대에 개인을 준비시키는 방법에 대해 논의하겠습니다.
직장 시장의 동적인 성격의 주요 원인은 기술 발전에 기인한다. 기술이 급속히 앞으로 나아가면서 새로운 혁신에 대응하거나 뒤처지는 위험을 감수하게 된다. 예를 들어, 직장은 이제 스마트 장치와 인공 지능을 일상 업무에 통합합니다. 직원들은 이러한 변화를 원활하게 받아들이고 순응해야 하며, 이렇게 못하는 사람들에게는 혼란스러운 환경을 초래할 수 있습니다.
이 변화를 효과적으로 처리하려면 개인들은 신흥 추세에 대한 수용적인 태도를 취하고, 스킬과 지식을 확장하는 것이 필요합니다. 많은 사람들이 문화적 차이나 변화에 대한 두려움 때문에 새로운 개념을 받아들이는 것을 거부하려고 합니다. 그러나 재정적인 안정성을 유지하려면 대중적인 추세를 따르는 현재 시장의 요구에 적응하는 것이 종종 필요합니다. 동시에, 부동산 투자나 주식 거래와 같은 대체 수익 접근법을 고려해야 합니다. 이와 같은 전략들은 재정적 안정성을 높이는 데 불과하지 않고 직장의 변화하는 세계로 원활한 전환을 가능하게 합니다.
결론적으로, 다양한 사회 변화와 기술 발전이 직장 시장의 불안정성을 불러오고 있다. 그러나 새로운 추세를 적극적으로 받아들이고 자신의 소득 원천을 다양화함으로써 개인은 이 유동적인 전문 직업 경계에서 안정적인 미래를 설립할 수 있다.
Good expressions:
1. seamless transition [원활한 전환]
2. receptive attitude [수용적인 태도]
3. financial sustainability [재정적인 안정성]
4. fluid professional landscape [유동적인 전문 직업 경계]
제출한 라이팅
It is observed that since a rapid change of work in the world, the same jobs and the same same working condiitons ever could not be satisfied by employees. There are some reaons why this phenomenon occurs, but there also have some ways to address this issue for the future.
On the one hand, trends are changing as quickly as possible. If individuals cannot accept changing trends, they would be losers due to society did not access a person who still in the past. For example, as technology advances, individuals are using various types of devices such as smartphone, computer and artificial intelligence. But if someone still uses newspaper or writing documents without keyboard in the workplace, collegues will leave him soon since his working quality would be slow. As same as this reason, if someone did not follow advanced technology and changed trends, individuals cannot be absorbed in current society.
To tackle this issue, there are some preparing ways for the future work. Firstly, do not sceptical on new trends. Most people do not want to accpect new trends, since different cultures and awkward behaviors. To earn money, individuals should be absorded famous expenditure trends, I believe that the most spending products at present are the most popular trends. Thus, individuals should be prepared to accept new trends. Additionally, preparing alternatives to earn a living. These days, nobody foresees in the future, individuals should prepare alternatives such as invest stocks and buying apartment or building. These future measures would improve future stability. Thus, individuals should preapre to accpect new trends or future alternatives on their own.
In conclusion, while society is changing rapidly and individuals cannot ever depend on their jobs, I believe that if they accpet new trends quickly and preparing their future through investment, they would improve their life qualities and living well without concerns.
On the one hand, trends are changing as quickly as possible. If individuals cannot accept changing trends, they would be losers due to society did not access a person who still in the past. For example, as technology advances, individuals are using various types of devices such as smartphone, computer and artificial intelligence. But if someone still uses newspaper or writing documents without keyboard in the workplace, collegues will leave him soon since his working quality would be slow. As same as this reason, if someone did not follow advanced technology and changed trends, individuals cannot be absorbed in current society.
To tackle this issue, there are some preparing ways for the future work. Firstly, do not sceptical on new trends. Most people do not want to accpect new trends, since different cultures and awkward behaviors. To earn money, individuals should be absorded famous expenditure trends, I believe that the most spending products at present are the most popular trends. Thus, individuals should be prepared to accept new trends. Additionally, preparing alternatives to earn a living. These days, nobody foresees in the future, individuals should prepare alternatives such as invest stocks and buying apartment or building. These future measures would improve future stability. Thus, individuals should preapre to accpect new trends or future alternatives on their own.
In conclusion, while society is changing rapidly and individuals cannot ever depend on their jobs, I believe that if they accpet new trends quickly and preparing their future through investment, they would improve their life qualities and living well without concerns.
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